Hidden habit

[ankape]

Congrats girl on the big 80.  I like how those numbers look for some reason.  You are killing this.

@EXBEARHAG thank you! Your words were well-timed today!

Nice 0 today! Glad to see you reaching out across the boards. This place works so much better when more people get involved. You're doing great! PTQWYT

Thank you @Bug Guy i enjoy chasing you around the hallways   

[Bug Guy]

Congrats girl on the big 80.  I like how those numbers look for some reason.  You are killing this.

@EXBEARHAG thank you! Your words were well-timed today!

Nice 0 today! Glad to see you reaching out across the boards. This place works so much better when more people get involved. You're doing great! PTQWYT

[ankape]

Congrats girl on the big 80.  I like how those numbers look for some reason.  You are killing this.

@EXBEARHAG thank you! Your words were well-timed today!

[EXBEARHAG]

Congrats girl on the big 80.  I like how those numbers look for some reason.  You are killing this. 

[ankape]

Ankape, I appreciate you. Thank you for documenting your walk through this addiction thing. These are not new words, but no less valid - Reading your saga has made my quit stronger, Thanks. Seeing the quit through your eyes helps me see clearer, Thanks. Olcpo

@olcpo thank you for your kind words! I read all of your entries and I enjoy your attitude, dedication and consistency. Keep kickin ass!

[olcpo]

Ankape, I appreciate you. Thank you for documenting your walk through this addiction thing. These are not new words, but no less valid - Reading your saga has made my quit stronger, Thanks. Seeing the quit through your eyes helps me see clearer, Thanks. Olcpo

[EXBEARHAG]

Day 63
   I noticed an ironic parallel between KTC and my time working as a wildland firefighter. I was one of two females on a 20 “man” crew. It’s funny that what dug my addiction in is so similar to what’s digging me out. This seems to be a sort of family, strangely similar to the fire family.
      The first time I threw on a 90lb pack, grabbed a Pulaski, got in line and headed up the hill, it SUCKED! Yes, critical week...was “the suck”. The sup’s were yelling at us rookies to close the gap. Keep up. Keep going no matter what. One foot in front of the other. It initially broke me down and made me question if I could really do it. The excuses rolled in. Then I decided to get tougher. Then it got better. Then there were times it felt easy. When there were no fires, I learned it was the time to sharpen tools, dial in the saws, oil my boots. Be READY ‘cause the next one’s coming. Cache days are like the daily promise. Take care of your resources and they’ll take care of you. WUPP EDD. If a brother/sister is being careless, you don’t just turn your head. What if you could save their life? Would you?
      I lost a precious friend to a tree that fell near the fireline one summer. A group of us still hike to that spot every summer we can. Freak accident, could’ve been any of us.
       “Keep one foot in the black” reminds me to remember where that area is that’s already burned. Stay close to that safety, but don’t get comfortable. Keep digging. Keep working. Keep your head on a swivel. If that fire jumps your line, you’re back where you started, or worse.

I think you're right ankape.  KTC is similar to the paramilitary organizations of the fire service, among others.  The military has it right.  When one is charged with a critical task, the organization should supply structure, camaraderie, and resources and the individual is ALWAYS held accountable for their role in the mission. 

This is a time proven system and KTC was wise, IMO, to adopt this structure when it was created.  IT WORKS!!

Hold the line girl.  I'd work on your crew any day.

PTBQWYT my friend.

[ankape]

Day 63
   I noticed an ironic parallel between KTC and my time working as a wildland firefighter. I was one of two females on a 20 “man” crew. It’s funny that what dug my addiction in is so similar to what’s digging me out. This seems to be a sort of family, strangely similar to the fire family.
      The first time I threw on a 90lb pack, grabbed a Pulaski, got in line and headed up the hill, it SUCKED! Yes, critical week...was “the suck”. The sup’s were yelling at us rookies to close the gap. Keep up. Keep going no matter what. One foot in front of the other. It initially broke me down and made me question if I could really do it. The excuses rolled in. Then I decided to get tougher. Then it got better. Then there were times it felt easy. When there were no fires, I learned it was the time to sharpen tools, dial in the saws, oil my boots. Be READY ‘cause the next one’s coming. Cache days are like the daily promise. Take care of your resources and they’ll take care of you. WUPP EDD. If a brother/sister is being careless, you don’t just turn your head. What if you could save their life? Would you?
      I lost a precious friend to a tree that fell near the fireline one summer. A group of us still hike to that spot every summer we can. Freak accident, could’ve been any of us.
       “Keep one foot in the black” reminds me to remember where that area is that’s already burned. Stay close to that safety, but don’t get comfortable. Keep digging. Keep working. Keep your head on a swivel. If that fire jumps your line, you’re back where you started, or worse.

[EXBEARHAG]

Congrats on the zero ankape.  You are killing this MOFO.  Hold the line girl.

PTBQWYT my friend.

~HAG

[SixString]

Day 55
   Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.

1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha

I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks.  Feel for him but it's a great reminder.  Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.

I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT

I thought so many times, it is amazing to view the addict behavior from the other side. Absolutely amazing. Revel in it when you can. It's a gift, a perspective only the quitter has; those who use and those who have never used just don't have the same viewpoint.

I hate that using nicotine is as common as drinking water or sleeping. I ask all the people I know who still use, why they still do it. You would think the answer would be because of stress or it helps them relax.. but it's because they dont believe they can ever stop. It's too addicting they say... crazy. You are right life with nicotine is not better. If anything it numbed us from being actual humans. Which explains why are emotions are all cuckoo. Instead of learning how to deal with life we just numbed it. That in itself is a great reason why we should never use again. How do we learn from experiences if we dont even feel anything?
You are doing an amazing job. If theres anyone I know who has what it takes to stay quit it's you. Keep kicking ass @ankape

[Athan]

Day 55
   Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.

1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha

I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks.  Feel for him but it's a great reminder.  Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.

I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT

I thought so many times, it is amazing to view the addict behavior from the other side. Absolutely amazing. Revel in it when you can. It's a gift, a perspective only the quitter has; those who use and those who have never used just don't have the same viewpoint.

[FLLipOut]

Day 55
   Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.

1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha

I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks.  Feel for him but it's a great reminder.  Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.

I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT

My SigO still smokes.  So every day I still see how miserable it is to be addicted to this poison.  Especially when we travel or go to the theater or something similar - it is such a pain having to work around his getting his fix.  Now that we are clean, we see so clearly what slaves nicotine made of us.  I think nicotine must somehow dulls our ability to see it for what it is.

You are doing so great - and trust us, things just keep getting better and better from here!

[ankape]

Day 55
   Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.

1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha

I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks.  Feel for him but it's a great reminder.  Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.

I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT

[Athan]

Day 55
   Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.

1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha

I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks.  Feel for him but it's a great reminder.  Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.

[ankape]

Day 55
   Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.

1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha