Diesel's Intro Page

[eric71]

Thanks fellas. I needed the motivation. Just fucking HATE when I KNOW I don't need the shit and for 15 yrs it made me a liar, a bad father a shitty husband and and overall lazy piece of shit. And oh yeah was slowly killing me.

Yet despite knowing all that, there still is that little voice that pops up from time to time that says "come on bro that funeral was tough you deserve a dip to chill" or "man this long drive would be a lot better with just one little lipper". Etc.... And when that shit happens my anxiety spikes to a point to where it can overwhelm my medication, causing me greater frustration.

I know that's total bullshit and last week I said FUCK YOU before those thoughts could even arise but the past few days the thoughts are fucking with me and I'm not so easily squashing them.

You guys are right though...80 days is something to be proud of and id be a dick hole to give in after everything ive gone through these past 80 days. So once again FUCK YOU, YOU NIC BITCH WHORE!!!! 80 days and you're still trying and playing mind games with me. Well FUCK YOU I will not cave and will continue to beat your whore ass no matter what tricks you play.

I felt like a million bucks last week....that's PROOF I can whip your ass. You might be jabbing me right now but you will never knock me out. I will always fight back and land multiple cunt punches until I feel like a million bucks again. FUCK YOU!!!!!!

I was going through this funk earlier in the week, in the 50's, so I can relate. I posted some of the mental dialogue I was going through at the time on my intro. It kinda reads like a bipolar mindset and I think it's should. It's the battle of our conscience versus our addiction. You could insert any addiction there, it is always our conscious mind that battles for us. Don't know that I've got your #s, but, seeing how we are both in the push through phase, it wouldn't hurt to drive that road together. QLAFM

[Diesel2112]

Thanks fellas. I needed the motivation. Just fucking HATE when I KNOW I don't need the shit and for 15 yrs it made me a liar, a bad father a shitty husband and and overall lazy piece of shit. And oh yeah was slowly killing me.

Yet despite knowing all that, there still is that little voice that pops up from time to time that says "come on bro that funeral was tough you deserve a dip to chill" or "man this long drive would be a lot better with just one little lipper". Etc.... And when that shit happens my anxiety spikes to a point to where it can overwhelm my medication, causing me greater frustration.

I know that's total bullshit and last week I said FUCK YOU before those thoughts could even arise but the past few days the thoughts are fucking with me and I'm not so easily squashing them.

You guys are right though...80 days is something to be proud of and id be a dick hole to give in after everything ive gone through these past 80 days. So once again FUCK YOU, YOU NIC BITCH WHORE!!!! 80 days and you're still trying and playing mind games with me. Well FUCK YOU I will not cave and will continue to beat your whore ass no matter what tricks you play.

I felt like a million bucks last week....that's PROOF I can whip your ass. You might be jabbing me right now but you will never knock me out. I will always fight back and land multiple cunt punches until I feel like a million bucks again. FUCK YOU!!!!!!

[Skoal Monster]

Last week at this time I felt like a million bucks...today on day 80 I feel like a $2 piece of shit.  Wtf happenend?   Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

Hey Greg look at it like this - you can quit but you will always be a nicotine addict. There are going to be peaks and valleys. The way I approach it (and I know everyone has their own methods) is that I go to battle everyday. I haven't beaten my enemy for good. I never will until I hit the grave from something other than tobacco use. On that day I will have beaten tobacco for good. I'll take my worn down faded ass HOF coin into the ground with me and I will have won. But every day between now and then I have to battle that mfer. Those daily battles ad up. Mine added up to 86 today. Something I am very proud of. I sport my quit with a fuckin blue ribbon on it because I earn that fucker every day. Just like you do. Don't be afraid to succeed my friend. It's a glorious feeling. You have fought that battle every day for 80 days and won it every day for 80 days. That is something to be proud of. Draw strength from it. Quit again tomorrow with renewed purpose. You are a bad mfer man. You have beaten some demons to get to this point. Do it again tomorrow. Wake up and OWN this fucker. I quit with you bro.

Bud, Morgan is right on. Don't get discouraged I feel your pain the 70's and 80's sucked for me and then the sky opened and everything was awesome! Post HOF is no different there are those ups and downs like Morgan said. A view of mine on it is I sure as hell haven't carried this addiction for only 100 days Ive been working on it for over 14000 days so I just pray it gets better before I turn 95. If not that worn HOF coin can go to the grave with me too!

