Thanks

[Souliman]

DC I don't read many other fuckers that perpetually inspire me to hunt down and drive a wooden stake through the heart of the nic bitch. I have read enough of your encouragement to know you can fight with the best and you are mentally strong as steal with conviction. You have quitter balls. You are battle tested. You own that bitch. I'm a big fan of your quit.

Now get in there and grab that liar by the throat. Look in its eyes as its forked tongue tries to hold in its last breath and squeeze. Get your justice my friend. That devil has tried to kill you. Tried to kill us. I'm with you brother every fucking step of the way.

[30yraddict]

been in a bad way lately, and it hasn't been getting much better.  at this point, i forget exactly what my cravings were like that first week, but these cravings feel just as strong in intensity and duration.  all the old triggers are firing with hair triggers.  i had to swing into the office to finish some nagging paperwork before my vacation tomorrow (i.e. prime dipping time 81 days ago), and i'm dying.  it feels like all of my cells are crying out for the sweet dopamine release of nicotine. 

i'm not sure if it's related to increased stress at work, a symptom of the 2 week case of the "blah's," or just a normal crave offensive by the nic bitch.  likely all three, to be honest, but that doesn't make it easier.

i know with 110% certainty in the core of my being that if i were doing this alone, i'd have a lip full of grizz mint right now.  it is the collective strength of KTC, the wisdom of my quit brothers, sisters, and supporters, and the knowledge that the nicotine door is shut (nailed, bolted, welded) that is keeping me clean.  to anyone reading... don't worry.  this is not a cry for help.  my quit is rock fucking solid.  a windshield slashing through a mosquito storm of nic bitches. 

august, be aware.  this might be coming for you.  september, october, november... always stay vigilant.  i was CRUISING along 20-70 days.  my quit was "easy."  i didn't think it would escalate like this ever again.

now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Keep up the fight. She knows you are now serious and she is pissed. Every battle won beats her down. Soon enough she will only rear her head on occasion. Let me know if I can help, otherwise, keep posting and know I read your posts and stand behind you.

Ditto to what Scowick said. You are one Bad- Ass quitter, you got this. You have taken control of your life back, and she ain't happy. This will pass very soon.

Proud to be quit with you,

30

[Scowick65]

been in a bad way lately, and it hasn't been getting much better. at this point, i forget exactly what my cravings were like that first week, but these cravings feel just as strong in intensity and duration. all the old triggers are firing with hair triggers. i had to swing into the office to finish some nagging paperwork before my vacation tomorrow (i.e. prime dipping time 81 days ago), and i'm dying. it feels like all of my cells are crying out for the sweet dopamine release of nicotine.

i'm not sure if it's related to increased stress at work, a symptom of the 2 week case of the "blah's," or just a normal crave offensive by the nic bitch. likely all three, to be honest, but that doesn't make it easier.

i know with 110% certainty in the core of my being that if i were doing this alone, i'd have a lip full of grizz mint right now. it is the collective strength of KTC, the wisdom of my quit brothers, sisters, and supporters, and the knowledge that the nicotine door is shut (nailed, bolted, welded) that is keeping me clean. to anyone reading... don't worry. this is not a cry for help. my quit is rock fucking solid. a windshield slashing through a mosquito storm of nic bitches.

august, be aware. this might be coming for you. september, october, november... always stay vigilant. i was CRUISING along 20-70 days. my quit was "easy." i didn't think it would escalate like this ever again.

now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Keep up the fight. She knows you are now serious and she is pissed. Every battle won beats her down. Soon enough she will only rear her head on occasion. Let me know if I can help, otherwise, keep posting and know I read your posts and stand behind you.

[dchogs]

been in a bad way lately, and it hasn't been getting much better. at this point, i forget exactly what my cravings were like that first week, but these cravings feel just as strong in intensity and duration. all the old triggers are firing with hair triggers. i had to swing into the office to finish some nagging paperwork before my vacation tomorrow (i.e. prime dipping time 81 days ago), and i'm dying. it feels like all of my cells are crying out for the sweet dopamine release of nicotine.

i'm not sure if it's related to increased stress at work, a symptom of the 2 week case of the "blah's," or just a normal crave offensive by the nic bitch. likely all three, to be honest, but that doesn't make it easier.

i know with 110% certainty in the core of my being that if i were doing this alone, i'd have a lip full of grizz mint right now. it is the collective strength of KTC, the wisdom of my quit brothers, sisters, and supporters, and the knowledge that the nicotine door is shut (nailed, bolted, welded) that is keeping me clean. to anyone reading... don't worry. this is not a cry for help. my quit is rock fucking solid. a windshield slashing through a mosquito storm of nic bitches.

august, be aware. this might be coming for you. september, october, november... always stay vigilant. i was CRUISING along 20-70 days. my quit was "easy." i didn't think it would escalate like this ever again.

now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

[dchogs]

"I'm taking my Quit off the leash"

That rocks!

i wish i thought of that LL... i was quoting sloop from october (i think) there. i loved his rant that i quoted below.

