Self loathing

[Grizzfall]

Day 92,
I woke up this morning and am feeeling pretty good here. Sunshine, cold, sparrkling snow. I was doing that 1 minute mental review of yesterdays actions and todays plans and somewhere in the middle i remember buying a tin and dipping. RED FLAG.
Still a little sleepy, it took another second or two to realize i had my first dip dream. There are many reports of them here, but i always thought they were mythical.
It went like this: i purchased a tin sometime earlier in the day and had one pinch. Then i was back at the store and buying groceries of some sort and grabbed two more tins, copenhagen oddly. As the cashier checked me out i set the two tins aside and, " i dont need these," thinking i would just finish the first tin and be quit again. And then it was over.
Im still trying to analyze this in a freudian manner. I didnt feel racked with guilt like some other brothers describe. It just happened. Freaking weird. Our brains are interesting machines for sure.
-Grizzfall

[B-loMatt]

Ride the roller-coaster brother! Fight like hell on the up-hills, enjoy the ride on the down-hills, and hold on tight when you hit the cork-screws. Keep doing what you are doing Grizzfall, and you will keep winning.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Dear Contentment,
Day 90. The holidays have made their pass and with it all those family parties and nicotine ingesting relatives. I have had a few days now where i feel a true and deep contentment...not happiness persay...but a deep sense of satisfaction. 14 days ago i went throuh more anxiety than i have ever felt before. Looking back it was a culmination of quitting, holidays, the job, and life in general. These few days off have been exactly what i need...and... I took a few good brothers advice and moved my carcasss till my lungs burned fire. Guess what? It felt good and was an awesome outlet for stress. Thanks KTC for the wisdom. I owe my new year of freedom to this place.
-grizzfall

That's the "happy place" right there bro. Good stuff m'man. Freedom is pretty damn cool

This is what it's all about Grizz. Almost to HOF and you've done it by staying quit ODAAT. Keep going and you'll be one of the grisly old veterans on here in no time. Quit with you today brother.

JZ

'oh yeah'

[jzzyzag01]

Dear Contentment,
Day 90. The holidays have made their pass and with it all those family parties and nicotine ingesting relatives. I have had a few days now where i feel a true and deep contentment...not happiness persay...but a deep sense of satisfaction. 14 days ago i went throuh more anxiety than i have ever felt before. Looking back it was a culmination of quitting, holidays, the job, and life in general. These few days off have been exactly what i need...and... I took a few good brothers advice and moved my carcasss till my lungs burned fire. Guess what? It felt good and was an awesome outlet for stress. Thanks KTC for the wisdom. I owe my new year of freedom to this place.
-grizzfall

That's the "happy place" right there bro. Good stuff m'man. Freedom is pretty damn cool

This is what it's all about Grizz. Almost to HOF and you've done it by staying quit ODAAT. Keep going and you'll be one of the grisly old veterans on here in no time. Quit with you today brother.

JZ

[AppleJack]

Dear Contentment,
Day 90. The holidays have made their pass and with it all those family parties and nicotine ingesting relatives. I have had a few days now where i feel a true and deep contentment...not happiness persay...but a deep sense of satisfaction. 14 days ago i went throuh more anxiety than i have ever felt before. Looking back it was a culmination of quitting, holidays, the job, and life in general. These few days off have been exactly what i need...and... I took a few good brothers advice and moved my carcasss till my lungs burned fire. Guess what? It felt good and was an awesome outlet for stress. Thanks KTC for the wisdom. I owe my new year of freedom to this place.
-grizzfall

That's the "happy place" right there bro. Good stuff m'man. Freedom is pretty damn cool

[Grizzfall]

