Apogeeammo - this is me

[apogeeammo]

I'm not sure if it is legal to plagiarize from someone's Introduction thread to my own but I want this to be on my thread so I can refer to it later. This meant a lot to me today!

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QUOTE (Pinched @ Jan 24, 2014, 2:31 pm)
Day 194 - 1/24/14
I am about a week away from being absolutely nicotine and tobacco free for 200 days or reaching the second floor as it is known in KTC.

Recently other caves have happened, some people have lied, others chose to state that they have a life beyond KTC.

Well fuck all that noise! I say cave away, continue lying and enjoy your life missing your lower jaw and having rancid breath. I salute you with one of these and two of these

I drank the KTC kool aide, in 194 days I have seen epic caves, watched people fade away and read many excuses for why

However, in that same time frame I have met some great people, either online or in person. If you don't like the methods used here, pack your shit turn around and walk the fuck out. These methods have been proven by many and we follow a path laid out by those who walked before us. Some of those people are still around today.

I quit today, I made a promise to everyone in all of the 17 groups that I chose to post roll with. Most of all though I made a promise to myself, I am an addict, I need the help and knowing that a few other people are facing the same daemons, have faced those daemons or truly know what the ABCs are matter to me.

To those of you that show true support, those of you who made the trail and those of you on this journey with me thanks. I don't give a damn what milestone you are on, we are all addicts but together we are creating a new way and for that I thank you all.
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END

Thanks to Pinched for this message!

[Skoal Monster]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

I'm right behind you (16 days) and have been thinking about the same stuff. I am coming to realize that the secret is not to think about the long term. It's counterintuitive in some ways (i.e., not thinking about the long-term health consequences are what landed us all here), but I think the extreme short term focus is what makes this all manageable. Inch-by-inch.

Focus on today, and protecting the territory you fought for for the past 20 days. The right time to think about whether you will cave on Day 200 is Day 200. On that day, you'll have 199 hard fought days that will get you through that one troublesome day.

Are there folks that cave after big milestones? Sure. But they are outnumbered by those who never start this filthy habit, and probably by those who don't cave after big milestones. Anyway, today's job is "not being one of them today," and that's not that hard to do. We've already proven that we can get through one day.

I just wanted to bump this to the top. Compton nailed it. And Ammo, re: when does it get better? For me I turned a major corner at day 45 or so and another at around 80. But, like Compton said, don't even think about it! Also, you're one hell of a fine addition to KTC, from what I can tell. +1

Hey Fellas.

Do you remember the day you got fat? Me neither. I just sort of realized one day the gas tank for the love machine had reached maximum density. I'm not sure when I got old either, but people call me sir all the time now....

I hit five years on the 26th. I haven't had a craving in so long I can't remember what they feel like. Nicotine in all her irresistible forms has about as much power over me as the first piece of Fruit Stripe in the pack. I shake my head at the time I wasted, looking back it seems easy.

Just be patient, there is no time or day when you are suddenly past all this, One day you'll just realize you haven't thought about a dip in a long long time.

When you do think about it, you'll smile that your free from it, and let it go.

Like thinking of a poorly made sandwich you left in the sun.

one day at a time ladies

[Minny]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

I'm right behind you (16 days) and have been thinking about the same stuff. I am coming to realize that the secret is not to think about the long term. It's counterintuitive in some ways (i.e., not thinking about the long-term health consequences are what landed us all here), but I think the extreme short term focus is what makes this all manageable. Inch-by-inch.

Focus on today, and protecting the territory you fought for for the past 20 days. The right time to think about whether you will cave on Day 200 is Day 200. On that day, you'll have 199 hard fought days that will get you through that one troublesome day.

Are there folks that cave after big milestones? Sure. But they are outnumbered by those who never start this filthy habit, and probably by those who don't cave after big milestones. Anyway, today's job is "not being one of them today," and that's not that hard to do. We've already proven that we can get through one day.

