This Time Is For Real

[Candoit]

My brother I understand wanting to hang on but dammit my friend you are killing yourself mentally. Move on there's other women out there looking for a man like you. And I will add it's easy for me to say this I'm not in your shoes. But remember those beautiful girls need there Dad. Head up candy, you will be fine, God will not put more on you than you can handle. Continue letting it out , it's not good to keep it in. I would look her straight in the eyes and say I want you to tell me it's over and also is there someone else? Be the man that you are. Prayers to you.

Pab, I am at the point were I am asking myself what is there to save, then my girls look at me. I realize they need to understand forgiveness and compassion, something that their mother has never learned or long since forgotten. I need lead by example, plain and simple.

I am out of ideas:

1. I have been applying to jobs like a mad man. I have one starting on Tuesday at a Toyota dealership, sales manager. I haven't stopped applying.
2. I have tried to be positive and understanding.
3. I have sought professional help.
4. I have been reading the bible and praying (thank you Rawls)
5. I have been trying to spend as much time with the girls as possible.
6. I have shared openly my feelings with her, like i do here.
7. I have tried to make sure I do the small things that she gets annoyed I dont do.

I am all ears...

[Candoit]

408/21

I asked her if she called the counselor to set the appointment yet?

Mrs C: I have been too busy at work to do anything else, and when I get in the car, I just need time to decompress.

Me: Understandable

Mrs. C: I don't think you get it. My feelings are not going to change, and you wont believe me until you hear it from someone else.

Me: We still should at least sit down with a counselor and talk.

Mrs. C: You figure out what your doing for your birthday tomorrow?

Me: I would like to do something with my family.

Mrs. C: Thats fine take the girls out to dinner and I will find something else to do.

Why am I chasing this hurt?

Nicotine won't help you at all.

I recommend you ignore her starting immediately. Don't say a word and only give short answers if she asks questions. See what happens. Sounds like it's worth a shot.

But hey, I'm not dr drew here. Just some schlub on a message board.

Nicotine is off the table for today. And it will be for tomorrow. That part will never change.

I am not a petty or spiteful person, but the more she pushes me away the more petty and spiteful I become.

[Candoit]

408/21

I asked her if she called the counselor to set the appointment yet?

Mrs C: I have been too busy at work to do anything else, and when I get in the car, I just need time to decompress.

Me: Understandable

Mrs. C: I don't think you get it. My feelings are not going to change, and you wont believe me until you hear it from someone else.

Me: We still should at least sit down with a counselor and talk.

Mrs. C: You figure out what your doing for your birthday tomorrow?

Me: I would like to do something with my family.

Mrs. C: Thats fine take the girls out to dinner and I will find something else to do.

Why am I chasing this hurt?

You asked a good question at the end. Why are you? Kind of like when you quit, you need to dig deep and figure the answer out. The sooner, the better.

Not saying you are doing the wrong thing. Not saying to stop. But you need to understand your motives.

My motives are pure at this point. I need the truth so I can move on. I understand that I may never get the truth but all of these reasons can't be it.

You don't go from love - we need to focus on being co-parents in 3 weeks.

[pab1964]

My brother I understand wanting to hang on but dammit my friend you are killing yourself mentally. Move on there's other women out there looking for a man like you. And I will add it's easy for me to say this I'm not in your shoes. But remember those beautiful girls need there Dad. Head up candy, you will be fine, God will not put more on you than you can handle. Continue letting it out , it's not good to keep it in. I would look her straight in the eyes and say I want you to tell me it's over and also is there someone else? Be the man that you are. Prayers to you.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Just to clarify. I would ignore her in an aloof way. Not a mean or rude way. Make her think you are happy and not desperate. It works on some chicks.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

408/21

I asked her if she called the counselor to set the appointment yet?

Mrs C: I have been too busy at work to do anything else, and when I get in the car, I just need time to decompress.

Me: Understandable

Mrs. C: I don't think you get it. My feelings are not going to change, and you wont believe me until you hear it from someone else.

Me: We still should at least sit down with a counselor and talk.

Mrs. C: You figure out what your doing for your birthday tomorrow?

Me: I would like to do something with my family.

Mrs. C: Thats fine take the girls out to dinner and I will find something else to do.

Why am I chasing this hurt?

Nicotine won't help you at all.

I recommend you ignore her starting immediately. Don't say a word and only give short answers if she asks questions. See what happens. Sounds like it's worth a shot.

But hey, I'm not dr drew here. Just some schlub on a message board.

[worktowin]

408/21

I asked her if she called the counselor to set the appointment yet?

Mrs C: I have been too busy at work to do anything else, and when I get in the car, I just need time to decompress.

Me: Understandable

Mrs. C: I don't think you get it. My feelings are not going to change, and you wont believe me until you hear it from someone else.

Me: We still should at least sit down with a counselor and talk.

Mrs. C: You figure out what your doing for your birthday tomorrow?

Me: I would like to do something with my family.

Mrs. C: Thats fine take the girls out to dinner and I will find something else to do.

Why am I chasing this hurt?

You asked a good question at the end. Why are you? Kind of like when you quit, you need to dig deep and figure the answer out. The sooner, the better.

Not saying you are doing the wrong thing. Not saying to stop. But you need to understand your motives.

[Candoit]

408/21

I asked her if she called the counselor to set the appointment yet?

