General Discussion - 2016

[tlcollins13]

I've gotten further than I would have expected so far, but am having trouble finding fake snuff. I'm in Asheville, NC. I got some Bacc-Off Straight that is ok, but losing its effectiveness. That was the only thing I've found besides Smokey Mtn Wintergreen. That won't do me any good, since wintergreen always made me sick. I'm going to check out the tobacco and smoke shops, but don't have much free time to hunt this stuff down. I was going to order some online, but would rather be able to walk in a store instead of waiting. I think this will make or break the quit for me. Also, today was my first nicotine free shift at work. I'm having a lot of the mental fog, and it's keeping me from getting in the zone. I am used to being able to throw in a chew to focus, and it's not happening without it. I'm assuming this will get better.

Any help is appreciated, and let me know if I can help any of ya'll.

[bicycleptic]

Hello, new here my name is Bryan. I have attempted to quit several times in the past. I initially came here looking for advice on how to quit and what works. Tried sunflower seeds, failed. Tried non-nicotine chew, failed. I finally decided I have to just go cold turkey. I have now not chewed since Friday morning. The only severe craving I have faced so far is when I stop at the store. I want so bad to ask for a can of Skoal. Instead I satisfy the craving by buying a pack of gum.

It is no longer just a health issue or because chewing is disgusting. I could get fired from my job for chewing. Every year now we are required to do a health screening. One of the questions on the screening is do you chew or smoke tobacco? I have always marked no. As of this year anyone who marked yes on that question must pay $100 more per month for insurance. Anyone who is caught using tobacco that marked no can be terminated for lying to the company. So not only do I want to quit but I have to quit.

[Drewdrew]

Hello. I'm a wife of a dipper and I need advice. I honestly don't want to be a nag. BUT I honestly cannot live in a home where tobacco is being used in it. For lots of reasons.
Given:
1. When my husband  started dating 8 years ago and was smoking, I made it very clear that dipping was not ok with me.
2. I tolerated the smoking because he said he wanted to quit and tried to.
3. He NEVER smoked in the house -- he did not think it was appropriate either.
4. When he quit smoking, he started dipping.
5. When I noticed he started dipping in the house {I'm the one who spends hours cleaning it and can tell when it becomes a "dip-tray." (it's like living in an ash tray)} I said I'm not ok with that. He said ok.
6. My husband has said on more than one occasion "I am dependent. I need and want to quit. Please get on me about that, but not like you normally do".
7. Unsurprisingly, he continues to dip in the house.
8. For his Christmas gift, he spent hundreds of dollars (that we really didn't need to be spending) on a riffle  a hunting gun. I asked for a tobacco free house. He said he'd think about it. Doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep. We visited family for 2 weeks (where he did not dip inside). We came home. He dipped inside. A LOT.
9. I wake up to find him dipping in the middle of the night. I tell him: look, when you dip in the house, it's like you're cheating on me.
10. The next day, he dips in the house twice.

Trust me, I get that he's addicted  hiding it from me is part of the fun.
BUT I did not sign up for living in a house with tobacco. To me, that is unacceptable. Just like it would be unacceptable for him to live in a filthy house that doesn't get cleaned every week or so.
I'm very, very serious about this. To the point where I've found a therapist to help me make sure I'm being fair to him and myself.
I know I can't make him quit or be his reason to quit. But one day, in the near future, he's going to have to choose: dip is in the house or I am. He can't have both.

Do I tell him this ultimatum? Or do I gently encourage him to come to the forum  remind him that he has gone with out dipping in the house  all sorts of other positive things.

Thanks,
TheWife who is about done waiting.

To TheWife:

This is my opinion, and my opinion only:

I think you have made some very valid points. You understand that your husband is an addict, and that this is not "easy" for him. At the same time, it is easy for me to see this is a "hot button" topic for you as well.

I think this is one of those times when you as a spouse have to trust your judgement. If you think you need to give an ultimatum, then give one. In my opinion, his coming here is not going to help unless HE wants to quit. We will support and help anyone, but for us the only end to nicotine is cold turkey quit...one that you do only for yourself.

