Diesel's Intro Page

[Souliman]

Just sick of it all.  Trips to the shrink,  meetings with a councelor,  meds fucking up my head.  Tears as I try and drag myself out of bed some days.   Assholes next store pratying it up smoking like chimneys as I sat here sipping a slurpee.  4th of July...blahhhh.  Family vacation up in Northern Michigan...blahhh.  My life un general right now...blahhh.  I'm functioning but that's about it. 

I swear to God if I EVER get out of this shit fuck of a rut I'm in right now,  next year I will be the most full of life loving mother fucker the world has ever seen.  Ill be shooting fireworks out my ass next 4th of July.  Ill motor boat my councelors milk pillows if she gets me through this and decide I don't need to see her anymore. I'll stick these meds up my shrinks ass with my foot.  Ill be up at the but crack of dawn cooking breakfast for my family next summer vacation,  then will drive 400 miles to find the funnest thing to do to make my 7 yr old daughter laugh. 

Here's the kicker I recently realized though.  I THOUGHT I was that guy before I quit...but I wasn't.  I was a low life lazy ass piece of shit.  I wasn't "Joe Fun".  I ninjas dipped all day at work then came home,  rolled into bed and slept til about 6:00.  Kids came in to ask for help with homework,  I told them I didn't feel good and ask mom.  Finally id get up,  yell at wife for crappy dinner,  snap at kids for no reason and count down time the kids went to bed so I could sneak out and get my goodnight dip in.  Then hopped up on dip fuel id stay up tip 2am and start the process all over again.

Sure I coached my kids in baseball,  basketball and football.  Was in the men's club and sports committee for their school but at the core of it all I was a scumbag.  A liar.  A fake.  A phony.  A piece of total and utter shit.  Recently my Dad said " of all the people in the world I never would have guessed you could have had a secret like that."  So add coward to the list as well.

I guess instead of f bombing everything and everyone else.  I need to say FUCK YOU to ME.  I'm not dead though.  This story is not fully written.

Bumping the above , which came from a dark place nearly a year ago...

Today...

Got up early this morning to play some hoops, didn't have any tears of take any AD meds to make it there. Shot a Roman candle out my ass tonight.

Haven't quite pulled the motor boat trigger, YET. Vacation in a couple weeks....

Still alive and still writing this story.

Quite a difference a year makes.

Stick with it boys and girls. Things get better.

I promise.

BOOOOOOM!!, (As Clean Fuel would say). Thanks for bumping Diesel, keep fighting the good fight.

Wow. This is an inspiring thread. Congrats

That's awesome brother. Congratulations on such a power journey.

[Minny]

Just sick of it all.  Trips to the shrink,  meetings with a councelor,  meds fucking up my head.  Tears as I try and drag myself out of bed some days.   Assholes next store pratying it up smoking like chimneys as I sat here sipping a slurpee.  4th of July...blahhhh.  Family vacation up in Northern Michigan...blahhh.  My life un general right now...blahhh.  I'm functioning but that's about it. 

I swear to God if I EVER get out of this shit fuck of a rut I'm in right now,  next year I will be the most full of life loving mother fucker the world has ever seen.  Ill be shooting fireworks out my ass next 4th of July.  Ill motor boat my councelors milk pillows if she gets me through this and decide I don't need to see her anymore. I'll stick these meds up my shrinks ass with my foot.  Ill be up at the but crack of dawn cooking breakfast for my family next summer vacation,  then will drive 400 miles to find the funnest thing to do to make my 7 yr old daughter laugh. 

Here's the kicker I recently realized though.  I THOUGHT I was that guy before I quit...but I wasn't.  I was a low life lazy ass piece of shit.  I wasn't "Joe Fun".  I ninjas dipped all day at work then came home,  rolled into bed and slept til about 6:00.  Kids came in to ask for help with homework,  I told them I didn't feel good and ask mom.  Finally id get up,  yell at wife for crappy dinner,  snap at kids for no reason and count down time the kids went to bed so I could sneak out and get my goodnight dip in.  Then hopped up on dip fuel id stay up tip 2am and start the process all over again.

