Diesel's Intro Page

[jbradley]

Glad you ended up on the right side of that one Diesel. Proud to be Quit with you today!

[Diesel2112]

I'm such an idiot...a week or so ago Skoal Monster posted a video in words of wisdom about Sean Marsee story. As I said previous it was a great youtube video, but like a dope I clicked on a video called "smokeless tobacco saved my life" by some backwoods hillbilly named Mudjug who was reciting "facts" from a book about how safe chew is compared to cigarettes and in general, written by a doctor. Mostly in regards to oral cancer and low odds of dippers getting it.

I shared this a week ago and someone pointed out I shouldn't post the link because it could jeporadize a quit, especially an early one. I kind of agreed and took down the link to the Mudjug video. Not realizing at the time that MY quit was getting tested because of this video.

My door was cracked and the nic bitch was trying to put her foot in it. I started thinking "wow, a DOCTOR wrote this?" and I started to believe in some of the statistics this Mudjug character was spouting off. I WAS ACTUALLY 2ND GUESSING MY QUIT AND THINKING "MÀYBE CHEW ISN'T THAT BAD???????" WHAT THE FUCK?????!!!

Luckily I snapped out of it and got PISSED. Like a moron I then commented on the video about the ill effects of chew and nicotine addiction, especially since most of the positive comments about the video came from underage kids who Mudjug encouraged ti continue chewing. Of course I was then bombarded by the Mudjug fan club about being a dumb city boy and a doctor would know better than me. After some back and forth I decided there was no use arguing with idiots and moved on...to the doctor who wrote the book.

I did some reasesrch on him and his book, which was funded by a bottomless grant from the tobacco industry. I also found his email address and told him my story of struggle with chew and nicotine addiction. I never expected a response from a Doctor who is an endowed chair of tobacco harm reduction research at a major university. But I did...and then we started going back and forth.

My point to him was he should be stressing tobacco harm ELIMINATION by encouraging people to QUIT. He would then come back with some fancy dancy stats on how "safe" smokeless is compared to cigarettes and that some people CAN'T quit. THAT really pissed me off and I told him everyone can quit its just that most DON'T WANT TO QUIT and he was basically encouraging them to remain addicted to nicotine. I sited my struggles with addiction as well as the stories from this site. We went back and forth until finally I think he had enough of me and ended with this email.

Rodu,Brad to me

Craig,

I absolutely agree with your decision. Congratulations and best wishes!!!

Brad Rodu

Yes I'm dumb for watching that video and letting it get to me, but God Dammit I feel strongly about my quit and the quit of every mother fucker on this site. I am "that guy" who will FIGHT for what he believes in, even if it means duking it out with nic addicted hillbillys or know it all doctors. I may not be an endowed member of any tobacco committee but I am well endowed with HUGE QUIT BALLS!!!

Sorry this was so long but this was a therapeutic process that I wanted to share.

Stay Quit,
Diesel

[Diesel2112]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days.  I have been on anti depressants since my quit.  Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them.  Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago.  I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit.  I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis.  I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"?  Since I have been using some meds.  I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step.  Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy.  Fuck it, I'll be fine.

Hey man, follow what you have learned here on the site. Rely on the friends and brothers that you have made.

We are all in this together. And from what I have read throughout your posts, you will be just fine.

I quit a real quit just like you have today

Your quit is solid. You stated you didn't have problems before, so you should be fine. We're all here for you anytime bro!

Thanks guys. I do kind of feel it's been ME that has made my quit stick so far, and the pills were an assist to help me through the begging. Now it's time to put on the big boy pants and tackle this shit minus some assist. May need to lean on this site more, may be fine, may freak the fuck out...Hate not knowing, but I guess I will soon. Thanks again, fellas. Tough to talk to anyone else about this stuff since not many have been through it like we all have. Much appreciated.

You have gotten here by keeping your promise the meds helped in some ways but I think you quit and accomplished this cause its what you wanted not because of meds!

I will give some advise that has helped me on many an occasion even today.... workout workout  workout some more the best way for me to get my mellow back is to basically kick my own ass and that helps me far more than some other things....

