My good cave

[Wt57]

MThomas may I borrow a line from you: Christmas Eve day 99
As I set here and contemplate the past I am profoundly grateful to KTC for providing this forum to QUIT Dip!
I have been thinking about one of my many caves over the years. The particular cave that I was thinking about occurred in the spring of 1984. I had been dealing with some pretty stressful times at home and at work. I had been nicotine free for about 3 1/2 yrs. I remember buying a can of copensnuff and fondling the can. I don't think that I even opened the can the 1st day. I knew that I shouldn't do it. But the cave had been planned. I eventually convinced myself that I could be a casual dipper only using when I had really stressful days. WRONG! Soon I was using more and more often that I ever had. My next personal rationalization was that I would stop when things got easier. And on and on and on! This was followed by numerous half assed attempts to stop, most of them because my wife caught me red handed.
99 days ago as I flushed that stash I told you that I cried. Since that day I have had other experiences that have brought tears to my eyes. One was a couple weeks ago when Grizz Dipper 18 text me and told me he had thrown his stash out. Others have been either helping a fellow quitter or being helped by one of you myself.
Tonight I set at this keyboard and the tears are so very close to the surface, not because I miss the old companion, not because I am overwhelmed with a satisfaction of accomplishment, not because of my excitement to board the TRAIN OF FAME. But my reason is something that can only be understood by one who has stayed on this path of quit and joined with his or her fellow addicts to grind this addiction into the ground. It is the BROTHERHOOD, ACCOUNTABILITY and SUCCESS that we find here.
I can never thank everyone enough for the love and fellowship that I feel here. I'm not going to try to mention each of you just know that I am profoundly grateful to everyone. I will continue to be on your ass if I see you slack off and I will be there to help pull you through a funk. Like wise I will expect nothing less from you, if I am less than enthusiastic call me out on it, if you catch me licking my wounds or feeling sorry for myself point out my errors, if I am slow at posting roll I expect to have a text checking up on me.
I feel just like a little kid. I'm not going to sleep tonight, rather I'm waiting until 2.27 am (exactly 100 days since my 1st post) and post roll for the 100th time with July Freedom Lovin' Junkies (BOQ)

[Mthomas3824]

I want to revisit my cave.



cave v.intr.
1. To fall in; collapse.
2. To give up all opposition; yield.


My Cave continues:
In the beginning on March 28, , as an answer to prayer I found  and joined a foreign group, KTC.   I resisted the pressure from the group to become a full-fledged quitter.  I had a plan, my plan was good, I had put a lot of thought and planning into it.  For the next 2 nights I couldn’t sleep I paced the floor and then would read more.  I didn’t go into chat, I didn’t post any questions I just read.  I saw addicts get told that the only way was to throw it away and quit and do it now!  So at 1:30 am April 1,  I secretively flushed everything and after I quit crying I posted my first promise:

[ Posted: Apr 1, 2012, 2:27 am]
Wt57 day 1 no April fool joke I've paced the floor al night I quit!!!
38 yr of slavery I'm here for the long haul.

That was my 1st cave and it was a big one. And now I’m still here for the “Long Haul” one day at a time!

My next cave was the experience of witnessing what happens when a fellow addict whines about how hard it is to post roll or do what everyone else is doing. I was less than 1 week into my quit and I caved I didn't like seeing someone that was trying to stop get harassed and I told Bruce to back-off his harassment and quit being prickish. “Opps” I learned my 1st really valuable lesson that day, If we don’t make the promise early and take the promise that we make that day serious we just as well pack our bag and go home. Thank you Bruce!

There have been a lot of newbies come and go over the past 3 months. It is exciting to see the enthusiasm of new quitters, and it is sad to see the Bitch pull them back into their addiction. A fellow July Junkie that quit just a few days after me became a friend, we talked late at night we sent pms and shared the struggles that we were going through. One day he missed roll, I tried to call, no answer. The next day he posted roll but still no contact. The following day he missed roll again,and again and again. It was obvious that he caved. That was my next cave experience; I was really hurt, I took his cave personal. I've learned that we can't quit for anyone but ourself. If someone isn't ready to make the committment to quit they won't stay quit, it is as simple as that. (update: I texted my friend a few weeks ago to check on him and he responded and he is now returned and pushing strong with October) Welcome back Bryan!

IÂ’ve had only one day that I really feared Caving. I faced the Bitch head on and she hit me with all she had, even put some little prick next to me that kept spitting at my feet. The smell of the cope he was dribbling even turned my stomach. This experience turned out to be one of my best days and strengthened my resolve. So "up yours Bitch" that backfired.