I just wanted to bump this to the top. Compton nailed it. And Ammo, re: when does it get better? For me I turned a major corner at day 45 or so and another at around 80. But, like Compton said, don't even think about it! Also, you're one hell of a fine addition to KTC, from what I can tell. +1

[ZillahCowboy]

Thanks to all for the responses and support.  I've been watching two threads happening today that are completely related to my question and I've learned from both:
1-Racetrack Cowgirl had a bad experience with people posting things she didn't like but she powered through, made no excuses, and continued a 293 day quit by starting a new introduction.  Great job and great support from others.
2-Neonpanther caved and is fortunate that this is an internet forum because based on the responses he got from his former HOF classmates and some veterans, they would probably do him bodily harm for posting roll while using!

My learning is: the quit of today is what matters most and all the other bullshit just gets in the way.  1 Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems

Wow!

The whole Neonpanther debacle seems to have really put a bitterness into KTC. Since yesterday every new person or person who comes back is aggressively greeted with scorn and doubt. Its hard to read at times. Seems to have really shaken some people.

At the same time, my first post was on day 3 of my quit because as I said "you guys are mean as shit" so I knew what I was committing to. Maybe its just me who was shaken.

Today was still a good day to be quit!

I don't see a smilie for being reflective but that's how I feel today. :mellow:

How about this ratio for our Koolaid: 10% Scorn/Doubt + 10% Rage/Vitriol + 80% Positive Reinforcement = 100% Success....

I think 5% S/D+5% R/V+5% PR+85% Resolute Bastardy! Since most of our quit comes from us.

Thanks ZC, another thing to think about!

Niiiice...I like it. Putting the 85% "Resolute Bastardy" ingredient in there makes it all work! Have a great day. I quit with you ODAAT!

[apogeeammo]

Thanks to all for the responses and support.  I've been watching two threads happening today that are completely related to my question and I've learned from both:
1-Racetrack Cowgirl had a bad experience with people posting things she didn't like but she powered through, made no excuses, and continued a 293 day quit by starting a new introduction.  Great job and great support from others.
2-Neonpanther caved and is fortunate that this is an internet forum because based on the responses he got from his former HOF classmates and some veterans, they would probably do him bodily harm for posting roll while using!

My learning is: the quit of today is what matters most and all the other bullshit just gets in the way.  1 Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems

Wow!

The whole Neonpanther debacle seems to have really put a bitterness into KTC. Since yesterday every new person or person who comes back is aggressively greeted with scorn and doubt. Its hard to read at times. Seems to have really shaken some people.

At the same time, my first post was on day 3 of my quit because as I said "you guys are mean as shit" so I knew what I was committing to. Maybe its just me who was shaken.

Today was still a good day to be quit!

I don't see a smilie for being reflective but that's how I feel today. :mellow:

How about this ratio for our Koolaid: 10% Scorn/Doubt + 10% Rage/Vitriol + 80% Positive Reinforcement = 100% Success....

I think 5% S/D+5% R/V+5% PR+85% Resolute Bastardy! Since most of our quit comes from us.

Thanks ZC, another thing to think about!

[ZillahCowboy]

Thanks to all for the responses and support.  I've been watching two threads happening today that are completely related to my question and I've learned from both:
1-Racetrack Cowgirl had a bad experience with people posting things she didn't like but she powered through, made no excuses, and continued a 293 day quit by starting a new introduction.  Great job and great support from others.
2-Neonpanther caved and is fortunate that this is an internet forum because based on the responses he got from his former HOF classmates and some veterans, they would probably do him bodily harm for posting roll while using!

My learning is: the quit of today is what matters most and all the other bullshit just gets in the way.  1 Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems

Wow!

The whole Neonpanther debacle seems to have really put a bitterness into KTC. Since yesterday every new person or person who comes back is aggressively greeted with scorn and doubt. Its hard to read at times. Seems to have really shaken some people.

At the same time, my first post was on day 3 of my quit because as I said "you guys are mean as shit" so I knew what I was committing to. Maybe its just me who was shaken.

Today was still a good day to be quit!

