I'm A Douche

[DeanTheCoot]

Holy shit, SWJ...I think you have found your Judas! Jaydisco is the ultimate disciple! I can't fucking believe he referenced one of your own man rules. I seriously can't believe it. He is unique and must be trusted, cultivated and rewarded.

[SWJ]

1.  Clothes.

First of all, I would never wear clothes.

My junk would be just as scary as me, all hanging out and monstrous and stuff.

It would make people scream just to look at it.

It would always be waving around and looking terrible.

Sometimes I might even grab it and bludgeon people with it.

That would be hard to do if I was wearing a jogging suit or something.

Tear-aways...you know the addidas w/ the snaps down the legs? Pretty sure man rule # 1 applies to slimy-ass monsters (" If I can see your balls I'm not talking to you "). Got to stow that shit if you want a monster friend to wreck shit with.

Excellent point, Jay.

Please assume that, as a hairy monster, my ball-fro would be equally monstrous.

Victims would never see my shit until I whipped it out and started beating them with it.

That way, my monster friends could rampage with me without fear of seeing my hideous bag.

[DeanTheCoot]

HA! Dude...I haven't even started reading the fucking post. I began laughing at the title.

[jaydisco]

1. Clothes.

First of all, I would never wear clothes.

My junk would be just as scary as me, all hanging out and monstrous and stuff.

It would make people scream just to look at it.

It would always be waving around and looking terrible.

Sometimes I might even grab it and bludgeon people with it.

That would be hard to do if I was wearing a jogging suit or something.

Tear-aways...you know the addidas w/ the snaps down the legs? Pretty sure man ruls # 1 applies to slimy-ass monsters (" If I can see your balls I'm not talking to you "). Got to stow that shit if you want a monter friend to wreck shit with.

[SWJ]

If I Was A Monster

I was reading a story to my seven year old the other night.

The book is filled with monster characters but they're all kind of gay.

They wear normal clothes and go to elementary school.

They hug each other a lot and they even sing songs.

And that got me thinking.

If I was a monster, I would be The Shit and people would think I was the best monster ever.

1. Clothes.

First of all, I would never wear clothes.

My junk would be just as scary as me, all hanging out and monstrous and stuff.

It would make people scream just to look at it.

It would always be waving around and looking terrible.

Sometimes I might even grab it and bludgeon people with it.

That would be hard to do if I was wearing a jogging suit or something.

2. Hair.

If I was a monster, I'd have tons of hair.

If you think about it, there are very few monsters with hair.

A lot of them are bald-headed or have tentacles on their heads.

I would have a huge monster 'fro.

It would be scary, but it would also be cool.

3. Slime.

I'd be literally dripping with slime.

If you have lots of slime, you don't even have to be that scary looking.

People just naturally freak out because you're gross.

Plus, slime makes a cool sound when you sling it against stuff like walls and people's foreheads.

That would be awesome.

4. Education.

As a monster, I would never be allowed to go to school because I would trash the place.

But I'd be naturally gifted.

When a chick's boyfriend tried to save her from my clutches by luring me into a trap, I would ruin his shit.

No one would ever be able to trick me.

I'd always be one step ahead of everyone and I would be sure to dominate anyone smarter than me.

5. Morals.

I wouldn't have any.

There's no chance that I would ever be homesick or lonely.

I'd have no weaknesses at all.

If I was a monster, I would ruin a whole troop of girl scouts without even thinking twice.

I would like to have at least one monster friend because wrecking shit is more fun with a buddy.

But if he got taken out with a rocket launcher or something, I wouldn't care that much.

I'd keep right on rampaging.



Anyway, there would never be a book about me because everyone would be too scared of me to write one.

I would spend all my time just stomping around, taking people's heads off, and knocking stuff over.

If I was a monster, it would be a bad idea to write a book about my shit.

Especially a kid's book...

[GlennFtheKodiak]

Falling Down And Crying Is Gay

Lacrosse lends itself well to pussywillows. You should play soccer with me; then you wouldn't have to deal with that weak bullshit.