Quitting has to be for yourself because quitting for others only leads to more heartache. I am a firm believer an addict (which is what your husband is, not "dependent" as he says) will never, ever stick to anything so long as he/she has a way "out". As in "oh she made me do it" or "I did it because of my kids". Those may be great reasons, but they won't keep someone quit. Until an addict first admits that he/she is an addict, and then decides he/she is worth enough (read: gains an understanding of self worth), a quit will never stick.

So, I said all that to say this: do what you think is best. It may be best, if he is willing, to have him go to therapy or counseling to see if there are underlying issues there as well. I have gone in the past, and it has been a major benefit to my current relationship.

I hope all that helps/makes sense!

SGF is right.

Your hubby is an addict plain and simple. He has to WANT to quit. He will not quit for anyone else.

So my suggestion is to see what you can do to help him WANT to quit.
The key is through providing a safe environment for an open and honest talk. One where he feels you genuinely care about him. This may go against everything you feel because you feel betrayed and lied to. But if you take the approach of making it ALL ABOUT HIM, then you might have a chance. If it's about you, how it makes you feel, etc, it wont have much of an impact. If any.

Do you have kids? If you do...then you know there is no greater love. You would do far more for your children then you would for your spouse...or even for yourself. I'm telling you that even when kids approach their smoking or dipping parent to quit, it does not help. Maybe for a little bit..hours...days..weeks maybe. But then it's back to using. Doesn't matter how many tears are involved, or how sad the child's eyes are.

So with an approach that this is about him, then you might have a chance. The trick is to provide a SAFE environment that fosters honesty and openness. Keep in mind, the talks may start out with lies and self protection at first. The worst thing you can do is get mad. That will just push him away emotionally and put himself in defense mode.

Here's a link that can help. Persuading somebody to quit

Won't quit til he wants to, plain and simple. I dipped within an hour of oral surgery. It hurt like hell. I wanted to dip despite the pain. I have no advice, make him want it

[Cornholio]

Hello. I'm a wife of a dipper and I need advice. I honestly don't want to be a nag. BUT I honestly cannot live in a home where tobacco is being used in it. For lots of reasons.
Given:
1. When my husband  started dating 8 years ago and was smoking, I made it very clear that dipping was not ok with me.
2. I tolerated the smoking because he said he wanted to quit and tried to.
3. He NEVER smoked in the house -- he did not think it was appropriate either.
4. When he quit smoking, he started dipping.
5. When I noticed he started dipping in the house {I'm the one who spends hours cleaning it and can tell when it becomes a "dip-tray." (it's like living in an ash tray)} I said I'm not ok with that. He said ok.
6. My husband has said on more than one occasion "I am dependent. I need and want to quit. Please get on me about that, but not like you normally do".
7. Unsurprisingly, he continues to dip in the house.
8. For his Christmas gift, he spent hundreds of dollars (that we really didn't need to be spending) on a riffle  a hunting gun. I asked for a tobacco free house. He said he'd think about it. Doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep. We visited family for 2 weeks (where he did not dip inside). We came home. He dipped inside. A LOT.
9. I wake up to find him dipping in the middle of the night. I tell him: look, when you dip in the house, it's like you're cheating on me.
10. The next day, he dips in the house twice.

Trust me, I get that he's addicted  hiding it from me is part of the fun.
BUT I did not sign up for living in a house with tobacco. To me, that is unacceptable. Just like it would be unacceptable for him to live in a filthy house that doesn't get cleaned every week or so.
I'm very, very serious about this. To the point where I've found a therapist to help me make sure I'm being fair to him and myself.
I know I can't make him quit or be his reason to quit. But one day, in the near future, he's going to have to choose: dip is in the house or I am. He can't have both.

Do I tell him this ultimatum? Or do I gently encourage him to come to the forum  remind him that he has gone with out dipping in the house  all sorts of other positive things.

Thanks,
TheWife who is about done waiting.

To TheWife:

This is my opinion, and my opinion only:

I think you have made some very valid points. You understand that your husband is an addict, and that this is not "easy" for him. At the same time, it is easy for me to see this is a "hot button" topic for you as well.

I think this is one of those times when you as a spouse have to trust your judgement. If you think you need to give an ultimatum, then give one. In my opinion, his coming here is not going to help unless HE wants to quit. We will support and help anyone, but for us the only end to nicotine is cold turkey quit...one that you do only for yourself.

Quitting has to be for yourself because quitting for others only leads to more heartache. I am a firm believer an addict (which is what your husband is, not "dependent" as he says) will never, ever stick to anything so long as he/she has a way "out". As in "oh she made me do it" or "I did it because of my kids". Those may be great reasons, but they won't keep someone quit. Until an addict first admits that he/she is an addict, and then decides he/she is worth enough (read: gains an understanding of self worth), a quit will never stick.

So, I said all that to say this: do what you think is best. It may be best, if he is willing, to have him go to therapy or counseling to see if there are underlying issues there as well. I have gone in the past, and it has been a major benefit to my current relationship.

I hope all that helps/makes sense!

SGF is right.

Your hubby is an addict plain and simple. He has to WANT to quit. He will not quit for anyone else.

So my suggestion is to see what you can do to help him WANT to quit.
The key is through providing a safe environment for an open and honest talk. One where he feels you genuinely care about him. This may go against everything you feel because you feel betrayed and lied to. But if you take the approach of making it ALL ABOUT HIM, then you might have a chance. If it's about you, how it makes you feel, etc, it wont have much of an impact. If any.

Do you have kids? If you do...then you know there is no greater love. You would do far more for your children then you would for your spouse...or even for yourself. I'm telling you that even when kids approach their smoking or dipping parent to quit, it does not help. Maybe for a little bit..hours...days..weeks maybe. But then it's back to using. Doesn't matter how many tears are involved, or how sad the child's eyes are.

So with an approach that this is about him, then you might have a chance. The trick is to provide a SAFE environment that fosters honesty and openness. Keep in mind, the talks may start out with lies and self protection at first. The worst thing you can do is get mad. That will just push him away emotionally and put himself in defense mode.

Here's a link that can help. Persuading somebody to quit

[southgafarmer]

Hello. I'm a wife of a dipper and I need advice. I honestly don't want to be a nag. BUT I honestly cannot live in a home where tobacco is being used in it. For lots of reasons.
Given:
1. When my husband  started dating 8 years ago and was smoking, I made it very clear that dipping was not ok with me.
2. I tolerated the smoking because he said he wanted to quit and tried to.
3. He NEVER smoked in the house -- he did not think it was appropriate either.
4. When he quit smoking, he started dipping.
5. When I noticed he started dipping in the house {I'm the one who spends hours cleaning it and can tell when it becomes a "dip-tray." (it's like living in an ash tray)} I said I'm not ok with that. He said ok.
6. My husband has said on more than one occasion "I am dependent. I need and want to quit. Please get on me about that, but not like you normally do".
7. Unsurprisingly, he continues to dip in the house.
8. For his Christmas gift, he spent hundreds of dollars (that we really didn't need to be spending) on a riffle  a hunting gun. I asked for a tobacco free house. He said he'd think about it. Doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep. We visited family for 2 weeks (where he did not dip inside). We came home. He dipped inside. A LOT.
9. I wake up to find him dipping in the middle of the night. I tell him: look, when you dip in the house, it's like you're cheating on me.
10. The next day, he dips in the house twice.

Trust me, I get that he's addicted  hiding it from me is part of the fun.
BUT I did not sign up for living in a house with tobacco. To me, that is unacceptable. Just like it would be unacceptable for him to live in a filthy house that doesn't get cleaned every week or so.
I'm very, very serious about this. To the point where I've found a therapist to help me make sure I'm being fair to him and myself.
I know I can't make him quit or be his reason to quit. But one day, in the near future, he's going to have to choose: dip is in the house or I am. He can't have both.

