KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: pky1520 on September 27, 2018, 04:42:51 PM
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***Note this Intro started on 5/6/16 and moved to new forum in 2018. Going to do my best with the format, but apologies in advance for any issues.***
Greetings,
This is my first time posting to this board, although I became aware of the site several years ago, during a failed quit attempt. I'm 29 and started dipping about 11 years ago. I've been at 1-1.5 cans/ day for probably 5 years. Copenhagen Long Cut. Seeing that in black & white honestly makes me sick.
I started during my freshman year in college. I was pledging a fraternity and pledges actually weren't allowed to dip/ smoke, although we had to carry it around at all times in case a brother wanted some. It started as a subtle way of rebelling against the rules. I continued because I liked it and because I thought it made me look cool/ tough/ whatever. It was an SEC school and half the guys I knew dipped. I'd quit when I graduated.
Well, I didn't quit when I graduated. I lived with a couple of friends from school and we all chewed. I liked to fish and hunt, and I certainly wasn't gonna quit during duck season. It was no big deal, we were 22, I'd quit when I hit 25.
Well, I didn't quit when I was 25. I had my own place and a good job, there was no harm in having a little relaxing vice after work (or hunting, or fishing, or driving, or mowing the lawn, or watching TV). I'd quit when I got engaged.
Well, I didn't quit when I got engaged. We moved in together and although she kinda knew that this was something I did when I was fishing/ hunting/ with my guy friends, she didn't really know how addicted I was (am).
I keep thinking that I'll quit when I get married, but looking at my track record, I know it's horseshit. I need to quit NOW, for me, for her and for the family I want to have. I've tried this half assed before, but I've never committed anything to paper and demanded accountability from myself.
My last dip was on Monday (May 2). I've felt nauseous, foggy, panicked, irritable and frankly weak. I got in my truck today and almost went to the shell station, but instead I got out and came to this site. I'm not quitting sometime in the future and I'm not doing it half assed this time. I quit on May 2 and that is it.
Thanks for the support - I know I'm going to need it.
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***Note this Intro started on 5/6/16 and moved to new forum in 2018. Going to do my best with the format, but apologies in advance for any issues.***
Greetings,
This is my first time posting to this board, although I became aware of the site several years ago, during a failed quit attempt. I'm 29 and started dipping about 11 years ago. I've been at 1-1.5 cans/ day for probably 5 years. Copenhagen Long Cut. Seeing that in black & white honestly makes me sick.
I started during my freshman year in college. I was pledging a fraternity and pledges actually weren't allowed to dip/ smoke, although we had to carry it around at all times in case a brother wanted some. It started as a subtle way of rebelling against the rules. I continued because I liked it and because I thought it made me look cool/ tough/ whatever. It was an SEC school and half the guys I knew dipped. I'd quit when I graduated.
Well, I didn't quit when I graduated. I lived with a couple of friends from school and we all chewed. I liked to fish and hunt, and I certainly wasn't gonna quit during duck season. It was no big deal, we were 22, I'd quit when I hit 25.
Well, I didn't quit when I was 25. I had my own place and a good job, there was no harm in having a little relaxing vice after work (or hunting, or fishing, or driving, or mowing the lawn, or watching TV). I'd quit when I got engaged.
Well, I didn't quit when I got engaged. We moved in together and although she kinda knew that this was something I did when I was fishing/ hunting/ with my guy friends, she didn't really know how addicted I was (am).
I keep thinking that I'll quit when I get married, but looking at my track record, I know it's horseshit. I need to quit NOW, for me, for her and for the family I want to have. I've tried this half assed before, but I've never committed anything to paper and demanded accountability from myself.
My last dip was on Monday (May 2). I've felt nauseous, foggy, panicked, irritable and frankly weak. I got in my truck today and almost went to the shell station, but instead I got out and came to this site. I'm not quitting sometime in the future and I'm not doing it half assed this time. I quit on May 2 and that is it.
Thanks for the support - I know I'm going to need it.
FROM IDAHO SPUDS: PKy,
Congratulations on your decision and welcome.
Your quit group is August 2016
Post roll everyday, this is the backbone of the site.
Idaho Spuds
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FROM BASEBALL BRETT:
Welcolme pky, and congrats on your decision to quit the poison. I recently decided to quit too, and I am in the August group as well. I have found that posting roll every damn day helps me stay accountable. Just reading what the vets have written and posting roll will help keep you on track. If you need some digits, just PM me. Embrace the suck - we're in it together.
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Thanks for the replies, guys.
Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"
Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.
I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.
Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
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Thanks for the replies, guys.
Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"
Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.
I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.
Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
FROM BASEBALL BRETT:
I've done coffee chew. Didn't really do it for me. I bought a huge bag of sunflower seeds. Those at least keep me occupied and take my mind off things. Drink a shitload of water too.
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Thanks for the replies, guys.
Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"
Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.
I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.
Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
FROM HIGHTON
I'll be playing in my regular poker game this weekend and I'm looking forward to facing it head on. There will be 8 guys there dipping, but I'm not too worried.
I use the fake. I feel it really helps me. At times when I would normally reach for the Cope, I am still reaching for something. I stopped dipping for 9 months a few years back and the fake got me through the first few months. After that I just quit buying it.
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Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.
I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.
I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
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Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.
I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.
I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
FROM MEDQUIT:
Congrats on the win man, you should feel awesome for handling your trigger so well, and it will continue to benefit you as that is one experience you can refer to next time you get in a stressful situation and say to yourself "I didn't need it then, I don't need it now."
How have the last few days been for you?
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Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.
I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.
I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
FROM MEDQUIT:
Congrats on the win man, you should feel awesome for handling your trigger so well, and it will continue to benefit you as that is one experience you can refer to next time you get in a stressful situation and say to yourself "I didn't need it then, I don't need it now."
How have the last few days been for you?
Thanks Med - it's been good the last few days, fog has definitely tapered off. Still have pretty strong craves, but it hasn't led to any close calls yet.
How about you? How was the road trip?
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FROM MEDQUIT:
Sounds about where I'm at. Driving is not fun, but if I keep myself busy on the phone or listening to news or something my mind doesn't have time to wander/start rationalizing buying a tin, etc. Man nic is insidious though, it seems like it's just hiding in the shadows waiting for me to forget about it for a little while, then it starts trying to steer me back towards it again (no pun intended)
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
FROM WORKTOWIN:
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
FROM WORKTOWIN:
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.
FROM DAGRANGER:
Keep up the logical thinking. There is absolutely NO reason to put a flavored plant in your lips. But your addicted self will come up with all kinds of reasons why that's not true. On a side note, it takes a while but if you do the things you love enough times without dip, you can reprogram your mind to not associate the activity with dip.
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
FROM WORKTOWIN:
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.
FROM DAGRANGER:
Keep up the logical thinking. There is absolutely NO reason to put a flavored plant in your lips. But your addicted self will come up with all kinds of reasons why that's not true. On a side note, it takes a while but if you do the things you love enough times without dip, you can reprogram your mind to not associate the activity with dip.