The first few weeks of my quit were dominated by thoughts of "woe is me" I'm the old bastard that is slow to learn and that these younger guys are not going to miss out on all the things that I did because I chose the bitch over life. Then I went into several phases of feeling sorry for myself because changing my entire way of living was hard. I kept wanting to bring up the past. Then I'd jump to feeling like there was no reason to stay quit ( I would fail down the road 1 yr., 2yrs. or sometime) so screw it lets just skip the pain. Several of my new friends had to shake me, call me out on my bitching and whining and tell me to MAN UP! It has taken some time but I'm making progress and life is really improving. I'm enjoying life. I'm smelling the roses instead of spitting on them.

I remember on day 50 I again thought that 100 days was nothing in the long term of life. I said "100 days-----not even a drop in the bucket" I again at that time resolved to only quit 1 day at a time. Now that the 100 days is arriving it is monumental, I will cherish the day and every day that has lead me here. I also cherish and embrace everyday of suck along the way that I may never have to repeat them.

Wade, youre a badass quitter and seeing what you were on day 6 to what you are now is truly an inspiration. I'm glad I could help in some small way, but bro you had this in you from the beginning. Remember one day at a time, remember you are an addict and most importantly remember day 1. Do those brother, and you will win.

I quit with you today wt

'clap' 'clap' 'clap'

Can't wait to see you walk triumphant into the HOF!

We have walked together through a lot of this. You had some tough battles but you fought. Even though you had enough on your plate with your own quit, you where very active on the site.

When a brother needed a hand...you offer both of yours. You have a humble confidence. I can't speak for God but I Imagine the day you meet your maker, he will offer both his hands to you and say, "well done"

My first experience with you on the site was reading your comment to Bruce to tell him to lay off the poor chap. I busted up and loved reading the fight. (I just had a flashback of that day.) I felt like a kid on the playground egging it on and chanting, "Fight, Fight, Fight."

It is fun to look back on the pain and drama of quitting. At the time I hated it. Today, although I never want to repeat it...I think it was a fun journey.

[Grizzly25]

I want to revisit my cave.



cave v.intr.
1. To fall in; collapse.
2. To give up all opposition; yield.


My Cave continues:
In the beginning on March 28, , as an answer to prayer I found  and joined a foreign group, KTC.  I resisted the pressure from the group to become a full-fledged quitter.  I had a plan, my plan was good, I had put a lot of thought and planning into it.  For the next 2 nights I couldn’t sleep I paced the floor and then would read more.  I didn’t go into chat, I didn’t post any questions I just read.  I saw addicts get told that the only way was to throw it away and quit and do it now!  So at 1:30 am April 1,  I secretively flushed everything and after I quit crying I posted my first promise:

[ Posted: Apr 1, 2012, 2:27 am]
Wt57 day 1 no April fool joke I've paced the floor al night I quit!!!
38 yr of slavery I'm here for the long haul.

That was my 1st cave and it was a big one. And now I’m still here for the “Long Haul” one day at a time!

My next cave was the experience of witnessing what happens when a fellow addict whines about how hard it is to post roll or do what everyone else is doing. I was less than 1 week into my quit and I caved I didn't like seeing someone that was trying to stop get harassed and I told Bruce to back-off his harassment and quit being prickish. “Opps” I learned my 1st really valuable lesson that day, If we don’t make the promise early and take the promise that we make that day serious we just as well pack our bag and go home. Thank you Bruce!

There have been a lot of newbies come and go over the past 3 months. It is exciting to see the enthusiasm of new quitters, and it is sad to see the Bitch pull them back into their addiction. A fellow July Junkie that quit just a few days after me became a friend, we talked late at night we sent pms and shared the struggles that we were going through. One day he missed roll, I tried to call, no answer. The next day he posted roll but still no contact. The following day he missed roll again,and again and again. It was obvious that he caved. That was my next cave experience; I was really hurt, I took his cave personal. I've learned that we can't quit for anyone but ourself. If someone isn't ready to make the committment to quit they won't stay quit, it is as simple as that. (update: I texted my friend a few weeks ago to check on him and he responded and he is now returned and pushing strong with October) Welcome back Bryan!

IÂ’ve had only one day that I really feared Caving. I faced the Bitch head on and she hit me with all she had, even put some little prick next to me that kept spitting at my feet. The smell of the cope he was dribbling even turned my stomach. This experience turned out to be one of my best days and strengthened my resolve. So "up yours Bitch" that backfired.

The first few weeks of my quit were dominated by thoughts of "woe is me" I'm the old bastard that is slow to learn and that these younger guys are not going to miss out on all the things that I did because I chose the bitch over life. Then I went into several phases of feeling sorry for myself because changing my entire way of living was hard. I kept wanting to bring up the past. Then I'd jump to feeling like there was no reason to stay quit ( I would fail down the road 1 yr., 2yrs. or sometime) so screw it lets just skip the pain. Several of my new friends had to shake me, call me out on my bitching and whining and tell me to MAN UP! It has taken some time but I'm making progress and life is really improving. I'm enjoying life. I'm smelling the roses instead of spitting on them.