Tomorrow is a new day. Get little diesel, go back to basics. Do whatever you have to , just like the beginning. Everyday is one step forward and a win , keep taking em one day at a time. You'll be just fine

Sm

[Wt57]

Last week at this time I felt like a million bucks...today on day 80 I feel like a $2 piece of shit.  Wtf happenend?  Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

Hey Greg look at it like this - you can quit but you will always be a nicotine addict. There are going to be peaks and valleys. The way I approach it (and I know everyone has their own methods) is that I go to battle everyday. I haven't beaten my enemy for good. I never will until I hit the grave from something other than tobacco use. On that day I will have beaten tobacco for good. I'll take my worn down faded ass HOF coin into the ground with me and I will have won. But every day between now and then I have to battle that mfer. Those daily battles ad up. Mine added up to 86 today. Something I am very proud of. I sport my quit with a fuckin blue ribbon on it because I earn that fucker every day. Just like you do. Don't be afraid to succeed my friend. It's a glorious feeling. You have fought that battle every day for 80 days and won it every day for 80 days. That is something to be proud of. Draw strength from it. Quit again tomorrow with renewed purpose. You are a bad mfer man. You have beaten some demons to get to this point. Do it again tomorrow. Wake up and OWN this fucker. I quit with you bro.

Bud, Morgan is right on. Don't get discouraged I feel your pain the 70's and 80's sucked for me and then the sky opened and everything was awesome! Post HOF is no different there are those ups and downs like Morgan said. A view of mine on it is I sure as hell haven't carried this addiction for only 100 days Ive been working on it for over 14000 days so I just pray it gets better before I turn 95. If not that worn HOF coin can go to the grave with me too!

[Morgan1]

Last week at this time I felt like a million bucks...today on day 80 I feel like a $2 piece of shit. Wtf happenend? Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

Hey Greg look at it like this - you can quit but you will always be a nicotine addict. There are going to be peaks and valleys. The way I approach it (and I know everyone has their own methods) is that I go to battle everyday. I haven't beaten my enemy for good. I never will until I hit the grave from something other than tobacco use. On that day I will have beaten tobacco for good. I'll take my worn down faded ass HOF coin into the ground with me and I will have won. But every day between now and then I have to battle that mfer. Those daily battles ad up. Mine added up to 86 today. Something I am very proud of. I sport my quit with a fuckin blue ribbon on it because I earn that fucker every day. Just like you do. Don't be afraid to succeed my friend. It's a glorious feeling. You have fought that battle every day for 80 days and won it every day for 80 days. That is something to be proud of. Draw strength from it. Quit again tomorrow with renewed purpose. You are a bad mfer man. You have beaten some demons to get to this point. Do it again tomorrow. Wake up and OWN this fucker. I quit with you bro.

[Diesel2112]

Last week at this time I felt like a million bucks...today on day 80 I feel like a $2 piece of shit. Wtf happenend? Fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

[30yraddict]

Thanks for the encouragement fellas. Managed to make it through another looong emotional day. You're all right, no dip so I must consider it a win. However I am also calling this weekend a wake up call.

I felt on top of the world last week (read my post from last weekend), almost as if I had this thing licked after 68 days. And although I said last week I knew I hadn't "won" and I needed to keep my guard up, I really wasn't expecting/ready for the mental ass whipping I took this weekend as the stress and anxiety of a funeral built up the old nic bitch started calling to me again. Unlike the previous couple weeks I was not able to bitch slap her back. I did not give into her however but it was much harder.

I think the real thing I learner this weekend is that this really is a constant process. I was rolling along nicely as I was handling my everyday "life" minus dip pretty well and actually felt "normal" for a while. Then WHAMO along comes a super stressful situation (funeral) and I realize my addict ass still has a lot of work to do.

I'm a bit scared and confused now. Scared that I wont be able to get back to feeling how I did just last weekend and confused if I should take this weekend and look as it as a building block as another life even that can be done without dip, or be scared dip can still fuck with me so bad. I know what the answer is, just hope I get back to feeling "normal" again sooner then later as I hate feeling like this. Iknow a lot of that is up to me and my attitude but right now I feel whipped. Think I need to get a good nights sleep.

Sorry for rambling, just had a lot of shit rolling around in my head.

The best thing to do is to keep it simple and don't over-think. Plan only what you need to in order to protect today's quit.

There is a bible verse that goes like this: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

The original one day at a time ;)

[Diesel2112]

Thanks for the encouragement fellas. Managed to make it through another looong emotional day. You're all right, no dip so I must consider it a win. However I am also calling this weekend a wake up call.

I felt on top of the world last week (read my post from last weekend), almost as if I had this thing licked after 68 days. And although I said last week I knew I hadn't "won" and I needed to keep my guard up, I really wasn't expecting/ready for the mental ass whipping I took this weekend as the stress and anxiety of a funeral built up the old nic bitch started calling to me again. Unlike the previous couple weeks I was not able to bitch slap her back. I did not give into her however but it was much harder.

I think the real thing I learner this weekend is that this really is a constant process. I was rolling along nicely as I was handling my everyday "life" minus dip pretty well and actually felt "normal" for a while. Then WHAMO along comes a super stressful situation (funeral) and I realize my addict ass still has a lot of work to do.