Dear Contentment,
Day 90. The holidays have made their pass and with it all those family parties and nicotine ingesting relatives. I have had a few days now where i feel a true and deep contentment...not happiness persay...but a deep sense of satisfaction. 14 days ago i went throuh more anxiety than i have ever felt before. Looking back it was a culmination of quitting, holidays, the job, and life in general. These few days off have been exactly what i need...and... I took a few good brothers advice and moved my carcasss till my lungs burned fire. Guess what? It felt good and was an awesome outlet for stress. Thanks KTC for the wisdom. I owe my new year of freedom to this place.
-grizzfall

[Its_Got2Happen]

Captains Quit Log Day 76,
     I figured it was time to jot this down for my future self or another quitter.
     I have been having some serious anxiety attacks these last few days. They are as intense as the first few weeks. Chest is tight, cold sweats, mind racing, and they always happen first thing in the morning, before i get out of bed. Never before in my life have I had this feeling, so it has to be quit related right?
     Others have put up some awesome info on this topic as it pertains to the initial quit. My fear now is that this panic attack bullshit is going to become a staple of my life. I do feel better writing it down though. Arghhhh...fuck you nicotine.
-Grizzfall

Grizz dude,
You're 29 and quit. Celebrate.
You stopped for 40 days before. Learn.
You're having a panic attack in the a.m...You won't die, I promise.
You're an addict of nicotine. Did you know it is a poison?
Place one leaf in a fish bowl and watch the fish die.
Re-wire Grizz. Lift weights, run around the yard, climb a tree, if you ain't moving you ain't living.
Don't drink and quit. Just quit it all. You'll love yourself more and become the person you're suppose to be.
If I can do this, YOU can too!

Grizz I think it's quit related too, and burning it off with some exercise sounds like a great idea. I like a good rage filled session on the heavy bag myself, but walking works too. If the anxiety attacks persist, then you should talk to your MD.

Sound advice here. Nothing to add other than, be strong Neil and be patient. Time will heal these wounds. Personally I think it takes at least one trip around the sun, maybe more? Quit on.

[B-loMatt]

Captains Quit Log Day 76,
    I figured it was time to jot this down for my future self or another quitter.
    I have been having some serious anxiety attacks these last few days. They are as intense as the first few weeks. Chest is tight, cold sweats, mind racing, and they always happen first thing in the morning, before i get out of bed. Never before in my life have I had this feeling, so it has to be quit related right?
    Others have put up some awesome info on this topic as it pertains to the initial quit. My fear now is that this panic attack bullshit is going to become a staple of my life. I do feel better writing it down though. Arghhhh...fuck you nicotine.
-Grizzfall

Grizz dude,
You're 29 and quit. Celebrate.
You stopped for 40 days before. Learn.
You're having a panic attack in the a.m...You won't die, I promise.
You're an addict of nicotine. Did you know it is a poison?
Place one leaf in a fish bowl and watch the fish die.
Re-wire Grizz. Lift weights, run around the yard, climb a tree, if you ain't moving you ain't living.
Don't drink and quit. Just quit it all. You'll love yourself more and become the person you're suppose to be.
If I can do this, YOU can too!

Grizz I think it's quit related too, and burning it off with some exercise sounds like a great idea. I like a good rage filled session on the heavy bag myself, but walking works too. If the anxiety attacks persist, then you should talk to your MD.

[Mike_Land]

Captains Quit Log Day 76,
    I figured it was time to jot this down for my future self or another quitter.
    I have been having some serious anxiety attacks these last few days. They are as intense as the first few weeks. Chest is tight, cold sweats, mind racing, and they always happen first thing in the morning, before i get out of bed. Never before in my life have I had this feeling, so it has to be quit related right?
    Others have put up some awesome info on this topic as it pertains to the initial quit. My fear now is that this panic attack bullshit is going to become a staple of my life. I do feel better writing it down though. Arghhhh...fuck you nicotine.
-Grizzfall

Grizz dude,
You're 29 and quit. Celebrate.
You stopped for 40 days before. Learn.
You're having a panic attack in the a.m...You won't die, I promise.
You're an addict of nicotine. Did you know it is a poison?
Place one leaf in a fish bowl and watch the fish die.
Re-wire Grizz. Lift weights, run around the yard, climb a tree, if you ain't moving you ain't living.
Don't drink and quit. Just quit it all. You'll love yourself more and become the person you're suppose to be.
If I can do this, YOU can too!