FROM KUBIAKALPHA:
No worries, you got this. You have planned. I am sure you planned escape routes (for when the conversation wont go the direction it needs to go). If you need it. Just remember. Between the 100s of thousands of people on here. You can certainly reach one of them. Good luck at the shoot!!!
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So we ended up not shooting - the weather wasn't great and both of my buddies got put on chore duties. However, the weekend went pretty smooth.
I found that the last few days, I've actually been able to get my mind off of tobacco for a few minutes. It's felt that since day 1, I've been thinking about it every waking minute. Not necessarily a crave, but a constant awareness that I was quitting and a feeling like something was missing.
This weekend, I was actually able to do stuff and completely forget about the dip and the quit and focus on what was going on. That's not to say I wasn't regularly reminded, but it was refreshing to find moments of freedom and I hope that becomes more common. I have to think that a lot of early caves come from the fact that the shit just won't leave you alone.
Now, I get that this feeling of freedom had its own potential pitfalls, in that it can lead to complacency or an attitude of "whatever, I've got control over this" so I'll have to be aware of that, but right now I'm just happy to be seeing some light ahead, even if it's just a speck at this point.
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So we ended up not shooting - the weather wasn't great and both of my buddies got put on chore duties. However, the weekend went pretty smooth.
I found that the last few days, I've actually been able to get my mind off of tobacco for a few minutes. It's felt that since day 1, I've been thinking about it every waking minute. Not necessarily a crave, but a constant awareness that I was quitting and a feeling like something was missing.
This weekend, I was actually able to do stuff and completely forget about the dip and the quit and focus on what was going on. That's not to say I wasn't regularly reminded, but it was refreshing to find moments of freedom and I hope that becomes more common. I have to think that a lot of early caves come from the fact that the shit just won't leave you alone.
Now, I get that this feeling of freedom had its own potential pitfalls, in that it can lead to complacency or an attitude of "whatever, I've got control over this" so I'll have to be aware of that, but right now I'm just happy to be seeing some light ahead, even if it's just a speck at this point.
FROM FMBM707:
Nice work this weekend. Keep making that promise and following through. Keep posting role, keep that shit out of your mouth and know that we will never have control over that shit but we can always control our decisions. Glad you are writing in your intro- keep it up. Quittin' with you today
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Some of my thoughts on how to beat a cave.
I think about it as "Defense in Depth." It's a principle where you build up layers of protection. Each layer on it's own won't protect against all threats from all angles, but taken together they wear down an attacker and provide a comprehensive defense. Think about a castle. Surrounding that castle are city walls, garrison troops, archers, sharpened pikes, a moat, skirmish lines, roadblocks, scouts, booby traps, burnt fields, poisoned wells, unfriendly peasants etc. All of those defenses slow and wear down an invading force. You need to build up Quit defenses in the same way.
Here is a not entirely comprehensive picture of my defensive structure:
- Physical Proximity: I don't have the shit in my house, in my truck or on my person. I'd have to drive to the store to purchase it, giving me time to come to my senses. It won't help if I'm with a dip buddy, or at the store for another reason, but 95% of the time there is a physical barrier to my addiction.
- My Health: I'm scared of what will happen to me if I start dipping again. I don't want my face to fall off.
- My Relationship: I promised my fiancee that I'm done with the shit for good. I'm absolutely quitting for myself, but at the same time I do value the trust in my relationship and I don't want to compromise that. I don't want to go into a marriage lying and hiding. I don't want to spend my honeymoon going through withdrawal.
- My Quit: I know I'm only a little over two weeks into this, but 18 days is the longest I've gone without dip since I started using over a decade ago. I'm proud of that and I don't want to throw it away. I want to know how it feels being quit at different milestones.
- Addiction Education: Since starting at KTC, I've tried to learn as much as I can about addiction. By nature, I'm a curious guy and it boggles my mind that in 11 years of abusing this drug it never occurred to me to google "nicotine addiction." Understanding the physiological reasons why "just one" almost always leads to a serious relapse and how withdrawals will affect me in different ways for a very long time has been very helpful in keeping me focused.
- "Surfing": This has become my favorite way to ride out a crave. By focusing on the physical symptoms and trying to describe them to myself, like to a third party, the crave becomes less abstract and therefore easy to handle. It works for me.
- Fake/ Distraction: Be it Smokey Mountain, seeds, gum or a cheeseburger, sometimes I just need to stuff something in my face that isn't dip. I can achieve a mild placebo effect, effectively tricking my brain into thinking that I'm feeding the addiction. Even though I'm not getting the nicotine, the physical act will provide some relief and by the time I'm through, the crave will have passed.
- Shame of Failure: All I have to do is not use tobacco, one day at a time. Billions of people won't use tobacco today and if I can't handle it and keep the commitment that I've made to myself, family, friends, KTC, then I really am a failure and a coward.
- Exercise/ Activity: Fresh air and exercise not only take time and distract the mind, but they actually release endorphines, making up for the artificial dopamine that the Nic provided.
- Freedom: Wasting my money, worrying about leaving a can/ spitter/ loose tobacco somewhere, the looks from strangers, brown marks on every piece of paper I touch, finding excuses to go off alone, essentially having a panic attack if I don't have access to my can. I'm free from all of that and I don't want to go back.
- KTC: KTC has been a great motivator. Posting, browsing and generally wasting time on this site has really provided me with different tools and motivation to stay quit.
- My Quit Group: I know that if I'm really struggling, I can reach out to the folks in my quit group and get some straight talk. On the flip side, if I were to cave, I'd either have to explain my failure and deal with getting ripped apart, or quietly slink away like a coward. Neither option is acceptable to me. Additionally, I'd have a lot of guilt knowing that my cave could contribute to someone else spiraling.
- Posting Roll: I gave my word this morning and that means something to me. I've yet to get to the point in my quit where the only thing holding me back has been my daily promise. However, I consider it my last line of defense. If Nic can get past EVERYTHING else, then it still has do deal with the fact that I made a promise and if I use, my word and my honor is a pile of shit. That's not the man I am - that's not acceptable to me.
Taken individually, no aspect of my defensive structure will stop nicotine every time, but together, this is a robust defense and we all have something similar. I think that why this site is so helpful. Without this site, I wouldn't have my Roll Post, Quit Group, Education or KTC defensive lines. Would I still have plenty of reasons to quit? Of course. Would that be enough to keep me off the shit? It hasn't been, in the past.
From what I've seen, there are two types of caves. Caves happen when people just say "fuck it" and don't go through the process of maintaining their defenses during a moment of particular weakness. Be it at the gas station, golf course or bar, there's a split second decision that brings the whole thing crumbling down. The other type of cave is when someone gets down and actively wants to engage in self destructive behavior. Both of these could be cut off if the "Defense in Depth" is maintained. Walls occasionally need to be repaired, swords sharpened and moats refilled. You have to do the same thing with your quit structure.