I remember on day 50 I again thought that 100 days was nothing in the long term of life. I said "100 days-----not even a drop in the bucket" I again at that time resolved to only quit 1 day at a time. Now that the 100 days is arriving it is monumental, I will cherish the day and every day that has lead me here. I also cherish and embrace everyday of suck along the way that I may never have to repeat them.

Wade, youre a badass quitter and seeing what you were on day 6 to what you are now is truly an inspiration. I'm glad I could help in some small way, but bro you had this in you from the beginning. Remember one day at a time, remember you are an addict and most importantly remember day 1. Do those brother, and you will win.

I quit with you today wt

'clap' 'clap' 'clap'

[Bruce]

I want to revisit my cave.



cave v.intr.
1. To fall in; collapse.
2. To give up all opposition; yield.


My Cave continues:
In the beginning on March 28, , as an answer to prayer I found and joined a foreign group, KTC. I resisted the pressure from the group to become a full-fledged quitter. I had a plan, my plan was good, I had put a lot of thought and planning into it. For the next 2 nights I couldnÂ’t sleep I paced the floor and then would read more. I didnÂ’t go into chat, I didnÂ’t post any questions I just read. I saw addicts get told that the only way was to throw it away and quit and do it now! So at 1:30 am April 1, I secretively flushed everything and after I quit crying I posted my first promise:

[ Posted: Apr 1, 2012, 2:27 am]
Wt57 day 1 no April fool joke I've paced the floor al night I quit!!!
38 yr of slavery I'm here for the long haul.

That was my 1st cave and it was a big one. And now I’m still here for the “Long Haul” one day at a time!

My next cave was the experience of witnessing what happens when a fellow addict whines about how hard it is to post roll or do what everyone else is doing. I was less than 1 week into my quit and I caved I didn't like seeing someone that was trying to stop get harassed and I told Bruce to back-off his harassment and quit being prickish. “Opps” I learned my 1st really valuable lesson that day, If we don’t make the promise early and take the promise that we make that day serious we just as well pack our bag and go home. Thank you Bruce!

There have been a lot of newbies come and go over the past 3 months. It is exciting to see the enthusiasm of new quitters, and it is sad to see the Bitch pull them back into their addiction. A fellow July Junkie that quit just a few days after me became a friend, we talked late at night we sent pms and shared the struggles that we were going through. One day he missed roll, I tried to call, no answer. The next day he posted roll but still no contact. The following day he missed roll again,and again and again. It was obvious that he caved. That was my next cave experience; I was really hurt, I took his cave personal. I've learned that we can't quit for anyone but ourself. If someone isn't ready to make the committment to quit they won't stay quit, it is as simple as that. (update: I texted my friend a few weeks ago to check on him and he responded and he is now returned and pushing strong with October) Welcome back Bryan!

IÂ’ve had only one day that I really feared Caving. I faced the Bitch head on and she hit me with all she had, even put some little prick next to me that kept spitting at my feet. The smell of the cope he was dribbling even turned my stomach. This experience turned out to be one of my best days and strengthened my resolve. So "up yours Bitch" that backfired.

The first few weeks of my quit were dominated by thoughts of "woe is me" I'm the old bastard that is slow to learn and that these younger guys are not going to miss out on all the things that I did because I chose the bitch over life. Then I went into several phases of feeling sorry for myself because changing my entire way of living was hard. I kept wanting to bring up the past. Then I'd jump to feeling like there was no reason to stay quit ( I would fail down the road 1 yr., 2yrs. or sometime) so screw it lets just skip the pain. Several of my new friends had to shake me, call me out on my bitching and whining and tell me to MAN UP! It has taken some time but I'm making progress and life is really improving. I'm enjoying life. I'm smelling the roses instead of spitting on them.

I remember on day 50 I again thought that 100 days was nothing in the long term of life. I said "100 days-----not even a drop in the bucket" I again at that time resolved to only quit 1 day at a time. Now that the 100 days is arriving it is monumental, I will cherish the day and every day that has lead me here. I also cherish and embrace everyday of suck along the way that I may never have to repeat them.

Wade, youre a badass quitter and seeing what you were on day 6 to what you are now is truly an inspiration. I'm glad I could help in some small way, but bro you had this in you from the beginning. Remember one day at a time, remember you are an addict and most importantly remember day 1. Do those brother, and you will win.

I quit with you today wt

[Wt57]

I want to revisit my cave.



cave v.intr.
1. To fall in; collapse.
2. To give up all opposition; yield.