Looks like you are experiencing the FUNK. It happens to all of us. This too will pass. Continue to post roll and keep your word. The Funks will occur through out your quit. The good news is they will get less frequent and less severe as time marches on. Until then, do as 30enuff said. Exercise, keep your mind occupied and continue the behaviors that have got you this far. I promise that the funk will pass and your quit will be greater than ever before!

Mike

[30isEnuff]

Captains Quit Log Day 76,
I figured it was time to jot this down for my future self or another quitter.
I have been having some serious anxiety attacks these last few days. They are as intense as the first few weeks. Chest is tight, cold sweats, mind racing, and they always happen first thing in the morning, before i get out of bed. Never before in my life have I had this feeling, so it has to be quit related right?
Others have put up some awesome info on this topic as it pertains to the initial quit. My fear now is that this panic attack bullshit is going to become a staple of my life. I do feel better writing it down though. Arghhhh...fuck you nicotine.
-Grizzfall

Grizz dude,
You're 29 and quit. Celebrate.
You stopped for 40 days before. Learn.
You're having a panic attack in the a.m...You won't die, I promise.
You're an addict of nicotine. Did you know it is a poison?
Place one leaf in a fish bowl and watch the fish die.
Re-wire Grizz. Lift weights, run around the yard, climb a tree, if you ain't moving you ain't living.
Don't drink and quit. Just quit it all. You'll love yourself more and become the person you're suppose to be.
If I can do this, YOU can too!

[Grizzfall]

Captains Quit Log Day 76,
I figured it was time to jot this down for my future self or another quitter.
I have been having some serious anxiety attacks these last few days. They are as intense as the first few weeks. Chest is tight, cold sweats, mind racing, and they always happen first thing in the morning, before i get out of bed. Never before in my life have I had this feeling, so it has to be quit related right?
Others have put up some awesome info on this topic as it pertains to the initial quit. My fear now is that this panic attack bullshit is going to become a staple of my life. I do feel better writing it down though. Arghhhh...fuck you nicotine.
-Grizzfall

[Evil_Won]

(Just putting this here so i can reference it later. Move along)

You might remember a news story here in Buffalo about 6-7 years back.
A twenty-odd year old guy was riding his horse with his then girlfriend - a nurse. They had a dog with them. They were up above a horse farm maybe a 1/4 mile off the road. Up at the crest of the lane way was a small pond that was used to pump water for the horse barn below. That pump hadn't been used in years but nobody ever bothered to turn the circuit off in the breaker box. I, and everybody else who rode in the area went by the pond and stopped to let the horses drink and the dogs swim. Well, finally that pump shorted out.
On that hot August day into the pond went the dog and he immediately seized/convulsed. The fellow on the horse, not understanding what had happened to the dog, went in the water to pull the dog out and suffered the same paralyzing fate. The girlfriend/nurse finally got the idea and ran her horse back the house for help. What followed is a testament to science and medicine.
The guy was helicoptered to the hospital and had his core temp reduced to 92 degrees. His heart was stopped for over 20 minutes. Remember here, he was being electrocuted for the entire time his body was in the water. So the ER staff cooled him with ice as fast as possible to prevent brain damage. They restarted his heart as the helicopter landed. He was in a coma for 2-3 days. When he came out of the coma he was borderline retarded. The dog, of course, died there, cold and alone in the water. If the girl had went in the water after them...yeah... but she didnt.

That guy is my brother in law and best friend.
That dog was my dog and my best friend.

