Almost there... Quit Date Dec 31st 2013

[JayDubya]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

[golfpro9696]

I don't want to pile on you, the veterans are doing just fine giving you the ass whupping you deserve, but I just want to say, as a member of March  your former quit group, that, for me, it really just sucks to see this.

We've had a few other cavers in our group, every group has them, but you were one of the stalwarts, you were farther on than I am.... it's hard to explain, but it's much easier to see someone cave that wasn't as far along as you then it is to see someone with more days under their belt..... It's pretty fucking scary to be honest with you.

So, your cave shook my confidence but at the same time, it fed my resolve, I won't let this happen to me.

I'll miss you posting roll with the Iron Men, Neon. I wish you the best  hope that you can get your shit together  QUIT, not just stop. I'll be here if you need anything.

Jeff

[traumagnet]

One more thing change your banner from hardcore bastard to PUSS ASS BITCH or something along those lines

[Doc2quit4good]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

[Pinched]

NeonPanther - 49 - Quit for the Humpday! I can't believe I said that

NeonPanther - caved -

Explain. Have you been lying the whole time? Have you once posted roll when you were not quit?

I can't trust you and you are not even in my group. If you want to hug it out after you lie go elsewhere, this is for quitters, not tryers. 'Finger'

Now that just plain fucking sucks dude!

ABCs of quit not practiced

Accountability
Brotherhood
Commitment

[Evil_Won]

NeonPanther - 49 - Quit for the Humpday! I can't believe I said that

NeonPanther - caved -

Explain. Have you been lying the whole time? Have you once posted roll when you were not quit?

I can't trust you and you are not even in my group. If you want to hug it out after you lie go elsewhere, this is for quitters, not tryers. 'Finger'

[Scowick65]

Just buzzed over your thread and saw that one of my cornermen posted in your thread on the Jan 15th and you just let him do it. NOT KEWL at all. You have had a ton of support from this site and poof tossed out all the tools just to get dry humped. Damn man haven't you seen the ScoDaddy Theorem which states

1 problem + nicotine=2 problems

This is such an easy theorem.

So today you have multiple problems one you lied to us and yourself...addict behavior. the thing with addict behavior is that once it is identified and acknowledged by the individual it shall never again be used as an excuse or a crutch.

You have nicotine in your system so now you have that battle.

Trying to make it right with your supporters oh god don't know how you will do that. Prolly should jump on your phone and start trying to mend the fences.

Posting roll while using is the worst thing you can do here.

PS

Enjoy the suck. You deserve it. I hope it really sucks. Maybe you will remember this in the future.

[Evil_Won]

NeonPanther - 49 - Quit for the Humpday! I can't believe I said that

NeonPanther - caved -

Explain. Have you been lying the whole time? Have you once posted roll when you were not quit?

[traumagnet]

Just buzzed over your thread and saw that one of my cornermen posted in your thread on the Jan 15th and you just let him do it. NOT KEWL at all. You have had a ton of support from this site and poof tossed out all the tools just to get dry humped. Damn man haven't you seen the ScoDaddy Theorem which states

1 problem + nicotine=2 problems

This is such an easy theorem.

So today you have multiple problems one you lied to us and yourself...addict behavior. the thing with addict behavior is that once it is identified and acknowledged by the individual it shall never again be used as an excuse or a crutch.

You have nicotine in your system so now you have that battle.

Trying to make it right with your supporters oh god don't know how you will do that. Prolly should jump on your phone and start trying to mend the fences.

Posting roll while using is the worst thing you can do here.

[RAZD611]

You really posted up like no big deal. What a kick to the balls for everyone on this site.

Oh, and P.S., this makes you a fucking liar!

[30isEnuff]

You really posted up like no big deal. What a kick to the balls for everyone on this site.

hey Neon,
If you posted with the poison in your mouth...Shame on You!
If you cannot be honest with yourself, then your life will be one big lie.
What you do today determines your character for tomorrow. Grow a pair.
You're gonna have to use the tools here.
You're gonna have to quit ODAAT.
Drinking and smoking killed all of my mom's family. None collected Social Security.
Drinking kills the bodies ability to fight and helps Nicotine kill with cancer.
The KTC way allows us addicts to control our addictions ODAAT.
The KTC tools give us the power to say NAFAR.
I have quit 608 days straight after 30 years of poison abuse.
What is your excuse?
What is your decision?

[billybill3934]

You really posted up like no big deal. What a kick to the balls for everyone on this site.

[AppleJack]

I just looked and you were posting up false quit days while you were enjoying that cave. Inexcusable bro. What have you learned here? This is your life man... Be true to it.

[RAZD611]

Bump. Great reading in this thread for new quitters and those considering quitting at some point in time. NeonPanther will be posting 30 days tomorrow and has a hero quit going, thanks to the KTC koolaid!

I used this as a guide, learned a lot from it. I think one point of emphasis would be the folly of nicotine replacement products. I have first hand experience with that.

http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html

Thanks brettlees and spartanron! I had written out like 14, rambling, disorderly pages, and received so many great pieces of info, when I realized that what I wanted to accomplish has been accomplished and done much better than I could do it. I also realized it would take a novel, or maybe even a textbook to do it! Freedom from Nicotine by John R. Polito, hits on about everything I was hoping to cover, and the link you provided below includes a link to the book, and tons of other awesome information too. I'm trying to put something more concise together, but concise isn't my strong suit... :P

Day 41 today, Can't believe that number, loving the Quit today! Quit with all of you today!

So, what changed from this post on the 14th to the bullshit that occured on the 15th.

Your resolve and your character is what.

You got drunk. Big fuking deal. Were you really that curious to see how soft those little pink panties were on your sac when you slipped em on? Did you let the nic bitch pull them all the way down or did you just let her pull them over to the side when she bent you over and had her way with you?

[mattyf118]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

Did you continue to post roll with that shit in your system?