Do I tell him this ultimatum? Or do I gently encourage him to come to the forum  remind him that he has gone with out dipping in the house  all sorts of other positive things.

Thanks,
TheWife who is about done waiting.

To TheWife:

This is my opinion, and my opinion only:

I think you have made some very valid points. You understand that your husband is an addict, and that this is not "easy" for him. At the same time, it is easy for me to see this is a "hot button" topic for you as well.

I think this is one of those times when you as a spouse have to trust your judgement. If you think you need to give an ultimatum, then give one. In my opinion, his coming here is not going to help unless HE wants to quit. We will support and help anyone, but for us the only end to nicotine is cold turkey quit...one that you do only for yourself.

Quitting has to be for yourself because quitting for others only leads to more heartache. I am a firm believer an addict (which is what your husband is, not "dependent" as he says) will never, ever stick to anything so long as he/she has a way "out". As in "oh she made me do it" or "I did it because of my kids". Those may be great reasons, but they won't keep someone quit. Until an addict first admits that he/she is an addict, and then decides he/she is worth enough (read: gains an understanding of self worth), a quit will never stick.

So, I said all that to say this: do what you think is best. It may be best, if he is willing, to have him go to therapy or counseling to see if there are underlying issues there as well. I have gone in the past, and it has been a major benefit to my current relationship.

I hope all that helps/makes sense!

[Forgoodthistime]

Hey all

Been dipping for 12 years now. Started just as a helper for the long commute for work...have tried to quit many times over the past several years. Longest I ever made was 3 months. I quit again today and I will be successful this time. I am so glad to have come across this group. I have been married five years next month and have a year old son. My wife doesn't even know I still dip. I want to be free of it to be around for my little boy. Reading some of the posts actually has gotten me choked up knowing I am not alone. No matter how much I try to kick it, I just get sucked back in and find myself at the store. I have kept it hidden from most of those close to me as well, so I can't talk to them about it. It feels like a trap that you feel you have gotten free from just to realize the chain is still wrapped around you. I have a strong faith in God and pray about it often, but I know that this is something that I have brought on myself and need to just stop dipping. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.... So long story short I am glad to have a community were I am not alone and can look for support on this venture to keep myself healthy for my family. So today is day one of the rest of my life dip free for good this time!

-Matt

[drstober]

I have been nicotine free for seven days now. I chose to quit nicotine for good this time after doing a family weekend at a treatment center with my buddy. The program really helped me to realize that all addictions are the same, my addiction to chew is the same as my friends addiction to alcohol and our brains are broken. I want to take my brain back for myself and my family. I want to think clearly and not through the lens of a person trying to protect my addiction. The past two days have been rough struggling with cravings and the lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me. The longest I have been nicotine free in the past is 10 days. I will make it past that this time and free myself from this addiciton.

Things I'm doing for these last couple days that have been rough.

1. Smokey mountain.
2. Hard candy and caffeine.
3. Reminding myself that the mid braine is lying to the rest of my brain to try and get me to chew again.
4. Browsing the Kill the Can forums.

Any other advice is greatly appreciated.

Luke, congrats on toughing it out a week on your own! That is no small accomplishment.

Looks like you found April 2016. That's your quit group. It also looks like you got yourself on roll. Although, make sure you grab the most recent roll post when you post your roll. Otherwise you end up bumping a bunch of folks off. However, the important part is that you're on there and you've taken nicotine off the table today.

As to the cravings, sleep, etc., it's going to come and go for a bit. But, it gets better with time. Start to get to know the folks in your group. Chime in to the conversation there. Drop into LiveChat and get to know some folks there.

From your list, I'd recommend watching the caffeine intake. No need to cut it off, but I wouldn't want to up may caffeine consumption while trying to quit. It would have sent my anxiety even more through the roof. Plus, it may be causing some sleep issues.

Other than that, drink water. Lots of water. Try some exercise to help wear you and and to push through the craves.