Here is where this ties into quitting and such. My brother in law made a crazy full recovery. Two weeks later we had a beer together with no after affects from the incident. You know what we also had? We had our tins and faces full of dip. Think about this, not just you B-LO but everybody else who may read this.
THIS IS AS CLOSE TO DYING AS IT GETS. THIS WAS, AND STILL IS AT THE EDGE OF MEDICAL PROCEDURES. WE CELEBRATED SURVIVAL BY SLOWLY KILLING OURSELVES. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT.

STAY QUIT.
-Grizzfall

It was good shit; I made a comment about in the thread that it was referenced to.

Keep on knocking out those +1's Grizz; proud to be quit with you!

Good stuff in here. Thanks Grizzfall.

[Dougie]

(Just putting this here so i can reference it later. Move along)

You might remember a news story here in Buffalo about 6-7 years back.
A twenty-odd year old guy was riding his horse with his then girlfriend - a nurse. They had a dog with them. They were up above a horse farm maybe a 1/4 mile off the road. Up at the crest of the lane way was a small pond that was used to pump water for the horse barn below. That pump hadn't been used in years but nobody ever bothered to turn the circuit off in the breaker box. I, and everybody else who rode in the area went by the pond and stopped to let the horses drink and the dogs swim. Well, finally that pump shorted out.
On that hot August day into the pond went the dog and he immediately seized/convulsed. The fellow on the horse, not understanding what had happened to the dog, went in the water to pull the dog out and suffered the same paralyzing fate. The girlfriend/nurse finally got the idea and ran her horse back the house for help. What followed is a testament to science and medicine.
The guy was helicoptered to the hospital and had his core temp reduced to 92 degrees. His heart was stopped for over 20 minutes. Remember here, he was being electrocuted for the entire time his body was in the water. So the ER staff cooled him with ice as fast as possible to prevent brain damage. They restarted his heart as the helicopter landed. He was in a coma for 2-3 days. When he came out of the coma he was borderline retarded. The dog, of course, died there, cold and alone in the water. If the girl had went in the water after them...yeah... but she didnt.

That guy is my brother in law and best friend.
That dog was my dog and my best friend.

Here is where this ties into quitting and such. My brother in law made a crazy full recovery. Two weeks later we had a beer together with no after affects from the incident. You know what we also had? We had our tins and faces full of dip. Think about this, not just you B-LO but everybody else who may read this.
THIS IS AS CLOSE TO DYING AS IT GETS. THIS WAS, AND STILL IS AT THE EDGE OF MEDICAL PROCEDURES. WE CELEBRATED SURVIVAL BY SLOWLY KILLING OURSELVES. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT.

STAY QUIT.
-Grizzfall

It was good shit; I made a comment about in the thread that it was referenced to.

Keep on knocking out those +1's Grizz; proud to be quit with you!

[Grizzfall]

(Just putting this here so i can reference it later. Move along)

You might remember a news story here in Buffalo about 6-7 years back.
A twenty-odd year old guy was riding his horse with his then girlfriend - a nurse. They had a dog with them. They were up above a horse farm maybe a 1/4 mile off the road. Up at the crest of the lane way was a small pond that was used to pump water for the horse barn below. That pump hadn't been used in years but nobody ever bothered to turn the circuit off in the breaker box. I, and everybody else who rode in the area went by the pond and stopped to let the horses drink and the dogs swim. Well, finally that pump shorted out.
On that hot August day into the pond went the dog and he immediately seized/convulsed. The fellow on the horse, not understanding what had happened to the dog, went in the water to pull the dog out and suffered the same paralyzing fate. The girlfriend/nurse finally got the idea and ran her horse back the house for help. What followed is a testament to science and medicine.
The guy was helicoptered to the hospital and had his core temp reduced to 92 degrees. His heart was stopped for over 20 minutes. Remember here, he was being electrocuted for the entire time his body was in the water. So the ER staff cooled him with ice as fast as possible to prevent brain damage. They restarted his heart as the helicopter landed. He was in a coma for 2-3 days. When he came out of the coma he was borderline retarded. The dog, of course, died there, cold and alone in the water. If the girl had went in the water after them...yeah... but she didnt.