[LLCope]

"I'm taking my Quit off the leash"

That rocks!

[Souliman]

Just wanted to acknowledge this day.

You are a quit beast. I appreciate your words and the wisdom contained within, that you delivered to new and old today. You made it clear. You made it concise. You're personal message and philosophy are contagious. Thank you.

[dchogs]

again, just for me and my journey. i struck upon a boxing metaphor that i like. thanks to sloop for helping me find this within...

Dear Nic,

You poisonous sack of crap, I'm done playing nice. For half my life I let you control me with your lies. That arrangement ended 16 days ago and it seems like you have been having some trouble understanding this so let me be clear. Go fuck yourself.

I tried to be polite, I'm a good guy after all. I quietly posted roll without cursing you. I moped around in a fog but I held my tongue. But you just can't stop. You keep whispering your vile filth.

Fuck you. I'm done. Don't fucking talk to me. The next time you try and get at my ear I'm getting in your face. I'm taking my Quit off the leash. You're MY bitch now.

I WILL win. This is my fucking life. This is my fucking body. If I were you I would walk the fuck away because you will be CRUSHED.

I'm fucking pissed. Don't touch me and don't touch my brothers. You've been warned.

Sincerely,

Dan

Nice. Man up and fight you motherfuckers. You can't take a round off against the nic bitch. We have cavers to the left and to the right that took off just one round, deep into the bout, and got fucking KO'd. Stupid palookas. They knew better. Their corner was telling them to hang tough each and every round. It only takes one.

The good thing is they're back in the fight. Round 1 though, and that can be fucking demoralizing.

Great post sloop. You've got some solid early rounds; let's see what you've got in the next couple.

Time to answer the bell, bitches.

[tazmed]

Never really listened to the lyrics of "The Cave" before... Gotta be an addict song, at least it is to me. Putting it here for me, but hopefully it speaks to others too.

The Cave by Mumford and Sons

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Wow...I've been listening to these guys for a couple years and never made the connection. Thanks for posting!

[Souliman]

Nice post DC.

These words got me:

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

Thanks for posting that bro.

[parry8587]

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

pretty much says it all for me...

very astute observation dchogs! great song too!!

[dchogs]

Never really listened to the lyrics of "The Cave" before... Gotta be an addict song, at least it is to me. Putting it here for me, but hopefully it speaks to others too.

The Cave by Mumford and Sons

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

[dchogs]

well, 54 days in, and i've finally had my first dip/cave dream... at least that i can remember. i've woken up a couple times with that post-blackout "oh shit what did i do last night" feeling, but nothing that i could actually recall.

i still don't remember a whole lot of the dream, but i clearly remember thinking "fuck it, why not." the can magically appeared, and the baccy was instantly in my lip. it was like i had an evil genie helping me cave. KTC was obviously on my mind, though... i thought "only 3-5% of quitters actually stay quit, so what's the big deal."

obviously felt like a maggot when i woke up until i realized it hadn't happened. it really helped solidify what i already knew... i'm an addict, and i can't let my guard down for a second. especially now in the 50-75 day funk. just one is a death certificate, because if my dedication to me quit ain't good enough to make it, i can't fathom what it would take.

A couple of things i read yesterday that have hit home:

Think about your quit brothers and sisters who help you up the mountain. Is it worth dragging them down with you? Wrap your nicotine scarred minds around this concept. Drill it deep into your thick skulls, and keep your fucking ass clean. There is no excuse, no reason, and no reprise. There is only faithfullness and accountibility to the brotherhood, and even more importantly to yourself.

In a sense I'm laying my honor out there for the long haul with this post, but I refuse to consider any other option. You will find over the next many days, months and years that I'm not very flashy or witty but I am consistent.

I will be here. If I'm not, I'm dead.

The problem, however, is that talk is cheap. It's easy to talk to the talk. The proof is in the pudding, my friends... I know the quit is real when you continue to post roll day after day. You don't have to tell me how much of a badass you are, you only have to prove it on a daily basis.

the one good thing that's come from all the fucking october 11 drama is the frequency that quit gospel is being preached. it's coming from the HoF level, of course, but the greener vets are taking what they've been told and distilling the message into their own unique blend. i'm diggin' those blends and the new flavors of quit.

thanks to everyone for the input this week... your quits have made mine stronger!

stay quit this weekend!

[dragstered]

Way to quit man!! thanks for that!

[Souliman]

You are my quit hero today.

You brought your fucking A-game today brother. Who knows how many folks you put on the path today. I'm so damn proud to be quitting with you sir.