*I started this post yesterday and had it just about ready to submit when my computer restarted itself, erasing the whole damn thing. Since then, we've had a pretty lively conversation about caving in my August group, so I think this is even more applicable at this point in the quit - I hope this helps someone.*
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FROM STEAKBOMB18:
Very nice. Nice reflection and display of your commitment. Just one observation, and in my opinion, its the one thing that puts your quit over the top. Desire. Without it, your quit is destined for failure. You must want this above anything in life. The moment you lose desire, the wall of quit crumbles. There are certainly things that help keep that desire in check, many of them you have listed - accountability, friends, joy of freedom, fear of shame. These are all things that ultimately support your desire to be quit, but its that desire - for you and you alone - that is paramount for success.
You gotta want this more than anything. After my short 890 days, I continue to want this more than anything. For me. All that I have built my quit upon is precious to me and I am unwilling to relinquish it. That is my desire and you can bet the farm that I'll be here tomorrow at day 891.
keep it up brother!
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Some of my thoughts on how to beat a cave.
I think about it as "Defense in Depth." It's a principle where you build up layers of protection. Each layer on it's own won't protect against all threats from all angles, but taken together they wear down an attacker and provide a comprehensive defense. Think about a castle. Surrounding that castle are city walls, garrison troops, archers, sharpened pikes, a moat, skirmish lines, roadblocks, scouts, booby traps, burnt fields, poisoned wells, unfriendly peasants etc. All of those defenses slow and wear down an invading force. You need to build up Quit defenses in the same way.
Here is a not entirely comprehensive picture of my defensive structure:
- Physical Proximity: I don't have the shit in my house, in my truck or on my person. I'd have to drive to the store to purchase it, giving me time to come to my senses. It won't help if I'm with a dip buddy, or at the store for another reason, but 95% of the time there is a physical barrier to my addiction.
- My Health: I'm scared of what will happen to me if I start dipping again. I don't want my face to fall off.
- My Relationship: I promised my fiancee that I'm done with the shit for good. I'm absolutely quitting for myself, but at the same time I do value the trust in my relationship and I don't want to compromise that. I don't want to go into a marriage lying and hiding. I don't want to spend my honeymoon going through withdrawal.
- My Quit: I know I'm only a little over two weeks into this, but 18 days is the longest I've gone without dip since I started using over a decade ago. I'm proud of that and I don't want to throw it away. I want to know how it feels being quit at different milestones.
- Addiction Education: Since starting at KTC, I've tried to learn as much as I can about addiction. By nature, I'm a curious guy and it boggles my mind that in 11 years of abusing this drug it never occurred to me to google "nicotine addiction." Understanding the physiological reasons why "just one" almost always leads to a serious relapse and how withdrawals will affect me in different ways for a very long time has been very helpful in keeping me focused.
- "Surfing": This has become my favorite way to ride out a crave. By focusing on the physical symptoms and trying to describe them to myself, like to a third party, the crave becomes less abstract and therefore easy to handle. It works for me.
- Fake/ Distraction: Be it Smokey Mountain, seeds, gum or a cheeseburger, sometimes I just need to stuff something in my face that isn't dip. I can achieve a mild placebo effect, effectively tricking my brain into thinking that I'm feeding the addiction. Even though I'm not getting the nicotine, the physical act will provide some relief and by the time I'm through, the crave will have passed.
- Shame of Failure: All I have to do is not use tobacco, one day at a time. Billions of people won't use tobacco today and if I can't handle it and keep the commitment that I've made to myself, family, friends, KTC, then I really am a failure and a coward.
- Exercise/ Activity: Fresh air and exercise not only take time and distract the mind, but they actually release endorphines, making up for the artificial dopamine that the Nic provided.
- Freedom: Wasting my money, worrying about leaving a can/ spitter/ loose tobacco somewhere, the looks from strangers, brown marks on every piece of paper I touch, finding excuses to go off alone, essentially having a panic attack if I don't have access to my can. I'm free from all of that and I don't want to go back.
- KTC: KTC has been a great motivator. Posting, browsing and generally wasting time on this site has really provided me with different tools and motivation to stay quit.
- My Quit Group: I know that if I'm really struggling, I can reach out to the folks in my quit group and get some straight talk. On the flip side, if I were to cave, I'd either have to explain my failure and deal with getting ripped apart, or quietly slink away like a coward. Neither option is acceptable to me. Additionally, I'd have a lot of guilt knowing that my cave could contribute to someone else spiraling.
- Posting Roll: I gave my word this morning and that means something to me. I've yet to get to the point in my quit where the only thing holding me back has been my daily promise. However, I consider it my last line of defense. If Nic can get past EVERYTHING else, then it still has do deal with the fact that I made a promise and if I use, my word and my honor is a pile of shit. That's not the man I am - that's not acceptable to me.
Taken individually, no aspect of my defensive structure will stop nicotine every time, but together, this is a robust defense and we all have something similar. I think that why this site is so helpful. Without this site, I wouldn't have my Roll Post, Quit Group, Education or KTC defensive lines. Would I still have plenty of reasons to quit? Of course. Would that be enough to keep me off the shit? It hasn't been, in the past.
From what I've seen, there are two types of caves. Caves happen when people just say "fuck it" and don't go through the process of maintaining their defenses during a moment of particular weakness. Be it at the gas station, golf course or bar, there's a split second decision that brings the whole thing crumbling down. The other type of cave is when someone gets down and actively wants to engage in self destructive behavior. Both of these could be cut off if the "Defense in Depth" is maintained. Walls occasionally need to be repaired, swords sharpened and moats refilled. You have to do the same thing with your quit structure.
*I started this post yesterday and had it just about ready to submit when my computer restarted itself, erasing the whole damn thing. Since then, we've had a pretty lively conversation about caving in my August group, so I think this is even more applicable at this point in the quit - I hope this helps someone.*
FROM RWCDRUMS:
Wow, well put! Your story is very inspiring! I'm a 9 day quit newbie and I appreciate the way you broke everything down. It's great to hear of other people going through the same struggle, but seeing their thought process as they do it. It's hard to believe that something I thought was so innocent at the time turned out to be so damn evil! Keep up the fight, brotha! Proud of you and thanks for sharing!! 'Cheers'
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Wanted to unload a few thoughts on here about why getting involved with this site is important to my quit.
In every group, there seems to be a few folks who pop in and out and don't really engage (Check out MedQuit's Intro post from this morning - Groups 2 and 4).
As I see it, every post that I make and PM that I send, builds up a layer of accountability. I know that if I cave, I will have to face my own words. With every post, I'm writing a check, and it's up to my ass to cash it. By posting often, holding others accountable and building relationships within my group, I'm essentially piling on to a shitstorm for myself, if I were to cave.
