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Community => Introductions => Topic started by: oldschool on October 12, 2018, 11:25:06 AM

Title: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on October 12, 2018, 11:25:06 AM
Today is day 5 being nicotine free!

It has been a tough week, and I found this site while looking for withdrawal symptoms, etc.  I probably quit a little unconventionally:  The last dip I had was September 1st.  I started chewing 4mg nicotine gum for 2 weeks, then I switched to 2mg gum for 2 weeks.  Each day I tried to focus on using less and less nicotine.  TBH that strategy did not really matter that much because the first 3 days of no nicotine was a bitch.

It was weird but the first day was not that hard.  I chewed sugar free gum and got through it ok.  The second day - especially toward the evening - was tough.  A lot of anxiety.  The third day was just hell.  No other way to describe it.   I just did not feel like myself.  Yesterday was very similar to day 2 - thankfully it was better than day 3 - but more anger than anxiety.  Today is better:  I have not had any chewing gum, and i am focusing on not creating one habit to break a bad habit.

Well, that's it - just wanted to say Hi and to say thanks because the articles and posts I've read have already helped.
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: Aumegrad on October 12, 2018, 01:30:04 PM
Today is day 5 being nicotine free!

It has been a tough week, and I found this site while looking for withdrawal symptoms, etc.  I probably quit a little unconventionally:  The last dip I had was September 1st.  I started chewing 4mg nicotine gum for 2 weeks, then I switched to 2mg gum for 2 weeks.  Each day I tried to focus on using less and less nicotine.  TBH that strategy did not really matter that much because the first 3 days of no nicotine was a bitch.

It was weird but the first day was not that hard.  I chewed sugar free gum and got through it ok.  The second day - especially toward the evening - was tough.  A lot of anxiety.  The third day was just hell.  No other way to describe it.   I just did not feel like myself.  Yesterday was very similar to day 2 - thankfully it was better than day 3 - but more anger than anxiety.  Today is better:  I have not had any chewing gum, and i am focusing on not creating one habit to break a bad habit.

Well, that's it - just wanted to say Hi and to say thanks because the articles and posts I've read have already helped.

Oldschool,
First off, that's one of my fav movies!  Secondly, congrats on your decision for freedom, you have definitely come to the right place.  Head over to the January Pre-HOF group at: http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?topic=584.0 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?topic=584.0).  This will be your group and brothers-in-arms, all of them going through the same stuff as you at the same time.  Reach out to them, get involved, and most importantly, post roll.  It is that promise that for that given day, you will remain nicotine free.  Who can't quit for one day?!?!  You have already reached 5 on your own  ;)  Repeat the following day and so on.   Following this regiment will ensure a life without the control of a dead plant!

Many people here to support you.  Stay strong, get involved, and again, congrats on one of the best decisions you will ever make!

Aumegrad - 82
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: RDB on October 12, 2018, 01:35:30 PM
Welcome.

I chewed nicotine gum prior to my quit too. I wouldn't recommend it, but like you, I made it work.

Like Aumegrad said - post roll in your January group. Posting roll is the price of admission here, and a great tool in staying quit.

As far as your withdrawal symptoms - it's different for everyone, but you should be through the worst of it now. The nicotine is out of your body, and it's a mind game now.

Proud to quit with you.
Title: Re: introduction
Post by: oldschool on November 11, 2018, 11:38:45 AM
Today is day 35 nicotine free!

30 days since my first post on KTC - wow I was a noob just one month ago!  What have I learned since my first post 30 days ago?   This is my Quit.  I am the only one that can choose to be nicotine free or cave.  I have to make this choice every day.  I have to make this choice multiple time a day.  I have to be patient as my brain is rewiring itself.  I have to be cognizant that this rewiring process does not interfere with my life and my relationships. The worst is behind me, but this will not be easy for me as dip and nicotine was just so embedded in my daily life.   It will get better - maybe not today or tomorrow but it will get better. 

What else have I learned in the last 30 days?  There are people who are going through the same thing as me.  Some of us have anxiety, or fog, or can't sleep, or have short tempers, or can't poop, or any combination of withdrawal symptoms,  Just like me, there are people who decide that each day is going to be another day nicotine free - even if it is unbearably hard and painful - this day we promise to be nicotine free.  I have learned that it is ok to reach out for help.  I have learned that there are people who will help - even though they have never met you - they help because someone has helped them.  I have learned that there is strength in numbers.  i have learned that a single promise to someone you don't really know is as strong as a promise to a loved one.  I have learned that it is my responsibility to pay it forward.

My name is Rich.  I am 50 years old, and have had some form of nicotine in my life since i was 16.  I started smoking in high school, and continued until I was 28.  First time I tried dip was when I was in Grad school:  late nights studying.  other Grad students dipped, but smoking was still my main source of nicotine.  I quit smoking when I got married, and TBH it was not that hard for me.  I had about 2 weeks of withdrawal, and then it was like normal life.  8 years went by and all of it nicotine free until one day on a golf course.  Just moved to a new town for a new job, and I went golfing with guys from work.  All of them dipped, and I asked for a pinch.  Next thing you know it I was buying cans.  I did not want my wife to find out so I became a ninja dipper.  I was traveling for my job a lot so hiding in the beginning was fairly easy.  And there you have it, I was hooked again.

Funny thing about this type of addiction is it is so important to get your fix of nicotine that you will do anything to have it.  Even if that means lying to the people you love, altering your life just to get a dip in, and hiding the fact that you dip because you are embarrassed that you do it.  Crazy.  Doing something you know is bad for you, embarrassing habit, but you still look forward to doing it multiple times a day.

Well, i had finally had enough.  I no longer enjoyed dipping.  I just dipped for the nicotine.  I just dipped for the habit.  I hated the fact that I was constantly worried about how my cheeks and gums felt.  I hated how I worried about if i was getting low on dip.  I hated how I had to sneak dip at work - especially during meetings, etc.  I wanted to be free.  For me quitting dip was fairly easy:  I just stopped buying it.  I bought nicotine gum instead, but I was kidding myself.  I went to a Cubs game one Saturday afternoon about a month after switching to nicotine gum.  Somehow I lost the four pieces of gum I brought for the day.  It was horrible.  I was supposed to be enjoying a day with my wife and friends, and instead all I could think about was not having nicotine.  That was the day I decided to quit.  I would no longer have this addiction controlling my life.

So, it was day 5, and I was still feeling quite horrible.  Quitting the second time around was much more difficult.  I needed answers.  I needed help.  I googled dip withdrawal symptoms, and the search led me to KTC.  I starting reading.  I learned that this was not going to be easy.  I learned it will get better.  Those 2 facts along with accountability and the support of new friends have gotten me to Day 35.
Title: Re: introduction
Post by: Athan on November 11, 2018, 01:32:47 PM
... I went to a Cubs game one Saturday afternoon about a month after switching to nicotine gum.  Somehow I lost the four pieces of gum I brought for the day.  It was horrible.  I was supposed to be enjoying a day with my wife and friends, and instead all I could think about was not having nicotine.  That was the day I decided to quit.  I would no longer have this addiction controlling my life...
I feel you Rich.  It was the addict behavior more than anything else for me; nicotine was in control, not me.  Keep blogging it out.  Your helping yourself and others. PTBQWYT
Title: Re: introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on November 11, 2018, 09:22:25 PM
Rich, I know I have already texted you the awesomeness of this post, but I must reiterate the positive impact it had on my quit.  In addition, I must state how it epitomizes our quits and the effectiveness of this site’s tools in our quit.  You have gone all-in and it shows.

You are doing a remarkable job and I am proud to be in the trenches with you!
Title: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on December 01, 2018, 01:58:39 PM
Day 55 nicotine free!

It has been quite a week:  Sunday we were hit with a Blizzard that dumped 14 inches of snow.  Monday had to travel to Dallas.  Tuesday attended a stressful company meeting.  Wednesday played catch up.  Thursday and Friday sandwiched 6 Plant communication meetings in between the day to day working over 14 hours each day.  Then today, day 55, went to a co-workers funeral and said good bye.

The 40 minute drive to the funeral this morning was almost white knuckle.  Rain coming down in buckets with driving 30+ mph wind.  2 weeks ago I would have been so stressed I would have felt like my head was getting squeezed off my shoulders and neck.  Today I felt calm and handled the drive with ease.  As I was driving I thought it must be the good night sleep I just had.  Then I thought, when was the last time I had that good of a sleep?

Once in Church, I began to think of the struggles my friend went through prior to passing.  He was in and out of a hospital 9 times since May.  Fighting life threatening infections, his legs would swell up so bad.  Yet, he never complained.  He relied on his faith in God and his friendships.  I started reflecting on how much pain and suffering my friend endured just to live one more day.  I compared what he went through fighting for his life to what I have been going through the last 55 days.  Quite frankly, I became embarrassed.  At that moment, I realized as my friend was fighting for his life – his mortality –  I was just fighting withdrawal symptoms, which as uncomfortable as they are, probably will not kill me.  To say this thought strengthened my resolve is an understatement. 

On the way home, I began to think about the 55 day journey and some of my recent revelations.  As I watch new quit groups forming, I see this repeatable pattern.  Oh, the first week or two of quit…new members are just trying to figure out how to post roll – just trying to fight to stay quit..  Just starting to figure out how are they going to get through this.  Then I visit the previous month quit group, and I see the members start to establish a bond, fight over a team name, and start holding each other accountable.  Then, I reflect on my quit group, the Crew, and notice we are now more confidently posting our numbers.  Most of us around halfway to HoF.  We are starting to get to know each other.  We are starting to try to pay it forward.  Yesterday, I observed a quit group pass into HoF.  This quit group has a member who reached out to me early in my quit, and we text our promise each day.

So sitting here today on day 55, I realize oh, how much better today is than day 5 – the day I joined KTC.  Today brings resolve that I will continue to fight the battle of addiction.  Today brings the realization that I still have a long way to go, but I think the path will keep getting better.  My main reason for writing this today is I hope that just one thought or sentence will resonate with someone who is quitting when they need help or support.  I hope some of the members of newer quit groups read this and realize it will get better.  Just stay quit one day at a time.  Integrity is a powerful value – make a promise each and every day to stay quit for that day. 
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: BBQchips on December 03, 2018, 02:16:09 PM
Day 55 nicotine free!

It has been quite a week:  Sunday we were hit with a Blizzard that dumped 14 inches of snow.  Monday had to travel to Dallas.  Tuesday attended a stressful company meeting.  Wednesday played catch up.  Thursday and Friday sandwiched 6 Plant communication meetings in between the day to day working over 14 hours each day.  Then today, day 55, went to a co-workers funeral and said good bye.

The 40 minute drive to the funeral this morning was almost white knuckle.  Rain coming down in buckets with driving 30+ mph wind.  2 weeks ago I would have been so stressed I would have felt like my head was getting squeezed off my shoulders and neck.  Today I felt calm and handled the drive with ease.  As I was driving I thought it must be the good night sleep I just had.  Then I thought, when was the last time I had that good of a sleep?

