Almost there... Quit Date Dec 31st 2013

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.

You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.

A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.

I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'

Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.

People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.

Neon, if nobody cared, we wouldn't bother replying to your intro thread. Dude you need to not only post roll and mean what you say, but you need to become more involved man. This is your quit. Don't leave it at posting roll. Reach out and be somebody on ktc. I personally believe you can do this man. Don't prove me wrong please. Post day one and be somebody. Pm me if you need another contact



Winter Green

This makes me wonder how many liars are posting roll on a daily basis. The bigger failure is not the cave, but the lack of honor. Anyone else who has secretly caved should either come clean now or just slink away in silence. This is like someone spiking my water with nicotine. Brotherhood + Accountability = Success This equation doesn't work if there is no honor. How can this program work without trust?

[Winter Green]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.

You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.

A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.

I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'

Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.

People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.

Neon, if nobody cared, we wouldn't bother replying to your intro thread. Dude you need to not only post roll and mean what you say, but you need to become more involved man. This is your quit. Don't leave it at posting roll. Reach out and be somebody on ktc. I personally believe you can do this man. Don't prove me wrong please. Post day one and be somebody. Pm me if you need another contact



Winter Green

[OneImpressiveBall]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.

You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.

A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.

I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'

Only one thing to add, and it's just my personal opinion: if you post roll here while you are using nicotine, you need help that we can't give you. To say the same thing differently, I think that if you are actively using when you post roll, you probably have deeper psychological issues to work on. We're here to help just about anyone quit nicotine, but we can't help you with whatever it is that compelled you to lie for a week on the internet.

People have been banned for what you've done, NeonPanther. I'm not going to express a view on that option. I am only here to encourage you to consider speaking with a mental health professional.

[rdad]

A NeonPanther -49- Quit for Humpday! cant beleive i said that

NeonPanther -Nicotine 48 Alcohol 6- Amazing 3 day weekend with the family, freedom is splended! I promise to make today +1!

NeonPanther -47 nicotine 5 alchohol- Amazing 3 day weekend with the fam. 0 time for nic today!

NeonPanther -46- not today!

NeonPanther -45- thanks for the call Erussel! Non-stop family fun today, sunburned and feeling awesome. No way I'm letting nic interfere today!

NeonPanther -44- I promise to take it ODAAT!

Weak and Addicted I can understand, but this hypocrisy and dishonesty?!
I don't know man. I think I am just going to move on.

[Gdubya]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.

You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.

A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.

I'm sorry but maybe I'm a little to desensitized. Anybody read this dudes initial posts ??? Read between the lines. Tha dude is a squirrel. He hides his nuts in trees. Nobody need get their hearts trampled on by this Quit poser. Why the Hell is he even here ? His posts have all been about he's right and KTC is wrong. Just let him move on. He's a freakn expert. Go ask your wife what to do poser 'bang head' 'finger point' 'bang head'

[Spartanron]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.

You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.

A precedent has been sent, if you were posting roll with a dip in your mouth that tears apart the fabric of our brotherhood. Its one thing to cave, its a whole different thing to actively lie about it, what the hell were you thinking.

[mattyf118]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

You came in here on day one, and argued up and down with each one of us, stating that you knew what was best, and you knew the way to quit. Somehow, we managed to reach you, you decided to dump whatever NRT you were harboring. We then watched as you slowly built strong quit ties, not only with your group, but also with some pretty top notch vets.

You caved and posted roll for the next week. You lied on roll call, posted with Nic in your mouth or in your system and that is unforgivable. I will never be able to trust that you are clean again. I wish you the best of luck in your quit. If you are allowed to remain on the site, you'll do it without my support.

[Mthomas3824]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

I've feel like I've been punched in the stomach. If you lined up 50 quitters and told me one of them caved. If you were in the line up, Neon, you would be one of the last I would pick to be the caver.

I really thought you hated the bitch. Maybe you do but she still has you in chains. You would risk you life, family, job on her. For what.

Didn't you see the light? Didn't you learn the course of battle? Yes you chose to do these things. You chose the addicted mind and can humped your mistress while blowing her brother alcohol.