My Cave continues:
In the beginning on March 28, , as an answer to prayer I found and joined a foreign group, KTC. I resisted the pressure from the group to become a full-fledged quitter. I had a plan, my plan was good, I had put a lot of thought and planning into it. For the next 2 nights I couldnÂ’t sleep I paced the floor and then would read more. I didnÂ’t go into chat, I didnÂ’t post any questions I just read. I saw addicts get told that the only way was to throw it away and quit and do it now! So at 1:30 am April 1, I secretively flushed everything and after I quit crying I posted my first promise:

[ Posted: Apr 1, 2012, 2:27 am]
Wt57 day 1 no April fool joke I've paced the floor al night I quit!!!
38 yr of slavery I'm here for the long haul.

That was my 1st cave and it was a big one. And now I’m still here for the “Long Haul” one day at a time!

My next cave was the experience of witnessing what happens when a fellow addict whines about how hard it is to post roll or do what everyone else is doing. I was less than 1 week into my quit and I caved I didn't like seeing someone that was trying to stop get harassed and I told Bruce to back-off his harassment and quit being prickish. “Opps” I learned my 1st really valuable lesson that day, If we don’t make the promise early and take the promise that we make that day serious we just as well pack our bag and go home. Thank you Bruce!

There have been a lot of newbies come and go over the past 3 months. It is exciting to see the enthusiasm of new quitters, and it is sad to see the Bitch pull them back into their addiction. A fellow July Junkie that quit just a few days after me became a friend, we talked late at night we sent pms and shared the struggles that we were going through. One day he missed roll, I tried to call, no answer. The next day he posted roll but still no contact. The following day he missed roll again,and again and again. It was obvious that he caved. That was my next cave experience; I was really hurt, I took his cave personal. I've learned that we can't quit for anyone but ourself. If someone isn't ready to make the committment to quit they won't stay quit, it is as simple as that. (update: I texted my friend a few weeks ago to check on him and he responded and he is now returned and pushing strong with October) Welcome back Bryan!

IÂ’ve had only one day that I really feared Caving. I faced the Bitch head on and she hit me with all she had, even put some little prick next to me that kept spitting at my feet. The smell of the cope he was dribbling even turned my stomach. This experience turned out to be one of my best days and strengthened my resolve. So "up yours Bitch" that backfired.

The first few weeks of my quit were dominated by thoughts of "woe is me" I'm the old bastard that is slow to learn and that these younger guys are not going to miss out on all the things that I did because I chose the bitch over life. Then I went into several phases of feeling sorry for myself because changing my entire way of living was hard. I kept wanting to bring up the past. Then I'd jump to feeling like there was no reason to stay quit ( I would fail down the road 1 yr., 2yrs. or sometime) so screw it lets just skip the pain. Several of my new friends had to shake me, call me out on my bitching and whining and tell me to MAN UP! It has taken some time but I'm making progress and life is really improving. I'm enjoying life. I'm smelling the roses instead of spitting on them.

I remember on day 50 I again thought that 100 days was nothing in the long term of life. I said "100 days-----not even a drop in the bucket" I again at that time resolved to only quit 1 day at a time. Now that the 100 days is arriving it is monumental, I will cherish the day and every day that has lead me here. I also cherish and embrace everyday of suck along the way that I may never have to repeat them.

[Wedge]

My dilemma has been that in the whole scheme of my quit, the closer I get to HOF, I am becoming underwhelmed by it.

50 days ago this was my attitude. As I reflect on the event that for me comes in just 9 days I have a completely different prospective and attitude.
I now recognize the great accomplishment that going 100 days without my life long partner in addiction is. I know that it is just a very short trial period but none the less it is a milestone in my very long addiction.
As I evaluate the past 90 - 95 days since my journey of quit began I am glad that I have recorded my feelings and attitudes throughout. We often have people say that the programming process is part of our journey. I've heard people say that they feel very bipolar in this process, That is such a good description of how I feel. Going back through my posts, thoughts and comments over the past it is easy to see the highs and the lows. I will never be able to thank those that have urged me on, kicked me in the ass or were just there if I needed someone to talk to, enough for their support.
For me the past 25 - 30 days have seemed to be the most difficult days of my quit. Maybe its because they are fresher in mind but I don't think so. I really believe that they have been more challenging because they have dealt with me learning and reprogramming the entire way I live my life. It is difficult to break old habits. The day to day life routines are patterns and habits. Our bodies resist change, not just in the addiction but in these day to day habits that we have established.
The other day Mthomas told me to quit licking my wounds. I was bothered by that and was even offended because I really didn't think that in relationship to my nicotine use I was feeling sorry for myself or even whining about the process that I'm going through. I feel that I've accepted and owned my addiction quite well. After some more thought and evaluation he was right but it wasn't the pain that nicotine withdrawal brought about that I was dealing with but it was the reprogramming and adjusting my entire life to be nicotine free. There are quite a few of us quitters out there that are 35 + yr addicts and we've set some pretty deep seated life patterns or habits and I thought well It may be more difficult to reprogram the longer that we've been addicted. Then I rethought that idea, that is just more licking the wounds and feeling sorry for myself that I've been a worthless addict longer than most of you.
Again I'm so proud of my QUIT. I feel better about myself than I have felt in a very, very long time. I thank KTC and a bunch of really cool addicts for helping me this far and look forward to what is to come. I'm not going to apologize for my actions or the way I've dealt with them. I'm going on and will continue to learn to live my life nicotine free the best that I can with your help.