Once in Church, I began to think of the struggles my friend went through prior to passing.  He was in and out of a hospital 9 times since May.  Fighting life threatening infections, his legs would swell up so bad.  Yet, he never complained.  He relied on his faith in God and his friendships.  I started reflecting on how much pain and suffering my friend endured just to live one more day.  I compared what he went through fighting for his life to what I have been going through the last 55 days.  Quite frankly, I became embarrassed.  At that moment, I realized as my friend was fighting for his life – his mortality –  I was just fighting withdrawal symptoms, which as uncomfortable as they are, probably will not kill me.  To say this thought strengthened my resolve is an understatement. 

On the way home, I began to think about the 55 day journey and some of my recent revelations.  As I watch new quit groups forming, I see this repeatable pattern.  Oh, the first week or two of quit…new members are just trying to figure out how to post roll – just trying to fight to stay quit..  Just starting to figure out how are they going to get through this.  Then I visit the previous month quit group, and I see the members start to establish a bond, fight over a team name, and start holding each other accountable.  Then, I reflect on my quit group, the Crew, and notice we are now more confidently posting our numbers.  Most of us around halfway to HoF.  We are starting to get to know each other.  We are starting to try to pay it forward.  Yesterday, I observed a quit group pass into HoF.  This quit group has a member who reached out to me early in my quit, and we text our promise each day.

So sitting here today on day 55, I realize oh, how much better today is than day 5 – the day I joined KTC.  Today brings resolve that I will continue to fight the battle of addiction.  Today brings the realization that I still have a long way to go, but I think the path will keep getting better.  My main reason for writing this today is I hope that just one thought or sentence will resonate with someone who is quitting when they need help or support.  I hope some of the members of newer quit groups read this and realize it will get better.  Just stay quit one day at a time.  Integrity is a powerful value – make a promise each and every day to stay quit for that day.
I'm glad you decided to share this story. It certainly helped my quit and will for others. It is always helpful to hear stories like the one about your friend to help keep things in focus and perspective. Proud to QWYT.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on March 21, 2019, 01:26:24 PM
Day 165 Nicotine free!

A good friend told me early in my quit that things will get better.  Just keep racking up the days and it will get better.  That advice was a cornerstone for my quit.  When I was in the throws of withdrawal during the 1st month, I just said to myself things will get better.  When I was in a 3 week Funk starting on day 69, I just said to myself things will get better.  And, they have!  My life has gotten better!  At times I feel what freedom feels like.  This gives me resolve to quit one more day.

Now, the Funks I get do not last as long, and the time in between grows longer and longer.  Sometimes the withdrawal symptoms are very strong, and sometimes I just feel that something is not quite right but I can't put my finger on it.  These come and go.  Yesterday was day 2 of a Funk where I had a crave for the entire day, my skin was crawling as my nerves were so racked.  But thankfully as quickly as the Funk came it left, and this gives me resolve to quit one more day.

My good friend who gave me that initial advice that things will get better blessed me with more quit wisdom.  He said he was hesitant to share his observations because he wanted to make sure what he was feeling was true.  My friend said that he gained more mental clarity and things got so much better shortly after reaching the 2nd floor.  I could tell that he was different during our daily texts - he seemed happier.  Knowing that if I can just quit each day, every day, and that I might feel this way too gives me resolve to quit one more day.

I made a promise to my quit group that I would reach the 2nd floor.  I made a promise to my quit group that I would post roll every day.  I made a promise that I would post roll as soon as I woke up.  I will keep my promise.  It saddens me when other groups and other people trying to quit do not want to hold themselves and others accountable to this one basic premise:  Wake up and post roll right away.  Make that promise to yourself and your quit partners every day.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on April 25, 2019, 01:42:37 PM
200 days nicotine free!

I am writing this sitting on an airplane going on a weekend vacation with family. Today is significant for many reasons, but the main reason is today signifies a freedom I have not experienced in a very long time. I used to be a ninja dipper and going on vacation and trying to figure out how to hide and use dip was exhausting. I wore cargo shorts for the extra pockets and my wife hates cargo shorts!  I would make sure I had a Diet Coke or coffee to have a container to spit in. I would make sure I bought nicotine gum just in case I couldn’t dip - like in an airplane.  I would always travel with a backpack so I could hide a roll of dip easier.

Today is quite different. Didn’t have to worry about any of the bullshit I used to. I quit gum and toothpicks 12 days ago. On the drive to the airport I couldn’t help but feel good about this new found freedom as I thought about how great it was that I didn’t even have to pack chewing gum.  Nothing.  No worries. Just have fun with my family!  How cool is that!  I never would have imagined feeling this good 200 days ago. People who have been here before me said it would get better and it has!  So much better.

I tried twice before to quit using toothpicks or chewing gum, but the absence of those things threw me into a major funk each time. I knew that the most important thing was just not using nicotine so I just carried on. As I approached the 2nd floor I reflected back on how easy my quit was leading up to and shortly after HOF   My hope was that I would experience the same feeling reaching 200 days.  I decided to quit the chewing gum and toothpicks hoping that I could break that habit and gain more freedom.  That first week was very tough - like first week without dip tough but I powered through.  Thanks January Crew brothers for all of the help and encouragement cause I know I was raging quite a bit!  After that first week, it started getting easier and easier to handle the cravings.  I still get cravings daily but they are getting shorter and milder as time goes on.  For me, I knew that I had to be able to deal with the cravings without a substitute in order to build a stronger wall of defense against nicotine.

I write this so newer quitters can have hope that it will get better.  The freedom is such a great feeling. I write this knowing that I am an addict. I write this knowing that I cannot ever slip and I have to be always vigilant never to let nicotine back into my life.  I write this to remember all of the pain, suffering, and hardship I have endured on my quest to break the chains of nicotine slavery. I write this to say Thank You to everyone who has helped me on this journey. I write this as a small way to pay it forward.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Gunnar on April 25, 2019, 09:49:24 PM
Winning. Congrats sir
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on May 15, 2019, 09:55:48 PM
220 days nicotine free!

A friend of mine quit dip roughly the same time as me.  He used chantix initially, and by all accounts everything was going good.

Just found out he recently caved.  He was at a work sponsored event where they were giving out hand rolled cigars.  He told me he was somewhat pressured the first day to have one.  The second day he just jumped right in, and he doesn't even really like cigars...  He did confide that his cravings started to come back - just after 2 cigars.

I just got back from a Customer visit.  I had a six hour drive there and back.  This was one of the first times I was in the car by myself for a long drive.  About halfway into the drive on the first day guess who started whispering in my ear??  Yep, my addict brain said, "hey, get a can.  Your wife isn't around.  Just one can"  As I was driving I got really mad at myself.  Over six months quit, and I was letting this conversation go one within my head.

Packing for the trip, my wife gave me a pack of spearmint gum.  I told her that I had quit chewing gum over 3 weeks ago.  My wife said, "Just in case"  Well, I broke into that pack of gum during my car ride to keep myself from caving.  As always, my wife was right.  Have a plan don't use nicotine for any reason.

For anyone who thinks they are cured - you are just fooling yourself.  Decide today that you are quit for the long haul.  Keep your quit front and center.  Reach out if you need help.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on June 04, 2019, 12:14:53 PM
240 days nicotine free!

I have been going through a rather tough time with not only some big craves but some irritability and short temper.  Haven't been this on edge in quite awhile.  Good thing is I have been able to notice it fairly quickly and get it under control.  Another weird quit symptom that I have never had before:  For some strange reason with no apparent trigger I "taste" dip and I start to salivate.  Very strange.  Started happening about the same time I became edgy, etc.  I know my brain is re-wring itself and this is part of the process, but the ebb and tide of good days vs. bad days does get a little tiring.

I am still working on the oral fixation associated with craves.  I have found that I still need to use chewing gum at times.  So be it!  If it keeps me from caving and using nicotine, then spearmint gum it is!

This has been a long hard journey.  Thankful every day I am not putting a dip in my mouth.  Thankful everyday for the help and support I have received from my friends in KTC.  Hopefully I have helped someone in return.

Oldschool.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on June 04, 2019, 01:30:46 PM
240 days nicotine free!

I have been going through a rather tough time with not only some big craves but some irritability and short temper.  Haven't been this on edge in quite awhile.  Good thing is I have been able to notice it fairly quickly and get it under control.  Another weird quit symptom that I have never had before:  For some strange reason with no apparent trigger I "taste" dip and I start to salivate.  Very strange.  Started happening about the same time I became edgy, etc.  I know my brain is re-wring itself and this is part of the process, but the ebb and tide of good days vs. bad days does get a little tiring.

I am still working on the oral fixation associated with craves.  I have found that I still need to use chewing gum at times.  So be it!  If it keeps me from caving and using nicotine, then spearmint gum it is!

This has been a long hard journey.  Thankful every day I am not putting a dip in my mouth.  Thankful everyday for the help and support I have received from my friends in KTC.  Hopefully I have helped someone in return.

Oldschool.
Rich,
I thank you for sharing your journey, reminding us all the process we will be or have already gone thru.  You are correct that this is a long, hard road.  But fact of the matter, it is made much more manageable with quit brothers such as yourself with your daily promise and encouragement.

I may not be great at many things, but I know that I am one hell of a quitter!  The accountability of this site helps to affirm this.

You are crushing your quit and I am proud to be quit with you today.

Aumegrad - 317
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Leonidas on June 04, 2019, 09:51:36 PM
240 days nicotine free!

I have been going through a rather tough time with not only some big craves but some irritability and short temper.  Haven't been this on edge in quite awhile.  Good thing is I have been able to notice it fairly quickly and get it under control.  Another weird quit symptom that I have never had before:  For some strange reason with no apparent trigger I "taste" dip and I start to salivate.  Very strange.  Started happening about the same time I became edgy, etc.  I know my brain is re-wring itself and this is part of the process, but the ebb and tide of good days vs. bad days does get a little tiring.

I am still working on the oral fixation associated with craves.  I have found that I still need to use chewing gum at times.  So be it!  If it keeps me from caving and using nicotine, then spearmint gum it is!

This has been a long hard journey.  Thankful every day I am not putting a dip in my mouth.  Thankful everyday for the help and support I have received from my friends in KTC.  Hopefully I have helped someone in return.

Oldschool.
Rich,
I thank you for sharing your journey, reminding us all the process we will be or have already gone thru.  You are correct that this is a long, hard road.  But fact of the matter, it is made much more manageable with quit brothers such as yourself with your daily promise and encouragement.

I may not be great at many things, but I know that I am one hell of a quitter!  The accountability of this site helps to affirm this.

You are crushing your quit and I am proud to be quit with you today.

Aumegrad - 317
I remember 205 straight through to about 260 as about my toughest time.
Just remember, never cured...
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on June 24, 2019, 01:35:10 PM
260 days nicotine free!

The last twenty days have been quite a rough patch of time.  The short temper, being on edge, and tougher craves are still pretty consistent.  When I get stressed, I can feel the back of my neck tighten up almost instantly.  I have been on the go with work and family pretty much non-stop.  I know I have been pushing it hard, and this is not good for my addict brain.  One of the most important tenets of my quit has been this:  You can't do too much.  Just focus on quitting nicotine.  Everything else is secondary.

For me, this has always been hard to do.  I set goals.  I achieve goals.  Whether it is in work or life, there is always something....next...a plan for this and that....actions to be completed.  I have always struggled at just enjoying the moment.  Doing nothing for nothing's sake has eluded me.  This is what I need to work on:  How do I relax?  How can I realize in the moment that I am doing too much?  That I am overloading my brain? 

Thanks to all for your support.

 
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on June 26, 2019, 09:08:23 AM
260 days nicotine free!

The last twenty days have been quite a rough patch of time.  The short temper, being on edge, and tougher craves are still pretty consistent.  When I get stressed, I can feel the back of my neck tighten up almost instantly.  I have been on the go with work and family pretty much non-stop.  I know I have been pushing it hard, and this is not good for my addict brain.  One of the most important tenets of my quit has been this:  You can't do too much.  Just focus on quitting nicotine.  Everything else is secondary.

For me, this has always been hard to do.  I set goals.  I achieve goals.  Whether it is in work or life, there is always something....next...a plan for this and that....actions to be completed.  I have always struggled at just enjoying the moment.  Doing nothing for nothing's sake has eluded me.  This is what I need to work on:  How do I relax?  How can I realize in the moment that I am doing too much?  That I am overloading my brain? 

Thanks to all for your support.

 
Geez Rich, one would think you eavesdropped on the discussion my wife and I had last week.  As a very goal oriented person myself, I have also found it difficult to bridge the mental gap between pre and post quit Aumegrad.  I feel like if I just keep my mind busy, I won’t think about nic.  However, this comes at the detriment of other things such as one on one time with family.  I thanked my wife for pointing this out as I have had my head down, just plowing along.  I explained to her that I am still trying to manage my new mental and emotional state, while being a steady husband and father.

All this said, I agree that forcing myself to take a ‘time out’ to smell the roses is necessary.  To just breathe, not worry about tomorrow and focus on today.  And this will be my new goal as I near the 365 threshold.

Our brains have simply been wired for nicotine, mine since 12 years old (39 now).  It will simply take time to fully rewire.  But we can also use this time to fine tune other aspects of our lives.  For me, there are a couple things are for certain: it will continue getting better AND I will never cave ... period! 

Proud to quit with you Rich! 
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on July 14, 2019, 11:17:40 AM
280 days nicotine free!

2nd floor has been a rough one for me.  Generally speaking, it has been very similar to the road to HOF.  I even had  a week that mimicked my first week of quit.  Had a month of bad anxiety, short temper, and all over shitty feeling.  The best thing about 2nd floor has been the personal growth I’ve noticed despite the challenges presented to me.  I recognized that my withdrawal symptoms where simply that – withdrawal symptoms.  I decided how I was going to feel and act despite being in withdrawal.

For me exercise has been a savior.  I look forward to lifting weights.  Since I am 50 years old, I have found that recovery takes a little longer than it used to.  I only lift twice a week.  If I lift more than that, my progress stalls and my workouts tank.  Supplementing lifting my wife and I do cardio everyday.  We either walk our dog or go for a bike ride.  Some days we even do both!  It has been totally cool connecting with my wife like this.  I think weight lifting and bike riding is a great stimulus for producing dopamine.

Despite exercising as much as I do, I still have gained a lot of weight.  My diet has stayed the same, but I have probably gained 15 pounds.  Some of it has been muscle from lifting, but the majority is fat around my midsection.  At this point, I am chalking it up to stress.  The stress of quitting coupled with the stressful environment of my work is a hard cocktail that produces cortisol.  I see quite a few Vets attacking weight loss.  My plan is to get to a year quit before I really start focusing on losing weight.  I have realized that you can’t fight too many battles, and right now I am primarily fighting to stay quit of nicotine.

I hope this blog might resonate or help a fellow quitter as it has helped me just to reflect on where I have been and think about where I want to go.  Proud to quit with all of you today!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on August 03, 2019, 09:55:49 PM
300 days nicotine free!

I woke up today with a severe case of anxiety  My nerves were piano wire tight.  Today was the day my youngest daughter was going to get her drivers license.  It was basically a done deal:  In our state the kids have to go to a driving school and the instructor is the one to do the final driving test.  So this was just a formality, sit and wait, take a picture, and your out.  My daughter pulled 113 and the current number was 85.  Great, about an hour weight.  We had been sitting awhile when this lady sat right next to me and, ugh, did she smell.  Finally, our number was called and we were done.  My anxiety went from bad to worse during that hour and all I wanted to do was go home.

My wife and I were supposed to go to a birthday party in the afternoon, but I was not up to it.  The brain rewiring itself has no day count, has no never mind for parties, it heals when it wants to.  Sometimes, when I do too much, I get like this.  I have been working on trying to relax.  I have been working on just dealing with the moment,  So today, even though it sucked, was a win for me.

Instead of the party, I worked downstairs in my basement shop.  I have restored 2 old lathes, and I finally found an original motor for the 12x36 lathe.  I took the old motor off and put it on the other lathe, and I built a new stand for the smaller lathe,  I was down there for 5 hours, yet it didn't feel like it  After finishing those projects, I started planning how I was going to build a stand for my milling machine. 

Then, my wife visited with me and asked if I could take her out to dinner.  We went to a newer place that is always crowded.  It was our first time there, and it was a cool place buzzing with people.  Soon as we sat at the bar my anxiety kicked in.  Wow, what a day!  It has been quite a while since it has been this bad.  I didn't let my nerves bother me too much during dinner, but I was relieved to leave and go home.  During the car ride home, I talked my wife into going on a bike ride with me.  The long ride really helped calm my nerves.  The fresh air combined with exercise does help.

Well, rough start on the 3rd floor.  Maybe I don't like heights  :)  One thing I do know is quit one day at a time
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: wildirish317 on August 03, 2019, 10:12:29 PM
You might be interested in this. (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=805.msg125964#msg125964)
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on August 03, 2019, 10:17:47 PM
You might be interested in this. (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=805.msg125964#msg125964)
thanks wildirish!  I have read most of your posts regarding PAWS.  The information has really helped me get through some serious bad times.  I appreciate all you do on KTC!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on August 24, 2019, 09:51:27 AM
321 days nicotine free!

As I wrote in my last post, day 300 started with a severe case of anxiety.  That lasted for 10 straight days, then it left as quickly as it came.  My wife and three kids have anxiety from time to time -especially with big events/large groups.  For my adult life I didn't have that issue until I quit dip.  My wife can tell now when I am not feeling good, and she helps me, does not push me.  I am a lucky man.

Had a very big win since the last post:  I went golfing!  First time since I quit.  It was a big Customer event that entailed food, drink, and boxes of cigars.  They always have cigars and Salesmen eagerly with smiles on their face push and try to give these death sticks to everyone and anyone.  One of my Customers smoked cigarettes and basically was lipping a cigar for the whole round of golf.   I had my HOF coin in my pocket and phone numbers of friends who I knew would support me if I needed it.  I got through the day, handled the initial craves, and ultimately had a great time!

After the festivities everyone was hanging out at the local bar.  My friend was there - he was the person who inspired me to quit.  He was a ninja dipper like me.  He quit with Chantix but no other support structure.  I wrote about him earlier; he caved smoking a cigar at a Customer event earlier in the year.  At the bar, he came up to me and showed me a can of dip.  I told him I was still quit, and he should throw that can away and join KTC.  He turned around and left....  Fuck nicotine.

Thanks to all who supported me and got me through some tough times.  Hopefully I have done the same and strengthened your quits.  PTQWYT!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on August 26, 2019, 09:36:40 AM
321 days nicotine free!

As I wrote in my last post, day 300 started with a severe case of anxiety.  That lasted for 10 straight days, then it left as quickly as it came.  My wife and three kids have anxiety from time to time -especially with big events/large groups.  For my adult life I didn't have that issue until I quit dip.  My wife can tell now when I am not feeling good, and she helps me, does not push me.  I am a lucky man.

Had a very big win since the last post:  I went golfing!  First time since I quit.  It was a big Customer event that entailed food, drink, and boxes of cigars.  They always have cigars and Salesmen eagerly with smiles on their face push and try to give these death sticks to everyone and anyone.  One of my Customers smoked cigarettes and basically was lipping a cigar for the whole round of golf.   I had my HOF coin in my pocket and phone numbers of friends who I knew would support me if I needed it.  I got through the day, handled the initial craves, and ultimately had a great time!

After the festivities everyone was hanging out at the local bar.  My friend was there - he was the person who inspired me to quit.  He was a ninja dipper like me.  He quit with Chantix but no other support structure.  I wrote about him earlier; he caved smoking a cigar at a Customer event earlier in the year.  At the bar, he came up to me and showed me a can of dip.  I told him I was still quit, and he should throw that can away and join KTC.  He turned around and left....  Fuck nicotine.

Thanks to all who supported me and got me through some tough times.  Hopefully I have done the same and strengthened your quits.  PTQWYT!

Great wins Rich. I hope you know two things:

     1. you are not alone with the stress/anxiety/etc that you face at times. I have talked to several quitters that face the same challenges and I also face them at times.
      2. Regardless of day count, you are never facing this issues or any other issues alone. I, as well as a list of other supporters, will always be there to have your back and support you. The cool thing is I also know you would be there for me.

I am proud to quit with you one day at a time.

Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on September 16, 2019, 08:22:03 PM
344 days nicotine free!

I am jealous.  I am real fucking jealous.  How does a person who has been hooked on poison otherwise known as nicotine become so nonchalant and they feel so good and are so confident that they will never use again.  Just last week I had dreams multiple days in a row that I was smoking cigarettes.  During the daytime I had urges to draw in that carcinogen laced death.  Mind you, I haven't smoked in 20 years, but this week I thought of it almost regularly.  My back story (some of you know this already so I apologize if I am boring) was I started smoking around the age of 15.  Pack of Reds a day for I don't remember how long.  Then one night I threw a pack away and quit cold turkey.  Quit so hard that it lasted 5 years until one day on a golf course I asked a "friend" for a dip.  15 years later I am posting on this site.

So you see; I am not really jealous of all the people who say they don't have withdrawal symptoms after their first 30 days.  I have been foggy and had panic attacks quite regularly lately.  It is always there.  Nicotine is always there.  And, you know what?  It will always be there.  Just waiting.  I am cool with having anxiety.  I am cool with getting craves so hard I can taste it.  Go ahead, remind me why I quit.  Remind me everyday if you must.

Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on October 07, 2019, 10:23:25 AM
365 day nicotine free!

It was a year ago I sat at my desk on a Monday morning trying to figure out how I was going to get through the day without nicotine.  I didn’t have my 5:30 am dip with my coffee so yes, no poop for me that morning.  I didn’t have the dip that I would put in at the last stop light right before my work.  And, I didn’t have the dip that I would put in right after the production meeting.  How would I stay quit this time?

Work was horrible.  Nothing was going right and this had to be the make it or break it year.  My personal life was hit or miss.  I turned Fifty over the summer and I was having a mid-life crisis.  How would I survive all of this without nicotine?  So much to do.  So much to get through.  How would I be able to cope?

Quite frankly, I didn’t know how or why I survived day one.  All I knew was that I was tired of nicotine controlling my life.  At that point I was so foggy and full of anxiety, that I didn’t know what I was doing or thinking.  I just made a promise to myself that I was done… no more.

That first week was brutal.  Day 5 of my quit felt almost as bad as day 1.  How would I be able to keep this up?  I started doubting if I could really quit using nicotine.  Why would the agony, fog, and anxiety not go away??  What do I have to do to make it all go away so I could feel normal?

Well, I joined KTC on day 5.  I made a promise to myself.  I made a promise to strangers that I would not use nicotine today.  Today, 365 days later, I made a promise to myself, friends, and quitters I have not met yet that I will not use nicotine today.

Freedom.  Proud to quit with everyone today.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: MNxEngineer on October 07, 2019, 10:49:37 AM
365 day nicotine free!

It was a year ago I sat at my desk on a Monday morning trying to figure out how I was going to get through the day without nicotine.  I didn’t have my 5:30 am dip with my coffee so yes, no poop for me that morning.  I didn’t have the dip that I would put in at the last stop light right before my work.  And, I didn’t have the dip that I would put in right after the production meeting.  How would I stay quit this time?

Work was horrible.  Nothing was going right and this had to be the make it or break it year.  My personal life was hit or miss.  I turned Fifty over the summer and I was having a mid-life crisis.  How would I survive all of this without nicotine?  So much to do.  So much to get through.  How would I be able to cope?

Quite frankly, I didn’t know how or why I survived day one.  All I knew was that I was tired of nicotine controlling my life.  At that point I was so foggy and full of anxiety, that I didn’t know what I was doing or thinking.  I just made a promise to myself that I was done… no more.

That first week was brutal.  Day 5 of my quit felt almost as bad as day 1.  How would I be able to keep this up?  I started doubting if I could really quit using nicotine.  Why would the agony, fog, and anxiety not go away??  What do I have to do to make it all go away so I could feel normal?

Well, I joined KTC on day 5.  I made a promise to myself.  I made a promise to strangers that I would not use nicotine today.  Today, 365 days later, I made a promise to myself, friends, and quitters I have not met yet that I will not use nicotine today.

Freedom.  Proud to quit with everyone today.
Congrats on your first trip around the sun @oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411) !! It's amazing how focusing one day at a time adds up. Keep up the solid quit and proud to be quit with you today!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on October 07, 2019, 09:09:22 PM
365 day nicotine free!
....
Freedom. 

Freedom indeed!  A year of reflection helps to truly appreciate the journey of total nicotine domination.  You’re an inspiration Rich and proud to quit with you brotha!

Aumegrad 442 and dominating nicotine ODAAT!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on October 07, 2019, 09:36:00 PM
365 day nicotine free!
....
Freedom. 

Freedom indeed!  A year of reflection helps to truly appreciate the journey of total nicotine domination.  You’re an inspiration Rich and proud to quit with you brotha!

Aumegrad 442 and dominating nicotine ODAAT!
Thanks again for all your help and support Johnathon!  I only wish I could write as eloquently as you.... my quit blog would probably be readable ;D
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on October 22, 2019, 10:32:25 AM
380 days nicotine free!

Life has been pretty good.  Especially as far as quit withdrawal symptoms go.  My anxiety has been in check.  No major craves (except for today when I got a crave at the stoplight right before work).  Positive upbeat mood.  Yeah, life is pretty good right now.

I cleaned the garage this weekend.  Believe it or not, I actually wanted to.  It was a mess and needed to be organized.  As i was moving things, putting things away, etc. I stumbled upon a poker chip.  At one time I had a lot of these chips, given to me for free, when i bought a can of grizzly wintergreen dip.  I thought I threw them all away, but here a year later found another remnant of my addicted self.  I stared at that chip for a moment, then walked to the garbage can and threw it away.

Freedom!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on October 22, 2019, 10:39:24 AM
380 days nicotine free!

Life has been pretty good.  Especially as far as quit withdrawal symptoms go.  My anxiety has been in check.  No major craves (except for today when I got a crave at the stoplight right before work).  Positive upbeat mood.  Yeah, life is pretty good right now.

I cleaned the garage this weekend.  Believe it or not, I actually wanted to.  It was a mess and needed to be organized.  As i was moving things, putting things away, etc. I stumbled upon a poker chip.  At one time I had a lot of these chips, given to me for free, when i bought a can of grizzly wintergreen dip.  I thought I threw them all away, but here a year later found another remnant of my addicted self.  I stared at that chip for a moment, then walked to the garbage can and threw it away.

Freedom!

Congrats man.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on November 11, 2019, 04:12:04 PM
400 days nicotine free!

It has been strange these last 20 days.  Time has flown by.  Many days I would have to confirm my day count prior to posting roll.  I was still super focused on watching for triggers, managing craves, etc., but it was almost like I couldn't believe I felt this good with time moving this fast.  Being busy in all facets of life helps, but I am always busy.  Is this a new normal for me?  Can I handle the anxiety a little better than before?  Or have my symptoms subsided a bit?  Hard to tell and won't be too quick to pass judgement.  Never cured.

One thing I can say, is I am really enjoying the January 2020 Juggernauts quit group.  It is awesome to see them forming and becoming a group.  It definitely supercharges one's quit when you have the opportunity to help someone else - especially early on.  I remember how KTC was so foreign to me in the beginning, and hopefully i was able to make the transition easier for some of the folks - especially during hell week. 

400 feels great.  Freedom feels better.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: jsjohnson on November 11, 2019, 05:01:22 PM
400 days nicotine free!

It has been strange these last 20 days.  Time has flown by.  Many days I would have to confirm my day count prior to posting roll.  I was still super focused on watching for triggers, managing craves, etc., but it was almost like I couldn't believe I felt this good with time moving this fast.  Being busy in all facets of life helps, but I am always busy.  Is this a new normal for me?  Can I handle the anxiety a little better than before?  Or have my symptoms subsided a bit?  Hard to tell and won't be too quick to pass judgement.  Never cured.

One thing I can say, is I am really enjoying the January 2020 Juggernauts quit group.  It is awesome to see them forming and becoming a group.  It definitely supercharges one's quit when you have the opportunity to help someone else - especially early on.  I remember how KTC was so foreign to me in the beginning, and hopefully i was able to make the transition easier for some of the folks - especially during hell week. 

400 feels great.  Freedom feels better.

Congrats @oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411) that is freakin awsome.  We appreciate you looking out for us and taking care of us in Jan 20!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on November 11, 2019, 07:46:57 PM
400 days nicotine free!

It has been strange these last 20 days.  Time has flown by.  Many days I would have to confirm my day count prior to posting roll.  I was still super focused on watching for triggers, managing craves, etc., but it was almost like I couldn't believe I felt this good with time moving this fast.  Being busy in all facets of life helps, but I am always busy.  Is this a new normal for me?  Can I handle the anxiety a little better than before?  Or have my symptoms subsided a bit?  Hard to tell and won't be too quick to pass judgement.  Never cured.

One thing I can say, is I am really enjoying the January 2020 Juggernauts quit group.  It is awesome to see them forming and becoming a group.  It definitely supercharges one's quit when you have the opportunity to help someone else - especially early on.  I remember how KTC was so foreign to me in the beginning, and hopefully i was able to make the transition easier for some of the folks - especially during hell week. 

400 feels great.  Freedom feels better.

Congrats @oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411) that is freakin awsome.  We appreciate you looking out for us and taking care of us in Jan 20!

Congrats my brother. Glad you are enjoying some peaceful freedom. PTQWY
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on December 01, 2019, 10:17:51 AM
420 day nicotine free!

Thanksgiving was great. I hope yours was too.  For the first time in a long time we stayed home.  Our 13 year old Lab is slowing down and we wanted her to enjoy the Holiday without being boarded, etc.  How great is it that I didn't have to try to sneak a dip?  How great is it that I was able to enjoy my family's company without having a crave or nicotine whispering in my ear every hour?  How great is it that i could drive my parents 2.5 hours back to their house and not worry about stashing a can and gutting a dip?  Thanksgiving was pretty awesome this year.

Advice for the people who are thinking about quitting:  Just quit already.  Do it.  Throw away the cancer.  Quit

Advice for new quitters who may be struggling:  It get better.  You may be tired of fighting your withdrawal symptoms - It gets much better.  You may be thinking that it's easier to dip instead of dealing with withdrawal symptoms ?  Well, that is just nicotine trying desperately to get back into your life.  Would you rather have withdrawal symptoms every hour?  Or would you rather be able to go days without thinking about nicotine?  It get much, much better.  Have faith.  Keep faith.  Surround yourself with people who want to help you stay quit.  Help others stay quit.  I promise, it gets better.

Only the strong can quit.  There is strength in numbers.  Be strong with me.

Freedom!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on December 21, 2019, 10:01:52 AM
440 Days Nicotine Free!

My dear old friend anxiety came back and hung out with me for awhile.  Some friends knock on the door quietly before they come in, but not my friend anxiety.  Oh no!  My friend anxiety knocks so hard the door flies off the hinges hitting me hard, like a freight train hard, square onto my head, back, and shoulders.  I must say with friends like anxiety, I don't have the want or need of any enemies.  I was trying to figure out why anxiety decided to visit as it hasn't come in quite awhile.  I voiced my concerns to my loving (and smarter than me) wife, and she quickly commented:  "Sheesh!  You have had a lot of stressful things happen the last couple of weeks. The big Customer visit with all the VP's and Sales people there.  The injury at work and all of the investigations, conference calls.  Thanksgiving and Christmas preparations.  You did so much!"  She was right - as always.  I was handling the stress until my brain couldn't handle it anymore and then it popped.  My dear friend anxiety decided to visit to let me know that I had to take it easy.  My dear friend anxiety let me know that I needed to learn how to get rid of  stress instead of collecting it and letting it weigh down my brain.  Oh, my dear friend anxiety you do have a painful way of teaching me lessons.

I had a dip dream this morning.  It was a short, relatively disgusting, half asleep half awake kind of dip dream.  Simply stated; I saw myself digging my fingers into an almost empty can of dip. Feverishly trying to get every bit of it onto my fingers so I could shove it into my mouth.  You know the kind of digging, scraping for dip that stains your fingers?  The kind of pinching that leaves tobacco all of your teeth?  The pit of your stomach feeling that you have no more dip and have to buy a can feeling?  Yes, I was disgusted when I had this dream, and thankful and blessed that I have not had this experience in 440 days.  Freedom!

Only the strong can quit.  There is strength in numbers.  Be strong with me.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on December 23, 2019, 08:39:51 AM
... My dear old friend anxiety came back and hung out with me for awhile ...

Ahh, the Cousin Eddie of feelings.  Just when you think you have a handle on things, Anxiety shows up on your driveway in a beat down “RV”, both unannounced and uninvited.  Thinking the visit will be fleeting, Anxiety tells you it’ll be around for much longer.  As you try to cope and perhaps identify a way to dispatch the unwanted guest, Anxiety tries to bring his friends fear, depression, and let’s not forget helplessness who was once cross eyed after falling in a well.  However, after getting kicked in the head by a mule ... ok I will stop this analogy now.

Rich, you have touched on a topic that effects us all to varying degrees.  Initially, it was a feeling that could be subdued by our addiction.  Now without that cover, we feel exposed and vulnerable.  But it is all simply that, feelings.  I suppose there are many ways to combat this, however for me, I found my strength to combat this from above (1 Peter 5:6-7 comes to mind).

