Almost there... Quit Date Dec 31st 2013

[Pinched]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

Damn man, I hate reading this today.

I think you did a good job on the How it happened but I would like for you to think through how you will do it differently this time to avoid that?

You need this planned very well; making it to 100 is a milestone and there are days after 100 that are harder than the first 100 are.

Do this right this time.

[NeonPanther]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

[jake frawley]

I like seeing this thread on the front page, You are doing well bro and I am glad to see your involvement! You have a good quit going.

[ParadigmDawg]

Strong fight in you brother. I'm proud of you.

[Erussell]

Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!

I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.

http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html

Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P

Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!

41 days???? Damn that went by fast. Maybe not for you but for me, I would have guessed 2 - 3 weeks.

Nice work day after day. When you quit, you just quit and followed the plan. Very pleased to see success here. Thanks for contributing to the KTC Brothers.

Proud of you neon! Continue ODAAT and NAFAR! 41 is a huge win!

[Mthomas3824]

Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!

I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.

http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html

Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P

Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!

41 days???? Damn that went by fast. Maybe not for you but for me, I would have guessed 2 - 3 weeks.

Nice work day after day. When you quit, you just quit and followed the plan. Very pleased to see success here. Thanks for contributing to the KTC Brothers.

[NeonPanther]

Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!

I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.

http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html

Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P

Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!

[Spartanron]

Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!

I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.

http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html

[brettlees]

Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!

[NeonPanther]

'help' Attention all BadAss Quitters! 'help'

Steakbomb18 and I are putting together a Medical Explanation about... Tobacco and the Human, with or without Nicotine.

At this point our goal is to provide a medical explaination, in layperson terms about what nicotine does in your body, to your body, and what your body does without it. The goal being to help explain the following withdrawal symptoms:
Powerful Cravings
Physical- restlessness, anxiety, insomnia
Mood- anxiety, irritability, depressed mood, frustration, anger
The Fog - difficulty concentrating
Oral Pain/Sores
Visual disturbances/difficulty focusing
Increased Appetite
Constipation*Diarrhea/Gas/GI pain/cramping

*Edited with your input, keep it coming, thanks!


Basically, wanted to ask you, what questions do you have and what you want to know? Are you having other withdrawal symptoms that aren't listed above? Have you found any remedies or anything that seems to help with a specific symptom? Please PM me or post here, with a quote to this message so it doesnÂ’t get buried. Or for people who have been here longer than me, if there is somewhere to post this where it will be seen by more people? If so, please let me know.


Disclaimer, I am a Licensed Nurse in the States of Nevada, Utah and Texas. I like being a nurse so at this point, legally, I think I'm supposed to say something like, "I cannot offer any diagnosisÂ’s, or care for your personal conditions, nor can I offer any medical advice. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please dial 911 or arrange for transport to the nearest E.R."
That being said, if a friend, especially a BadAss Quitter friend came to me with a question, I would not hesitate to share any knowledge I might have, or can find in thick medical references books, regarding their question. IÂ’m also happy to tell friends to quit asking me questions and to get their asses to the E.R when they need to. 'crackup'
Steak is a Pharmacist, I think legally he can do, and some answer, some thing and other stuff, and and even do things! But I do not speak for him, I will leave his disclaimers to him :D

[Erussell]

FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!

Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.


PB

That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!

You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!

When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.

We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.

'Finger'

If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!

You guys all kick so much ass! Thanks for the calls and texts, love the KTC support!

Great job NP. I'm hating the poison right with you. I hated it this morning and at noon. I kept on hating it through dinner and right now I hate it just the same. Let me make a list of things it's done for us.






I'm sorry I got nothing! Keep that quit strong,,, feed the hate. I'll keep hating it right along with you.

I hate it too!

[srans]

FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!

Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.


PB

That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!

You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!

When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.

We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.

'Finger'

If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!

You guys all kick so much ass! Thanks for the calls and texts, love the KTC support!

Great job NP. I'm hating the poison right with you. I hated it this morning and at noon. I kept on hating it through dinner and right now I hate it just the same. Let me make a list of things it's done for us.






I'm sorry I got nothing! Keep that quit strong,,, feed the hate. I'll keep hating it right along with you.

[NeonPanther]

FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!

Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.


PB

That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!

You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!

When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.

We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.

'Finger'

If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!

You guys all kick so much ass! Thanks for the calls and texts, love the KTC support!

[Mthomas3824]

FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!

Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.


PB

That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!

You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!

When you knock her out, pull out the knife and cut her throat and kick her as she bleeds out.

We want her to go away or die! She is no longer welcome or wanted in our lives.

'Finger'

If you need some back up, I love to fight the nic bitch!

[brettlees]

FUCK OFF AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND BITCH. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE OR FOLLOW YOUR DIRECTIONS AGAIN!

Right on. Stay mad!!! I'm mad also. Really fucking mad. Its gives us strength.


PB

That's right! Smack that bitch to the f-ing curb! Both you guys! The gutter is too good for her! The more you learn, the more you hate the bitch! The addiction! the evil, evil poison weed that had control of your brain! Chase that shit as far away as you can fellas, and beware because it'll keep trying to come back. Keep the perimeter secure!

You guys wanna fight the bitch, then I want you on my side!