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[kana]

Growth Spurt.. Today's another bday (45). Yesterday I was thinking about how fast this last year has gone. I remember my last bday vividly. I had promised myself yet again, that I would quit dipping after being a slave to tobacco for 33 years... That time it lasted 2 days.. (What a joke) 2 months later I was on my knees in depression, and I felt suicidal. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, But I also knew I couldn't stop.. Then one night I prayed for help, and the Lord guided me to KTC.. This was my last chance. Nothing else worked for me.. I followed the vets instructions, and I had a ktc growth spurt. Watching my son this year was amazing, but I have reached new levels myself. Everything about me is different now. Physically, I lost 30lbs, and my chi has grown immensely. I went from a lazy, depressed, sorry ass. To a confident, calm,  loving father. I eat differently, exercise, think differently, but most importantly I learned to enjoy life again. I finally feel free.. I like many had a tough time, and the last couple months were no exception, but I knew what it was this time. I hadn't been exercising for awhile. Not because I didn't want to, but just to busy at work. Once I got with it again (2 weeks ago) the skies parted, and I'm feeling like that cheetah again.. FYI Swimming, Biking, and yoga 6 days a week will make you feel invincible. I can't remember the last time I thought about a dip, but I did think about forgetting my pack of gum yesterday sigh..
The brain is pretty much re-wired.
The knowledge I gained,  growth I made this year still leave me in awe..
To those vets who guided me. Thank you for saving my life...
To the newbies, post everyday, and keep your word.. It works...
Early on I read others saying it, but now I'm living it.
It's truly amazing over here... but you have to want it... peace :D

[Evil_Won]

I was sick this weekend, so was on the couch all day yesterday. watching boo win a golf tournament with a huge fatty in his cheek. my mind was busy all day, in a different way. you see I wasn't thinking about having a dip.. I was thinking about his struggles. I could see it in his face. I've seen him before with huge dips, but I've never seen him spit. he's gotta be gutting it, or just spits once the red light turns off. When he smiled I could see his insecurity. his yellow teeth from the couch. I'm sure these guys hate high def..Then I started to think about the PGA and how they feel? I'm sure he's a nice guy, but nowaday's image is everything. After it was all over I heard the announcer mention now he could go home, and celebrate with his family. I couldn't help but think all that prize money is worthless if you're dead. All the thinking helped me yesterday, and just made me thankful I don't use that toxic waste anymore..peace

It's funny, as a ninja I never noticed other people doing it, whether it was a baseball player or golfer. I guess it was the internal shame that I had that somehow blocked it. Now, I'm just starting to see clearly again and am noticing dippers. I feel sad for them. Addiction sucks.

[kana]

I was sick this weekend, so was on the couch all day yesterday. watching boo win a golf tournament with a huge fatty in his cheek. my mind was busy all day, in a different way. you see I wasn't thinking about having a dip.. I was thinking about his struggles. I could see it in his face. I've seen him before with huge dips, but I've never seen him spit. he's gotta be gutting it, or just spits once the red light turns off. When he smiled I could see his insecurity. his yellow teeth from the couch. I'm sure these guys hate high def..Then I started to think about the PGA and how they feel? I'm sure he's a nice guy, but nowaday's image is everything. After it was all over I heard the announcer mention now he could go home, and celebrate with his family. I couldn't help but think all that prize money is worthless if you're dead. All the thinking helped me yesterday, and just made me thankful I don't use that toxic waste anymore..peace

[Wt57]

288 today - What a fucking ride this has been. Coming up on my 45th bday next month. Where does the time go?  I sit home alone yet again.. 3rd time this year the family is on a trip without me.. This last one has hit me hard.. Makes you think about what's really important in life. Without my family I have nothing.. I guess many things have been creeping around in my head the last 50 days. I'm definitely guilty of over analyzing everything.. My mother say's I've been a perfectionist from birth, but I've been an addict just as long..
My grandparents are in their mid 90's. All my relatives have lived long lives, so often I think it could be my halftime. Time to re-evaluate the game plan, goal, direction, and make adjustments. Then I realize I've been addicted to something almost my entire life.. walking the tightrope.. I want the second half to be different..  I'm sick and tired of carrying all that baggage...
In the beginning I was young  blind, but now I see very clearly. It's like noticing an obvious problem that can be fixed.. You just have to fix it. All my life my addiction has grabbed onto something with both-hands.. Sometimes there were multiple addictions, but one always took the lead. Before I came to KTC I was really struggling with the tobacco. I had already kicked alcohol to the curb, but tobacco was that obvious problem that could be fixed. I knew it would be a tough fight, but I also knew this needed to be done. I trolled KTC for a week before I posted day 1. I vividly remember that feeling, that I was doing something wrong (using), and I needed to change. Like I broke a window, and waited a couple day's to say anything, that awful feeling in your gut..
Around the 250's I think I started using fake. First a little then a lot. Once I noticed I had multiple spitters around I said enough. It was to similar, and I'm removing anything resembling tobacco from my life.. It's been 2 weeks and I'm glad I moved away from the fake.. no regrets..
Addiction is very fucking smart, it tries to justify. Addiction knew I was kicking yet another bitch to the curb, so It latched on to something else.. medical cannabis.. It's been prescribed to me for 1 1/2 years, after a 15 year stretch without.  I told myself it would be a tool in my bag for as long as I needed it.. But here comes the justification again, I need it to help me through this? BULLSHIT! The last 50 day's has been a battle for me with addiction. I haven't been very involved on here because I feel I needed to help myself first. I need to strengthen my own resolve before I can help others.
I've had that sinking feeling in my gut again. She knew that I had one vice left, and that her day's were also numbered.. dip thoughts have become rare, so I feel like I'm ready to take this fucking battle to the next level. I'm going to cut her head off, on her own soil, in front of her own army. The head of the snake will fall when I hit 300. I will stop using my meds, be a man, and fight the remainder of this battle with a clear head. I have finally accepted that I'm not perfect, but I'm a strong mother fucker. That's why the lord gave me this battle, because he knew I'd be standing in the end.  KTC has made me feel like a member of the 300 army. The army that did the impossible. I fight along side all you bad ass mother fuckers to the bitter end. When it's my time to go, I will have the peace of mind that the majority of my life was lived WITHOUT addiction...and that I was in control... peace

I am not shitting you, I just had to wipe something moist out of my eyes. Damn that hit home. I'm less than half the quitter you are, but there are those moments when it's obvious I'm simply looking for another addiction and it's a crazy internal fight. What you're going through makes total sense to me, and I empathize with you. If there's anything harder in this life than fighting addiction, I don't want to encounter it.

Glad you answered the reason to beat this shit first in that post. We're not living to love an addiction, we're living to love those that love and need us. We're working hard to actually deserve that love and need. There is no "need" in addiction, no matter the vice. Our families NEED us.

That moist crap in my eyes is happening again. What the fuck is that?

Damn you guys rock! Kana I think the search for another addiction to replace the abandoned one is just natural especially those of us who have decades of abuse. D that moisture must be from the pollen in the air, the pollen index is high in our area. I'm having the same thing happen. You 2 always excite and encourage me when you post.
Halftime? my progenitors also have lived long but I guess no matter how you look at it I'm well into that 3rd quarter. Lol. We're just getting better and wiser. I'm certainly glad to be with you and all the others regrouping (rather its halftime, a new game or in the final play). It's never to late to quit, even if its the last thing you do, it's worth it. That may sound odd but I will quit with you guys every day and if that quit is my last action I'll be proud to be quit with my KTC brothers and sisters.