If I cave, you can go through every post I've ever written and throw it in my face - and you should! Additionally, there'd be no way to hide from it. I've given my number to quite a few people, so if I just close my computer and never return to this site, I will still have to face my own words through the people that I've let down.
If all I did was post roll a few times a week, never contribute to the conversation and never exchange digits, I'd be leaving a huge door open for failure. I'm serious about quitting. I want to do everything that I can to protect against going back. My daily promise is a part of that, the motivational posts are a part of that, but my engagement here is also a huge part of it. It would be much easier to walk away from this site if I hadn't connected with people and made some fairly bold statements about my quit.
So if you're a guy who just posts up, maybe reads a little bit and then takes off, why? If you really want to stay quit, why the hell aren't you doing everything in your power to achieve that? Why make a promise if you never try to connect with the people you make the promise to? Why are you making it easier for yourself to fall back into your addiction? Plant some roots here, dive in, build connections with people who will hold you accountable. Don't get defensive when you are called out for not abiding by the rules of this site; learn from it and get better.
If I cave, I expect people on this site to find this post and hurl it back into my face. That's why I'm writing it! I don't want to have to face this post after a cave. I don't want to have to experience being a failure to myself and a liar to you.
Have a great weekend - stay strong, stay focused, stay committed.
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I was thinking about my last post - about why being active on this site helps with my quit - and realized that it was an incomplete thought. I wrote about how actively engaging here will make caving harder, but I didn't talk about how it will make quitting easier. In reality, engaging with this community does both at the same time.
I find that the act of committing a belief to print, actually strengthens that belief. When I put a thought into writing, I'm forced to examine and hone that thought and then communicate it in a way that makes sense. The nature of typing forces me to spend more time with each thought than I would if I were speaking or thinking. Additionally, I have the opportunity to review, analyze and edit my thought before submitting it to the world - certainly not a luxury afforded by speech. In practice, this means that the form of communication that I use can actually influence the thought that I started with.
By writing about my desire to quit, my strategies, my struggles, etc., I'm actually making them deeper and more real for myself. A few posts ago, I wrote about my defenses. Now, those defenses would have been there whether they were written down or not, but through the act of writing them, I formed them into a stronger and more coherent defense system; they aren't just a vague feeling or idea, they are an articulated, coherent list that I can use to check against a craving situation.
If I wasn't writing these things down, they would just remain vague feelings an ideas. I don't think vague feelings are strong enough when I'm having an internal debate with my addict self. My addict self is a smart motherfucker. He can play on my feelings, as well as use false logic to get me hooked again. I need to hone my arguments before I have that debate with my addict self.
Additionally, my involvement here has helped me connect with other people going through the same thing. I have helped folks on this site work through a crave, and others have helped me through a triggering situation. I'm getting to know people and I care about their success; I also know that they care about mine. If I never interacted or contributed, I wouldn't really be a part of the community. No one would be invested in my success and I wouldn't be interested in anyone else's. This 'brotherhood' is an important part of the dynamic here. It is a fact of human nature that a person will be able to endure more hardship if that person is connected with others going through the same hardship. Struggling alone is a recipe for failure. Knowing that people are looking out for me makes this manageable in a way that it wouldn't be if I were just typing into a personal log.
So again, I'll ask the folks who just want to keep track of their days here without tapping in to the community, why? Why not commit thought to print and help yourself understand what you're going through? Why not join the group of people going through the same trials you are? Why continue to struggle alone, when there is a whole team of people ready to help?
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The last week has been extraordinarily exciting and stressful. I've gone through a gauntlet of triggering events and KTC has been there for me in every sense. I've had the chance to connect with my brothers in August, dump my brain into my intro, post my promise EDD and get some great motivation from all of the Titans of Quit on this site. KTC has pulled me through an experience that I never would have thought I'd get through without dip. I have 100% certainty that I would be chewing like a madman right now without this site.
As of yesterday afternoon, I am my own boss. I left my safe and comfortable corporate world and took on a challenge that I've been thinking about for the last several years. I'm now the owner and operator of a Fly Fishing retail store and Outfitter service. It's going to be a ton of work, less money and no guarantee of success, but I'll be my own boss in an industry that I've been obsessed with my entire life.
What this has meant for me recently is a TON of stress about whether this was the right thing for me and my family, stress about the deal potentially falling through, lots of time spent driving and fishing (tough life, I know, but both of these are major triggers for me), as well as days to myself.
This last week was a gauntlet because as the deal approached: I had a day fishing with the former owner and some clients, which entailed 6 hours ttl in the truck, all day fishing and a bunch of guys smoking cigars by the river. My fiancee was out of town from Thursday - Monday, leaving me plenty of time to get myself into trouble. I spent the weekend with my parents, but that was another 6 hours driving (and two days with parents can drive me crazy). Yesterday we closed the deal, a perfect excuse for a victory dip!
But I powered through, relied on the tools that I developed and leaned on the support system provided by this site. I'm proud to be quit with you all. This is my first day in my new business. One more day nicotine free!
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FROM KINGNOTHING:
You're doing this the right way PKY. Your intro has some great nuggets that you will be able to come back to when you hit a bump in the road. It is obvious that you have bought into the system, and it is also obvious that you have already started to reap the benefits of doing so. The best part? It only gets better. Stay committed, stay connected and the euphoria you feel right now will be small potatoes compared to the next several months. Don't get me wrong, it'll go up and down, but the general trend is most certainly upward for you now.
Keep it up, you have a lot of people looking to you.
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The last week has been extraordinarily exciting and stressful. I've gone through a gauntlet of triggering events and KTC has been there for me in every sense. I've had the chance to connect with my brothers in August, dump my brain into my intro, post my promise EDD and get some great motivation from all of the Titans of Quit on this site. KTC has pulled me through an experience that I never would have thought I'd get through without dip. I have 100% certainty that I would be chewing like a madman right now without this site.
As of yesterday afternoon, I am my own boss. I left my safe and comfortable corporate world and took on a challenge that I've been thinking about for the last several years. I'm now the owner and operator of a Fly Fishing retail store and Outfitter service. It's going to be a ton of work, less money and no guarantee of success, but I'll be my own boss in an industry that I've been obsessed with my entire life.
What this has meant for me recently is a TON of stress about whether this was the right thing for me and my family, stress about the deal potentially falling through, lots of time spent driving and fishing (tough life, I know, but both of these are major triggers for me), as well as days to myself.
This last week was a gauntlet because as the deal approached: I had a day fishing with the former owner and some clients, which entailed 6 hours ttl in the truck, all day fishing and a bunch of guys smoking cigars by the river. My fiancee was out of town from Thursday - Monday, leaving me plenty of time to get myself into trouble. I spent the weekend with my parents, but that was another 6 hours driving (and two days with parents can drive me crazy). Yesterday we closed the deal, a perfect excuse for a victory dip!