Sure I coached my kids in baseball,  basketball and football.  Was in the men's club and sports committee for their school but at the core of it all I was a scumbag.  A liar.  A fake.  A phony.  A piece of total and utter shit.  Recently my Dad said " of all the people in the world I never would have guessed you could have had a secret like that."  So add coward to the list as well.

I guess instead of f bombing everything and everyone else.  I need to say FUCK YOU to ME.  I'm not dead though.  This story is not fully written.

Bumping the above , which came from a dark place nearly a year ago...

Today...

Got up early this morning to play some hoops, didn't have any tears of take any AD meds to make it there. Shot a Roman candle out my ass tonight.

Haven't quite pulled the motor boat trigger, YET. Vacation in a couple weeks....

Still alive and still writing this story.

Quite a difference a year makes.

Stick with it boys and girls. Things get better.

I promise.

BOOOOOOM!!, (As Clean Fuel would say). Thanks for bumping Diesel, keep fighting the good fight.

Wow. This is an inspiring thread. Congrats

[Its_Got2Happen]

Just sick of it all.  Trips to the shrink,  meetings with a councelor,  meds fucking up my head.  Tears as I try and drag myself out of bed some days.   Assholes next store pratying it up smoking like chimneys as I sat here sipping a slurpee.  4th of July...blahhhh.  Family vacation up in Northern Michigan...blahhh.  My life un general right now...blahhh.  I'm functioning but that's about it. 

I swear to God if I EVER get out of this shit fuck of a rut I'm in right now,  next year I will be the most full of life loving mother fucker the world has ever seen.  Ill be shooting fireworks out my ass next 4th of July.  Ill motor boat my councelors milk pillows if she gets me through this and decide I don't need to see her anymore. I'll stick these meds up my shrinks ass with my foot.  Ill be up at the but crack of dawn cooking breakfast for my family next summer vacation,  then will drive 400 miles to find the funnest thing to do to make my 7 yr old daughter laugh. 

Here's the kicker I recently realized though.  I THOUGHT I was that guy before I quit...but I wasn't.  I was a low life lazy ass piece of shit.  I wasn't "Joe Fun".  I ninjas dipped all day at work then came home,  rolled into bed and slept til about 6:00.  Kids came in to ask for help with homework,  I told them I didn't feel good and ask mom.  Finally id get up,  yell at wife for crappy dinner,  snap at kids for no reason and count down time the kids went to bed so I could sneak out and get my goodnight dip in.  Then hopped up on dip fuel id stay up tip 2am and start the process all over again.

Sure I coached my kids in baseball,  basketball and football.  Was in the men's club and sports committee for their school but at the core of it all I was a scumbag.  A liar.  A fake.  A phony.  A piece of total and utter shit.  Recently my Dad said " of all the people in the world I never would have guessed you could have had a secret like that."  So add coward to the list as well.

I guess instead of f bombing everything and everyone else.  I need to say FUCK YOU to ME.  I'm not dead though.  This story is not fully written.

Bumping the above , which came from a dark place nearly a year ago...

Today...

Got up early this morning to play some hoops, didn't have any tears of take any AD meds to make it there. Shot a Roman candle out my ass tonight.

Haven't quite pulled the motor boat trigger, YET. Vacation in a couple weeks....

Still alive and still writing this story.

Quite a difference a year makes.

Stick with it boys and girls. Things get better.

I promise.

BOOOOOOM!!, (As Clean Fuel would say). Thanks for bumping Diesel, keep fighting the good fight.

[Diesel2112]

Just sick of it all.  Trips to the shrink,  meetings with a councelor,  meds fucking up my head.  Tears as I try and drag myself out of bed some days.   Assholes next store pratying it up smoking like chimneys as I sat here sipping a slurpee.  4th of July...blahhhh.  Family vacation up in Northern Michigan...blahhh.  My life un general right now...blahhh.  I'm functioning but that's about it. 