[Dlee3]

288 today - What a fucking ride this has been. Coming up on my 45th bday next month. Where does the time go? I sit home alone yet again.. 3rd time this year the family is on a trip without me.. This last one has hit me hard.. Makes you think about what's really important in life. Without my family I have nothing.. I guess many things have been creeping around in my head the last 50 days. I'm definitely guilty of over analyzing everything.. My mother say's I've been a perfectionist from birth, but I've been an addict just as long..
My grandparents are in their mid 90's. All my relatives have lived long lives, so often I think it could be my halftime. Time to re-evaluate the game plan, goal, direction, and make adjustments. Then I realize I've been addicted to something almost my entire life.. walking the tightrope.. I want the second half to be different.. I'm sick and tired of carrying all that baggage...
In the beginning I was young  blind, but now I see very clearly. It's like noticing an obvious problem that can be fixed.. You just have to fix it. All my life my addiction has grabbed onto something with both-hands.. Sometimes there were multiple addictions, but one always took the lead. Before I came to KTC I was really struggling with the tobacco. I had already kicked alcohol to the curb, but tobacco was that obvious problem that could be fixed. I knew it would be a tough fight, but I also knew this needed to be done. I trolled KTC for a week before I posted day 1. I vividly remember that feeling, that I was doing something wrong (using), and I needed to change. Like I broke a window, and waited a couple day's to say anything, that awful feeling in your gut..
Around the 250's I think I started using fake. First a little then a lot. Once I noticed I had multiple spitters around I said enough. It was to similar, and I'm removing anything resembling tobacco from my life.. It's been 2 weeks and I'm glad I moved away from the fake.. no regrets..
Addiction is very fucking smart, it tries to justify. Addiction knew I was kicking yet another bitch to the curb, so It latched on to something else.. medical cannabis.. It's been prescribed to me for 1 1/2 years, after a 15 year stretch without. I told myself it would be a tool in my bag for as long as I needed it.. But here comes the justification again, I need it to help me through this? BULLSHIT! The last 50 day's has been a battle for me with addiction. I haven't been very involved on here because I feel I needed to help myself first. I need to strengthen my own resolve before I can help others.
I've had that sinking feeling in my gut again. She knew that I had one vice left, and that her day's were also numbered.. dip thoughts have become rare, so I feel like I'm ready to take this fucking battle to the next level. I'm going to cut her head off, on her own soil, in front of her own army. The head of the snake will fall when I hit 300. I will stop using my meds, be a man, and fight the remainder of this battle with a clear head. I have finally accepted that I'm not perfect, but I'm a strong mother fucker. That's why the lord gave me this battle, because he knew I'd be standing in the end. KTC has made me feel like a member of the 300 army. The army that did the impossible. I fight along side all you bad ass mother fuckers to the bitter end. When it's my time to go, I will have the peace of mind that the majority of my life was lived WITHOUT addiction...and that I was in control... peace

I am not shitting you, I just had to wipe something moist out of my eyes. Damn that hit home. I'm less than half the quitter you are, but there are those moments when it's obvious I'm simply looking for another addiction and it's a crazy internal fight. What you're going through makes total sense to me, and I empathize with you. If there's anything harder in this life than fighting addiction, I don't want to encounter it.

Glad you answered the reason to beat this shit first in that post. We're not living to love an addiction, we're living to love those that love and need us. We're working hard to actually deserve that love and need. There is no "need" in addiction, no matter the vice. Our families NEED us.

That moist crap in my eyes is happening again. What the fuck is that?