I don't see a smilie for being reflective but that's how I feel today. :mellow:

How about this ratio for our Koolaid: 10% Scorn/Doubt + 10% Rage/Vitriol + 80% Positive Reinforcement = 100% Success....

[apogeeammo]

Thanks to all for the responses and support.  I've been watching two threads happening today that are completely related to my question and I've learned from both:
1-Racetrack Cowgirl had a bad experience with people posting things she didn't like but she powered through, made no excuses, and continued a 293 day quit by starting a new introduction.  Great job and great support from others.
2-Neonpanther caved and is fortunate that this is an internet forum because based on the responses he got from his former HOF classmates and some veterans, they would probably do him bodily harm for posting roll while using!

My learning is: the quit of today is what matters most and all the other bullshit just gets in the way.  1 Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems

Wow!

The whole Neonpanther debacle seems to have really put a bitterness into KTC. Since yesterday every new person or person who comes back is aggressively greeted with scorn and doubt. Its hard to read at times. Seems to have really shaken some people.

At the same time, my first post was on day 3 of my quit because as I said "you guys are mean as shit" so I knew what I was committing to. Maybe its just me who was shaken.

Today was still a good day to be quit!

I don't see a smilie for being reflective but that's how I feel today. :mellow:

[T-Cell]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

Looking at the guys who've been quit long-term here. It seems pretty simple to be successful. Post roll every day and stay involved. Don't shy away from the accountability.

Hi Ammo
I know the feeling. Earlier on I read a post by a monster quitter named ready who has been quit for nearly 5 years. He posted some encouragement that things get so much better and that it had been years since he had a crave. Needless to say that got me all worked up wishing for that for myself. Then.....Srans reigned me in by reminding me that ready and all the other vets just did it ODAAT and it "just happens." I actually am now finally coming to grips with that concept for real, and finding comfort in not thinking about being quit for more than just today. For me that is easy to get my brain around and I have faith that if we just keep doing this every day that it will "just happen" for us too! Quit on brother, I am enjoying following your quit. You should be proud of yourself. Keep fucking going! Me and Derek were posting the same time so I missed his quote but what he said below says what I was trying to say better! ;)

I remember asking the same thing way back when apogee. Your job and rdad's at this stage is to continue to identify and squash craves. Use whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the fuck its. Handle today TODAY.

It's kind of like what Suds likes to say....

"How do you eat out a 400 lb woman?"

"One lick at a time...."

shocker

I just threw up in my mouth. 'crackup'

ERDVM has successfully diverted my overthinking!

That is all!

Hey, it just takes a little time. After a while they really start to add up.... 'Y'

Ya great visual Vadge.

I remember being where you are at Apogee and it sucked to see caves. What I did is found a vet and they helped keep me grounded when shit storms flared up when caves came and went. I wont lie I got news of a cave some 40+ days ago, I took it hard and I went to that same vet and he was there again. That's what we do here we use our tools we lean when we need help we give back when we have some left in the tank. Like was said earlier you are going to be doing a lot of firsts in this trip around the sun your job is just to battle the craves and identify that you can do all these things without dip. Dip was a distraction it is not by any means performance enhancing.

PM me if you need anything

Your quit will keep getting easier over time, but I'm doubtful there ever is a moment when it is as good as it will get.
Frankly my quit is easy now. I don't have craves, just the occasional faint whisper that is easy to reject. Complacency is now the enemy for me, not craves. But I think I might be a little different than many quitters, because I am entirely at peace with the idea of NEVER again. My "practice"remains 1 day at a time, but my mentality is far beyond that now. I don't want that shit, I don't crave that shit, and intellectually I know that shit will not help me in any way. I am stone cold done with it. Until you mentally get there, I think quitting remains a challenge for most.
But what the hell do I know, I've only been a quitter for 2 years now...
And thanks Vadge for that mental picture, now stuck in my brain where I don't want it... 'no'

[traumagnet]

very good Grass Hopper...