You got this!

[drstober]

Hello. I'm a wife of a dipper and I need advice. I honestly don't want to be a nag. BUT I honestly cannot live in a home where tobacco is being used in it. For lots of reasons.
Given:
1. When my husband  started dating 8 years ago and was smoking, I made it very clear that dipping was not ok with me.
2. I tolerated the smoking because he said he wanted to quit and tried to.
3. He NEVER smoked in the house -- he did not think it was appropriate either.
4. When he quit smoking, he started dipping.
5. When I noticed he started dipping in the house {I'm the one who spends hours cleaning it and can tell when it becomes a "dip-tray." (it's like living in an ash tray)} I said I'm not ok with that. He said ok.
6. My husband has said on more than one occasion "I am dependent. I need and want to quit. Please get on me about that, but not like you normally do".
7. Unsurprisingly, he continues to dip in the house.
8. For his Christmas gift, he spent hundreds of dollars (that we really didn't need to be spending) on a riffle  a hunting gun. I asked for a tobacco free house. He said he'd think about it. Doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep. We visited family for 2 weeks (where he did not dip inside). We came home. He dipped inside. A LOT.
9. I wake up to find him dipping in the middle of the night. I tell him: look, when you dip in the house, it's like you're cheating on me.
10. The next day, he dips in the house twice.

Trust me, I get that he's addicted  hiding it from me is part of the fun.
BUT I did not sign up for living in a house with tobacco. To me, that is unacceptable. Just like it would be unacceptable for him to live in a filthy house that doesn't get cleaned every week or so.
I'm very, very serious about this. To the point where I've found a therapist to help me make sure I'm being fair to him and myself.
I know I can't make him quit or be his reason to quit. But one day, in the near future, he's going to have to choose: dip is in the house or I am. He can't have both.

Do I tell him this ultimatum? Or do I gently encourage him to come to the forum  remind him that he has gone with out dipping in the house  all sorts of other positive things.

Thanks,
TheWife who is about done waiting.

As a quitter whose wife also hated the habit, the best thing I can offer is that you can't make him quit. Nor is he likely to quit because you want him to. Understand that nicotine is a drug. A highly addictive one at that. Addicts will go to great lengths to feed that habit and it will outweigh other, more rational choices. It's not about you, it's about the nicotine.

My wife made sure I knew that she didn't like my habit. She also made sure that I knew she was mostly concerned about my health and well being. She didn't pressure me to quit, but she sure as heck supported me when I did.

Open and honest communication is always good in relationships and marraiges. Maybe I'm reading too much into what you wrote, but it sounds like there may be other frustrations involved. Maybe a three-way conversation with a counselor is a better next than issuing an ultimatum.

Not exactly a direct answer, but hopefully helpful in some way, shape or form.

[LukeBissonette]

I have been nicotine free for seven days now. I chose to quit nicotine for good this time after doing a family weekend at a treatment center with my buddy. The program really helped me to realize that all addictions are the same, my addiction to chew is the same as my friends addiction to alcohol and our brains are broken. I want to take my brain back for myself and my family. I want to think clearly and not through the lens of a person trying to protect my addiction. The past two days have been rough struggling with cravings and the lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me. The longest I have been nicotine free in the past is 10 days. I will make it past that this time and free myself from this addiciton.

Things I'm doing for these last couple days that have been rough.

1. Smokey mountain.
2. Hard candy and caffeine.
3. Reminding myself that the mid braine is lying to the rest of my brain to try and get me to chew again.
4. Browsing the Kill the Can forums.

Any other advice is greatly appreciated.