[kana]

288 today - What a fucking ride this has been. Coming up on my 45th bday next month. Where does the time go? I sit home alone yet again.. 3rd time this year the family is on a trip without me.. This last one has hit me hard.. Makes you think about what's really important in life. Without my family I have nothing.. I guess many things have been creeping around in my head the last 50 days. I'm definitely guilty of over analyzing everything.. My mother say's I've been a perfectionist from birth, but I've been an addict just as long..
My grandparents are in their mid 90's. All my relatives have lived long lives, so often I think it could be my halftime. Time to re-evaluate the game plan, goal, direction, and make adjustments. Then I realize I've been addicted to something almost my entire life.. walking the tightrope.. I want the second half to be different.. I'm sick and tired of carrying all that baggage...
In the beginning I was young  blind, but now I see very clearly. It's like noticing an obvious problem that can be fixed.. You just have to fix it. All my life my addiction has grabbed onto something with both-hands.. Sometimes there were multiple addictions, but one always took the lead. Before I came to KTC I was really struggling with the tobacco. I had already kicked alcohol to the curb, but tobacco was that obvious problem that could be fixed. I knew it would be a tough fight, but I also knew this needed to be done. I trolled KTC for a week before I posted day 1. I vividly remember that feeling, that I was doing something wrong (using), and I needed to change. Like I broke a window, and waited a couple day's to say anything, that awful feeling in your gut..
Around the 250's I think I started using fake. First a little then a lot. Once I noticed I had multiple spitters around I said enough. It was to similar, and I'm removing anything resembling tobacco from my life.. It's been 2 weeks and I'm glad I moved away from the fake.. no regrets..
Addiction is very fucking smart, it tries to justify. Addiction knew I was kicking yet another bitch to the curb, so It latched on to something else.. medical cannabis.. It's been prescribed to me for 1 1/2 years, after a 15 year stretch without. I told myself it would be a tool in my bag for as long as I needed it.. But here comes the justification again, I need it to help me through this? BULLSHIT! The last 50 day's has been a battle for me with addiction. I haven't been very involved on here because I feel I needed to help myself first. I need to strengthen my own resolve before I can help others.
I've had that sinking feeling in my gut again. She knew that I had one vice left, and that her day's were also numbered.. dip thoughts have become rare, so I feel like I'm ready to take this fucking battle to the next level. I'm going to cut her head off, on her own soil, in front of her own army. The head of the snake will fall when I hit 300. I will stop using my meds, be a man, and fight the remainder of this battle with a clear head. I have finally accepted that I'm not perfect, but I'm a strong mother fucker. That's why the lord gave me this battle, because he knew I'd be standing in the end. KTC has made me feel like a member of the 300 army. The army that did the impossible. I fight along side all you bad ass mother fuckers to the bitter end. When it's my time to go, I will have the peace of mind that the majority of my life was lived WITHOUT addiction...and that I was in control... peace

[kana]

This morning in my seat, at my desk looking out the window. My mind told me to write today as I need to log this ride I've been on. What I love most about this sight is someone will always tell you exactly what you need to hear at the right time. I like many have been in the vortex of a storm lately. But I have found my way out again.. I noticed my garden has been neglected, not forgotten just neglected. This garden is on my property, and I'm responsible for it. No one can take it away from me, not even the storm.. The storm is in the distance now.. I can see the backside and I'm giving it the finger... Now it's time to work on my mind, get it STRONG again..

[Diesel2112]

The last couple weeks have taken my face and shoved it in a pile of addiction... I hope young people read my posts , so they learn how powerful addiction really is. We're all alike. We don't want our kids and youth to go through the same things we did. I had a visit from my mother this week, and we talked a lot about addiction. Over the course of my life I have slowly eliminated my addictions. One by one the have fallen. First was alcohol, second was cigarettes, third was weed, and then dip. (However) When I quit dip I was pre-scribed med cannabis from my dr. to replace the anxiety  pain meds I was on. (They Caused me to pass out all the time) First the weed was once a day, then twice, then three.. WTF?? Then 2 weeks ago I started the fake dip.. first it was once a day, then twice a day, Then three WTF??? Yesterday I had 6.. My addict nature just bleeds out. I have felt guilty and thus stopped posting. and then yesterday my son found a spit bottle? Asked me why the water was sick... Then I got sick ... sick to my stomach that I was allowing things to control me again. This isn't about fake dip, or real dip, food, drugs. It's about allowing something to control you. I'm fucking stronger than that... I hate being controlled. After I type this I'm flushing the remainder of my fake down the toilet, and I'm gonna visit the dr. and try a different path for my meds. I'm still nicotine free and I feel good about that, but it's time to start mending some broken boards. Today I'm gonna beat the shit out of addiction, fuck you!!!