Good stuff. You are restoring back to the original you. It has probably been so long since you knew him you did not recognize him. Well done. Proud to quit with you.

Having completed 7 marathons (yes, this was 10 years ago) I can absolutely tell you every single time, crossing the finish line was anti climatic. As a matter of fact, after finishing each one, there was a let down.

I would imagine HOF is similar.

But, as in marathon running, it's not about the finish line. It's about the training, the process and who you become in that process.

With the KTC process, we become bad ass quitters. I am looking forward to seeing how this discipline spills over to other parts of life.

Always quit with you WT, even thru all my rages

Excellent. Quit with you today

Wade....you and me buddy. We are gonna tear a new roof on the HoF. They are gonna have to give us our own wing. (Mostly because of DAG and cleanfuel, but its still ours)





And clean....you fat bro. 'crackup'

[raiderx]

My dilemma has been that in the whole scheme of my quit, the closer I get to HOF, I am becoming underwhelmed by it.

50 days ago this was my attitude. As I reflect on the event that for me comes in just 9 days I have a completely different prospective and attitude.
I now recognize the great accomplishment that going 100 days without my life long partner in addiction is. I know that it is just a very short trial period but none the less it is a milestone in my very long addiction.
As I evaluate the past 90 - 95 days since my journey of quit began I am glad that I have recorded my feelings and attitudes throughout. We often have people say that the programming process is part of our journey. I've heard people say that they feel very bipolar in this process, That is such a good description of how I feel. Going back through my posts, thoughts and comments over the past it is easy to see the highs and the lows. I will never be able to thank those that have urged me on, kicked me in the ass or were just there if I needed someone to talk to, enough for their support.
For me the past 25 - 30 days have seemed to be the most difficult days of my quit. Maybe its because they are fresher in mind but I don't think so. I really believe that they have been more challenging because they have dealt with me learning and reprogramming the entire way I live my life. It is difficult to break old habits. The day to day life routines are patterns and habits. Our bodies resist change, not just in the addiction but in these day to day habits that we have established.
The other day Mthomas told me to quit licking my wounds. I was bothered by that and was even offended because I really didn't think that in relationship to my nicotine use I was feeling sorry for myself or even whining about the process that I'm going through. I feel that I've accepted and owned my addiction quite well. After some more thought and evaluation he was right but it wasn't the pain that nicotine withdrawal brought about that I was dealing with but it was the reprogramming and adjusting my entire life to be nicotine free. There are quite a few of us quitters out there that are 35 + yr addicts and we've set some pretty deep seated life patterns or habits and I thought well It may be more difficult to reprogram the longer that we've been addicted. Then I rethought that idea, that is just more licking the wounds and feeling sorry for myself that I've been a worthless addict longer than most of you.
Again I'm so proud of my QUIT. I feel better about myself than I have felt in a very, very long time. I thank KTC and a bunch of really cool addicts for helping me this far and look forward to what is to come. I'm not going to apologize for my actions or the way I've dealt with them. I'm going on and will continue to learn to live my life nicotine free the best that I can with your help.

Good stuff. You are restoring back to the original you. It has probably been so long since you knew him you did not recognize him. Well done. Proud to quit with you.

Having completed 7 marathons (yes, this was 10 years ago) I can absolutely tell you every single time, crossing the finish line was anti climatic. As a matter of fact, after finishing each one, there was a let down.

I would imagine HOF is similar.

But, as in marathon running, it's not about the finish line. It's about the training, the process and who you become in that process.

With the KTC process, we become bad ass quitters. I am looking forward to seeing how this discipline spills over to other parts of life.

Always quit with you WT, even thru all my rages

Excellent. Quit with you today

[CleanFuel]

My dilemma has been that in the whole scheme of my quit, the closer I get to HOF, I am becoming underwhelmed by it.

50 days ago this was my attitude. As I reflect on the event that for me comes in just 9 days I have a completely different prospective and attitude.
I now recognize the great accomplishment that going 100 days without my life long partner in addiction is. I know that it is just a very short trial period but none the less it is a milestone in my very long addiction.
As I evaluate the past 90 - 95 days since my journey of quit began I am glad that I have recorded my feelings and attitudes throughout. We often have people say that the programming process is part of our journey. I've heard people say that they feel very bipolar in this process, That is such a good description of how I feel. Going back through my posts, thoughts and comments over the past it is easy to see the highs and the lows. I will never be able to thank those that have urged me on, kicked me in the ass or were just there if I needed someone to talk to, enough for their support.
For me the past 25 - 30 days have seemed to be the most difficult days of my quit. Maybe its because they are fresher in mind but I don't think so. I really believe that they have been more challenging because they have dealt with me learning and reprogramming the entire way I live my life. It is difficult to break old habits. The day to day life routines are patterns and habits. Our bodies resist change, not just in the addiction but in these day to day habits that we have established.
The other day Mthomas told me to quit licking my wounds. I was bothered by that and was even offended because I really didn't think that in relationship to my nicotine use I was feeling sorry for myself or even whining about the process that I'm going through. I feel that I've accepted and owned my addiction quite well. After some more thought and evaluation he was right but it wasn't the pain that nicotine withdrawal brought about that I was dealing with but it was the reprogramming and adjusting my entire life to be nicotine free. There are quite a few of us quitters out there that are 35 + yr addicts and we've set some pretty deep seated life patterns or habits and I thought well It may be more difficult to reprogram the longer that we've been addicted. Then I rethought that idea, that is just more licking the wounds and feeling sorry for myself that I've been a worthless addict longer than most of you.
Again I'm so proud of my QUIT. I feel better about myself than I have felt in a very, very long time. I thank KTC and a bunch of really cool addicts for helping me this far and look forward to what is to come. I'm not going to apologize for my actions or the way I've dealt with them. I'm going on and will continue to learn to live my life nicotine free the best that I can with your help.

Good stuff. You are restoring back to the original you. It has probably been so long since you knew him you did not recognize him. Well done. Proud to quit with you.

Having completed 7 marathons (yes, this was 10 years ago) I can absolutely tell you every single time, crossing the finish line was anti climatic. As a matter of fact, after finishing each one, there was a let down.

I would imagine HOF is similar.

But, as in marathon running, it's not about the finish line. It's about the training, the process and who you become in that process.

With the KTC process, we become bad ass quitters. I am looking forward to seeing how this discipline spills over to other parts of life.

Always quit with you WT, even thru all my rages

[Scowick65]

My dilemma has been that in the whole scheme of my quit, the closer I get to HOF, I am becoming underwhelmed by it.

50 days ago this was my attitude. As I reflect on the event that for me comes in just 9 days I have a completely different prospective and attitude.
I now recognize the great accomplishment that going 100 days without my life long partner in addiction is. I know that it is just a very short trial period but none the less it is a milestone in my very long addiction.
As I evaluate the past 90 - 95 days since my journey of quit began I am glad that I have recorded my feelings and attitudes throughout. We often have people say that the programming process is part of our journey. I've heard people say that they feel very bipolar in this process, That is such a good description of how I feel. Going back through my posts, thoughts and comments over the past it is easy to see the highs and the lows. I will never be able to thank those that have urged me on, kicked me in the ass or were just there if I needed someone to talk to, enough for their support.
For me the past 25 - 30 days have seemed to be the most difficult days of my quit. Maybe its because they are fresher in mind but I don't think so. I really believe that they have been more challenging because they have dealt with me learning and reprogramming the entire way I live my life. It is difficult to break old habits. The day to day life routines are patterns and habits. Our bodies resist change, not just in the addiction but in these day to day habits that we have established.
The other day Mthomas told me to quit licking my wounds. I was bothered by that and was even offended because I really didn't think that in relationship to my nicotine use I was feeling sorry for myself or even whining about the process that I'm going through. I feel that I've accepted and owned my addiction quite well. After some more thought and evaluation he was right but it wasn't the pain that nicotine withdrawal brought about that I was dealing with but it was the reprogramming and adjusting my entire life to be nicotine free. There are quite a few of us quitters out there that are 35 + yr addicts and we've set some pretty deep seated life patterns or habits and I thought well It may be more difficult to reprogram the longer that we've been addicted. Then I rethought that idea, that is just more licking the wounds and feeling sorry for myself that I've been a worthless addict longer than most of you.
Again I'm so proud of my QUIT. I feel better about myself than I have felt in a very, very long time. I thank KTC and a bunch of really cool addicts for helping me this far and look forward to what is to come. I'm not going to apologize for my actions or the way I've dealt with them. I'm going on and will continue to learn to live my life nicotine free the best that I can with your help.

Good stuff. You are restoring back to the original you. It has probably been so long since you knew him you did not recognize him. Well done. Proud to quit with you.

[Wt57]

My dilemma has been that in the whole scheme of my quit, the closer I get to HOF, I am becoming underwhelmed by it.