Anyway dont sell yourself short and have you mind fool you into thinking the meds are what got you here...YOU are what got you here!

Keep on keeping on brother!

Thanks. I think your right about the excersise. I started playing hoops twice a week which is a great workout but the days inbetween are weak. Especially lately when ive neglected going to the gym in favor or raiding the kids halloween bags. I went tonight and feel better. Two nights of hoopin isn't enough.

Doc says I'm rushing things because I feel "better". Gonna decrease my doseage but says late spring/early summer I could be 100% med free. I can live with that. 15 years of killing yourself gonna come with some consequences. I will remain quit and vigilant. If nicotine had a face I'd knock it's fucking teeth out.

[Diesel2112]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days.  I have been on anti depressants since my quit.  Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them.  Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago.  I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit.  I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis.  I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"?  Since I have been using some meds.  I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step.  Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy.  Fuck it, I'll be fine.

Hey man, follow what you have learned here on the site. Rely on the friends and brothers that you have made.

We are all in this together. And from what I have read throughout your posts, you will be just fine.

I quit a real quit just like you have today

Your quit is solid. You stated you didn't have problems before, so you should be fine. We're all here for you anytime bro!

Thanks guys. I do kind of feel it's been ME that has made my quit stick so far, and the pills were an assist to help me through the begging. Now it's time to put on the big boy pants and tackle this shit minus some assist. May need to lean on this site more, may be fine, may freak the fuck out...Hate not knowing, but I guess I will soon. Thanks again, fellas. Tough to talk to anyone else about this stuff since not many have been through it like we all have. Much appreciated.

You have gotten here by keeping your promise the meds helped in some ways but I think you quit and accomplished this cause its what you wanted not because of meds!

I will give some advise that has helped me on many an occasion even today.... workout workout  workout some more the best way for me to get my mellow back is to basically kick my own ass and that helps me far more than some other things....

Anyway dont sell yourself short and have you mind fool you into thinking the meds are what got you here...YOU are what got you here!

Keep on keeping on brother!

Thanks. I think your right about the excersise. I started playing hoops twice a week which is a great workout but the days inbetween are weak. Especially lately when ive neglected going to the gym in favor or raiding the kids halloween bags. I went tonight and feel better. Two nights of hoopin isn't enough.

[Grizzly25]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days.  I have been on anti depressants since my quit.  Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them.  Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago.  I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit.  I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis.  I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"?  Since I have been using some meds.  I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step.  Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy.  Fuck it, I'll be fine.

Hey man, follow what you have learned here on the site. Rely on the friends and brothers that you have made.

We are all in this together. And from what I have read throughout your posts, you will be just fine.

I quit a real quit just like you have today

Your quit is solid. You stated you didn't have problems before, so you should be fine. We're all here for you anytime bro!

Thanks guys. I do kind of feel it's been ME that has made my quit stick so far, and the pills were an assist to help me through the begging. Now it's time to put on the big boy pants and tackle this shit minus some assist. May need to lean on this site more, may be fine, may freak the fuck out...Hate not knowing, but I guess I will soon. Thanks again, fellas. Tough to talk to anyone else about this stuff since not many have been through it like we all have. Much appreciated.

You have gotten here by keeping your promise the meds helped in some ways but I think you quit and accomplished this cause its what you wanted not because of meds!

I will give some advise that has helped me on many an occasion even today.... workout workout  workout some more the best way for me to get my mellow back is to basically kick my own ass and that helps me far more than some other things....

Anyway dont sell yourself short and have you mind fool you into thinking the meds are what got you here...YOU are what got you here!

Keep on keeping on brother!

[Diesel2112]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days.  I have been on anti depressants since my quit.  Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them.  Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago.  I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit.  I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis.  I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"?  Since I have been using some meds.  I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step.  Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy.  Fuck it, I'll be fine.

Hey man, follow what you have learned here on the site. Rely on the friends and brothers that you have made.

We are all in this together. And from what I have read throughout your posts, you will be just fine.

