56- 8 weeks- no fucking way! The intro posts for some of our newest members have me thinking about how wild it is that I have been quit for 56 days in a row! It has been a battle for the newer guys, and it makes me remember how hard I had to fight myself... The week befor I quit I knew I was going to try, but I didn't think I could. I knew I had stopped in the past, but I had never been so addicted befor. That week was a dip orgy! I had a dip in all day every day for that last week... I guess the nic bitch knew I was going to quit, and she was digging in like the nazis with fortress Europe. One of the newest guys who was on day 3 this weekend really made me think. He was making contradictory statements on his posts, and commimg off like a dumb-ass jerk for it. Alot of us KTC crowd were posting the tough love that is almost automatic, and it was only fueling the fire. I always try to be logical and it tends to make me ape-shit angry when people cannot understand logical argument. I may be guilty of going a little "deisel" prematurely. The new guy responded to my mostly logical post in a way that woke me up. I then empathized with the new bad ass quitter in a way I should have from the start. Day 1 blew donkey for me, but I was so fired up to quit it went by fast. Day 2 felt like sodomy (the recieving role), but again I was mad as hell and not gonna take it. Day 3 was a shit sandwich. I had to remember what a minute to minute fight it was. I had to remember that I did not have phone #s in my cell phone. I had to remember that I was an asshole to be around. I had to remember that quit was the fight of my life for all day every day at that point... I needed to remember that the fog makes us fucktarded sometimes. I thought about being in a funk a couple of weeks ago, and how I would have caved if I was on my own (thanks again J.F.). Sometimes we try and help new people here, but it is easy to forget the way it felt the first few days of quit. We try and remember and we know it was something we do not want to go through again, but I need to always remember the first few days when I was unsure about KTC and what it could do. I did not know the power of the people here. I saw some of the knowldge in the welcome center, and I wanted to believe, but I did not know the help that was here the first few days. I feel like it helped cut through the bullshit once I made the effort to remember day 3... After that I think my post was more helpful, next I hit up an intro I have been following for a few weeks, and with my new perspective I think I was able to get to the heart of the matter there. I do not want to sound like a D.B. but I am happy if I can help anyone on this site as I owe it. I am finding that I can be inspired by long time quitters, guys just a few days ahead of me or right with me, and guys just behind me. Maybe some of the best inspiration though comes from the brave new quitters who stick it out. On a different bend: I had some decent craves today... All of them were after eating. I basically ate, had a feeling that I needed to do something or life would suck, realized it was the nic bitch and said to myself: "yeah I ned to make up an excuse to leave work for 10 minutes so I can run to the store, sign my contract to quit, cave w/o regaurd to my promise to be nic free and w/o using my tools, pay money to (mostly) UST so they can profit from making me a slave to poison that will kill me, so I can feel like the biggest scum bag in the world and hate myself as soon as I cave, but justify it and be a fucking lying asshole!!!" Needless to say I did not cave or entertain the nic bitches wisperings for more than a second each time, but the kept comming all day! Damn! Guess I needed a rant...