For the mentally challenged, I call your attention to the title of my post.

It's not called Your Sport Is More Gay Than Mine.

It's called, as you can plainly see, Falling Down And Crying Is Gay.

Which is true in any sport.

Let's not argue.

Douche-bag.

Soccer is gay.

Football rules.

Thank you.

[SWJ]

Falling Down And Crying Is Gay

Lacrosse lends itself well to pussywillows. You should play soccer with me; then you wouldn't have to deal with that weak bullshit.

For the mentally challenged, I call your attention to the title of my post.

It's not called Your Sport Is More Gay Than Mine.

It's called, as you can plainly see, Falling Down And Crying Is Gay.

Which is true in any sport.

Let's not argue.

Douche-bag.

[HuckleBuck357]

Oh shit, pull em out boys, lets see who's is longer.

[GlennFtheKodiak]

Falling Down And Crying Is Gay

Lacrosse lends itself well to pussywillows. Weaksauce

You should play soccer with me; then you wouldn't have to deal with that weak bullshit. Shapoopi

Soccer is gay.

Football rules.

Thank you.

[Smokeyg]

Falling Down And Crying Is Gay

Lacrosse lends itself well to pussywillows. Weaksauce

You should play soccer with me; then you wouldn't have to deal with that weak bullshit. Shapoopi

[SWJ]

Falling Down And Crying Is Gay

I was playing lacrosse the other night.

Our goalie is a big, fat, loud-mouthed douche-bag who sucks.

Now a word or two about sucking at things.

I don't mind if people suck at something. It's moderately acceptable that you're a fag.

Personally, I only suck at things that are gay like sewing and diagnosing yeast infections and shit like that.

But I understand that other people stink at stuff.

Anyway, if you suck at something you should own that shit.

Simply realize that I'm better than you and shut the fuck up.

This guy doesn't follow that rule.

He sucks but spends a lot of time yelling about what other people should be doing.

That makes him an annoying retard who also sucks.

Bad combo.

But at any rate, this fat blob of shit happened to get hit in the chest with a shot, which subsequently fell into his stick.

Then he decided to run.

What the fuck...? I thought.

He lumbered out of the crease like a hippopotamus with Down Syndrome.

And then two dudes converged on him and totally wrecked his shit.

And I mean wrecked.

The dude went down like a tranquilized water buffalo and then started screaming like a bitch.

The way this guy was hollering, I honestly thought that we were going to have to call the medical barge to cart his ass to the hospital.

But then he finally stopped screaming and rolling around, apparently ready to play again.

I considered hurting him myself.

For real.

This is the guy who, when you were a kid playing Smear-The-Queer, would throw the football up in the air to keep you from owning his shit.

I hate dudes like that.

I was the kid who would have ruined him anyway.

You see, if you go down screaming and crying during the course of a game, stay the fuck down.

Even if it turns out that you're not really hurt, you've already played the bitch card and you should continue to lay there.

But for the love of Pete, don't get up.

All you've done is confirmed that you're a pussy.

If I fell down and started crying and then realized that I wasn't really hurt, I'd punch myself in the face while no one was looking.

At least then I'd have something to show for it.

[DeanTheCoot]

Fucking hysterically brilliant, my friend.

My 2 cents:

Burned-Dog-Hair
Bag-Of-Empty-Beer-Cans
Peanut-Butter-And-Fluff
Labia-Touched-By-Poops
Electrical-Fire

[RoyJester]

Go-Jo hand cleaner and Carb cleaner!!!

Go-Jo, fuck yeah.

[cubs204]

Im sitting here with a buddy and we are in tears reading this shit.  Nice work

siting with a buddy and shedding tears is gay.....unless you are watching old yellow.

or Rudy

or Notting Hill

or Old Yeller. That Old Yellow fuck was too gay for me.

[ScooterScum]

Go-Jo hand cleaner and Carb cleaner!!!