But I powered through, relied on the tools that I developed and leaned on the support system provided by this site. I'm proud to be quit with you all. This is my first day in my new business. One more day nicotine free!
FROM FISHFLORIDA:
I'll tie a load of saltwater Gotcha's for Bahamian Bones for your store.
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FROM THUMBLEWORT:
I wrote a lot during my first days as well, it helped. Keep up the quit, and best wishes on your store!
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FROM WORKTOWIN:
sounds like you are taking your life back in all sorts of ways. Congratulations dude.
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FROM WORKTOWIN:
sounds like you are taking your life back in all sorts of ways. Congratulations dude.
Thanks for the support guys!
Send me a note if you're ever in N. Carolina and want to do some fishing !
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I finally had the KTC conversation with my fiancee last night. It went alright. She was kind of shocked that this was something that was such a big deal for me. I'm a little conflicted about having the convo. On one hand, I am relieved that it's out and I don't feel like there's anything left that I'm hiding in my life. On the other hand, she didn't know how much of a struggle this was for me and I kind of liked that.
The reason that I hadn't told her before wasn't because I was embarrassed about needing help, or because I was worried that she wouldn't take it well. I didn't tell her because I felt like this was something that I had done to myself and beating it was something that I should be doing without putting it on her in any way. I still kind of feel like that would have been better in some ways.
I got tired of worrying about having to explain away texts, or why recently I've been checking my phone all the time. Overall it was a positive. I'm glad to have it all out there now. She was amazingly understanding after I explained everything. She's didn't grow up in an environment where it was at all common, so she has a hard time understanding the draw of the stuff, but she was happy that I am doing everything that I can to stay off of it.
No great lessons learned here, but it was an important event and I felt like chronicling it.
Quit on brothers
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Had my fist dip dream in quite a while last night.
It was honestly terrifying & super clear. I took a dip almost without knowing it and then all of a sudden I was chain-dipping. Then I started texting all the guys in my group about caving. I can still remember right now the sense of shame and failure. It's crazy because I hadn't had a dip dream since very early in my quit and I usually don't have very vivid dreams to begin with.
The setting was my bachelor party, which will be coming up. I've circled this as an event that I need to have a plan for. I will & I'll outline it more as it gets closer.
All the best to my fellow quitters! Start making a plan for the 4th of July weekend. Don't celebrate our independence by enslaving yourself again.
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Don't celebrate our independence by enslaving yourself again.
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Awesome stuff pky. Keep it up brother, you are a fine quitter and it will only get better from here. The conversation with your fiance is exactly why we need this place. People that have never dealt with addiction can very rarely empathize with an addict. They just can't understand the physiological effects of why you can't just 'put it down.' At any rate, good on you for telling her. Someday she'll appreciate it when you aren't having your jaw sawed off to save your life because you never quit.
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing & dipping are like peas & carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing & dipping are like peas & carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
FROM MIKE1966:
I've read on here where guys talk about dreading being around other people who dip. I'm lucky, none of my friends dip. I'll have to say, up to this point, seeing someone dip hasn't made me want to dip. It's only made my quit stronger.
I was in a guys house the other day and he had a big fat one in. Every time he got ready to say something to us, he'd open the bathroom door and spit into the toilet so he could talk. I thought, man, been there done that and I'm glad that's not me anymore.
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing & dipping are like peas & carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
FROM FISHFLORIDA:
To be on a boat all day and not chew isn't a win... It's the holy grail of quit!!! Awesome!!!
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing & dipping are like peas & carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
FROM MIKE1966:
I've read on here where guys talk about dreading being around other people who dip. I'm lucky, none of my friends dip. I'll have to say, up to this point, seeing someone dip hasn't made me want to dip. It's only made my quit stronger.
I was in a guys house the other day and he had a big fat one in. Every time he got ready to say something to us, he'd open the bathroom door and spit into the toilet so he could talk. I thought, man, been there done that and I'm glad that's not me anymore.
That's exactly it! I'm glad it's not me anymore.
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FROM KINGNOTHING:
That dissociation won't just be with fishing Pky. Soon you'll notice that you've dissociated your whole life from it. I was hanging out with some buddies a couple weekends ago and we were having a couple beers. Every chance they got they'd toss in a dip and start spitting. There was no pressure for me to join, but they definitely recognized that I was comfortable around them even though they were doing it and I'd quit.
The thought never came to my mind that I had to dip to enjoy that time with them or that I would take a dip so it would be comfortable for everybody there. I no longer associate dip with anything. The more actively you pursue QUIT and not merely not using, the easier and faster this process will go.
Good on you for keeping your promise and also for noticing the substantial changes that are already happening.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
FROM DJPORKCHOP:
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it!
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
FROM DJPORKCHOP:
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it!
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats!
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
FROM DJPORKCHOP:
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it!
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats!
FROM DAGRANGER:
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
FROM DJPORKCHOP:
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it!
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats!
FROM DAGRANGER:
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
FROM PAB1964:
Simple pky, you've built a great brotherhood iin whichalot are depending on you just like you are them! Stay quit! Odaat! Worry about the bachelor party when iit gets here.
-
My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
FROM DJPORKCHOP:
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it!
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats!
FROM DAGRANGER:
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
FROM PAB1964:
Simple pky, you've built a great brotherhood iin whichalot are depending on you just like you are them! Stay quit! Odaat! Worry about the bachelor party when iit gets here.
FROM FISHFLORIDA:
My August brother...
I'm not gonna sugar coat this...
You and I are almost to hof. If you cave, I swear to god on all things good that I will personally take a flame thrower to you and all the things you love.
Besides, that would mean you'd be in October group and we'd have to go there to get the broken Justin Beiber CDs and sauce. Not happening.
-
My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
FROM DJPORKCHOP:
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it!
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats!
FROM DAGRANGER:
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
FROM PAB1964:
Simple pky, you've built a great brotherhood iin whichalot are depending on you just like you are them! Stay quit! Odaat! Worry about the bachelor party when iit gets here.
FROM FISHFLORIDA:
My August brother...
I'm not gonna sugar coat this...
You and I are almost to hof. If you cave, I swear to god on all things good that I will personally take a flame thrower to you and all the things you love.
Besides, that would mean you'd be in October group and we'd have to go there to get the broken Justin Beiber CDs and sauce. Not happening.
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats pky and I hi-lited one sentence from Dagranger's post because that really is the one and only thought you'll need to remember this weekend. That and you promise on roll. Keep it up brother, you're a damn good leader around these parts.
-
Thanks for all the thoughts and support guys! I sent an email to the group yesterday and got mostly positive responses. Although, I do have a good idea about which one of my buddies is getting Punted first. 'nutkick'
I was thinking about it, and everyone who will be there is either a Nic user or a quitter - no civilians. So at least I'll have a few folks who know what the quit is all about.
King and Dagranger - you guys hit the nail on the head. Only I can put that garbage in my mouth.
