Long time coming...

[traumagnet]

one last time before i log out (hopefully not for the last time)

Ive lied to my brothers and sisters.
Ive broken board guidelines that I didnt have the foresight to read.
Ive dug myself so deep ill probably never climb out
Ive been banned from chat for 3 days.
I might be banned from site permanently.
I have an addiction.
I am an addict.
I am weak.
I am a pussy.
I am sorry.
One day I will right my wrongs. Today was not that day.
I am sorry.
As of the time of writing this I am quit.
Goodnight brothers and sisters.

Well Dave, 2m spent a great deal of time with you the other night to no avail.

What happened, why did it happen and what are you going to do differently?

And no, I don't believe you.

Dave, i'm glad to see you were man enough to get back here. You swung and missed.

Quitting comes from deep brother. Those major craves will come and each one you beat back will make you stronger for the next one.

We got people on this sight losing wifes, jobs, sanity and god know what else while they are quitting. You are no different. Quitting sucks for everyone.

Three great intros to dig into would be kc guy, erussell, and diesel. You NEED to see how to quit and WHAT you can overcome while your quitting, Those are just three. There are many just like those.

Start reading and learning everything you can about your enemy. The poison does not play. It will come for you again. Knowledge is power. Get back to quitting. Failure is not an option.

Dude I am not sure what you did in your short time here to be banned from chat already....but in a quick view of your intro thread it sounds to me like you don't want it very bad. Sounds more like you want people to feel sorry for you your little addict brain is spouting off feel sorry for me phrases left and right.

It also looks like you came here to take I don't see much give out of you. You came here instead of thinking of OUR home as a safe haven for you, you came here and took. You show no gratitude for any of the people that have reached out to you.

looks like you spent more time trying to figure out how to put quotes in your signature line than into this quit. Quotes are nothing if you don't adhere to them. If you don't use them for inspiration in tough times you might as well not type them at all they are empty. Spend more time listening, learning and read read read... that's where time is best spent.

I suggest you read back over your own thread key in on what Diesel told you early on. You don't want it very bad is what he told you. He like others saw it coming tried to intervene but you didn't take heed to the warnings.

So what are going to do different this time?

[traumagnet]

Dude I am not sure what you did in your short time here to be banned from chat already....but in a quick view of your intro thread it sounds to me like you don't want it very bad. Sounds more like you want people to feel sorry for you your little addict brain is spouting off feel sorry for me phrases left and right.

It also looks like you came here to take I don't see much give out of you. You came here instead of thinking of OUR home as a safe haven for you, you came here and took. You show no gratitude for any of the people that have reached out to you.

looks like you spent more time trying to figure out how to put quotes in your signature line than into this quit. Quotes are nothing if you don't adhere to them. If you don't use them for inspiration in tough times you might as well not type them at all they are empty. Spend more time listening, learning and read read read... that's where time is best spent.

I suggest you read back over your own thread key in on what Diesel told you early on. You don't want it very bad is wha

[srans]

one last time before i log out (hopefully not for the last time)

Ive lied to my brothers and sisters.
Ive broken board guidelines that I didnt have the foresight to read.
Ive dug myself so deep ill probably never climb out
Ive been banned from chat for 3 days.
I might be banned from site permanently.
I have an addiction.
I am an addict.
I am weak.
I am a pussy.
I am sorry.
One day I will right my wrongs. Today was not that day.
I am sorry.
As of the time of writing this I am quit.
Goodnight brothers and sisters.

Well Dave, 2m spent a great deal of time with you the other night to no avail.

What happened, why did it happen and what are you going to do differently?

And no, I don't believe you.

Dave, i'm glad to see you were man enough to get back here. You swung and missed.

Quitting comes from deep brother. Those major craves will come and each one you beat back will make you stronger for the next one.

We got people on this sight losing wifes, jobs, sanity and god know what else while they are quitting. You are no different. Quitting sucks for everyone.

Three great intros to dig into would be kc guy, erussell, and diesel. You NEED to see how to quit and WHAT you can overcome while your quitting, Those are just three. There are many just like those.

Start reading and learning everything you can about your enemy. The poison does not play. It will come for you again. Knowledge is power. Get back to quitting. Failure is not an option.