I swear to God if I EVER get out of this shit fuck of a rut I'm in right now,  next year I will be the most full of life loving mother fucker the world has ever seen.  Ill be shooting fireworks out my ass next 4th of July.  Ill motor boat my councelors milk pillows if she gets me through this and decide I don't need to see her anymore. I'll stick these meds up my shrinks ass with my foot.  Ill be up at the but crack of dawn cooking breakfast for my family next summer vacation,  then will drive 400 miles to find the funnest thing to do to make my 7 yr old daughter laugh. 

Here's the kicker I recently realized though.  I THOUGHT I was that guy before I quit...but I wasn't.  I was a low life lazy ass piece of shit.  I wasn't "Joe Fun".  I ninjas dipped all day at work then came home,  rolled into bed and slept til about 6:00.  Kids came in to ask for help with homework,  I told them I didn't feel good and ask mom.  Finally id get up,  yell at wife for crappy dinner,  snap at kids for no reason and count down time the kids went to bed so I could sneak out and get my goodnight dip in.  Then hopped up on dip fuel id stay up tip 2am and start the process all over again.

Sure I coached my kids in baseball,  basketball and football.  Was in the men's club and sports committee for their school but at the core of it all I was a scumbag.  A liar.  A fake.  A phony.  A piece of total and utter shit.  Recently my Dad said " of all the people in the world I never would have guessed you could have had a secret like that."  So add coward to the list as well.

I guess instead of f bombing everything and everyone else.  I need to say FUCK YOU to ME.  I'm not dead though.  This story is not fully written.

Bumping the above , which came from a dark place nearly a year ago...

Today...

Got up early this morning to play some hoops, didn't have any tears of take any AD meds to make it there. Shot a Roman candle out my ass tonight.

Haven't quite pulled the motor boat trigger, YET. Vacation in a couple weeks....

Still alive and still writing this story.

Quite a difference a year makes.

Stick with it boys and girls. Things get better.

I promise.

[kana]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

I had sweet seats and caught a tee shirt thrown by Geddy. You would have thought I caught a fucking td in the Superbowl.

It really is amazing. 3 dudes just jamming like fucking bosses like 40 years after their first album.

No swearing, no dancing douch bags, no DJ's...just bare bones bass, guitar, and drums. Neil is a fucking MACHINE.

Enjoy the show man. I know you will.

I still remember the first moment of that first time I heard Tom Sawyer come exploding out of the house. Oh. My. God!!

You know how awesome Neil is?? I spend the entire show mesmerized by him and I'm a freakin' guitar player!

Congrats on the T-shirt dude. Too damn cool...

I am blown away by all of them. Geddy is right behind Entwistle as my personal #2 Bassist all time: on top of that he sings and plays keyboards often all at the same time! I think that may be the reason I love these guys, they are just such crazy good musicians. Alex is the most underrated guitar god out there, but Neil and Geddy are so unbelievably awesome that Alex is in their shadow. Love the fact that I live in their backyard as they seem to be here every year or two, and I can drive 1-3 hours and catch them in another 3-4 cities! Arg now I am jonesin' to see them again! I saw them last Oct. but that seems too long now.

Gotta be honest I do not know Rush at such a level as Yall all I know is that I saw them in PHX back in the day and I had a cassette of them that I used to jam to them in my 70 maverick. aside from that trip down memory lane just wanted to say that I am very proud of my brother of quit Diesel that he faced his anxieties and kicked ass and had fun. Proud to quit with you any day

Thanks man.

Rush's first album came out in 1974...the year I was born. They reach a wide audience of young and old.

This weekend was interesting. I won, but man I still had some bouts of anxiety. I think because I went on vacation last year when I first quit and it was a total disaster I kind of still get anxious when I'm away from home.

Fuck it. Only thing I can do is keep on keeping on and every time I go away, things will get easier and the bad memories will fade.

I am strong. I will win.

the music of now is nothing but noise, these guys are musicians.. and fucking not of this earth. Rock n roll hall of fame still doesn't recognize these guys is a load of crap.. They play so effortlessly It just amazes me. I played drums for a long time, and playing all of 2112 was accomplished when I was 14, but don't ask me to do it now..lol..
Glad you had a good time diesel, you deserve it..