Fish also hit the nail on the head when he said he'd torch me and everything I love with a flamethrower - all good points!
I've still got a week before the party, so I do need to focus on today (thanks Pab!).
Anyway, I'll update again as it gets closer - stay quit today all!
-
I got a ton of texts and support this weekend, so first of all thanks for that! The party was great - BBQ, sporting clays, fishing, pontoon boat, cold beer and old friends. Dog (the one in my avatar) got to swim all day and the whole thing was completely drama free.
Guys were smoking and dipping, but mostly respectful of me not partaking. It was helpful to have my brother there, who is a year and a half quit. He actually was a lurker on KTC, but never got on a roll.
One buddy left a half full tin of Grizzly in my truck, and I happily threw that shit away when I found it.
To stay clean and still have a blast this weekend, I pulled out all the stops and used all of the tools at my disposal. I dug in deep here. I asked for accountability from people at this site, informed my friends ahead of time, posted my promise and made sure that I always had a can of the fake around as a last resort. To be clear, this is not me bragging about how good I think I am at quitting. This is me pointing out that the tools & the method is here and at your disposal.
I see a lot of caves that come from drinking, peer pressure, triggers, etc. If you use the tools that are here and extremely accessible, you can come through any situation. I encourage those on the outskirts (lurkers, ghosters, guests who haven't signed up yet) to stop taking half measures and to dive in. If you really want to quit, then you should do everything that you can to get yourself entrenched in the accountability here.
I have no doubt that the utter shitstorm that I would have faced if I caved, played a part in my decision to remain clean. It's certainly far from the only reason, but if I had expected a gentle pat on the bum and an "it's ok tiger, you tried hard at least," I would have been much more likely to give in and let go.
But even worse than having to face the big ole KTC meanie patrol, would have been having to face the folks who I've genuinely developed relationships with, people who I asked for help and who gave it. No way in hell was I going to let them down. Even though October sure can be a hoot, I damn well plan to stick around with August. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who sent me a note or even a kind thought this weekend.
For a while, I had viewed this weekend as THE test for me. If I could get past it, I'd never have to worry about this thing again. Well now that it's over, I have to refocus. I know that this addiction is a day to day struggle and complacency is my biggest threat. I now know that I can get through a gauntlet of triggers when I have time to prepare, but what about when something unexpected or tragic inevitably comes up? Well, I can tell you right now that if my butt is on roll and I'm still on this board and I still care about this, my chances of getting through it clean are sky high.
The tools are here folks. Use them, add to them, keep them sharp and don't let them rust.
-
I got a ton of texts and support this weekend, so first of all thanks for that! The party was great - BBQ, sporting clays, fishing, pontoon boat, cold beer and old friends. Dog (the one in my avatar) got to swim all day and the whole thing was completely drama free.
Guys were smoking and dipping, but mostly respectful of me not partaking. It was helpful to have my brother there, who is a year and a half quit. He actually was a lurker on KTC, but never got on a roll.
One buddy left a half full tin of Grizzly in my truck, and I happily threw that shit away when I found it.
To stay clean and still have a blast this weekend, I pulled out all the stops and used all of the tools at my disposal. I dug in deep here. I asked for accountability from people at this site, informed my friends ahead of time, posted my promise and made sure that I always had a can of the fake around as a last resort. To be clear, this is not me bragging about how good I think I am at quitting. This is me pointing out that the tools & the method is here and at your disposal.
I see a lot of caves that come from drinking, peer pressure, triggers, etc. If you use the tools that are here and extremely accessible, you can come through any situation. I encourage those on the outskirts (lurkers, ghosters, guests who haven't signed up yet) to stop taking half measures and to dive in. If you really want to quit, then you should do everything that you can to get yourself entrenched in the accountability here.
I have no doubt that the utter shitstorm that I would have faced if I caved, played a part in my decision to remain clean. It's certainly far from the only reason, but if I had expected a gentle pat on the bum and an "it's ok tiger, you tried hard at least," I would have been much more likely to give in and let go.
But even worse than having to face the big ole KTC meanie patrol, would have been having to face the folks who I've genuinely developed relationships with, people who I asked for help and who gave it. No way in hell was I going to let them down. Even though October sure can be a hoot, I damn well plan to stick around with August. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who sent me a note or even a kind thought this weekend.
For a while, I had viewed this weekend as THE test for me. If I could get past it, I'd never have to worry about this thing again. Well now that it's over, I have to refocus. I know that this addiction is a day to day struggle and complacency is my biggest threat. I now know that I can get through a gauntlet of triggers when I have time to prepare, but what about when something unexpected or tragic inevitably comes up? Well, I can tell you right now that if my butt is on roll and I'm still on this board and I still care about this, my chances of getting through it clean are sky high.
The tools are here folks. Use them, add to them, keep them sharp and don't let them rust.
FROM MIKE1966:
Congrats on the Victory PKY! This post is a great example to the rest of us on how to plan for success! I'm taking notes!
Proud to be quit with you today!
-
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days!
-
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days!
FROM IDAHOSPUDS:
Congratulations! keep it up!
-
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days!
FROM IDAHOSPUDS:
Congratulations! keep it up!
FROM MIKE1966:
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
-
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days!
FROM IDAHOSPUDS:
Congratulations! keep it up!
FROM MIKE1966:
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
FROM CHICKDIP:
Congrats p k y on your 100 days!
Enjoy it and we'll see you tomorrow for some of the same!
-
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days!
FROM IDAHOSPUDS:
Congratulations! keep it up!
FROM MIKE1966:
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
FROM CHICKDIP:
Congrats p k y on your 100 days!
Enjoy it and we'll see you tomorrow for some of the same!
FROM PAB1964:
You're one solid badass quitter! Keep doing what you're doing! Paying it forward, giving advice support, that's the way it's supposed to be done! Damn proud of you and you should hold your head high and smile helluva an accomplishment for any addict. Quit on, it's what we do!
-
FROM KINGNOTHING:
Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days!
FROM IDAHOSPUDS:
Congratulations! keep it up!
FROM MIKE1966:
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
FROM CHICKDIP:
Congrats p k y on your 100 days!
Enjoy it and we'll see you tomorrow for some of the same!
FROM PAB1964:
You're one solid badass quitter! Keep doing what you're doing! Paying it forward, giving advice support, that's the way it's supposed to be done! Damn proud of you and you should hold your head high and smile helluva an accomplishment for any addict. Quit on, it's what we do!
FISHFLORIDA:
Absolutely frickin awesome
-
COWMUS:
Congrats!!!!! I enjoyed reading your HOF speech.
I'm proud to be in the August quit group with such a fine quitter.
CowMus
-
HAWPS:
Pky, I just now saw this page. You're a tremendous leader to myself and the rest of August. Keep slaying the nic bitch.
-
HAWPS:
Pky, I just now saw this page. You're a tremendous leader to myself and the rest of August. Keep slaying the nic bitch.