It doesn't hurt my quit. It reminds me that listening to the addicted mind and action on impulse is dangerous. It reminds me that some will fail that shouldn't.

You chose? You only think you chose. You are still nicotines bitch. Talk a great game but you glamorized her enough to put what you really value on the alter.

She along with your addiction to her forced you to be a liar. If you lie and deceive, your addiction will fester and control you.

Honesty. 1st step to really quitting. I honestly and sick of this, I honestly don't want to do this crap anymore. I will be honest about it. No show, just go and do this.

Humility. 2nd step: Ask for help and use the support!

KTC is a guarantee. Even though you are an addict. You broke the KTC plan. You want to quit. Then quit.

[humbledteacher]

NeonPanther:  I am impressed with your quit.  You make a decision and you go for it.  Way to inspire and lead the charge to freedom.  Nicotine fears you now. 

Keep quitting each and every damn day!

Neon-- you have some explaining to do to our March group. I read this the other day and thought to myself...mthomas is 100% right...Neon is doing all the right things. Now, that thought just hurts. We need to be here for each other and everyone from our group that caves, hurts the group. With that said, If anyone else is in the March Iron Men and has caved but still posts roll...you need to come out now. It's going to hurt but better now than later.

[ParadigmDawg]

I am only 140 days into my quit but I seem to have a handle on whom will stay quit vs the one's that will come on here for a few days and then go back to the bitch.

You my friend, are a quitter.

QLF!

Here is a brief timeline on how my quit is going, I'm not sure if it's helpful or not but I made it for another new quitter and he seemed to like it.

"3 days is something to be proud of. The nic is out of your system so it's all fun and games now...right? Well F...guess what? Your body is use to living with nic and now it's mad and is about to really fight you.

The good news is that you understand how to use your tools and you have some good fight in you. The better news is that it gets so much easier very quickly. Now, I realize that "quickly" is a very relative term- as when you are suffering minute to minute, 5 or 6 weeks seem like 100 years. In reality, 5 or 6 weeks is not a very long time.

Keep in mind, I am no expert and I am just going off of what I have experienced the past 140 days. My "suck scale" looked something like this:

Day 1-3: bad fog, my brain didn't work at all. Very little sleep and couldn't take a dump to save my life. I wanted a dip every second of each day.

Day 4-10: Pretty much out of the fog but bad, bad cravings and headache every second of the day

Day 11-14: My cruise control days, I didn't think about dipping much and craves were few and far between. Sleeping good but too much.

Day 15-21 Starting to get my energy level back up. Craves about 2-4 per day and short. The first thing every morning, I started to get an empty and sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about not being able to dip. Started losing my temper easily.

Day 22-25 No real changes, cruising along but feeling a little depressed. I started learning how to hate my addiction and was really mad about it.

Day 26- 30: Wow, I was starting to gain a lot of weight. Weird how I replaced Cope with Ice Cream and cake. I don't even eat sweets but here I am 10 lbs heavier. I don't care, I'm not dipping and the craves are mild.

Day 31-38: Freaking fog was back, some nasty craves and my temper way out of control. WTF!


Day 39-60: The roller coaster days. Mod craves followed by no craves, bad temper and mild depression. A difficult time but I was not giving up at this point.


Day 61-73: The best days by far. Seldom think about dip, temper is way better, sleeping like a normal person and just feeling pretty darn good. I am stacking up these good days to recharge my batteries and prepare for the next round of fights".

Day 74- 85: Really good days. Strong cravings when I have too many drinks so I have been careful with drinking. Normal days are now 0-1 crave. My temper has been completely under control for 2 weeks now.
Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over.

Day 100-135: I am on a high as I have reached my first goal. My guard is held the highest it has ever been in because I will not disappoint all those who have helped me.

Day 136: Rough patch at work this week. Just found out that we are closing our Sleep Division (I'm in Medical Sales). I make about 50% of my commission in sleep so I have no idea what I am going to do.

I took my wife to a nice dinner and explained it to her. We are both freaking out. I also drank about 6 Martinis and for about a 5 minute period, I told myself I was going to get a can on the way home. Who cares at this point...right?