Mrs C: I have been too busy at work to do anything else, and when I get in the car, I just need time to decompress.

Me: Understandable

Mrs. C: I don't think you get it. My feelings are not going to change, and you wont believe me until you hear it from someone else.

Me: We still should at least sit down with a counselor and talk.

Mrs. C: You figure out what your doing for your birthday tomorrow?

Me: I would like to do something with my family.

Mrs. C: Thats fine take the girls out to dinner and I will find something else to do.

Why am I chasing this hurt?

[pab1964]

Poof

[pab1964]

Bullshit!

[pab1964]

404/18 -

I sold my truck today. I have owned that truck since June of 2005 paid 1800 for it then with 90,000 miles, today it had 180,000 miles and I sold it for 1800. That pained me more than I suspected. The oldest was upset with me. But that money is more important than a truck, it is for my family.

She still keeping me more than an arms distance away. It is making me angry and resentful towards her, I am trying my hardest to stay positive and hopeful. Cut and run easy to do, what she wants to do, what I am resentful for. A wee bit hypocritical but keep pressing forward.

Space is what she wants but will not fix the problems. If she was actually working on fixing the problems maybe, but from where I stand she still is trying to place blame on everyone else. It takes two for a marriage to break or work.

Candy read what you wrote, it takes 2 in marriage to make it work. Looks like a one man show. Give her room, she may realize grass is not always greener on the other side! You to good a man to go through this shit!

[Candoit]

404/18 -

I sold my truck today. I have owned that truck since June of 2005 paid 1800 for it then with 90,000 miles, today it had 180,000 miles and I sold it for 1800. That pained me more than I suspected. The oldest was upset with me. But that money is more important than a truck, it is for my family.

She still keeping me more than an arms distance away. It is making me angry and resentful towards her, I am trying my hardest to stay positive and hopeful. Cut and run easy to do, what she wants to do, what I am resentful for. A wee bit hypocritical but keep pressing forward.

Space is what she wants but will not fix the problems. If she was actually working on fixing the problems maybe, but from where I stand she still is trying to place blame on everyone else. It takes two for a marriage to break or work.

[Candoit]

BELIEF - AWARENESS - RESPECT - KINDNESS
B.A.R.K

BELIEF

Believe in yourself
Believe that you are important
Believe that you can accomplish anything
Believe that there are people who love you
Believe that you can make a difference in this world
Believe that there are people who want to help you
Believe you are the best !!!AWARENESS

Aware of your family
Aware of your community and friends
Aware of the goals you must set for yourself
Aware of the consequences to the decisions of the things you do
Aware of those who will help you achieve your goals
Aware that your life is what you make of it
Aware that there are people who love you!!!RESPECT

Respect yourself
Respect your family
Respect is earned each and every day
Respect the rights and decisions of others even if they are different than yours
Respect those who are older than you
Respect your school and teachers
Respect is the key to your futureKINDNESS

Do the right thing
Be helpful without being told to be
Offer to do things for free - volunteer to help
Be kind to yourself - You must learn to love yourself before you can love others
No one stands so tall when they stoop to help a child
Be kind to all people and kindness will find youBark covers and protects the giant redwood, it cannot grow without it. It is it's armor, malleable and porous, yet strong, waterproof and able to be repaired.

These are my only four rules. These are the rules I raise my childern by. This is the ruler I measure myself by. I don't need a long list of rules, live and practice these in here and you will do tremendous things out there.

[jimthins]

I have a Wisteria bush I found on freecycle about 6-7 years ago. Since I have owned it has never bloomed. I was talking with an old Italian nursey owner about this. Wondering if it was time to dig it out and toss it.

His reply surpised me: "Wisteria does not behave like many plants that need the right amount of TLC. Wisteria thrives on damage. It takes at least 6 years to establish itself. Additionally you need to prune the new growth at least twice a year. Then either cut a ring of bark off or stab the roots with a shovel in Jan/Feb. Until it is threathened and shocked it has no reason to grow."

As I am in my yard now looking at the plant. I remembered this conversation. It takes time to grow roots. The strong roots are necessary to grow, but so is a shock. It can only handle the shock if it has strong roots.

As long as things are stable and calm, we have no reason to grow. Yet the scars and wounds force this to grow, expand, and flourish.

Some good words right there Cando. One of those things you don't take the time to stop and think about. Dig a little deeper, and think a little longer at the true meanings. We sometimes get caught up in our day-to-day activities not appreciating the small stuff.

[Candoit]

I have a Wisteria bush I found on freecycle about 6-7 years ago. Since I have owned it has never bloomed. I was talking with an old Italian nursey owner about this. Wondering if it was time to dig it out and toss it.

His reply surpised me: "Wisteria does not behave like many plants that need the right amount of TLC. Wisteria thrives on damage. It takes at least 6 years to establish itself. Additionally you need to prune the new growth at least twice a year. Then either cut a ring of bark off or stab the roots with a shovel in Jan/Feb. Until it is threathened and shocked it has no reason to grow."

As I am in my yard now looking at the plant. I remembered this conversation. It takes time to grow roots. The strong roots are necessary to grow, but so is a shock. It can only handle the shock if it has strong roots.

As long as things are stable and calm, we have no reason to grow. Yet the scars and wounds force this to grow, expand, and flourish.