[Diesel2112]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

I had sweet seats and caught a tee shirt thrown by Geddy. You would have thought I caught a fucking td in the Superbowl.

It really is amazing. 3 dudes just jamming like fucking bosses like 40 years after their first album.

No swearing, no dancing douch bags, no DJ's...just bare bones bass, guitar, and drums. Neil is a fucking MACHINE.

Enjoy the show man. I know you will.

I still remember the first moment of that first time I heard Tom Sawyer come exploding out of the house. Oh. My. God!!

You know how awesome Neil is?? I spend the entire show mesmerized by him and I'm a freakin' guitar player!

Congrats on the T-shirt dude. Too damn cool...

I am blown away by all of them. Geddy is right behind Entwistle as my personal #2 Bassist all time: on top of that he sings and plays keyboards often all at the same time! I think that may be the reason I love these guys, they are just such crazy good musicians. Alex is the most underrated guitar god out there, but Neil and Geddy are so unbelievably awesome that Alex is in their shadow. Love the fact that I live in their backyard as they seem to be here every year or two, and I can drive 1-3 hours and catch them in another 3-4 cities! Arg now I am jonesin' to see them again! I saw them last Oct. but that seems too long now.

Gotta be honest I do not know Rush at such a level as Yall all I know is that I saw them in PHX back in the day and I had a cassette of them that I used to jam to them in my 70 maverick. aside from that trip down memory lane just wanted to say that I am very proud of my brother of quit Diesel that he faced his anxieties and kicked ass and had fun. Proud to quit with you any day

Thanks man.

Rush's first album came out in 1974...the year I was born. They reach a wide audience of young and old.

This weekend was interesting. I won, but man I still had some bouts of anxiety. I think because I went on vacation last year when I first quit and it was a total disaster I kind of still get anxious when I'm away from home.

Fuck it. Only thing I can do is keep on keeping on and every time I go away, things will get easier and the bad memories will fade.

I am strong. I will win.

[traumagnet]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

I had sweet seats and caught a tee shirt thrown by Geddy. You would have thought I caught a fucking td in the Superbowl.

It really is amazing. 3 dudes just jamming like fucking bosses like 40 years after their first album.

No swearing, no dancing douch bags, no DJ's...just bare bones bass, guitar, and drums. Neil is a fucking MACHINE.

Enjoy the show man. I know you will.

I still remember the first moment of that first time I heard Tom Sawyer come exploding out of the house. Oh. My. God!!

You know how awesome Neil is?? I spend the entire show mesmerized by him and I'm a freakin' guitar player!

Congrats on the T-shirt dude. Too damn cool...

I am blown away by all of them. Geddy is right behind Entwistle as my personal #2 Bassist all time: on top of that he sings and plays keyboards often all at the same time! I think that may be the reason I love these guys, they are just such crazy good musicians. Alex is the most underrated guitar god out there, but Neil and Geddy are so unbelievably awesome that Alex is in their shadow. Love the fact that I live in their backyard as they seem to be here every year or two, and I can drive 1-3 hours and catch them in another 3-4 cities! Arg now I am jonesin' to see them again! I saw them last Oct. but that seems too long now.

Gotta be honest I do not know Rush at such a level as Yall all I know is that I saw them in PHX back in the day and I had a cassette of them that I used to jam to them in my 70 maverick. aside from that trip down memory lane just wanted to say that I am very proud of my brother of quit Diesel that he faced his anxieties and kicked ass and had fun. Proud to quit with you any day

[B-loMatt]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

I had sweet seats and caught a tee shirt thrown by Geddy. You would have thought I caught a fucking td in the Superbowl.

It really is amazing. 3 dudes just jamming like fucking bosses like 40 years after their first album.

No swearing, no dancing douch bags, no DJ's...just bare bones bass, guitar, and drums. Neil is a fucking MACHINE.

Enjoy the show man. I know you will.

I still remember the first moment of that first time I heard Tom Sawyer come exploding out of the house. Oh. My. God!!