[Mjollnir]

one last time before i log out (hopefully not for the last time)

Ive lied to my brothers and sisters.
Ive broken board guidelines that I didnt have the foresight to read.
Ive dug myself so deep ill probably never climb out
Ive been banned from chat for 3 days.
I might be banned from site permanently.
I have an addiction.
I am an addict.
I am weak.
I am a pussy.
I am sorry.
One day I will right my wrongs. Today was not that day.
I am sorry.
As of the time of writing this I am quit.
Goodnight brothers and sisters.

Well Dave, 2m spent a great deal of time with you the other night to no avail.

What happened, why did it happen and what are you going to do differently?

And no, I don't believe you.

[DippinDave911]

one last time before i log out (hopefully not for the last time)

Ive lied to my brothers and sisters.
Ive broken board guidelines that I didnt have the foresight to read.
Ive dug myself so deep ill probably never climb out
Ive been banned from chat for 3 days.
I might be banned from site permanently.
I have an addiction.
I am an addict.
I am weak.
I am a pussy.
I am sorry.
One day I will right my wrongs. Today was not that day.
I am sorry.
As of the time of writing this I am quit.
Goodnight brothers and sisters.

[DippinDave911]

Moving on...


Thought I'd add some Words of Wisdom but guess I cant post in that section so ill just throw in here. wooo.

You Wont Cave If You Dont Crave.

When I lost control and caved, I was in the midst of a serious craving. It got to the point where I couldnt control it. After the dust settled I did some research (mostly just sat down and seriously pondered on it) to prevent myself from letting this happen again. I found some pretty straightforward ideas to help beat back your cravings. Maybe it can also help you.

1. Take a nap. It seems so simple because it is. I know sleep seems to evade us but think of it like this. You cant dip when your asleep. And if you want to scare that craving away, think of it like THIS

2. Click here and scroll all the way to the bottom. Use the tracking calculator to find out how much money you've already saved. Then think about how much more you're going to save by staying quit.

3. Take your ol lady (or man) out for dinner. Should be able to afford it with all the money you've saved since you quit. Yes, even I have the decency not to throw a dip in when im out for dinner.

4. Learn to play an instrument. I might suggest harmonica, flute, trombone, trumpet. Good luck packing a lip and playing these.

5. Go back to the KTC Homepage and educate yourself through the Facts  Figures links. If you only research one of the links make sure its THIS ONE!

Theres tons of other ways im sure, but this should provide a good starter.

(apologies if there is already a post of this nature. Im not searching the thousands of posts on this site to find it if there is one)

One Day At A Time....

[Roamcountry]

So what are you going to do differently now? What is your quit plan? I didnt see anything addressing that.....

Im going to ignore the Bitch. Im going to make use of my contacts. Thats what I have them for. Im going to educate myself more. Im not going to look back. only forward.

Ignore? 'finger point' You can't just ignore the bitch. She lies in wait for you to be weak just one more time. Know that she is there in the shadows at all times. Keep her in check. Get involved with your group. Get active and stay active. That is how you keep her in check. When she rears her head, reach down, rip out her vagina and stomp on it!! It aint as soft and sweet like she tells you....like you just learned. Dont learn it again.

[DippinDave911]

sweet and now im sneaky. you guys are clearly too smart for me. sorry yet again. FUCK! goodnight....I quit.

[jbradley]

just because it needs to be seen again

BirdÂ’s Top Ten
1 Quit for you.  This decision to abstain from ANY and ALL NICOTINE is not based on fear or for anyone else. 
2.  Post roll every damn day.  Affirm daily to yourself and to the brotherhood your decision to protect your quit and theirs.
3.  Keep you word.  Sounds simple until everything hits the fan at once. If you can’t look yourself in the mirror honestly then you are a weak link.
4. Hold your brothers accountable to posting and protecting their quit  This will require open lines of communication.
5.  Have a sense of humor.  Life is serious enough and quitting sucks.  We did this to ourselves so own your quit. 
6. Special butterflies need not apply regardless of your life story or circumstances.  Your finger print is the only unique thing about you.  Follow the time tested precepts.  You are not God’s gift to “quit” and KTC isn’t broken nor DOES IT NEED FIXING OR REINVENTING!
7.  Take what you can and leave the rest.  It’s called life – roll with the good and bad.
8.  Protect your quit daily and if you have extra energy help a brother out.  (old or new, we all need encouragement sometimes)  the pay it backward and forward principle.  Note help may include a boot in the ass every now and then or a 2x4 upside a thick foggy skull
9.  No cure, pill or silver bullet to erase our history of nicotine abuse.
10.  Wake up and repeat

I didn't write this but it seems appropriate Thank you cbird

[DippinDave911]

So what are you going to do differently now? What is your quit plan? I didnt see anything addressing that.....

