Man, having a shitty day, actually several shitty days... Funny how the Nic Bitch rears her ugly head right when things feel toughest.
Day 13 Questioning, my sanity. But not my Quit.
We bought a car, 2000 Lexus RX 300 for 4800 about 4 months ago as a commuter vehicle, just to get me to and from work. Private Party 'bang head' they had it all detailed and buffed up, sparkling and spotless. That will be a warning sign in the future. I am not very mechanical, like on a 1-10 scale maybe a 5 in knowledge and a 3 in hands on... I usually make things worse… Anyway last Thursday morning, made 2 turns on the way to work and on the 3rd, POW! No more power steering. Took it to the mechanic on my lunch break, P.S. Pump is toast, and the “Steering Gear” may be bad too, won’t know till they get it open, (make that 5 in knowledge a 3, I have no clue…). Anyway, have a good friend who is a Volkswagen Mechanic, and he says he can do it for less, so he put a new pump in over the weekend. Long story short, apparently everything steering is pretty much toast, all the racks and gears and even the pinions! So we are looking at $1500-1800 even with my friend doing it. Plus he finds that although the timing belt is pretty new, it was installed incorrectly and is wearing badly or something, there is an oil leak somewhere on the engines, and we already knew it had some break issues, but they all need to be completely replaced too, so $400more. I just want to Ninja rig it to steer for long enough to trade it in on a Huffy or something…
To add to our financial woes, my dumbass couldnÂ’t control my clicking finger and blew like over a grand on Cyber Monday, (not all on myselfÂ…) so I have been calling to see what I can return, and of course everything has restocking fees, like 20-25%... I just hate money. Of course the wife is upset, we got a little carried away Christmas wise, and that just makes me more upset, and being on day 13 isnÂ’t doing anything to improve my mood. We are very much live within our means people, we try to avoid debt at all cost, and we have been diligently saving for a down payment on new house. We have had our eye on one for a few months. ItÂ’s a foreclosure, fixer upper, but we could make it a kickass home. We were looking at it for like the 5th time and we noticed the kitchen sink leaking underneath into the cupboard, which our Agent reported to the bankÂ’s Agent so it was it was taken off the market for several weeks while they made some. They JUST relisted it, and during the repairs, they tore out all the carpet and are now offering a carpet allowance as well soÂ… We literally have just enough to get it and fix things to make it livable, so this car crap couldnÂ’t have come at a worse time.
Alright, venting over. Back to why we are here. So while IÂ’m pondering all the above crap, of course the nic-bitch is whispering how much better IÂ’ll feel if I caveÂ…. I feel a little bit insane because, that shit is me, telling me to dip. And simultaneously I know itÂ’s the STUPIDEST thing I could possibly doÂ…
I dipped for about 4 years, used NRT for probably over a year, while still dipping. I did some mathematical estimations, $12,000-14,000. TWELVE to FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I know many of you have numbers even higher than that, but that is enough to fix the car and fix up the new house, with a savings left over for security. Oh and I could have paid for that cyber Monday laptop tooÂ… Oh, that doesnÂ’t even include the gum. I donÂ’t careÂ… IÂ’m just screaming in my head right nowÂ…
“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN COME INTO MY HEAD AND TELL ME I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DIP? I’LL FEEL BETTER IF I DRIVE TO THE STORE, WASTE MORE OF THE MONEY I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR, AND PUT A DISCUSTING SMELLING, HORRIBLE TASTING, WAD OF POISON DRIPPING, TERRIBLE TASTING SHIT IN MY MOUTH??? I WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY FINANCIAL DIFFICULTYS BY WASTING MORE OF MY MONEY, ON YOU?
OhÂ…
Maybe youÂ’re rightÂ…
I know IÂ’ll feel better when IÂ’m spending every spare cent on testing supplies and medications for the diabetes you gave me.
And IÂ’ll enjoy buying the medications, and paying for DrÂ’s visits, surgeries, and chemo/radiation therapy for the cancer you gave me.
And all the money on heart and other cardiovascular issues because you cause every vein in my body to shrivel up and die!
And I will feel so much better when my last pennies are spent on my funeral, when I die, long before my time, remembering all the great times I had sneaking away to have a dip.
And how all the hours spent waiting at DoctorsÂ’ offices, and laying in hospital beds and waiting in lines at pharmacies, were such a better use of my time than spending that time with my family.
OhÂ… wait a second...
FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!
YOU LOSE.
