It's been a while since i posted anything about the quit journey, but it's worth putting a couple new, recent, events here. First, a snapshot of life at 700 days, less than 10% but more than 5% of the time i spent actively addicted and using. Life is so much better now. Every little bit of struggle in the early quit, and every challenge since then, is worth it. And it wasn't easy! The fog that lasted so long i thought i had brain damage. The pain. The tests life threw my way. Not that more won't come, but man, so far so AMAZING it is to be free. I'm still struck sometimes, and grateful more often that I finally learned that in order to successfully quit, i needed to learn about the addiction i was trapped in in gory detail, and i needed a support network with daily maintenance on my part.
Now... dip dreams. They still happen. A quit-class bro of mine also said he still gets them. I had one the other night- it was crazier than ever. The dentist had me pack one in, as part of what he was doing to treat a cavity i had. I thought, in the dream, that i should ask him if there was another way since I'm a nicotine addict who is quit. And, i hoped that i wouldnt have to go through withdrawal like i did before, and that i wouldn't be hooked. I didnt get the chance to ask for the alternative, because i woke up. My friend Rdad always has a great attitude about quitting, and he points out about dip dreams is that they are great when you wake up because you realize they aren't real. That's the perspective i took on this one. That, and it was a really strange one.
And, today, at a health conference in DC, i was on the elevator with two other guys, one of whom is a doctor- as in physician. He packed in a "pinch between the cheek and gums" of my old crutch/bitch Copenhagen. Would have surprised me, but for the doctors, dentists, etc. here among us at KTC. The smell was bad, but the nicbitch also tried to whisper to me that it'd set me free to have some. I guess the claws are still in me. I'm grateful for the reminder that I still have to work against complacency, which is the main battle i see after a certain amount of time gets you to relearn old habits after beating withdrawal first.
So, i've been busy learning how to live without dip, for nearly two years, after over 30 of using, nearly 30 of being clearly addicted and helpless to quit. It's still a new way of being, and the pulls away from it still come- but the key is i know how to deal with those, and it still gets better all the time. The key at this point is keeping accountability and support maintained by regular effort on my part- regular posting, and keeping communications alive with a ragtag collection of absolute heroes i've met here at KTC that help me just by being there, sharing life as it comes and goes, and caring about each other. The connection, the relationships, really do matter the most now. And you have to work to keep them going so they are then when you might need them. And in the meantime, life is simply more rich than before.
Quit on!
If you haven't quit yet, DO IT NOW! Don't set a date! JUST DO IT! get through the hard part up front, and it just keeps getting better. The more you put in, the better it is for the long haul.
If you have a newer quit and are reading the site to help your understanding of what you are going through, and to help your sanity, HANG IN THERE! everything you have gone through, someone else has also. Read enough and youll find it all here. It helped me a lot to see my story in the stories of others, early in their quit. Drink it all in, maintain your quit, keep making friends and connections here- they will help you immeasurably in the long run.
This all works-- you just to have work it to make it happen!