I appreciate you openly speaking of this Rich.  Anxiety was a struggle early in my quit and for a while, I thought Cousin Eddie only visited me.  Turns out, he is kin to us all.  Knowing this and that I wasn’t unique, it has forced me to work on being a better Aumegrad.  While I am eons from being a “masterpiece”, I know for certain that I am quit!  Appreciate you and the strength you provide me to do so!

Aumegrad 519
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: MNxEngineer on December 23, 2019, 12:04:24 PM
440 Days Nicotine Free!

My dear old friend anxiety came back and hung out with me for awhile.  Some friends knock on the door quietly before they come in, but not my friend anxiety.  Oh no!  My friend anxiety knocks so hard the door flies off the hinges hitting me hard, like a freight train hard, square onto my head, back, and shoulders.  I must say with friends like anxiety, I don't have the want or need of any enemies.  I was trying to figure out why anxiety decided to visit as it hasn't come in quite awhile.  I voiced my concerns to my loving (and smarter than me) wife, and she quickly commented:  "Sheesh!  You have had a lot of stressful things happen the last couple of weeks. The big Customer visit with all the VP's and Sales people there.  The injury at work and all of the investigations, conference calls.  Thanksgiving and Christmas preparations.  You did so much!"  She was right - as always.  I was handling the stress until my brain couldn't handle it anymore and then it popped.  My dear friend anxiety decided to visit to let me know that I had to take it easy.  My dear friend anxiety let me know that I needed to learn how to get rid of  stress instead of collecting it and letting it weigh down my brain.  Oh, my dear friend anxiety you do have a painful way of teaching me lessons.

I had a dip dream this morning.  It was a short, relatively disgusting, half asleep half awake kind of dip dream.  Simply stated; I saw myself digging my fingers into an almost empty can of dip. Feverishly trying to get every bit of it onto my fingers so I could shove it into my mouth.  You know the kind of digging, scraping for dip that stains your fingers?  The kind of pinching that leaves tobacco all of your teeth?  The pit of your stomach feeling that you have no more dip and have to buy a can feeling?  Yes, I was disgusted when I had this dream, and thankful and blessed that I have not had this experience in 440 days.  Freedom!

Only the strong can quit.  There is strength in numbers.  Be strong with me.
Thanks for sharing this Rich. I have never struggled with anxiety historically until this past summer. Had one episode of racing heart in June which set off full blown anxiety despite passing an echocardiogram with flying colors. From then on, any ache or pain or slight feeling of discomfort has me feeling like I'm going to die. Add two small kiddos into the equation and the thought of anything happening to me increases the anxiety level. Deep down I know I am healthy and nothing is wrong but the irrational fears linger.

I'm glad to know I'm not in this additional fight alone. I know I need to find ways to stress less. I struggle with OCD and am an intense clean freak. I definitely need to find ways to manage my OCD/stress in a healthy way. ODAAT

Again, thanks for sharing. Damn proud to be quit with you today!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Ruthless on December 23, 2019, 12:49:12 PM
440 Days Nicotine Free!

My dear old friend anxiety came back and hung out with me for awhile.  Some friends knock on the door quietly before they come in, but not my friend anxiety.  Oh no!  My friend anxiety knocks so hard the door flies off the hinges hitting me hard, like a freight train hard, square onto my head, back, and shoulders.  I must say with friends like anxiety, I don't have the want or need of any enemies.  I was trying to figure out why anxiety decided to visit as it hasn't come in quite awhile.  I voiced my concerns to my loving (and smarter than me) wife, and she quickly commented:  "Sheesh!  You have had a lot of stressful things happen the last couple of weeks. The big Customer visit with all the VP's and Sales people there.  The injury at work and all of the investigations, conference calls.  Thanksgiving and Christmas preparations.  You did so much!"  She was right - as always.  I was handling the stress until my brain couldn't handle it anymore and then it popped.  My dear friend anxiety decided to visit to let me know that I had to take it easy.  My dear friend anxiety let me know that I needed to learn how to get rid of  stress instead of collecting it and letting it weigh down my brain.  Oh, my dear friend anxiety you do have a painful way of teaching me lessons.

I had a dip dream this morning.  It was a short, relatively disgusting, half asleep half awake kind of dip dream.  Simply stated; I saw myself digging my fingers into an almost empty can of dip. Feverishly trying to get every bit of it onto my fingers so I could shove it into my mouth.  You know the kind of digging, scraping for dip that stains your fingers?  The kind of pinching that leaves tobacco all of your teeth?  The pit of your stomach feeling that you have no more dip and have to buy a can feeling?  Yes, I was disgusted when I had this dream, and thankful and blessed that I have not had this experience in 440 days.  Freedom!

Only the strong can quit.  There is strength in numbers.  Be strong with me.
Thanks for sharing this Rich. I have never struggled with anxiety historically until this past summer. Had one episode of racing heart in June which set off full blown anxiety despite passing an echocardiogram with flying colors. From then on, any ache or pain or slight feeling of discomfort has me feeling like I'm going to die. Add two small kiddos into the equation and the thought of anything happening to me increases the anxiety level. Deep down I know I am healthy and nothing is wrong but the irrational fears linger.

I'm glad to know I'm not in this additional fight alone. I know I need to find ways to stress less. I struggle with OCD and am an intense clean freak. I definitely need to find ways to manage my OCD/stress in a healthy way. ODAAT

Again, thanks for sharing. Damn proud to be quit with you today!
Wow, I could have easily written the exact same response as MNx...I mean exact same!  Anxiety is a fickle beast best handled like quitting; ODAAT.  Proud to quit with you Rich; and I enjoy the daily promises!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on January 10, 2020, 03:30:45 PM
460 Days Nicotine Free!

I do cherish my quit.  I give my promise everyday that i will remain quit.  The freedom I now experience is because i am quit.  why do I feel so.....meh?

I have been working on family/work/quit life balance, but I haven't found that secret sauce yet.  I think it may be more than that.  Do I make a difference?  Am I adding value?  Where should I put effort in my life?  Am I just burned out?

Not a great blog today...sorry about that.  Still quit.  Still Free.



Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on January 10, 2020, 04:37:28 PM
460 Days Nicotine Free!

I do cherish my quit.  I give my promise everyday that i will remain quit.  The freedom I now experience is because i am quit.  why do I feel so.....meh?

I have been working on family/work/quit life balance, but I haven't found that secret sauce yet.  I think it may be more than that.  Do I make a difference?  Am I adding value?  Where should I put effort in my life?  Am I just burned out?

Not a great blog today...sorry about that.  Still quit.  Still Free.
@oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411)
Feel you brother. I just came out the other side of where you are and you will to. Take a break, rest up, and you will be kicking ass before you know it.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: ankape on January 10, 2020, 05:00:17 PM
460 Days Nicotine Free!

I do cherish my quit.  I give my promise everyday that i will remain quit.  The freedom I now experience is because i am quit.  why do I feel so.....meh?

I have been working on family/work/quit life balance, but I haven't found that secret sauce yet.  I think it may be more than that.  Do I make a difference?  Am I adding value?  Where should I put effort in my life?  Am I just burned out?

Not a great blog today...sorry about that.  Still quit.  Still Free.
@oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411)
Feel you brother. I just came out the other side of where you are and you will to. Take a break, rest up, and you will be kicking ass before you know it.
For me personally, YES! You’ve both made a HUGE difference. Though I’m not always the best at putting my appreciation into words, I am forever grateful for your time spent being present, giving encouragement, saving me and many others!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on January 11, 2020, 09:31:45 AM
460 Days Nicotine Free!

I do cherish my quit.  I give my promise everyday that i will remain quit.  The freedom I now experience is because i am quit.  why do I feel so.....meh?

I have been working on family/work/quit life balance, but I haven't found that secret sauce yet.  I think it may be more than that.  Do I make a difference?  Am I adding value?  Where should I put effort in my life?  Am I just burned out?

Not a great blog today...sorry about that.  Still quit.  Still Free.
@oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411)
Feel you brother. I just came out the other side of where you are and you will to. Take a break, rest up, and you will be kicking ass before you know it.
For me personally, YES! You’ve both made a HUGE difference. Though I’m not always the best at putting my appreciation into words, I am forever grateful for your time spent being present, giving encouragement, saving me and many others!
thank You @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) !  I needed that encouragement right now....
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on January 11, 2020, 09:34:04 AM
460 Days Nicotine Free!

I do cherish my quit.  I give my promise everyday that i will remain quit.  The freedom I now experience is because i am quit.  why do I feel so.....meh?

I have been working on family/work/quit life balance, but I haven't found that secret sauce yet.  I think it may be more than that.  Do I make a difference?  Am I adding value?  Where should I put effort in my life?  Am I just burned out?

Not a great blog today...sorry about that.  Still quit.  Still Free.
@oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411)
Feel you brother. I just came out the other side of where you are and you will to. Take a break, rest up, and you will be kicking ass before you know it.

thanks Keith - you have always been there for me - appreciate, man.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on January 30, 2020, 11:23:29 AM
480 Days Nicotine Free!


Still not really "feeling it".  Press on.

Maybe winter blues?  Move forward.

Feeling the effects of no sugar sweets since 2019?  Yes.  Deal with it.

One good thing I was able to do:  I encouraged and motivated a co-worker to quit nicotine.  This person waffled for so long and was so afraid of quitting that I thought she would back out.  I finally asked her would she rather have withdrawal symptoms and cravings every hour?  Or, would she rather feel like shit for a short time and start the road to being a healthier person?  She finally took the plunge, and it was interesting to see her go through the withdrawal stages.  Her first week was tough, but her excitement and good planning got her through.  This week is her third week, and like me, this has been a rough week for her.  She realized that she was not dealing with people that well, and came and talked to me about how to power through.  One day she asked if she could go home because she just couldn't deal with anything.  Of course, I said yes.  I am lucky that I am in a leadership position where I can shape a positive culture at work where work life balance is a value.  I wish my boss would have been there for me and more understanding during my difficult times last year....

I am definitely a work in progress.  I still have to figure out how to reduce stress.  I appreciate the people who are patient with me.

Still quit.  Still Free.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on January 30, 2020, 01:58:42 PM
480 Days Nicotine Free!


Still not really "feeling it".  Press on.

Maybe winter blues?  Move forward.

Feeling the effects of no sugar sweets since 2019?  Yes.  Deal with it.

One good thing I was able to do:  I encouraged and motivated a co-worker to quit nicotine.  This person waffled for so long and was so afraid of quitting that I thought she would back out.  I finally asked her would she rather have withdrawal symptoms and cravings every hour?  Or, would she rather feel like shit for a short time and start the road to being a healthier person?  She finally took the plunge, and it was interesting to see her go through the withdrawal stages.  Her first week was tough, but her excitement and good planning got her through.  This week is her third week, and like me, this has been a rough week for her.  She realized that she was not dealing with people that well, and came and talked to me about how to power through.  One day she asked if she could go home because she just couldn't deal with anything.  Of course, I said yes.  I am lucky that I am in a leadership position where I can shape a positive culture at work where work life balance is a value.  I wish my boss would have been there for me and more understanding during my difficult times last year....

I am definitely a work in progress.  I still have to figure out how to reduce stress.  I appreciate the people who are patient with me.