WORKTOWIN:
Every once in a while a great leader shows up at KTC. Someone who helps themself by throwing everything they've got into helping others. You are one of those guys.
Right after HOF is a challenging time. No big milestone to look forward to and usually some crazy in the individual groups. Don't change a thing - you are doing great, and there is an insane amount of upside ahead. You like where you are now? Just wait... One day at a time!
-
HAWPS:
Pky, I just now saw this page. You're a tremendous leader to myself and the rest of August. Keep slaying the nic bitch.
WORKTOWIN:
Every once in a while a great leader shows up at KTC. Someone who helps themself by throwing everything they've got into helping others. You are one of those guys.
Right after HOF is a challenging time. No big milestone to look forward to and usually some crazy in the individual groups. Don't change a thing - you are doing great, and there is an insane amount of upside ahead. You like where you are now? Just wait... One day at a time!
Thanks for the words guys. Before coming to KTC I was a hopeless failure at quitting. The more active I am in here the stronger I am out there. It is still one day at a time, sometimes still moment to moment.
Thanks for helping to keep me steady!
-
Just posted this in one of the new groups. My perspective on the three questions. This is just my take, there are definitely other valid reasons and some valid objections. Take what you need and leave the rest.
There are a few practical reasons for the questions.
1) To get the caver thinking about what happened. The tools to stay quit are here at KTC and the point of this site is to help us get truly quit, not just stop for a while. Cavers need to face the reason for why they failed. Understanding that failure in depth and in detail will help them to build a plan for success going forward.
2) To help the caver build that plan. Answering those questions to the public forum allows others the chance to identify potential pitfalls and help cavers develop tools that will keep them quit for the long haul. Admittedly, the public forum leads to some tough language and name calling, but the end goal is to put that caver on the right path.
3) To rebuild trust. A caver joining a new group is asking a whole bunch of struggling strangers to support him/ her. If that caver can't come in willing to buy in to the system, show that he/ she is aware of why that failure happened and what he/ she is willing to do to change, then why should anyone in that new group go out of his/her way to help or care about that caver? Everyone is struggling mightily with his/her own quit and if a caver wants their support, he/ she needs to show that he/ she is worth it.
4) To penalize the cave. This can be uncomfortable, but this is a zero tolerance system. For most of us, any leniency or give in the system would lead to rationalizing a cave. This is foundational. There are many carrots here, but this is the stick. No one wants to be called names and for many, that example & the threat of that shame will keep them clean. It's not necessarily about that one individual, but for those watching.
5) To help everyone to move forward. If weak-ass answers/ none at all, are just left sitting out there, then inevitably someone will call that person out after every post he/ she makes - there is a responsibility to hold people accountable. If someone wants the support that this site offers, he/ she has to abide by the established policies.
The rules here didn't come about by accident. They evolved over many years and are based in practical application. The fact is, we are addicts and addicts will take advantage of any weakness in the structure to justify caving. So allowing this to slide does a disservice to the caver, but also is foundationally detrimental to the system here.
-
Just posted this in one of the new groups. My perspective on the three questions. This is just my take, there are definitely other valid reasons and some valid objections. Take what you need and leave the rest.
There are a few practical reasons for the questions.
1) To get the caver thinking about what happened. The tools to stay quit are here at KTC and the point of this site is to help us get truly quit, not just stop for a while. Cavers need to face the reason for why they failed. Understanding that failure in depth and in detail will help them to build a plan for success going forward.
2) To help the caver build that plan. Answering those questions to the public forum allows others the chance to identify potential pitfalls and help cavers develop tools that will keep them quit for the long haul. Admittedly, the public forum leads to some tough language and name calling, but the end goal is to put that caver on the right path.
3) To rebuild trust. A caver joining a new group is asking a whole bunch of struggling strangers to support him/ her. If that caver can't come in willing to buy in to the system, show that he/ she is aware of why that failure happened and what he/ she is willing to do to change, then why should anyone in that new group go out of his/her way to help or care about that caver? Everyone is struggling mightily with his/her own quit and if a caver wants their support, he/ she needs to show that he/ she is worth it.
4) To penalize the cave. This can be uncomfortable, but this is a zero tolerance system. For most of us, any leniency or give in the system would lead to rationalizing a cave. This is foundational. There are many carrots here, but this is the stick. No one wants to be called names and for many, that example & the threat of that shame will keep them clean. It's not necessarily about that one individual, but for those watching.
5) To help everyone to move forward. If weak-ass answers/ none at all, are just left sitting out there, then inevitably someone will call that person out after every post he/ she makes - there is a responsibility to hold people accountable. If someone wants the support that this site offers, he/ she has to abide by the established policies.
The rules here didn't come about by accident. They evolved over many years and are based in practical application. The fact is, we are addicts and addicts will take advantage of any weakness in the structure to justify caving. So allowing this to slide does a disservice to the caver, but also is foundationally detrimental to the system here.
JGLAV:
It continues to amaze me how many people put so much time in to help another person out in their quit. Love this site for that reason and thanks for your diligence.
-
Big day today! The fiancée is turning into the wife.
I get to do this free from my addiction. It's still there but it no longer controls me. I won't be standing at the alter wondering if I'll get a free minute tonight to throw in a quick one. I won't sneak away at the reception because I'm having "stomach trouble." I won't stand outside smoking cigar after cigar because it's the only way to get my fix.
I owe that to all of you. KTC and your support has given me the tools to stay clean and free. I get to enter my marriage without lying and hiding a shameful destructive addiction that will eventually take away everything. I don't have to put my wife through the pain of losing me to a disease I created.
Thank you all. Thank you to my brothers in August. Thank you to the vets who reach out for support. Thank you to the folks I know and to the ones that I don't yet know. Thank you to the foggy-ass newbs for showing me everyday that I never want to start this struggle again. Thank you to the mods and admins who started this thing and keep the lights on. You made this possible for me and I can't thank you enough.
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
CAVMAN83:
Awesome job, brother. Wish that I had had your determination when I was your age.... You rock!
-
FISHFLORIDA:
Well Pea,
The train has almost come full circle. I don't think my brain can take anymore. I had a blast being the Oct Conductor with you and wouldn't have changed it for the world. I'm proud to say I'm quit with you and that you are one sick SOB, which, as you can tell, works out great with me. I'm typing this on your intro page and not a PM so everyone knows how much fun this actually was. The HOF added another 2 hours onto every day and it was well worth it. The October 2016 Cocktobers are a great group of sickos and BAQs.
Tight Lines
Oily Hair
Gin Clear Water
-FF
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
CAVMAN83:
Awesome job, brother. Wish that I had had your determination when I was your age.... You rock!
PAB1964:
Great job my friend! Keep it going!
Damn proud to be quit with you!
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
CAVMAN83:
Awesome job, brother. Wish that I had had your determination when I was your age.... You rock!