I quit a real quit just like you have today

Your quit is solid. You stated you didn't have problems before, so you should be fine. We're all here for you anytime bro!

Thanks guys. I do kind of feel it's been ME that has made my quit stick so far, and the pills were an assist to help me through the begging. Now it's time to put on the big boy pants and tackle this shit minus some assist. May need to lean on this site more, may be fine, may freak the fuck out...Hate not knowing, but I guess I will soon. Thanks again, fellas. Tough to talk to anyone else about this stuff since not many have been through it like we all have. Much appreciated.

[kana]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days.  I have been on anti depressants since my quit.  Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them.  Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago.  I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit.  I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis.  I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"?  Since I have been using some meds.  I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step.  Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy.  Fuck it, I'll be fine.

Hey man, follow what you have learned here on the site. Rely on the friends and brothers that you have made.

We are all in this together. And from what I have read throughout your posts, you will be just fine.

I quit a real quit just like you have today

Your quit is solid. You stated you didn't have problems before, so you should be fine. We're all here for you anytime bro!

[SirDerek]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days. I have been on anti depressants since my quit. Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them. Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago. I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit. I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis. I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"? Since I have been using some meds. I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step. Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy. Fuck it, I'll be fine.

Hey man, follow what you have learned here on the site. Rely on the friends and brothers that you have made.

We are all in this together. And from what I have read throughout your posts, you will be just fine.

I quit a real quit just like you have today

[Diesel2112]

Day 158...felt blah, lazy, unmotivated, anxious and scared the last few days. I have been on anti depressants since my quit. Tomorrow my doc wants to ween me off them. Im scared I won't be able to maintain my quit without them, that I will go back to the "dark place" I was in when I first quit some 150 days ago. I had no signs of depression in my life until I quit, I should be ok off them right?

Thing is I should be looking forward to the challenge as a life free of chew and meds was my ultimate goal when I first quit. I still take anti anxiety meds on an as needed basis. I guess I'm just scared that my quit is kind of "fake"? Since I have been using some meds. I know thats a bad way to think but like I said I'm really nervous about getting off the anti depressant stuff, but I think it's a necessary step. Anyway, now Im rambling, maybe I'm just being a pussy. Fuck it, I'll be fine.

[CoachDoc]

Hmmm. I guess I never thought people would actually buy into what this clown is spewin, but I guess a newbie could be influenced by him. Sad but true I suppose. Driving while I type rhis which isn't safe. I probably will take the link sown when i get home from work.

I saw a video of this clown before, too...total idiot. It is very disturbing to see all the comments about how they think this guys is helping them with his "advice." And at the beginning of the video he talks about how he "researched" everything he could about smokeless tobacco....obviously not caring about the risks of death or other health concerns...

Kinda sad, actually...

[Diesel2112]

Hmmm. I guess I never thought people would actually buy into what this clown is spewin, but I guess a newbie could be influenced by him. Sad but true I suppose. Driving while I type rhis which isn't safe. I probably will take the link sown when i get home from work.

[jbradley]

Was watching the video Skoal Monster posted in the words of wisdom about Sean Marsee story.  It was very powerful.  Great stuff Skoal Monster.  Then for some reason I clicked on this video below.



What an absolute MORON.  This made me feel almost as strong about my quit as the Sean Marsee video.  I left a comment telling him what an idiot he was.  Feel free to do the same.  Not trying to start a war or anything but after reading all the "you the man" comments from a lot of younger kids I had to get me two cents in.

Maybe I'm being too sensative about this and should have laughed and just moved on but it really posses me off for some reason.

I happened to come across one of his videos somewhere in the 20's of my quit. This was one of the biggest hurdles because my mind was still listening to the nic bitch. I respect everything you do here Diesel, but I thought it would be a really bad idea to post anything by this asshat, just because a quit can be very fragile early on. He almost snagged me. 'Crazy'

[Diesel2112]

Was watching the video Skoal Monster posted in the words of wisdom about Sean Marsee story. It was very powerful. Great stuff Skoal Monster. Then for some reason I clicked on this video below.