Still quit.  Still Free.

You rock Rich. Keep kicking ass and leading the way.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: 69franx on January 30, 2020, 04:49:37 PM
480 Days Nicotine Free!


Still not really "feeling it".  Press on.

Maybe winter blues?  Move forward.

Feeling the effects of no sugar sweets since 2019?  Yes.  Deal with it.

One good thing I was able to do:  I encouraged and motivated a co-worker to quit nicotine.  This person waffled for so long and was so afraid of quitting that I thought she would back out.  I finally asked her would she rather have withdrawal symptoms and cravings every hour?  Or, would she rather feel like shit for a short time and start the road to being a healthier person?  She finally took the plunge, and it was interesting to see her go through the withdrawal stages.  Her first week was tough, but her excitement and good planning got her through.  This week is her third week, and like me, this has been a rough week for her.  She realized that she was not dealing with people that well, and came and talked to me about how to power through.  One day she asked if she could go home because she just couldn't deal with anything.  Of course, I said yes.  I am lucky that I am in a leadership position where I can shape a positive culture at work where work life balance is a value.  I wish my boss would have been there for me and more understanding during my difficult times last year....

I am definitely a work in progress.  I still have to figure out how to reduce stress.  I appreciate the people who are patient with me.

Still quit.  Still Free.

You rock Rich. Keep kicking ass and leading the way.
This right here ^^^ keep doing what you're doing. It continues to get better. Stay strong stay quit brother
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Sand44 on January 30, 2020, 08:38:29 PM
480 Days Nicotine Free!


Still not really "feeling it".  Press on.

Maybe winter blues?  Move forward.

Feeling the effects of no sugar sweets since 2019?  Yes.  Deal with it.

One good thing I was able to do:  I encouraged and motivated a co-worker to quit nicotine.  This person waffled for so long and was so afraid of quitting that I thought she would back out.  I finally asked her would she rather have withdrawal symptoms and cravings every hour?  Or, would she rather feel like shit for a short time and start the road to being a healthier person?  She finally took the plunge, and it was interesting to see her go through the withdrawal stages.  Her first week was tough, but her excitement and good planning got her through.  This week is her third week, and like me, this has been a rough week for her.  She realized that she was not dealing with people that well, and came and talked to me about how to power through.  One day she asked if she could go home because she just couldn't deal with anything.  Of course, I said yes.  I am lucky that I am in a leadership position where I can shape a positive culture at work where work life balance is a value.  I wish my boss would have been there for me and more understanding during my difficult times last year....

I am definitely a work in progress.  I still have to figure out how to reduce stress.  I appreciate the people who are patient with me.

Still quit.  Still Free.

You rock Rich. Keep kicking ass and leading the way.
This right here ^^^ keep doing what you're doing. It continues to get better. Stay strong stay quit brother
Badass! Get her on roll!

Hard to believe we’re coming up on 500 days...couldn’t of done it without you Rich! What a rollercoaster..  roflmao
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on March 07, 2020, 10:35:49 AM
517 Days Nicotine Free!

Dropping like flies.... Quite a few quitters leaving KTC recently.  I, too, have pondered that question:  When do I stop posting my daily promise?

What pisses me off, quite frankly, are the quitters who "forget" to post roll. The quitters who post roll late.  The quitters who post and ghost and don't help with accountability.  The quitters who just care about themselves.  The quitters who get mad when they get called out.  The quitters who signed up to be apart of this community yet do everything possible to not take part in what makes this quitting process work.  It is demoralizing to me.  If you don't want to be in KTC, why are you here screwing with other people's quit?  Why can't you just post your promise as early in the day possible so other quitters don't have to waste there time tracking you down?

My wife and I had a date night last night.  Conversation turned to how well I have been managing my withdrawal symptoms.  We talked about how this site has helped me, and how I have tried (in my small way) to pay it forward.  We even talked about when will I not need to do this anymore.  The answer to that question, for me, is I do not know when I will stop posting.  I can't think that far into the future.  I can't let my addict mind try to convince me that I am cured.  Even though I feel so much better and don't think about nicotine all that much anymore, I know that I still do think about it - especially when i don't expect it.  I know that even though my withdrawal symptoms are not as intense they are still there, lurking, in the shadows.  I think that is the problem for me; I know how easy it would be for me to start using again.  Yes, I hate nicotine to my core.  Yes, I hate the process of dipping - the spit, the mess, the stink, the everything.  Despite all of the hate, I know there is a chance that I could be weak enough, stupid enough, or desperate enough to use nicotine again.

So, I posted my promise today as soon as I woke up.  The plan is to post tomorrow.  I haven't really thought much farther than that.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.



Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Skolvikings on March 07, 2020, 11:42:00 AM
517 Days Nicotine Free!

Dropping like flies.... Quite a few quitters leaving KTC recently.  I, too, have pondered that question:  When do I stop posting my daily promise?

What pisses me off, quite frankly, are the quitters who "forget" to post roll. The quitters who post roll late.  The quitters who post and ghost and don't help with accountability.  The quitters who just care about themselves.  The quitters who get mad when they get called out.  The quitters who signed up to be apart of this community yet do everything possible to not take part in what makes this quitting process work.  It is demoralizing to me.  If you don't want to be in KTC, why are you here screwing with other people's quit?  Why can't you just post your promise as early in the day possible so other quitters don't have to waste there time tracking you down?

My wife and I had a date night last night.  Conversation turned to how well I have been managing my withdrawal symptoms.  We talked about how this site has helped me, and how I have tried (in my small way) to pay it forward.  We even talked about when will I not need to do this anymore.  The answer to that question, for me, is I do not know when I will stop posting.  I can't think that far into the future.  I can't let my addict mind try to convince me that I am cured.  Even though I feel so much better and don't think about nicotine all that much anymore, I know that I still do think about it - especially when i don't expect it.  I know that even though my withdrawal symptoms are not as intense they are still there, lurking, in the shadows.  I think that is the problem for me; I know how easy it would be for me to start using again.  Yes, I hate nicotine to my core.  Yes, I hate the process of dipping - the spit, the mess, the stink, the everything.  Despite all of the hate, I know there is a chance that I could be weak enough, stupid enough, or desperate enough to use nicotine again.

So, I posted my promise today as soon as I woke up.  The plan is to post tomorrow.  I haven't really thought much farther than that.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Hell yeah..... you get it brother, proud to be free with you today!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Zeus on March 07, 2020, 11:42:32 AM
Rhetorical question, I know, but here we go: Why stop doing something that has been so beneficial to you?
If you're overweight and out of shape and go from a life-threatening 350 lbs to a strapping, healthy 160 lbs because you worked your ass off and practiced good food discipline, would you say it's time to stop counting calories and quit working out? No, you gotta keep at it or you end up where you were.

You may have simply reached a temporary comfortable plateau. One thing l learned while quitting is that nothing lasts forever. Quitting dip requires us to always be growing, or we end up back to where we were. So keep at it and keep growing and enjoy the privilege of being able to post another quit day. Good or bad, today is all we really have.

Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on March 07, 2020, 04:58:12 PM
517 Days Nicotine Free!

Dropping like flies.... Quite a few quitters leaving KTC recently.  I, too, have pondered that question:  When do I stop posting my daily promise?

What pisses me off, quite frankly, are the quitters who "forget" to post roll. The quitters who post roll late.  The quitters who post and ghost and don't help with accountability.  The quitters who just care about themselves.  The quitters who get mad when they get called out.  The quitters who signed up to be apart of this community yet do everything possible to not take part in what makes this quitting process work.  It is demoralizing to me.  If you don't want to be in KTC, why are you here screwing with other people's quit?  Why can't you just post your promise as early in the day possible so other quitters don't have to waste there time tracking you down?

My wife and I had a date night last night.  Conversation turned to how well I have been managing my withdrawal symptoms.  We talked about how this site has helped me, and how I have tried (in my small way) to pay it forward.  We even talked about when will I not need to do this anymore.  The answer to that question, for me, is I do not know when I will stop posting.  I can't think that far into the future.  I can't let my addict mind try to convince me that I am cured.  Even though I feel so much better and don't think about nicotine all that much anymore, I know that I still do think about it - especially when i don't expect it.  I know that even though my withdrawal symptoms are not as intense they are still there, lurking, in the shadows.  I think that is the problem for me; I know how easy it would be for me to start using again.  Yes, I hate nicotine to my core.  Yes, I hate the process of dipping - the spit, the mess, the stink, the everything.  Despite all of the hate, I know there is a chance that I could be weak enough, stupid enough, or desperate enough to use nicotine again.

So, I posted my promise today as soon as I woke up.  The plan is to post tomorrow.  I haven't really thought much farther than that.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.

Hell yeah..... you get it brother, proud to be free with you today!

Well said Rich. Couldn’t have said it better.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on April 11, 2020, 11:46:47 PM
552 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been a rough bit of time for me lately.  Much Like in December, where waves of anxiety have almost crippled me.  Why?  Interestingly, the same circumstances have befallen me... the trials and tribulations of leadership become too powerful for my feeble brain to comprehend.   I accept this.  I have tried to overcome this, but to no avail, this is my new normal.  It is a small price to pay.  Hours, days, weeks of fighting to be normal, for months of freedom without tribulation.  I cannot complain.... 30+ years of addiction... it will not abide because I will it.... 30+ years of addiction might not ever be forgotten...30+ years of addiction has a price to pay.

Stay strong.  It is the only thing that has gotten me this far. 

Stay positive.  It is all that we have to keep moving forward.

Stay vigilant.  Complacency is what kills most quits.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on June 10, 2020, 09:39:43 AM
612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on June 10, 2020, 10:24:35 AM
612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.
Well said brother. Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: MNxEngineer on June 10, 2020, 11:31:01 AM
612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.
Well said brother. Thanks for sharing.
Well spoken Rich. Damn proud to be quit with you TODAY.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Sand44 on June 12, 2020, 03:34:09 PM
612 Days Nicotine Free!

It has been 60 days since my last blog post.  60 days have gone by quick, too quick, but thankfully so.  Sounds contradictory both in my head as I say it and as I read it back, but quitting one day at a time puts a lot into perspective.  6th floor has been good so far; the daily struggles are not much of a struggle anymore, and the days go by both slow and fast at the same time.  I have fell into a routine with no set boundaries as I almost float from working from home and at the plant.  My family life has improved and my wife even comments that she now misses me more than ever on the days that I do go to work.  Due to the virus all of my kids are now living back home, so it has been fun seeing the house so alive.

The kids each brought back their pets.  We now have 2 dogs, 2 turtles, 1 cat and 3 fish tanks.  Thankfully my kids did come home and bring their companions as my family lost our loyal and loving 14 year old Labrador a couple of weeks back.  One day she was fine, and the next...not.  It was a powerful day as the family tried to cope with the loss.  We each mourned in our own way, and banded together as we comforted each other.  Even though I was very sad, I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created.  There was one thing that was missing throughout all of this:  I did not once think about nicotine.  Not one urge.  Not one single thought that nicotine would help me get through the pain and sorrow.

