If you're posting "+1" as your day count just to be a dick... you're a dick.
What are you proving?
Why wouldn't you be PROUD of your days quit?
I don't get it.
Chewie ~ 3,714 and proud as FUCK of those digits. I've fought for every single one of em.
This is an interesting post. We were just discussing the issues with posting a +1 in my group. Many members here post a +1. Why is it frowned upon? Why are some allowed and some belittled for posting it? I don't believe that anyone would post +1 just to be a dick. I believe that yesterday is the past and I'm focusing on today. my days quit are not a status symbol, but something for me to hold close. I shouldn't be judged on my days quit, Just that I am quit.
Should we judge you if you post every other day? How about if you cave? I mean, if all that matters is that "you're quit."
No. We have conventions that work. Post roll. Early. Every day. Honor that promise (don't cave). And one that I've always thought was inviolate was posting how many days you're quit. So, you know, we can see how far we've come, celebrate milestones, etc. My 627 matters to me.
walker - I'll try to answer your questions as best I can. Please note I'm answering these as a single quitter... not speaking for anyone else.
- Many members here post a +1. Why is it frowned upon?
I personally think posting a +1 sucks. While we are all about "today" when you post +1 it suggests that anything before today is irrelevant. I couldn't disagree more. As I said before, all of those days, the good and the bad, brought me to where I am... today. They are the building blocks of today. Without them I'd just have today, which would most likely be day 1. - Why are some allowed and some belittled for posting it?
In general we don't like rules around here... never have. Sure, we don't have a "rule" against posting a +1 but it has been as far as I can remember a generally accepted practice. We don't have a "rule" against caving either. It's my personal opinion that everyone whether they're on day 1, 100, 1,000 or beyond should post their days quit. My two cents. - I don't believe that anyone would post +1 just to be a dick.
I'd completely disagree. There have been folks here in the past, many in fact, that do things including posting a +1 just to be a dick. Happens every day in fact. - I believe that yesterday is the past and I'm focusing on today.
As you should. But as I said before, in my opinion, posting a +1 belittles all of those days previous. - my days quit are not a status symbol, but something for me to hold close.
If they're something you hold dear, why wouldn't you post them? Why not be proud of your successes? I'd agree, your days quit AREN'T a status symbol, but they are successes. Each and every one. - I shouldn't be judged on my days quit, Just that I am quit.
Well, maybe. If you cave tonight and quit tomorrow, you're quit tomorrow. Should I pat you on the back and give you an "atta boy" because you're quit on that day? Or should I light you up and run your ass over the coals because you failed? Theoretically, you could post +1 every... single... day... and cave... every... single... night... and not be "lying" on roll. After all, you could still say that you're "quit" for that day.
No thanks.
I'll keep posting my days quit.
Chewie
Awesome post except for the last bit. The website is about trust. If you can't trust my roll post, it doesn't matter what it says.
One could very well lie with numbers or with a +1.
Thanks for your insight. I believe that it's good for others to read as well.
*Posted the following as a response to the referenced conversation in the August group*
Walker, no one wants you to fail. I'm happy for anyone who can get quit and stay quit, regardless of how they do it - after all that is the overarching goal of this community. I also appreciate you compromising and posting support below the line.
That being said, there are valid reasons for the "imaginary lines" and seemingly arbitrary rules that get people all worked up.
1. There are many methods of quitting that can be successful, but KTC is the one that the people here chose and has proven successful. We're all here voluntarily, no one forced me to sign up for this and no one will show up at my house if I don't sign in tomorrow (although Fish has threatened to torch everything I love with a flamethrower if I cave). We have all individually decided that we get enough value out of this place to keep showing up. Even if there are things that we don't like or rules that we disagree with, they are outweighed by the benefit of showing up. Ultimately, playing by those rules keep access to the greater resource open.
2. Structure is important to the quit. Addicts require a rigid structure. When we were actively using, we would sneak, lie and take advantage of any angle possible to support our addiction. An addict brain will take advantage of any wiggle room or inconstancy in a system to justify a cave. Maybe a rule (like +1) seems arbitrary, but the point is that it is still a rule. If that rule were ignored or inconsistently enforced, there would be those of us who would see that and say "well if that rule is BS, then maybe the rest are." That kind of thinking is a slippery slope and leads directly back to the can.
3. These rules are not actually arbitrary. Even if they seem difficult to defend, nothing came about here by accident. The culture here has evolved and developed over many years and is based entirely on the practical success and failures of real-life people. Seemingly big or small, all of the rules here have a practical precedent. Some rules, like posting roll daily, are foundational to the program. If you can't make the daily promise, you aren't part of the community here.
4. The value of the community is far more important than any individual member. I'm neither a commie or a Vulcan, but in this situation the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. This site has a large and diverse member base. No single structure will be best for every single person, but the existing structure has proven effective for the vast majority. Sometimes people don't find a fit here, but that doesn't mean that there is a need to turn the ship around. THIS works for US and if you don't like it, then let's talk about something else, because we sure as hell aren't talking about changing things for you.
5. Breaking the rules sets a bad example to people who might really need them to stay quit. There are those who are able to quit without this site, but many of us aren't. By starting arguments, flouting the rules and acting as a general distraction, one might distract a new (or even a vet) quitter who really needs this place. That's just not ok. People come here for help. We ask them to buy into the system and follow the rules. If they do, they will be quit. Deviation from that opens the door to failure. Of course there are other ways to quit, and probably better ways for some, but the message to those who show up here needs to be consistent and needs to be unyielding.
I'm not asking you to leave and I'm certainly not rooting against you. I'm not offended by your semi-regular status update and I'd be happy to offer whatever support/ advice that I can, if you need it. I will insist though, that you be mindful when you wear your boots in someone else's living room.