50 days ago this was my attitude. As I reflect on the event that for me comes in just 9 days I have a completely different prospective and attitude.
I now recognize the great accomplishment that going 100 days without my life long partner in addiction is. I know that it is just a very short trial period but none the less it is a milestone in my very long addiction.
As I evaluate the past 90 - 95 days since my journey of quit began I am glad that I have recorded my feelings and attitudes throughout. We often have people say that the programming process is part of our journey. I've heard people say that they feel very bipolar in this process, That is such a good description of how I feel. Going back through my posts, thoughts and comments over the past it is easy to see the highs and the lows. I will never be able to thank those that have urged me on, kicked me in the ass or were just there if I needed someone to talk to, enough for their support.
For me the past 25 - 30 days have seemed to be the most difficult days of my quit. Maybe its because they are fresher in mind but I don't think so. I really believe that they have been more challenging because they have dealt with me learning and reprogramming the entire way I live my life. It is difficult to break old habits. The day to day life routines are patterns and habits. Our bodies resist change, not just in the addiction but in these day to day habits that we have established.
The other day Mthomas told me to quit licking my wounds. I was bothered by that and was even offended because I really didn't think that in relationship to my nicotine use I was feeling sorry for myself or even whining about the process that I'm going through. I feel that I've accepted and owned my addiction quite well. After some more thought and evaluation he was right but it wasn't the pain that nicotine withdrawal brought about that I was dealing with but it was the reprogramming and adjusting my entire life to be nicotine free. There are quite a few of us quitters out there that are 35 + yr addicts and we've set some pretty deep seated life patterns or habits and I thought well It may be more difficult to reprogram the longer that we've been addicted. Then I rethought that idea, that is just more licking the wounds and feeling sorry for myself that I've been a worthless addict longer than most of you.
Again I'm so proud of my QUIT. I feel better about myself than I have felt in a very, very long time. I thank KTC and a bunch of really cool addicts for helping me this far and look forward to what is to come. I'm not going to apologize for my actions or the way I've dealt with them. I'm going on and will continue to learn to live my life nicotine free the best that I can with your help.

[Wt57]

INTEGRITY
The past couple of days I've been reflecting upon the journey that I've been on.  I had a conversation with a quit brother in chat the other day that lead to several pm's and some really deep thought for me.  We had discussed integrity.  I told him that I thought that I had integrity in most every aspect of my life but the ninja dipping that I had been involved in for nearly 40 yrs. Upon reflection I started questioning myself, was that statement really true?  What is integrity?

in·teg·ri·ty/inˈtegritç/Noun:
1.The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
2.The state of being whole and undivided: "territorial integrity".

Another definition that I like for integrity is what you do when no one is looking (or you don't think they are looking)  In my reflecting on this journey I've read back in my intro and alot of the personal messages I've sent and recieved.  Some of the things that I have said, (even if for shock value) are not things that meet up to my moral principles.  Thus I've determined that I don't have near the integrity that I thought I had. 
This conversation with this brother has lead me to rethinking my quit and my relationship with my fellow quiters.  My Quit has been strengthened, I believe that my personal integrity can also be strengthened in this process.  But just like my fight with my addiction my fight with being who I really am or want to be doesn't  come automatic it must be worked on.  Thank You Bro.

Its okay to be human. While you may have not been perfect in your words, I have a feeling that your heart has always been in the right place.

We can all be very harsh critics of ourselves. Reflection is good as long as you learn something from it and move on. I am certainly not the same person I was when I began this journey and most of the change has been through long hard looks in the mirror brought about by discussions from this site.


Proud to be quit with you..
Greg

Thanks! I know I'm only human and that good I'm proud of my progress, hell I've gone 89 days without nicotine! I have been there for others, I've learned to reach to others for help. I've learned more about myself this past 3 months than I could have ever imagined. Removing nicotine from my life has opened my eyes to so much I've missed in life. I've met new people who will be life long friends, my relationship with my wife is better than its been in 32 yrs. I'm just reminding myself where I have come from and where I'm headed. Believe me I don't expect myself to change overnight. Just recording the progress! I didn't mean to come across as really down on myself just recognizing my addiction has shadowed and effected other aspects of my life without me recognizing it.

[Mthomas3824]

INTEGRITY

Another definition that I like for integrity is what you do when no one is looking (or you don't think they are looking)  In my reflecting on this journey I've read back in my intro and alot of the personal messages I've sent and recieved.  Some of the things that I have said, (even if for shock value) are not things that meet up to my moral principles.  Thus I've determined that I don't have near the integrity that I thought I had. 
This conversation with this brother has lead me to rethinking my quit and my relationship with my fellow quiters.  My Quit has been strengthened, I believe that my personal integrity can also be strengthened in this process.  But just like my fight with my addiction my fight with being who I really am or want to be doesn't  come automatic it must be worked on.  Thank You Bro.