I think that has been the lesson this last 60 days.  I know I will never be cured.  I know my brain is still not done re-wiring itself.  I will have craves and anxiety that come and go.  I do not need nicotine for any of it.  Not when things are good and relaxed.  Not when things are stressed and painful.    Just live one day at a time and it will get better.  So much better.

oldschool
Still quit.  Still free.
Well said brother. Thanks for sharing.
Well spoken Rich. Damn proud to be quit with you TODAY.
600+ is deaaddlly. Fuck nicotine.

Sorry to hear about the pooch.

Take care brother!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Athan on June 13, 2020, 06:52:47 AM
... I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created...
You're a rich man Oldschool. Rich and wise. So very pleased that you've added FREE to that.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on June 13, 2020, 10:09:52 AM
... I was also very proud that this was they type of family my wife and I created...
You're a rich man Oldschool. Rich and wise. So very pleased that you've added FREE to that.
Yes, Athan, I am a lucky man,and you are very correct that being FREE makes all the rest of the quit worth it.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Thefranks5 on August 13, 2020, 06:36:29 PM
Hey @oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411) I just wanted to say thanks. I have been having a real struggle myself and following your blog has really helped. I also am a 30 year addict and I agree this will take a however long it takes to clean up. I never in my life thought that my addiction would make such a change to my body and my life. I tell everybody that it is by the grace of God that I have been given another chance once again to make this right. So with the good Lords help I will win this battle but man there is no book other then the one here on KTC that can help you thru your quit. I have battled the anxiety/depression, craves that still drive me bonkers, of course the triggers and all the other wonderful symptoms that we get. I guess the worst is the silent reflux pain due to pepsin damage and delayed doctors visit and thats been going on over 100 days. So I constantly wonder if I am the only clown that is this way and how long will this last. Well I am not the only clown and I better get some new suspenders as this ride might take a long time. One thing that I have found is that having a quit buddy really can make your life easier. Just that morning text of support and the chats during the day along with a phone call when your really down has powered me thru alot of this garbage. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps people without you even knowing. When you do know please take that as a compliment. Keep it strong and keep blogging, God bless you brother.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on August 13, 2020, 09:56:39 PM
Hey @oldschool (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1411) I just wanted to say thanks. I have been having a real struggle myself and following your blog has really helped. I also am a 30 year addict and I agree this will take a however long it takes to clean up. I never in my life thought that my addiction would make such a change to my body and my life. I tell everybody that it is by the grace of God that I have been given another chance once again to make this right. So with the good Lords help I will win this battle but man there is no book other then the one here on KTC that can help you thru your quit. I have battled the anxiety/depression, craves that still drive me bonkers, of course the triggers and all the other wonderful symptoms that we get. I guess the worst is the silent reflux pain due to pepsin damage and delayed doctors visit and thats been going on over 100 days. So I constantly wonder if I am the only clown that is this way and how long will this last. Well I am not the only clown and I better get some new suspenders as this ride might take a long time. One thing that I have found is that having a quit buddy really can make your life easier. Just that morning text of support and the chats during the day along with a phone call when your really down has powered me thru alot of this garbage. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps people without you even knowing. When you do know please take that as a compliment. Keep it strong and keep blogging, God bless you brother.
@Thefranks5 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=17642) Thank You for the gracious compliment!  I started this blog to chronicle my journey and to (maybe) help someone else.  You are 100% correct that without those quitters who came before us we might not have received the tools to quit nicotine.  I truly appreciate you taking the time to reach out and let me know that my blog helped you in your quit journey.  The timing was quite interesting as I was thinking that his might be a good time to stop blogging as i wasn't sure a new quitter would find any relevance to someone slogging it through 6th floor...

Proud to quit with you today,
oldschool
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on August 18, 2020, 10:17:40 PM
681 days nicotine free!

It has been 69 days ( ;D) since my last blog post. An unusual quit/recovery symptom has decided to surface:  I started to get hives when I feel anxiety or stressful situations.  The wild part about the hives is they are usually around my face/eyes.  I have been trying to control my anxiety, and I have been getting pretty good at it.  A year ago I would have debilitating bouts that would last for days - nothing I could do would stop the anxiety and I basically could not leave the house without being attacked to my core.  Now when I feel stressed and the symptoms of anxiety pop up, I am able to channel what I am feeling and get the anxiety to subside.  As soon as I became good at minimizing anxiety's effect, the hives stated to appear.  When I looked in the mirror and saw the hives, my brain was sarcastically telling me that i am not getting better.  I have been studying the occurrence, and it's like clockwork; I feel the stress and within an hour i start to get hives.  Well, for me, it looks like the road to recovery may be a long one...

Also, just recently, I have been getting some strong craves.  Today I had 2 craves that lasted an hour each.  It has been pretty much smooth sailing (except for the anxiety) for the last month, and then bam! I have a crave day like I used to back in the 2nd floor.  Weird thing is I don't mind.  I am kind of glad that I am not on auto pilot, because that is when the potential cave can happen.  I have been on full alert for almost 2 years.  I will not go back to day one.  I will not sacrifice all the work I have put in while suffering through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  I cannot, will not, go back.

oldschool
Quit and Free
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on August 19, 2020, 09:08:36 AM
... I will not go back to day one.  I will not sacrifice all the work I have put in while suffering through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  I cannot, will not, go back.
...

Beautifully said Rich.  Bottom line, quitting isn’t easy and will be accompanied by varying affects of varying degrees.  It is what it is.  But regardless of this, your attitude above is where the secret lies to defeating this addiction. No whining, no complaining, just pure unadulterated skull dragging of nicotine. WOOOOOOOOO dude that fires me up and strengthens my quit today.  I thank you brother.

Aumegrad 759
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on August 19, 2020, 12:51:30 PM
... I will not go back to day one.  I will not sacrifice all the work I have put in while suffering through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.  I cannot, will not, go back.
...

.... No whining, no complaining, just pure unadulterated skull dragging of nicotine. ...

Aumegrad 759

I learned from the best - that's how you do it
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: ankape on September 06, 2020, 10:00:00 AM
Congrats on 700 Rich!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on September 06, 2020, 05:11:33 PM
Congrats on 700 Rich!
Thanks Annette!  I appreciate your support!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: 69franx on September 06, 2020, 09:07:01 PM
Congrats on 700 Rich!
Thanks Annette!  I appreciate your support!
Congrats again Rich!
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on September 07, 2020, 01:00:38 AM
Congrats on 700 Rich!
Thanks Annette!  I appreciate your support!
Congrats again Rich!
Thanks Frank!  quit with you brother
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on September 07, 2020, 09:20:10 AM
Congrats on 700 Rich!
Thanks Annette!  I appreciate your support!
Congrats again Rich!
Thanks Frank!  quit with you brother
Congrats Rich. Nice work.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on September 13, 2020, 09:31:50 PM
Congrats on 700 Rich!
Thanks Annette!  I appreciate your support!
Congrats again Rich!
Thanks Frank!  quit with you brother
Congrats Rich. Nice work.
Thanks, my friend.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on October 26, 2020, 09:00:48 PM
750 days nicotine free!

Interesting day.  Woke up.  Posted Roll.  Made a cup of coffee.  Started to go upstairs into my newly renovated home office and it hit me,  It wasn't a crave.  It was a thought, a thought that I really haven't had in quite a long time:  In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now".  I stopped from going upstairs, sat on the couch again, and texted my promise to my quit circle to promise not to use nicotine.  Early on I would hold off on texting my promise until I got to work as that was one of the hardest times of the day for me.  Know your tools and use them when needed.....

So, in the late afternoon I was cleaning up some of the aftermath from the home office renovation and I found something.  Hidden away, stashed in a seldom used suit coat pocket, was a cigar.  Yes, that instrument of death that has tricked many into going back to being addicts.  I didn't over react.  I didn't rush to throw it away.  I stopped and thought; Why today?  Why today is nicotine trying so hard to lure me back?  I am blessed that I am stronger now than a year ago, and I am entirely grateful that I am so different from the person I was 2 years ago.  If this day would have happened back then, I probably would not be telling you of today's events.  I might not have made it to 750 days nicotine free.  Thank God I Quit.

Thanks for the Accountability and Brotherhood,
oldschool
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: 69franx on October 26, 2020, 09:20:14 PM
750 days nicotine free!

Interesting day.  Woke up.  Posted Roll.  Made a cup of coffee.  Started to go upstairs into my newly renovated home office and it hit me,  It wasn't a crave.  It was a thought, a thought that I really haven't had in quite a long time:  In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now".  I stopped from going upstairs, sat on the couch again, and texted my promise to my quit circle to promise not to use nicotine.  Early on I would hold off on texting my promise until I got to work as that was one of the hardest times of the day for me.  Know your tools and use them when needed.....

So, in the late afternoon I was cleaning up some of the aftermath from the home office renovation and I found something.  Hidden away, stashed in a seldom used suit coat pocket, was a cigar.  Yes, that instrument of death that has tricked many into going back to being addicts.  I didn't over react.  I didn't rush to throw it away.  I stopped and thought; Why today?  Why today is nicotine trying so hard to lure me back?  I am blessed that I am stronger now than a year ago, and I am entirely grateful that I am so different from the person I was 2 years ago.  If this day would have happened back then, I probably would not be telling you of today's events.  I might not have made it to 750 days nicotine free.  Thank God I Quit.

Thanks for the Accountability and Brotherhood,
oldschool

Great victory brother. Way to stay strong and stay quit. You know you can reach out if you need it, you don't have to fight alone
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Keith0617 on October 27, 2020, 08:51:42 AM
750 days nicotine free!

Interesting day.  Woke up.  Posted Roll.  Made a cup of coffee.  Started to go upstairs into my newly renovated home office and it hit me,  It wasn't a crave.  It was a thought, a thought that I really haven't had in quite a long time:  In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now".  I stopped from going upstairs, sat on the couch again, and texted my promise to my quit circle to promise not to use nicotine.  Early on I would hold off on texting my promise until I got to work as that was one of the hardest times of the day for me.  Know your tools and use them when needed.....

So, in the late afternoon I was cleaning up some of the aftermath from the home office renovation and I found something.  Hidden away, stashed in a seldom used suit coat pocket, was a cigar.  Yes, that instrument of death that has tricked many into going back to being addicts.  I didn't over react.  I didn't rush to throw it away.  I stopped and thought; Why today?  Why today is nicotine trying so hard to lure me back?  I am blessed that I am stronger now than a year ago, and I am entirely grateful that I am so different from the person I was 2 years ago.  If this day would have happened back then, I probably would not be telling you of today's events.  I might not have made it to 750 days nicotine free.  Thank God I Quit.

Thanks for the Accountability and Brotherhood,
oldschool

Great victory brother. Way to stay strong and stay quit. You know you can reach out if you need it, you don't have to fight alone
Great job Rich. Thank you for sharing.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: MNxEngineer on October 27, 2020, 09:14:20 AM
750 days nicotine free!

Interesting day.  Woke up.  Posted Roll.  Made a cup of coffee.  Started to go upstairs into my newly renovated home office and it hit me,  It wasn't a crave.  It was a thought, a thought that I really haven't had in quite a long time:  In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now".  I stopped from going upstairs, sat on the couch again, and texted my promise to my quit circle to promise not to use nicotine.  Early on I would hold off on texting my promise until I got to work as that was one of the hardest times of the day for me.  Know your tools and use them when needed.....