You git this shit bro.  You can do anything when your mind is right.

"When MIND is weak, situation is a PROBLEM. When MIND is balanced, situation is a CHALLENGE. When MIND is strong, situation becomes OPPORTUNITY.

[kana]

The last couple weeks have taken my face and shoved it in a pile of addiction... I hope young people read my posts , so they learn how powerful addiction really is. We're all alike. We don't want our kids and youth to go through the same things we did. I had a visit from my mother this week, and we talked a lot about addiction. Over the course of my life I have slowly eliminated my addictions. One by one the have fallen. First was alcohol, second was cigarettes, third was weed, and then dip. (However) When I quit dip I was pre-scribed med cannabis from my dr. to replace the anxiety  pain meds I was on. (They Caused me to pass out all the time) First the weed was once a day, then twice, then three.. WTF?? Then 2 weeks ago I started the fake dip.. first it was once a day, then twice a day, Then three WTF??? Yesterday I had 6.. My addict nature just bleeds out. I have felt guilty and thus stopped posting. and then yesterday my son found a spit bottle? Asked me why the water was sick... Then I got sick ... sick to my stomach that I was allowing things to control me again. This isn't about fake dip, or real dip, food, drugs. It's about allowing something to control you. I'm fucking stronger than that... I hate being controlled. After I type this I'm flushing the remainder of my fake down the toilet, and I'm gonna visit the dr. and try a different path for my meds. I'm still nicotine free and I feel good about that, but it's time to start mending some broken boards. Today I'm gonna beat the shit out of addiction, fuck you!!!

[rickddd]

Kana, thanks for the post.  Congrats on day 246, they really pile up dont they.  You were at about 150 when I got on here.

I know what you mean about the fake.  I never touched the fake at all for like 70 days or more.  I also stayed away from drinking.  When I decided to do some drinking again I thought it might be good to have some fake on hand just in case.  I tell you what, I was happy to have it.  I am not gonna stress about it either.  I will probably keep it in my glove box and maybe in my golf bag just in case.  Hope I wont need it beyond the first year, but it is a tool that I will allow myself for this summer at least.  There is just something about getting a buzz and feeling the need to stuff my lip.  If you feel that it is a slippery slope for you I think you are dead right to stay away.

That is a good plan, I'm gonna follow that as well, and keep using fake thru the summer for golf season, and fishing season.
I'm using fake pretty consistently, tho not 24/7 like with dip. I probably have 4-6 fake chews per day.

Congrats Kana! I hope to get where you are someday, thanks for showing me how its done.

[kana]

As stated before this is my 2 cents.. my opinion.. I don't care if someone uses it.. just saying it's not for me..
I feel helluva better now that it's out of my house.. I feel as though I crossed a barrier in my quit.. I surprised myself by not enjoying it..
Three of my nephews (brothers) all sucked their thumbs. The youngest is now the last one still doing it. I was watching him and it made me think how the addiction to comfort starts very early. Everybody selects different types of comfort. My son never sucked his thumb, but he carried a blanket. We're all different even at that age.. watching the boys the 2 oldest have grown out of it. It made me liken it to my quit. I feel as though I've just grown away from it.. and everyday I feel a little more free...

[Kubrick]

On the other side of the coin, I still have a hooch dip occasionally, especially if I'm driving a good distance.

It doesn't make me feel like I've caved. I just keep a can in my car, and cans in a few other places just in case because even at day 381, the occasional crave still sneaks in there. I would rather put some nic free herbs in my mouth than be tempted with the real stuff.