I got up, went to the bathroom, got my tools in order and said fuck off Nic Bitch....I may be willing to screw myself right now but not everyone who has helped me. I put my big boy pants on and went home.

Minny and his 1+1= 2 theory kept ringing in my head.

Day 137-138: Guard held high and in for the long run. Weird dip dream last night. I just remember feeling panicky because I needed some SM and couldn't find any at any store. I woke up and was fine. It is funny as I haven't used SM since my first week of quit.

Fuck dude...you ruined my 100% correct record of calling people's quit.

I had you down as a winner...

I want to go back and see what day you were on when you caved but I'm not sure your deserve anymore of my time.

I can forgive a cave but integrity is the most important thing in the world to me. You lost this when you posted roll with nic in you.

I too don't want to see you posting much on here except explaining how you will succeed the next time you feel like caving. Besides that, your posts should only be in roll call.

I am still pulling for you and you have my cell, if I were you...I would start texting all your supporters one on one.

[JayDubya]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

Annnd, it looks like I accidentally bumped you from roll in May 2014...I'm not fixing it. Are you quit? I don't know? Have you answered the 3 questions in your NEW group (May 14) and your old group? I haven't seen your answers in May 14. Maybe coincidence worked one for the quitters by my accidentally bumping you from roll.

What will be different this time/what is your quit plan??

PS: I can't hold this in anymore...you messed with one of my quit brother's quit. He told you point blank that these are the times that have really made him think about caving. We are here to reach out and "support" each others' quits, not make someone struggle more. Pay it forward, not destroy it backwards and forward. I hope you do quit. I hope you answer the questions in your old and new group like you are supposed to do--all of the questions.

[Ginet]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

[rdad]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Aw Shit Neon
Just saw this and what a kick in the nards. I will miss you in our group. Earlier Catty brought it to my attention in a PM that there are a lot of badass quit monsters here that caved before. Be one of them. Do this right this time. What the fuck dude. I just don't get it. You were one of my layers of quit and now I am in a funk. Not a miss dip funk just a miss my brother funk. Pissed and Sad at the same time. FUCK!!!!!!

[Ginet]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...

Ugh. Very mixed emotions from a newbie with only 25 days quit.

The word "only" can be very powerful. For someone looking in, "only" 25 days seem very insignificant. For me and other quitters, "only" feels like a lifetime of physical struggles and mental mind games and a constant battle of protecting our quit. It is actually the "only" thing I have know for 25 days. It is the "only" thing I can know for today. It is the "only" thing, I can deal with tomorrow.

It is unfortunate that you didn't use the tools you have gained from KTC. It is sad that you didn't protect yourself that day. It is frustrating to read your entry. It is unacceptable that you lied on roll. That is the "only" thing I won't be able to forgive. I depend on this site. I depend on word that these fellow quitters give to me. I give them my word every day with the same honor. Do not take that away from me or any other quitter because you were weak. You do not have that right.

Good luck to you and your quit. I do hope you find a true quit!

[T-Cell]

1/22/2014 Nicotine 0 Alcohol Day 7.

I caved.

I will not make excuses. On Wednesday Jan 15th I CHOSE to get obliteratedly drunk. The reasons and excuses for this are meaningless, I should have CHOSEN to post, call, or text for help. Instead I selfishly CHOSE to stop after work and start drinking as soon as I got home. I CHOSE to leave the house and drink all night till 3am. At 3:30 am on Thursday Jan 16, I CHOSE to stop and buy a can of dip. I CHOSE to cave. Alcohol is not an excuse, I CHOSE to drink. I CHOSE to cave. I CHOSE to fill 12 hours of that night with events I seriously regret, and will for a very long time. I CHOSE to put everything I value aside. I CHOSE to risk my life, my career, my family, myÂ… everything.