I'm a bit scared and confused now. Scared that I wont be able to get back to feeling how I did just last weekend and confused if I should take this weekend and look as it as a building block as another life even that can be done without dip, or be scared dip can still fuck with me so bad. I know what the answer is, just hope I get back to feeling "normal" again sooner then later as I hate feeling like this. Iknow a lot of that is up to me and my attitude but right now I feel whipped. Think I need to get a good nights sleep.

Sorry for rambling, just had a lot of shit rolling around in my head.

[Skoal Monster]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral.  Not sure how to feel about it.  It was tough as hell,  first one I can remember going through dip free,  and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed.  Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit.  I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer.  I guess when its all over,  Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss.  Right now I'm just not sure...

Diesel.. you gave me some real strength this morning! I felt weak yesterday too! And what I am going through is NOTHING compared to you! I am just stressed and busy.. then I read your post again, then I feel like a complete pussy! You are the man! Thanks..  you are there Pal.. All of you - you are there.. In the old days, if you are like me... your ass may have been there, but your head would've been out side with a dip in.. or worse than that.. I would've probably been dipping setting there.. just doing a ninja dip and swallowing the spit! You are there! 100%!! That's huge Bro..

Tanks Gooch! I really needed that. Proud to be quit with you, brother!!!!

All you gotta do is keep nicotine out of your body. That's a win. Dipping will not make anything better, or make you less stressed. Dip doesn't fill the void, it created it. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm proud of your quit. I'm quit with you this weekend, and we are winning.

[Diesel2112]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral.  Not sure how to feel about it.  It was tough as hell,  first one I can remember going through dip free,  and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed.  Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit.  I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer.  I guess when its all over,  Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss.  Right now I'm just not sure...

Diesel.. you gave me some real strength this morning! I felt weak yesterday too! And what I am going through is NOTHING compared to you! I am just stressed and busy.. then I read your post again, then I feel like a complete pussy! You are the man! Thanks..  you are there Pal.. All of you - you are there.. In the old days, if you are like me... your ass may have been there, but your head would've been out side with a dip in.. or worse than that.. I would've probably been dipping setting there.. just doing a ninja dip and swallowing the spit! You are there! 100%!! That's huge Bro..

Tanks Gooch! I really needed that. Proud to be quit with you, brother!!!!

[mikegooch]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral.  Not sure how to feel about it.  It was tough as hell,  first one I can remember going through dip free,  and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed.  Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit.  I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer.  I guess when its all over,  Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss.  Right now I'm just not sure...

Diesel.. you gave me some real strength this morning! I felt weak yesterday too! And what I am going through is NOTHING compared to you! I am just stressed and busy.. then I read your post again, then I feel like a complete pussy! You are the man! Thanks..  you are there Pal.. All of you - you are there.. In the old days, if you are like me... your ass may have been there, but your head would've been out side with a dip in.. or worse than that.. I would've probably been dipping setting there.. just doing a ninja dip and swallowing the spit! You are there! 100%!! That's huge Bro..

[Diesel2112]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral.  Not sure how to feel about it.  It was tough as hell,  first one I can remember going through dip free,  and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed.  Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit.  I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer.  I guess when its all over,  Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss.  Right now I'm just not sure...

Did you have a dip? If not it's a win. That simple.

Again my condolences to you and your family. A difficult time for you guys...

I agree with Morgan having knowing you since you first quit you are definitely winning

Thanks fellas. No I had no dip just felt weaker than the past few weeks. I guess I need to look at the bright side of things more often. Staying quit is priority #1 which I still am, just had felt like shit for so long before turning a corner last week, Im just a little scared I guess. I'm a big pussy sometimes...

[Wt57]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral.  Not sure how to feel about it.  It was tough as hell,  first one I can remember going through dip free,  and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed.  Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit.  I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer.  I guess when its all over,  Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss.  Right now I'm just not sure...

Did you have a dip? If not it's a win. That simple.

Again my condolences to you and your family. A difficult time for you guys...

I agree with Morgan having knowing you since you first quit you are definitely winning

[Morgan1]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral. Not sure how to feel about it. It was tough as hell, first one I can remember going through dip free, and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed. Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit. I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer. I guess when its all over, Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss. Right now I'm just not sure...

Did you have a dip? If not it's a win. That simple.

Again my condolences to you and your family. A difficult time for you guys...

[Diesel2112]

Well...12 long hrs later I made it through the funeral. Not sure how to feel about it. It was tough as hell, first one I can remember going through dip free, and for the most part I was pretty good but I did have to take the 3rd anxiety pill that I eliminated a week or so back as I was really stressing when the place got packed. Also by no means do I feel as good as I did last week when I felt I could take on the world.

My confidence is wavering a bit as I'm unsure if I took a step backwards or just that this situation is just so stressful that its only natural not to plow through it problem free only 75 days quit. I sure hope that's the case as I loved how I was feeling just last week and could not stand to regress.

Tomorrow is the mass where I will be a Paul bearer. I guess when its all over, Sunday I will sit back and analyze this as a win or a loss. Right now I'm just not sure...