[apogeeammo]

Thanks to all for the responses and support. I've been watching two threads happening today that are completely related to my question and I've learned from both:
1-Racetrack Cowgirl had a bad experience with people posting things she didn't like but she powered through, made no excuses, and continued a 293 day quit by starting a new introduction. Great job and great support from others.
2-Neonpanther caved and is fortunate that this is an internet forum because based on the responses he got from his former HOF classmates and some veterans, they would probably do him bodily harm for posting roll while using!

My learning is: the quit of today is what matters most and all the other bullshit just gets in the way. 1 Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems

Wow!

[traumagnet]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

Looking at the guys who've been quit long-term here. It seems pretty simple to be successful. Post roll every day and stay involved. Don't shy away from the accountability.

Hi Ammo
I know the feeling. Earlier on I read a post by a monster quitter named ready who has been quit for nearly 5 years. He posted some encouragement that things get so much better and that it had been years since he had a crave. Needless to say that got me all worked up wishing for that for myself. Then.....Srans reigned me in by reminding me that ready and all the other vets just did it ODAAT and it "just happens." I actually am now finally coming to grips with that concept for real, and finding comfort in not thinking about being quit for more than just today. For me that is easy to get my brain around and I have faith that if we just keep doing this every day that it will "just happen" for us too! Quit on brother, I am enjoying following your quit. You should be proud of yourself. Keep fucking going! Me and Derek were posting the same time so I missed his quote but what he said below says what I was trying to say better! ;)

I remember asking the same thing way back when apogee. Your job and rdad's at this stage is to continue to identify and squash craves. Use whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the fuck its. Handle today TODAY.

It's kind of like what Suds likes to say....

"How do you eat out a 400 lb woman?"

"One lick at a time...."

shocker

I just threw up in my mouth. 'crackup'

ERDVM has successfully diverted my overthinking!

That is all!

Hey, it just takes a little time. After a while they really start to add up.... 'Y'

Ya great visual Vadge.

I remember being where you are at Apogee and it sucked to see caves. What I did is found a vet and they helped keep me grounded when shit storms flared up when caves came and went. I wont lie I got news of a cave some 40+ days ago, I took it hard and I went to that same vet and he was there again. That's what we do here we use our tools we lean when we need help we give back when we have some left in the tank. Like was said earlier you are going to be doing a lot of firsts in this trip around the sun your job is just to battle the craves and identify that you can do all these things without dip. Dip was a distraction it is not by any means performance enhancing.

PM me if you need anything

[Suds]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

Looking at the guys who've been quit long-term here. It seems pretty simple to be successful. Post roll every day and stay involved. Don't shy away from the accountability.

Hi Ammo
I know the feeling. Earlier on I read a post by a monster quitter named ready who has been quit for nearly 5 years. He posted some encouragement that things get so much better and that it had been years since he had a crave. Needless to say that got me all worked up wishing for that for myself. Then.....Srans reigned me in by reminding me that ready and all the other vets just did it ODAAT and it "just happens." I actually am now finally coming to grips with that concept for real, and finding comfort in not thinking about being quit for more than just today. For me that is easy to get my brain around and I have faith that if we just keep doing this every day that it will "just happen" for us too! Quit on brother, I am enjoying following your quit. You should be proud of yourself. Keep fucking going! Me and Derek were posting the same time so I missed his quote but what he said below says what I was trying to say better! ;)

I remember asking the same thing way back when apogee. Your job and rdad's at this stage is to continue to identify and squash craves. Use whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the fuck its. Handle today TODAY.

It's kind of like what Suds likes to say....

"How do you eat out a 400 lb woman?"

"One lick at a time...."

shocker

I just threw up in my mouth. 'crackup'

ERDVM has successfully diverted my overthinking!

That is all!

Hey, it just takes a little time. After a while they really start to add up.... 'Y'

[apogeeammo]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

Looking at the guys who've been quit long-term here. It seems pretty simple to be successful. Post roll every day and stay involved. Don't shy away from the accountability.

Hi Ammo
I know the feeling. Earlier on I read a post by a monster quitter named ready who has been quit for nearly 5 years. He posted some encouragement that things get so much better and that it had been years since he had a crave. Needless to say that got me all worked up wishing for that for myself. Then.....Srans reigned me in by reminding me that ready and all the other vets just did it ODAAT and it "just happens." I actually am now finally coming to grips with that concept for real, and finding comfort in not thinking about being quit for more than just today. For me that is easy to get my brain around and I have faith that if we just keep doing this every day that it will "just happen" for us too! Quit on brother, I am enjoying following your quit. You should be proud of yourself. Keep fucking going! Me and Derek were posting the same time so I missed his quote but what he said below says what I was trying to say better! ;)

I remember asking the same thing way back when apogee. Your job and rdad's at this stage is to continue to identify and squash craves. Use whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the fuck its. Handle today TODAY.

It's kind of like what Suds likes to say....

"How do you eat out a 400 lb woman?"

"One lick at a time...."

shocker

I just threw up in my mouth. 'crackup'

ERDVM has successfully diverted my overthinking!

That is all!

[rdad]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

Looking at the guys who've been quit long-term here. It seems pretty simple to be successful. Post roll every day and stay involved. Don't shy away from the accountability.

Hi Ammo
I know the feeling. Earlier on I read a post by a monster quitter named ready who has been quit for nearly 5 years. He posted some encouragement that things get so much better and that it had been years since he had a crave. Needless to say that got me all worked up wishing for that for myself. Then.....Srans reigned me in by reminding me that ready and all the other vets just did it ODAAT and it "just happens." I actually am now finally coming to grips with that concept for real, and finding comfort in not thinking about being quit for more than just today. For me that is easy to get my brain around and I have faith that if we just keep doing this every day that it will "just happen" for us too! Quit on brother, I am enjoying following your quit. You should be proud of yourself. Keep fucking going! Me and Derek were posting the same time so I missed his quote but what he said below says what I was trying to say better! ;)

I remember asking the same thing way back when apogee. Your job and rdad's at this stage is to continue to identify and squash craves. Use whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the fuck its. Handle today TODAY.

It's kind of like what Suds likes to say....

"How do you eat out a 400 lb woman?"

"One lick at a time...."

shocker

I just threw up in my mouth. 'crackup'

[ERDVM]

Posting my thoughts for posterity today and for future reference for me - I'm seeing a lot of people with long term stops coming back to the board after a cave.  Notice I didn't say quit because as people point out to them, you only quit once.

A person with over 200 days stopped that caves can be discouraging to someone with 22 days and the rest of my life ahead.  At the same time I see someone with almost 300 days who is hurting as bad as the first few days and they are being told it gets better.

When the fuck does it stop getting better and be as good as it can get?  How can something so hard to get away from still be sold in a convenience store?

I am committed to quit today because I posted roll.  I am actually enjoying being quit and proud of myself for being quit for 22 days.

Should I just quit thinking about it?  I'm just struggling with overthinking today!

Moving on!

Looking at the guys who've been quit long-term here. It seems pretty simple to be successful. Post roll every day and stay involved. Don't shy away from the accountability.

Hi Ammo
I know the feeling. Earlier on I read a post by a monster quitter named ready who has been quit for nearly 5 years. He posted some encouragement that things get so much better and that it had been years since he had a crave. Needless to say that got me all worked up wishing for that for myself. Then.....Srans reigned me in by reminding me that ready and all the other vets just did it ODAAT and it "just happens." I actually am now finally coming to grips with that concept for real, and finding comfort in not thinking about being quit for more than just today. For me that is easy to get my brain around and I have faith that if we just keep doing this every day that it will "just happen" for us too! Quit on brother, I am enjoying following your quit. You should be proud of yourself. Keep fucking going! Me and Derek were posting the same time so I missed his quote but what he said below says what I was trying to say better! ;)

I remember asking the same thing way back when apogee. Your job and rdad's at this stage is to continue to identify and squash craves. Use whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the fuck its. Handle today TODAY.

It's kind of like what Suds likes to say....

"How do you eat out a 400 lb woman?"

"One lick at a time...."

shocker