For some reason, my wife forgave me again. I posted day 1 for alcohol and promised myself I was Quit for alcohol and nicotine. I told myself, and my wife that if I accepted that drunk dip as a cave, I would just use it as a reason to fail. I told myself and my wife that I was not going to let one mistake reset all the progress I had made. I mostly didnÂ’t want to face all of you. I CHOSE to lie to all of you, and lie to myself that I could keep going. We had an awesome 3 day weekend, spent the entire time together as a family outdoors. I was craving most of the time, but we were busy, having a great time, and there was no time for dip. If there had been, IÂ’m sure I would have CHOSEN to dip again. Then, yesterday, completely sober, I CHOSE to stop and buy another can. I CHOSE to drive to 7-11. I CHOSE to circle around the parking lot twice while I decided if I wanted to buy it. I CHOSE to wander around the store as I acted like I was looking for a drink, half-assed trying to talk myself out of it. I CHOSE not to leave. I CHOSE to buy a can. I CHOSE to dip. I regretted it. I spit it out in disgust and threw it out in the closest trash can. This morning I CHOSE to stop and buy another can and dip again and then flushed it.

I CHOSE to go no further down this path. I have been typing this and talking to my wife all morning. She and I have tasted success and freedom. I will not let it go. I regret my CHOICES last Wednesday. I regret not making this choice Thursday morning. I regret being a despicable hypocrite for the last 7 days. I regret lying to my wife, to all of you and to myself these past 7 days. I regret that before every CHOICE I made, I could have CHOSEN to ask for help, and instead I CHOSE not to. I know it would have been answered with a landside of support.

I failed myself. I failed all of you. I failed my wife and my children. I will not let these mistakes destroy me, I cannot. I know I cannot be dishonest and succeed. Lies are addictions fuel. I cannot lie to my supporters. I cannot lie to myself or my loved ones any longer. I owe you all an apology. I want to fall to the ground and apologize, but I do not believe any words will make a difference. I know I am going to hurt and disappoint so many of you by posting this. I know some of you will take this as a very personal F.U., I know this will destroy any trust you have had in me. IÂ’m terrified of the responses I will be met with. But I am more terrified of completely falling back into all my old ways. I will lose EVERYTHING if I do. The only way I think I can apologize to you, to my family and to myself is to man up, be honest and accepting complete responsibility for myself, and my actions. I will accept the consequences of my actions, post day one and proving myself one day at a time.

I gotta tell everyone here and be honest about something. This is the shit I hate the most here at KTC! There isn't a lot we can do to protect ourselves from this, except to protect our own quits above all else. I have struggled through this crap and made it so far. I am still a newbie rookie here at KTC and I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious asshole but here we go....

Neon, you really hurt a lot of people here. Screw the replies and the anger you will get from all of us here. What you have done is jeopardize our good quits today. Believe or not I actually expect people to post roll and mean it. This stinks all the way back to Paddymac and his shit too. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

These are the only times I can remember ever thinking about caving. People fighting the good fight and then get knocked down by a horrendous punch to the groin like this.

Well, I hope you continue on in your fight. It looks to me like you have a lot more to focus on than quitting dip. I hope you can handle all of it at the same time. A word of advice. STOP DRINKING PERIOD!!!!!

I will watch for you in April, but will watch from the sideline on this one. I do quit with you today!!!! IF YOU POST ROLL!!!!!

Read doc's response closely, Neon. What you did was hurt others. I'm not your psychologist or your psychiatrist, if you even have one, but your whole night resulted in hurting OTHERS. Think about that before you say anything else.

Doc is right...we don't need that kind of stuff here. I don't feel sad for you. I feel sad for all of my KTC brothers (and myself included). You hurt the ones that reached out to help you. If you haven't been to see a counselor of some sort, perhaps it is time? Look at the wake of wreckage and shit you left behind. What do you have to look forward to...more of the same until you address the underlying root cause.

Don't shit on us again. If you do, then you can just stay gone. Btw, you posted in December 13 with that shit in your system. You asked about Texas 22. I'm not the group spokesperson by any means but I'm sure my December quit brothers feel exactly as I do...don't come back to December 13 with that shit in your system. I doubt any group here will welcome you with the nic-bitch's tit fresh on your breath.

One last thing, in the words of Razd "Keep the shit out of your face."

I do want to pile on because both of these quitters are absolutely right. Every cave hurts the extended network of quitters who tried to help and are still battling.
I don't want words from you (no credibility now that you lied on roll), but I would like to see more of a quit plan. What is going to be different next time? How will you ensure that? Approach it the same way you did and expecting a different outcome isn't the smartest path...