So anyone reading this: if you think it will help you, then try it out and use it and make your own decision.

[Diesel2112]

Day 246 - I guess the fake is a 50/50 topic on here so I've learned. I never really thought about it during my quit until recently. I read that others would use it, and I didn't really care if they did or not. As long as it was helping them. I personally didn't want to try it because of the oral fixation things. I knew the taste would suck, because your mind  taste buds wouldn't be getting what they thought was coming.. I was correct... The other day I ordered some fake hooch after one of my rants. Personally I think it did more harm then good.. It arrived 2 days ago. I can remember checking the mail everyday. Then I thought it has to come today, so I left work early went home checked the mailbox  there it was... After the kid went to bed I took a pinch.. It felt as though I had caved.. I immediately got a sinking feeling in my stomach. The FAKE dip lasted 10 minutes then i spit it out.. I thought, well this isn't for me.. I threw them all in the trash. Next morning, I pulled 2 cans back out.. sound familiar? I had another FAKE dip on the way to pick up my son. looking for a spitter I found an empty bottle in the car that was the one I used the first day. Opened it up and the smell almost made me puke. This stuff tasted like shit but kept it in 10 minutes - then spit it out... I put the 2 cans in the closet.. Next day (yesterday) On way home from work thinking about getting home and having a hooch.. Kid went to bed, I had another dip.. Sitting in my chair I started noticing I would move the shit around in my mouth, I was thinking about it earlier, I was hiding it, doing the things I used to do with the real shit.. I immediately got up and said FUCK THIS NOISE... I took all the hooch and flushed it.. I'm not going back down that road..
My 2 cents on this topic - Stay away from the fake unless your using it at the very beginning to get through the hurt. Dump that shit as soon as you can, because I've seen how similar it is, and I think it's just a set-up for failure.
Addiction is not something to fuck around with.. Addiction is 90% mental,
so this morning 90% + My other 10% says FUCK YOU TOBACCO.. I'm quit

Good advice, and great job reaching 246.

Fake is a tough one but I agree with you.

Use it if you must in the beginning, but getting into it after you have some good numbers under your belt may not be wise.

Just my piddly 3 cents.

[Wt57]

Interesting, I started mixing fake and real before finding KTC and after quitting tried all the fake I could get. Finally I chose smokey Mountian and dipped it for over 80 days nonstop. Eventually my desire for it left. At about 150 days I threw out all the fake stockpile except 2 cans, today at 373 days they remain unopened. Congrats on your upcoming 250 Dana. We all do what we have to do and the only thing that really matters is keeping nicotine out of the equation. It's just like posting roll post HOF, 2nd floor, 1 year or whatever. For me recognizing when I'm tempted and falling back on the tools I've learned this past year is what will keep me quit today. I remember the times in the past I worried about quitting forever, I'm no fortune teller. I believe the greatest breakthrough I've made is that now I understand that no matter what I can quit TODAY!

Non addicts can make life time decisions to never use nicotine and never look back or weaken to temptation, they just aren't tempted because the made that decision. I can't do that because I am an addict and my decision must be made daily! For me 'I will not use nicotine today'! Someday years down the road this may change, we've all heard those addicts that swear they can say "Never"! I quit with you today 'iceman'.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Kana, thanks for the post. Congrats on day 246, they really pile up dont they. You were at about 150 when I got on here.

I know what you mean about the fake. I never touched the fake at all for like 70 days or more. I also stayed away from drinking. When I decided to do some drinking again I thought it might be good to have some fake on hand just in case. I tell you what, I was happy to have it. I am not gonna stress about it either. I will probably keep it in my glove box and maybe in my golf bag just in case. Hope I wont need it beyond the first year, but it is a tool that I will allow myself for this summer at least. There is just something about getting a buzz and feeling the need to stuff my lip. If you feel that it is a slippery slope for you I think you are dead right to stay away.