You know how awesome Neil is?? I spend the entire show mesmerized by him and I'm a freakin' guitar player!

Congrats on the T-shirt dude. Too damn cool...

I am blown away by all of them. Geddy is right behind Entwistle as my personal #2 Bassist all time: on top of that he sings and plays keyboards often all at the same time! I think that may be the reason I love these guys, they are just such crazy good musicians. Alex is the most underrated guitar god out there, but Neil and Geddy are so unbelievably awesome that Alex is in their shadow. Love the fact that I live in their backyard as they seem to be here every year or two, and I can drive 1-3 hours and catch them in another 3-4 cities! Arg now I am jonesin' to see them again! I saw them last Oct. but that seems too long now.

[AppleJack]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

I had sweet seats and caught a tee shirt thrown by Geddy. You would have thought I caught a fucking td in the Superbowl.

It really is amazing. 3 dudes just jamming like fucking bosses like 40 years after their first album.

No swearing, no dancing douch bags, no DJ's...just bare bones bass, guitar, and drums. Neil is a fucking MACHINE.

Enjoy the show man. I know you will.

I still remember the first moment of that first time I heard Tom Sawyer come exploding out of the house. Oh. My. God!!

You know how awesome Neil is?? I spend the entire show mesmerized by him and I'm a freakin' guitar player!

Congrats on the T-shirt dude. Too damn cool...

[Diesel2112]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

I had sweet seats and caught a tee shirt thrown by Geddy. You would have thought I caught a fucking td in the Superbowl.

It really is amazing. 3 dudes just jamming like fucking bosses like 40 years after their first album.

No swearing, no dancing douch bags, no DJ's...just bare bones bass, guitar, and drums. Neil is a fucking MACHINE.

Enjoy the show man. I know you will.

[AppleJack]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

My turn July 28th. Can't freakin' wait!!

[Diesel2112]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

What a fucking show!!! Wow! Was therapeutic as well. Some of those songs really helped me through some rough times. Long live RUSH..

[B-loMatt]

Have fun at the show man. I f'ing hated Rush until my BFF dragged me to see them live. I have seen them live 15 times now, and I am still blown away by how those 3 guys put out that wall of noise! Top 10 for sure all time bassist, guitarist, and drummer... Damn I am wishing I was seeing them tonight too... Just think about how the low notes will massage you if you are feeling jittery.

[Diesel2112]

Staying in a hotel in Grand Rapids for a Rush concert. Have to admit I'm having some anxiety like last summer when the wife and I went away, but am managing it pretty well, much better than last year that's for sure. 392 days quit and still a process for me which partially pisses me off, yet partially am encouraged as by tackling these past traumatic events is getting easier.

Also was helpful when this morning I went down to the gift shop to buy a paper and some disheveled raspy voiced ass hat cut in front of me and in a panic asked "do you carry Marlboro red lights in a box???!!!!"

The cashier lady almost apologetically says "yes...but they are $9.50 a pack..."

"I DON'T CARE, GIVE ME 2 PACKS". was his response and I then watched him walk out onto the street and smoke down a cig in about 2 minutes.

I never smoked but sadly I could relate.

I may still struggle with anxiety but at least I'm not a slave anymore.

I'm still pissed that I ever started that fucking shit. God I hate it.

[jaynellie]

********MICHIGAN MEET UP*************
Ann Arbor Buffalo Wild Wings on Tuesday June 25th at 6 pm. Spartanron , Nickald , IG2H and whoever else wants to join in.

Used to go there a lot as I went to college at Eastern. Sadly I cannot make it. Little 8 yr old Miss Diesel has a softball game I cannot miss.

Have some mango habanero wings and brews for me!!!

Have a good time. We'll have some for you and catch you next time.

Damn it!!! Wish you guys would have that Michigan Meet Up in Eugene, Oregon instead. Really love to hang with you Bad Mother $#@er's!! Maybe after Oregon dominates the Pac-12 this year we will come rule the Big-8 or 9 or ???? Good excuse to go thump on some Wolverines and see the likes....QLF men from ME!!