[TheWife]

Hello. I'm a wife of a dipper and I need advice. I honestly don't want to be a nag. BUT I honestly cannot live in a home where tobacco is being used in it. For lots of reasons.
Given:
1. When my husband  started dating 8 years ago and was smoking, I made it very clear that dipping was not ok with me.
2. I tolerated the smoking because he said he wanted to quit and tried to.
3. He NEVER smoked in the house -- he did not think it was appropriate either.
4. When he quit smoking, he started dipping.
5. When I noticed he started dipping in the house {I'm the one who spends hours cleaning it and can tell when it becomes a "dip-tray." (it's like living in an ash tray)} I said I'm not ok with that. He said ok.
6. My husband has said on more than one occasion "I am dependent. I need and want to quit. Please get on me about that, but not like you normally do".
7. Unsurprisingly, he continues to dip in the house.
8. For his Christmas gift, he spent hundreds of dollars (that we really didn't need to be spending) on a riffle  a hunting gun. I asked for a tobacco free house. He said he'd think about it. Doesn't want to make a promise he can't keep. We visited family for 2 weeks (where he did not dip inside). We came home. He dipped inside. A LOT.
9. I wake up to find him dipping in the middle of the night. I tell him: look, when you dip in the house, it's like you're cheating on me.
10. The next day, he dips in the house twice.

Trust me, I get that he's addicted  hiding it from me is part of the fun.
BUT I did not sign up for living in a house with tobacco. To me, that is unacceptable. Just like it would be unacceptable for him to live in a filthy house that doesn't get cleaned every week or so.
I'm very, very serious about this. To the point where I've found a therapist to help me make sure I'm being fair to him and myself.
I know I can't make him quit or be his reason to quit. But one day, in the near future, he's going to have to choose: dip is in the house or I am. He can't have both.

Do I tell him this ultimatum? Or do I gently encourage him to come to the forum  remind him that he has gone with out dipping in the house  all sorts of other positive things.

Thanks,
TheWife who is about done waiting.

[chewie]

Quit Quotes
http://www.killthecan.org/quit-quotes/

[southgafarmer]

I don't know if I'm posting in the right place or not but I'm struggling here with trying to quit chew. I did it before cold turkey for almost 10 years but over the past 3 years I've been back and forth saying I'm gonna quit and trying to quit but I always end up back with a chew in my mouth. I had no problem quitting drinking but what is so hard with quitting chew. I want to do it but I just can't seem to do it on my own.
Thanks

You know why quitting is difficult? Because you are an addict like the rest of us. That's why we quit one day at a time. We make a promise to not use nicotine in any form for twenty four hours, then we abide by our word. Our brothers and sisters help us and hold us accountable. If you truly want to quit, dump what you have and come post in the April 16 Quit Group. Get to know us, and we'll get to know you. You can do this!

It will take time, but we are here for you!

[rrpalmieri]

I don't know if I'm posting in the right place or not but I'm struggling here with trying to quit chew. I did it before cold turkey for almost 10 years but over the past 3 years I've been back and forth saying I'm gonna quit and trying to quit but I always end up back with a chew in my mouth. I had no problem quitting drinking but what is so hard with quitting chew. I want to do it but I just can't seem to do it on my own.
Thanks

[drstober]

Hey guys, new member here. I've only been dipping about a can a day for two to three years but I decided I need to lose the habit. I was wondering your thoughts on Smokey Mountain Wintergreen and was wondering if there were any health hazards from it. Thanks and happy quitting!

Welcome Miami!

Congrats on deciding to quit. Now put that can down and get to it. Mosey on over to April 2016, that's your quit group. Catch up and once you're nicotine free post roll. Instructions are towards the top of every roll post (the ones with the long list of names).

As to the Smokey Mountain, check out the Smokeless Alternatives page. There's reviews and other info. They're mostly all some form of shredded herbal/tea compound with added flavoring. If it's what gets you quit, do it. It's better than all the crap that nicotine does to your body.

Some guys swear by the alternatives. I mostly chewed a lot of gum. Some folks use candy. A fellow quitter loves these cinnamon toothpick type things. Whatever works for you to quit. And drink lots of water.

[Miami2019]

Hey guys, new member here. I've only been dipping about a can a day for two to three years but I decided I need to lose the habit. I was wondering your thoughts on Smokey Mountain Wintergreen and was wondering if there were any health hazards from it. Thanks and happy quitting!