What an absolute MORON. This made me feel almost as strong about my quit as the Sean Marsee video. I left a comment telling him what an idiot he was. Feel free to do the same. Not trying to start a war or anything but after reading all the "you the man" comments from a lot of younger kids I had to get me two cents in.

Maybe I'm being too sensative about this and should have laughed and just moved on but it really posses me off for some reason.

[Wt57]

150 days...kind of a neat number of days.  Like most things in life though, more than some and less than others. 

How do I feel?  Proud, Strong,  Educated,  Equipped...Good.

Am I still an addict?  HATE the term,  but yes.

Will I ever be cured?  Nope. Can I live with that?  Yep.

When I first quit did I ever think I'd make it this far?  No.

When did I REALLY think I could "do this"?  70-80 days in

Why 70-80 days in?  Doing "normal" things in life and sippin more ktc kool aide

Do I think I can remain quit forever?  Maybe,  but most concerened about tomorrow.

One thing I could see bringing me back and most on guard for?  Curiosity and complacency

How do I guard against those things?  By using all the tools in my quit tool box and leaning on the support of KTC.

Is my quit tool box full?  No and it probably never will be.  There will always be room for more tools.

Do I consider quitting a "daily struggle" now?   No, I have a rough day now and then but not daily and I don't look at it as a "struggle" anymore.

Do I still fear the "nic bitch"?   Not really but I know she's lurking

Thing thats improved most from day 1?  Ability to think of things other than dip/quitting

Have I had a day when I did not think about dip/quitting?  No but I look forward to that day because I know its coming.  150 days is still a baby quit compared to 15 yrs.

Do I think this post is too long?  Maybe but I don't care.

How do I feel about Ktc now?  Some days I read a lot and want to help every newb and other days I just post roll and run.

How long will I continue to post roll?  I don't know,  til the cows come home.

Was all the struggle and "suck" worth it?  FUCKING A RIGHT!!!

Well put brother!

I say stay posting as long as you stay quit!

I know for me that is definetly one of the biggest keys to maintaining, it is just that daily reminder to where I was to where I am and also a reminder to where I dont want to be....

Quit on Quiter!!

Grizzly25....out

'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap'
Diesel I'm quit with you everyday. You have a good grip on quitting and keep sipping that koolaid.

[Grizzly25]

150 days...kind of a neat number of days. Like most things in life though, more than some and less than others.

How do I feel? Proud, Strong, Educated, Equipped...Good.

Am I still an addict? HATE the term, but yes.

Will I ever be cured? Nope. Can I live with that? Yep.

When I first quit did I ever think I'd make it this far? No.

When did I REALLY think I could "do this"? 70-80 days in

Why 70-80 days in? Doing "normal" things in life and sippin more ktc kool aide

Do I think I can remain quit forever? Maybe, but most concerened about tomorrow.

One thing I could see bringing me back and most on guard for? Curiosity and complacency

How do I guard against those things? By using all the tools in my quit tool box and leaning on the support of KTC.

Is my quit tool box full? No and it probably never will be. There will always be room for more tools.

Do I consider quitting a "daily struggle" now? No, I have a rough day now and then but not daily and I don't look at it as a "struggle" anymore.

Do I still fear the "nic bitch"? Not really but I know she's lurking

Thing thats improved most from day 1? Ability to think of things other than dip/quitting

Have I had a day when I did not think about dip/quitting? No but I look forward to that day because I know its coming. 150 days is still a baby quit compared to 15 yrs.

Do I think this post is too long? Maybe but I don't care.

How do I feel about Ktc now? Some days I read a lot and want to help every newb and other days I just post roll and run.

How long will I continue to post roll? I don't know, til the cows come home.

Was all the struggle and "suck" worth it? FUCKING A RIGHT!!!

Well put brother!

I say stay posting as long as you stay quit!

I know for me that is definetly one of the biggest keys to maintaining, it is just that daily reminder to where I was to where I am and also a reminder to where I dont want to be....

Quit on Quiter!!

Grizzly25....out