Im going to ignore the Bitch. Im going to make use of my contacts. Thats what I have them for. Im going to educate myself more. Im not going to look back. only forward.

[Roamcountry]

All fucking day I have been hearing your name. Wtf is this shit? You had the tools. The tools reached out. A lot of people were looking for you. Why did you not respond? And now you come in at night with this?? Please explain why you rejected and ignored your brothers.

Because I was ashamed. I couldnt get the guilt off my shoulders. All you guys were trying to do was help. You all gave it your best and I spit on it. (pun not intended). So I sat and stewed in it all day. I dealt with it. Its sucks that it happened and I am sorry for it. But I cant change it.

So what are you going to do differently now? What is your quit plan? I didnt see anything addressing that.....

[DippinDave911]

All fucking day I have been hearing your name. Wtf is this shit? You had the tools. The tools reached out. A lot of people were looking for you. Why did you not respond? And now you come in at night with this?? Please explain why you rejected and ignored your brothers.

Because I was ashamed. I couldnt get the guilt off my shoulders. All you guys were trying to do was help. You all gave it your best and I spit on it. (pun not intended). So I sat and stewed in it all day. I dealt with it. Its sucks that it happened and I am sorry for it. But I cant change it.

[DippinDave911]

I don't know whether to applaud this or scoff at it. I reached out all day to you bro.

You know what to do.
You... KNOW what to do!

Do it.
I'll quit with you.

I know you did. As did everyone else. Im not looking to put on a jolly good show for everyone. I wronged you. I wronged everyone here myself included. Ive never felt this guilty before. I just wanted to apologize and honestly, typing all that out has really strengthened my own resolve. You can all say its for attention. Fine. To each his own. Im sorry this ever happened. Ignoring a problem doesnt help it right? Well ignoring the fact that I betrayed everyone who sought to help me doesnt accomplish much either. I want you all to know that you tried like hell. Im just a pussy. I have to live with that. I dont have to live with dip though. And I dont want to. Im sorry, just take it with a grain of salt and move on.

[Roamcountry]

Where to begin?

Last night (July 31, 2013) was a complete fucking disaster. I fucked up.

With this chew I enslave myself
to a lifetime of addiction.
While I canÂ’t promise to always love you,
I do promise to obey every craving and
support my addiction to you
no matter how expensive you become.
I will let no husband or wife,
no family member or friend,
no doctor or any other health professional,
no employer or government policy,
no stench, no sore tongue or gums,
no cancer or heart attack or stroke,
no threat of loss of life or limbs,
come between us.

I will chew you forever
from this day forth,
for better or worse,
whether richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part!


I give up my quit. Quitting is impossible and I cannot do it. I love dipping more than I love myself. I care about dipping more than I care about my personal health. I love dipping more than I love my family. I know this addiction will kill me, and I ACCEPT that fact. I enjoy spending time alone with my can more than I enjoy spending time with anyone else on the planet. I look forward to losing my jaw, my tongue, my throat, my life - it's worth it. When I am lying in my hospital bed fighting a losing battle against cancer I will feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that this is the path I CHOSE. My only regret will be that I didn't start dipping earlier in life. I will feel sorrow for my familyÂ’s heartbreak and suffer untold pain, but I know you must sacrifice for the things you truly love.

I know ALL the consequences of my actions and I accept them fully and without regret. I hereby choose to give my life to this addiction - I do so with a smile on face.

Signature: __DippinDave911___
Date: ___07/31/2013____

I had a rough night. I convinced myself that I would quit quitting. I regret not having this in my wallet. This isnt about regrets though.

______________________________________________________________

I was exhausted. The bitch came to me in my delusional thoughts. She begged me to come back to her. She promised she could make everything better. She could put everything back where it goes. All I had to do was dip one more time. One dip, and I could have my life back. Im weak. I let her in. Im a pussy. I couldnt say no to her.