So, in the late afternoon I was cleaning up some of the aftermath from the home office renovation and I found something.  Hidden away, stashed in a seldom used suit coat pocket, was a cigar.  Yes, that instrument of death that has tricked many into going back to being addicts.  I didn't over react.  I didn't rush to throw it away.  I stopped and thought; Why today?  Why today is nicotine trying so hard to lure me back?  I am blessed that I am stronger now than a year ago, and I am entirely grateful that I am so different from the person I was 2 years ago.  If this day would have happened back then, I probably would not be telling you of today's events.  I might not have made it to 750 days nicotine free.  Thank God I Quit.

Thanks for the Accountability and Brotherhood,
oldschool

Great victory brother. Way to stay strong and stay quit. You know you can reach out if you need it, you don't have to fight alone
Great job Rich. Thank you for sharing.
Proud to be quit with you today Rich. Each win further solidifies your quit foundation.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Aumegrad on October 29, 2020, 09:01:02 AM
750 days nicotine free!

Interesting day.  Woke up.  Posted Roll.  Made a cup of coffee.  Started to go upstairs into my newly renovated home office and it hit me,  It wasn't a crave.  It was a thought, a thought that I really haven't had in quite a long time:  In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now".  I stopped from going upstairs, sat on the couch again, and texted my promise to my quit circle to promise not to use nicotine.  Early on I would hold off on texting my promise until I got to work as that was one of the hardest times of the day for me.  Know your tools and use them when needed.....

So, in the late afternoon I was cleaning up some of the aftermath from the home office renovation and I found something.  Hidden away, stashed in a seldom used suit coat pocket, was a cigar.  Yes, that instrument of death that has tricked many into going back to being addicts.  I didn't over react.  I didn't rush to throw it away.  I stopped and thought; Why today?  Why today is nicotine trying so hard to lure me back?  I am blessed that I am stronger now than a year ago, and I am entirely grateful that I am so different from the person I was 2 years ago.  If this day would have happened back then, I probably would not be telling you of today's events.  I might not have made it to 750 days nicotine free.  Thank God I Quit.

Thanks for the Accountability and Brotherhood,
oldschool

Great victory brother. Way to stay strong and stay quit. You know you can reach out if you need it, you don't have to fight alone
Great job Rich. Thank you for sharing.
Proud to be quit with you today Rich. Each win further solidifies your quit foundation.
Thanks for sharing Rich.  It is amazing how nicotine entangles itself with our addict memories, actions, tasks, etc.  where out of nowhere, a fleeting thought will enter to stuff our face.  Fortunately they roll out as quickly as they came, but it is an important reminder to NEVER let our guard down and to protect our quits with all we have!  I am thankful for this board and the support it provides.

As a side note, I too came across an old cigar in an old golf bag.  I laughed thinking how the Aumegrad a couple years ago would’ve lit that dried out cancer stick just for the hit.  Hahaha eat a fat one nic ... not today!

Aumegrad 830
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Athan on October 30, 2020, 01:13:33 AM
... In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now"...
Bro I've had so many of those it's crazy. Like you said, not a crave, just a seemingly innocuous thought "gee, a lipper sure would be nice". And that's how it starts. That's why I'm still here. That's why I'm still posting. Thanks for throwing that out there. Edifying to know someone else still has 'em.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: Athan on October 30, 2020, 01:15:46 AM
...
As a side note, I too came across an old cigar in an old golf bag.  ...
My favorite is Kybo's story of running across a can that he'd stashed the previous year at a vacation rental that he does with his family! Still there, after a year of different folks moving in and out and maid service cleanings.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: MNxEngineer on October 30, 2020, 10:02:29 AM
... In my head a voice said, "wouldn't a dip be good right about now"...
Bro I've had so many of those it's crazy. Like you said, not a crave, just a seemingly innocuous thought "gee, a lipper sure would be nice". And that's how it starts. That's why I'm still here. That's why I'm still posting. Thanks for throwing that out there. Edifying to know someone else still has 'em.
You two aren't alone. I've been having those thoughts lately more than I'd care to admit. That is also why I'm here 1,650 days later, still posting early, EDD.

Proud to be quit with you guys today.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on January 01, 2021, 11:02:21 AM
817 days quit and Free.

Happy New Year to all!  I challenge anyone reading this who still is an addict and slave to nicotine:  Quit today.  Quit right now.  Quit cold Turkey.

Yes, it will be hard.  Yes, it requires a promise not to use nicotine for the day.  Yes, you are required to keep your word.

The payoff is quite immense:  Freedom!!  But it is so much more than that if you let it.  You have the opportunity to change your life.  Learn about yourself and the reasons you let nicotine control you.  Build a better you.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: oldschool on January 30, 2021, 10:09:17 AM
846 days of Freedom!

I had a dip dream this morning; well, actually, a dream of me dreaming I had a dip dream, until...

The dream started out with me putting a dip in.  I could taste it.  My mouth was watering.  I spit.  Then, the realization that I caved.  The remorse.  The guilt.  The shame.

But then I had this feeling it was just a dream.  That I woke up and I was in my parents house in their bathroom.  I remember the thought that I could still post my number.  That putting the dip in was just a dream.  I was ok.  Until I spit juice into the sink of the bathroom.  I looked into the mirror.  I opened up my mouth.  I saw what had to be an entire can of dip in my mouth.  Tobacco everywhere.  Saliva, drool, and tobacco juice everywhere.  I tried to spit the tobacco out, but I couldn't.  I dug my finger into that glob and tried to get it out, but I couldn't.  I had just caved on day 942.

What is the significance of day 942?  What will be so special, terrible, or remarkable about day 942 that i cave?  I thought about how good my gums and cheeks feel as I ran my tongue across them.  What made me decide to put a dip in and give that up?  How am I going to tell my quit friends that I caved?  Then I woke up.  Went to the bathroom.  Looked into the mirror.  Opened up my mouth, and made sure there was no dip in there.  Fuck!

We all find ourselves at a crossroad.  Some of us visit that crossroad regularly.  We make a decision at that crossroad, and move on.  I have been thinking about moving on.  Change.  Growth.  KTC used to be the website I spent the most time on:  it was number one suggestion when I opened up a new browser tab.  Now, even Pornhub has taken over KTC's place in my web surfing.  Google,  Youtube.  Ebay.  And, yes, even Pornhub, all have more page views than KTC.  My anxiety is better.  The oral fixation is not as bad.  I don't have any triggers when I pass a c-store.  Why post everyday?

Well, at the crossroad today, I made a decision.  I will post at least until day 942.  And now, I move on.

oldschool.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: mcsnapper1 on January 31, 2021, 12:06:40 PM
*poof*
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: mcsnapper1 on January 31, 2021, 12:09:03 PM
846 days of Freedom!

I had a dip dream this morning; well, actually, a dream of me dreaming I had a dip dream, until...

The dream started out with me putting a dip in.  I could taste it.  My mouth was watering.  I spit.  Then, the realization that I caved.  The remorse.  The guilt.  The shame.

But then I had this feeling it was just a dream.  That I woke up and I was in my parents house in their bathroom.  I remember the thought that I could still post my number.  That putting the dip in was just a dream.  I was ok.  Until I spit juice into the sink of the bathroom.  I looked into the mirror.  I opened up my mouth.  I saw what had to be an entire can of dip in my mouth.  Tobacco everywhere.  Saliva, drool, and tobacco juice everywhere.  I tried to spit the tobacco out, but I couldn't.  I dug my finger into that glob and tried to get it out, but I couldn't.  I had just caved on day 942.

What is the significance of day 942?  What will be so special, terrible, or remarkable about day 942 that i cave?  I thought about how good my gums and cheeks feel as I ran my tongue across them.  What made me decide to put a dip in and give that up?  How am I going to tell my quit friends that I caved?  Then I woke up.  Went to the bathroom.  Looked into the mirror.  Opened up my mouth, and made sure there was no dip in there.  Fuck!

We all find ourselves at a crossroad.  Some of us visit that crossroad regularly.  We make a decision at that crossroad, and move on.  I have been thinking about moving on.  Change.  Growth.  KTC used to be the website I spent the most time on:  it was number one suggestion when I opened up a new browser tab.  Now, even Pornhub has taken over KTC's place in my web surfing.  Google,  Youtube.  Ebay.  And, yes, even Pornhub, all have more page views than KTC.  My anxiety is better.  The oral fixation is not as bad.  I don't have any triggers when I pass a c-store.  Why post everyday?

Well, at the crossroad today, I made a decision.  I will post at least until day 942.  And now, I move on.

oldschool.
Congrats on 847 days quit. That's huge!
Dip dreams are the worst, and yours sounded so vivid. No fun. I have definitely woken from a dip dream and ran into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Keep on quttin' like the bad M'Fer you are.

mcsnapper1- 5 years quit- I promise no nicotine today.
Title: Re: Oldschool introduction
Post by: ankape on February 02, 2021, 06:26:22 PM
846 days of Freedom!

I had a dip dream this morning; well, actually, a dream of me dreaming I had a dip dream, until...

The dream started out with me putting a dip in.  I could taste it.  My mouth was watering.  I spit.  Then, the realization that I caved.  The remorse.  The guilt.  The shame.

But then I had this feeling it was just a dream.  That I woke up and I was in my parents house in their bathroom.  I remember the thought that I could still post my number.  That putting the dip in was just a dream.  I was ok.  Until I spit juice into the sink of the bathroom.  I looked into the mirror.  I opened up my mouth.  I saw what had to be an entire can of dip in my mouth.  Tobacco everywhere.  Saliva, drool, and tobacco juice everywhere.  I tried to spit the tobacco out, but I couldn't.  I dug my finger into that glob and tried to get it out, but I couldn't.  I had just caved on day 942.

What is the significance of day 942?  What will be so special, terrible, or remarkable about day 942 that i cave?  I thought about how good my gums and cheeks feel as I ran my tongue across them.  What made me decide to put a dip in and give that up?  How am I going to tell my quit friends that I caved?  Then I woke up.  Went to the bathroom.  Looked into the mirror.  Opened up my mouth, and made sure there was no dip in there.  Fuck!

We all find ourselves at a crossroad.  Some of us visit that crossroad regularly.  We make a decision at that crossroad, and move on.  I have been thinking about moving on.  Change.  Growth.  KTC used to be the website I spent the most time on:  it was number one suggestion when I opened up a new browser tab.  Now, even Pornhub has taken over KTC's place in my web surfing.  Google,  Youtube.  Ebay.  And, yes, even Pornhub, all have more page views than KTC.  My anxiety is better.  The oral fixation is not as bad.  I don't have any triggers when I pass a c-store.  Why post everyday?

Well, at the crossroad today, I made a decision.  I will post at least until day 942.  And now, I move on.

oldschool.
Congrats on 847 days quit. That's huge!
Dip dreams are the worst, and yours sounded so vivid. No fun. I have definitely woken from a dip dream and ran into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Keep on quttin' like the bad M'Fer you are.

mcsnapper1- 5 years quit- I promise no nicotine today.
Read this several times now, dang...I can almost feel your panic… I totally get what you’re saying...and I too have felt that immense relief that I could still post my number as well.