That guy is my brother in law and best friend.
That dog was my dog and my best friend.

Here is where this ties into quitting and such. My brother in law made a crazy full recovery. Two weeks later we had a beer together with no after affects from the incident. You know what we also had? We had our tins and faces full of dip. Think about this, not just you B-LO but everybody else who may read this.
THIS IS AS CLOSE TO DYING AS IT GETS. THIS WAS, AND STILL IS AT THE EDGE OF MEDICAL PROCEDURES. WE CELEBRATED SURVIVAL BY SLOWLY KILLING OURSELVES. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT.

STAY QUIT.
-Grizzfall

[B-loMatt]

I'm with you on the storing the beers on the deck. It is rewarding. I feel like captain planet saving the world by harnessing the power of nature's ice box
  There should be more Public Service Announcements about this practical step to save energy. Instead, i saw a PSA yesterday with the tag line "Stop Senior Abuse". I dont know how you all feel, but right then and there i made the hard choice to not go to grampas house and smack him around. Effective advertising by the Ad Council there.
  Fuck, now im getting pissed here.
  Ok you guys do watch or hear the PSA's that the Ad Council produces? Right. They are the commercials that your tax dollars produce, and radio/TV sations are required to give airtime too by the FCC. Take note of the topical matter they choose to crusade for.
  "Talk to your kids about drugs"
  "Kindness, pass it on"
    "Kids need three square meals  a day"
    "Be a real man and stay in your child's life"
    "Stop senior abuse"
    "Riding your bike reduces carbon emmisions"
    "Shut the water off when you brush your teeth"
    "Don't text and drive with a tripple Latte"

  Maybe im the asshole here, but not one of these messages have changed my behavior. I never saw the 30 second clip of mom making breakfast for her school age children and said "Holy Shit! Hey Honey! Do you know we have to feed the kids morning, noon and night!?"
  Furthur more, and i will stereotype here, how many male members of the African American community watched the PSA about raising your offspring and decided, "Damn its time to look up Shaquel, Brianique, Sandrina, Lucindra, and Ladasha. Im gonna start paying alimony to all these Bitches i made babies with. Just gotta figure out how to spell their names, get an address, send a money order, and maybe even take one to a Lakers game."

    These PSA are devoid of any real message. As a society we should be ashamed that we need commercials to tell us how to live. A generation ago people didnt need to be told to feed their kids, not abandon their kids, dont read the newspaper when you drive (texting), and stop beating on grandpa. Why now then?

    The folks who need these messages should be shot and culled. Once thats done, we can deal with some real problems.
 
    I want to see an a commercial where a 14 yr old kid has his first dip. I want to then see a time lapse of his teens where he has to beg older dudes to buy it for him. I want a side shot of the prettiest girl in school having a secret crush on our young star only to see him spit brown juice with the boys and then walk away. I want to see his college years go on while he looks for enough money in the couch cushions for a tin. An image of him re-chewing the same wad, stored on the radiator for warmth, would be nice here. On the right hand side of the screen i want a constantly growing stack of tins with a dollar amount ticking away below. As the time lapse continues we can image his wedding day, childs birth, daughters sweet sixteen, and her send off to Yale....all with a stream of brown juice in the background. Finally lets end the film with his oral cancer, rotted face, emaciated corpse, and death. Thats what i want to see in the next PSA. Put it on during the superbowl and i guranfuckingtee lives will be saved.

Fuck you Ad Council. Try being better at your job.

-Grizzfall
(I didnt expect to get into this here. Will repost on my own intro. Carry on)

http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s This post rocks!!


'Finger' Ad Council, I have always felt the same way about that crap.

Wow Grizz you and I have way more in common than just being KTC quit-brothers from WNY. Well stated man. I laughed out loud and said hell yeah!