I bought a can. I knew it was wrong, but I wanted it. She wanted it. And I made it so. I brought the can home. I set the can beside me and loaded up live chat. I needed help. I wanted help. But it was already to late. My Her mind was already made up. She broke me. I would cave. She would humiliate me in front of my brothers and sisters. She used me. Like she has for the past 7 years. She told my brothers and sisters what they wanted to hear. Tell them off. Appease them. She had already won.

I lied to you all. I lied on top of lies. I knew I was going to dip. I sat reading while you all thought I was flushing my poison. One of you saw through the ruse, but others still talked you out of the idea. Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies, LIES! I LIED TO YOU ALL!

I left chat. I stuck around the site a little longer. I looked at everything. Cancer pictures. Read stories of life and of death. Tried imagining myself looking like a ghoul or zombie. Tried to get this bitch out of my head. Tried. There is no trying. Only doing. I DID nothing. I accepted the bitch with open arms.

I fingered the can of poison for a while. Rolled it around in my hands. Weighed it against what I knew was the right thing to do. I thought about what I was about to do. About why I was going to do it. She convinced me everything was fine. This was the right thing to do. My life would be better. She said I would sleep. She said I would feel better physically. Emotionally. She promised me.

I broke the seal. I popped the lid. I went knuckle deep. I pinched. I felt a rush of pure ecstasy. Something I hadnt felt for years, even while active. I felt alive. I felt...guilt.

I betrayed myself. I betrayed you. My brothers and sisters in this fight. I had caved, after only five days. Five days. Five weeks. Five months. Five years. One day without this poison is truly freedom. And I caved. I am a pussy. I am weak.

And She lied to me. She said I would sleep. I stayed awake all night staring at roll call. My name wasnt on the list. It couldnt be on the list. I was weak. I caved. Cavers dont get to be on the list. My body ached. My head was pounding. She said everything would be fine, but She lied to me. Like she has been for the past 7 years. And I believed her.

I lied to you all. I made friends under false pretenses. You would all go to hell and back for me. You all opened your hearts to me. You answered my cry for help. And I shit on you. I lied to you. I probably lost a trust that I will never regain in my lifetime. I called you brother. I called you sister. You were my friends. I do not hold any hopes that any of you will ever talk to me again. I have lost my support. And it is no ones fault but my own.

I want to apologize to each and every one of you. I am sorry that I lied to you. I am sorry that I am weak. I am sorry that I am a pussy. I am sorry for wasting your time. I am sorry.

Im not asking for forgiveness. Im not asking for reassurance. Yell at me. Call me names. Hate me. I am a traitor. I am weak and I allowed the Bitch to control me. Give it to me. Dont hold back. Come on, make me feel weaker. Insignificant. Make me just a number. Make me feel more guilty than I already do. PISS ME OFF!

One day at a time.

Im not going to try this time. Im not going to hope this time. No. This time im going to DO.

One day at a time this Bitch is going to have less and less of a grasp on me.

One day at a time I am going to fight to earn back the trust that was shattered by a moment of weakness.

One day at a time I am going to thank each and every one of you for believing in me.

One day at a time I am going to kick this addiction.

One day at a time I am going to pay it forward. All I've known for the past 7 years is take, take and more take. You have all helped me when I needed it. I am going to pay it forward, making myself stronger in the process.

One day at a time.

I may be a pussy. I may be weak. I may be an asshole. I may be a liar. I may be an addict. I may be lots of things. I am lots of things. But I am also a quitter.

I am a quitter. And I intend to stay quit. The past is behind me. I can only move on from here. I cannot and will not look back. What happened in the past is just that. The past. I am looking forward. To a bright, poison free future. Standing proud next to my brothers and sisters. I like what I see. I am proud. I want that.

One day at a time. I am quit.

All fucking day I have been hearing your name. Wtf is this shit? You had the tools. The tools reached out. A lot of people were looking for you. Why did you not respond? And now you come in at night with this?? Please explain why you rejected and ignored your brothers.

[AppleJack]

I don't know whether to applaud this or scoff at it. I reached out all day to you bro.

You know what to do.
You... KNOW what to do!

Do it.
I'll quit with you.