It's always good to do some self reflection and attempt to make improvements. Having low morals and lacking integrity are the last words I would use describing your posting style.

It is true some members go overboard with their posts attacking people. It's just a pack mentality that some people feel gives them carte blanche to act poorly.

That doesn't apply to you. I have always thought your posts are well thought out and give good insight. Keep it up IMO 'Popcorn'

WT, one thing about having integrity...you can't claim it. Integrity can only be yours if other people bestow that title to you.
Humans may not be absolute or perfect. We all learn and grow.

Simple thoughts of how to improve are good. Over analyzing your every move can slow down your momentum.

I have met you, we have talked about many subjects. I see you as a man of integrity.

That's all, enjoy life. Don't sweat simple screw ups. You quit because you wanted to live long and take care of your wife. Sorry my friend, that looks like a man full of love, selflessness and integrity.

Stop licking your wounds and just let them heal!

Now I am still on vacation...off to boogie board with my kids.

[Greg5280]

INTEGRITY
The past couple of days I've been reflecting upon the journey that I've been on.  I had a conversation with a quit brother in chat the other day that lead to several pm's and some really deep thought for me.  We had discussed integrity.  I told him that I thought that I had integrity in most every aspect of my life but the ninja dipping that I had been involved in for nearly 40 yrs. Upon reflection I started questioning myself, was that statement really true?  What is integrity?

in·teg·ri·ty/inˈtegritç/Noun:
1.The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
2.The state of being whole and undivided: "territorial integrity".

Another definition that I like for integrity is what you do when no one is looking (or you don't think they are looking)  In my reflecting on this journey I've read back in my intro and alot of the personal messages I've sent and recieved.  Some of the things that I have said, (even if for shock value) are not things that meet up to my moral principles.  Thus I've determined that I don't have near the integrity that I thought I had. 
This conversation with this brother has lead me to rethinking my quit and my relationship with my fellow quiters.  My Quit has been strengthened, I believe that my personal integrity can also be strengthened in this process.  But just like my fight with my addiction my fight with being who I really am or want to be doesn't  come automatic it must be worked on.  Thank You Bro.

Its okay to be human. While you may have not been perfect in your words, I have a feeling that your heart has always been in the right place.

We can all be very harsh critics of ourselves. Reflection is good as long as you learn something from it and move on. I am certainly not the same person I was when I began this journey and most of the change has been through long hard looks in the mirror brought about by discussions from this site.


Proud to be quit with you..
Greg

[carumba10]

INTEGRITY

Another definition that I like for integrity is what you do when no one is looking (or you don't think they are looking) In my reflecting on this journey I've read back in my intro and alot of the personal messages I've sent and recieved. Some of the things that I have said, (even if for shock value) are not things that meet up to my moral principles. Thus I've determined that I don't have near the integrity that I thought I had.
This conversation with this brother has lead me to rethinking my quit and my relationship with my fellow quiters. My Quit has been strengthened, I believe that my personal integrity can also be strengthened in this process. But just like my fight with my addiction my fight with being who I really am or want to be doesn't come automatic it must be worked on. Thank You Bro.

It's always good to do some self reflection and attempt to make improvements. Having low morals and lacking integrity are the last words I would use describing your posting style.

It is true some members go overboard with their posts attacking people. It's just a pack mentality that some people feel gives them carte blanche to act poorly.

That doesn't apply to you. I have always thought your posts are well thought out and give good insight. Keep it up IMO 'Popcorn'

[Notdeadyet]

INTEGRITY
The past couple of days I've been reflecting upon the journey that I've been on. I had a conversation with a quit brother in chat the other day that lead to several pm's and some really deep thought for me. We had discussed integrity. I told him that I thought that I had integrity in most every aspect of my life but the ninja dipping that I had been involved in for nearly 40 yrs. Upon reflection I started questioning myself, was that statement really true? What is integrity?

in·teg·ri·ty/inˈtegritç/Noun:
1.The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
2.The state of being whole and undivided: "territorial integrity".

Another definition that I like for integrity is what you do when no one is looking (or you don't think they are looking) In my reflecting on this journey I've read back in my intro and alot of the personal messages I've sent and recieved. Some of the things that I have said, (even if for shock value) are not things that meet up to my moral principles. Thus I've determined that I don't have near the integrity that I thought I had.
This conversation with this brother has lead me to rethinking my quit and my relationship with my fellow quiters. My Quit has been strengthened, I believe that my personal integrity can also be strengthened in this process. But just like my fight with my addiction my fight with being who I really am or want to be doesn't come automatic it must be worked on. Thank You Bro.

Its okay to be human. While you may have not been perfect in your words, I have a feeling that your heart has always been in the right place.