PAB1964:
Great job my friend! Keep it going!
Damn proud to be quit with you!
WORKTOWIN:
I ran out in Kauai one time. I drove to 7 gas stations frantically looking for kodiak. I finally paid $15 each for 3 cans of skoal. And I hid all of this nonsense from my wife.
You are a lot smarter than me, dude. Welcome back and congratulations!
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
MIKE1966:
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
MIKE1966:
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
KINGNOTHING:
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
MIKE1966:
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
KINGNOTHING:
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
APPLEJACK:
2nd floor... most excellent!
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
MIKE1966:
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
KINGNOTHING:
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
APPLEJACK:
2nd floor... most excellent!
FLLIPOUT:
Way to go, Pea! You are truly an inspiration!
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
MIKE1966:
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
KINGNOTHING:
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
APPLEJACK:
2nd floor... most excellent!
FLLIPOUT:
Way to go, Pea! You are truly an inspiration!
Thanks for all the kind words folks! I owe an immeasurable debt to all of you and I promise to keep on fighting with you!
To anyone cruising these intros, thinking about quitting, believe me you can! All of these people, myself included, have been in your position. Terrified, anxious, skeptical. Trust me, with the support of people like ^^^ this and some personal fortitude, you can break free and live a whole new life.
-
CHICKDIP:
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
MIKE1966:
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
KINGNOTHING:
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
APPLEJACK:
2nd floor... most excellent!
FLLIPOUT:
Way to go, Pea! You are truly an inspiration!
Thanks for all the kind words folks! I owe an immeasurable debt to all of you and I promise to keep on fighting with you!
To anyone cruising these intros, thinking about quitting, believe me you can! All of these people, myself included, have been in your position. Terrified, anxious, skeptical. Trust me, with the support of people like ^^^ this and some personal fortitude, you can break free and live a whole new life.
PAB1964:
Congratulations pky! You're the man!
-
STRANGER999:
This is a really great quit thread so I shall bump it. Well done!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
PAB1964:
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
PAB1964:
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
STRANGER999:
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
PAB1964:
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
STRANGER999:
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations sir!
300 feels good, but brighter days are ahead. Those 1% days get fewer, farther between, and the white knuckles start to tan. The need to post roll and it's place or importance... that my friend actually becomes more important. We failed ourselves individually for years, usually decades. Failing a team and the connections/friends on this site becomes a deeper motivator in time.
You are killing it. Well done!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
PAB1964:
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
STRANGER999:
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations sir!
300 feels good, but brighter days are ahead. Those 1% days get fewer, farther between, and the white knuckles start to tan. The need to post roll and it's place or importance... that my friend actually becomes more important. We failed ourselves individually for years, usually decades. Failing a team and the connections/friends on this site becomes a deeper motivator in time.
You are killing it. Well done!
MIKE1966:
Well said PKY! I'm right there with you. Congrats on the 3rd floor! Keep racking up those milestones!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
PAB1964:
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
STRANGER999:
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
WORKTOWIN:
Congratulations sir!
300 feels good, but brighter days are ahead. Those 1% days get fewer, farther between, and the white knuckles start to tan. The need to post roll and it's place or importance... that my friend actually becomes more important. We failed ourselves individually for years, usually decades. Failing a team and the connections/friends on this site becomes a deeper motivator in time.
You are killing it. Well done!
MIKE1966:
Well said PKY! I'm right there with you. Congrats on the 3rd floor! Keep racking up those milestones!
CHICKDIP:
Congrats pea on 300!!
-
According to the bottom of the screen there are 99 guests viewing the Into page and it's not even 5am.
GO DUMP YOUR CAN IN THE TOILET.
COME UP WITH SOME DUMB SCREEN NAME.
SIGN UP FOR KTC.
POST YOUR OWN INTRO.
POST ROLL IN THE JULY QUIT GROUP.
FINALLY BE FREE.
-
According to the bottom of the screen there are 99 guests viewing the Into page and it's not even 5am.
GO DUMP YOUR CAN IN THE TOILET.
COME UP WITH SOME DUMB SCREEN NAME.
SIGN UP FOR KTC.
POST YOUR OWN INTRO.
POST ROLL IN THE JULY QUIT GROUP.
FINALLY BE FREE.
KINGNOTHING:
This is one BAQ talking. He (along with Nike) is right. Just do it. You can't comprehend right now how much better your life will be once you remove this ball and chain.
-
BASEBALL BRETT:
Congrats on one lap around the sun Ryan! You have been a rock solid quitter, and you just get it. Keep being a badass and a leader for others.
-
RICHARD K:
Congrats on the year mark brother!!! Badassery right there!!!
-
RICHARD K:
Congrats on the year mark brother!!! Badassery right there!!!
PAB1964:
Congratulations on the trip around the sun! Damn proud to call you a friend and brother!
-
On May 2, 2016 I spit out my last dip. The action was entirely anti-climactic. A movement of my hand, a swish with some water and a spit into a bottle. I'd done the same maneuver thousands of times, over many years - more than a third of the years in my life.
At the time, I didn't really believe that this would truly be my last dip. It hadn't even been a particularly good one. Just a standard, mid-morning pinch. But it was the last left in the can, and I had told myself that I wouldn't be buying another. But again, I had been here many times before and didn't really believe it.
As per usual, I was able to go a few days, white-knuckling through the pain and tension. But on day 5 or so, I broke down. Got in my truck and turned the key. However, I did not take the truck out of park. I sat there for a few minutes on the verge of panic. This was it, this was the moment where I either stood my ground or remained a stinking addict for the rest of my life - a life destroyed by my own actions.
This time, I turned the key again, removed it from the ignition and went back inside. I had remembered finding KTC one time several years back, during some brief stoppage. At that time, I dismissed it out of hand and went on to repeated failure. This time however, I swallowed my pride and posted this intro.
The rest is already here. Go back a few pages and see how it's turned out. In the last year, I've gotten married, bought a business and bought a house. I've done it all dip free. There were certainly some extreme struggles, but nothing unique or special to me. Everyone here has gone through the same or worse.
I've been on roll before breakfast every single day since finding KTC. It's a part of my day. If I'm not on roll by 10am, I damn sure will be getting some texts. I welcome that, I need that.
I owe everything to my friends, brothers and sisters on this site. I would not have succeeded on my own. Thank you for making this possible. Thank you for fighting with me.
To anyone reading this from the other side, this can be your story too. Post your promise, keep it, dig in.
I will see you all on roll tomorrow.
-
KINGNOTHING:
Congrats PKY! You've been a stellar presence here and have a way with words to reach newbs and vets alike. You make this place better every day and you should be damn proud of that first lap. Keep it up!
-
KINGNOTHING:
Congrats PKY! You've been a stellar presence here and have a way with words to reach newbs and vets alike. You make this place better every day and you should be damn proud of that first lap. Keep it up!
WORKTOWIN:
I've never interacted with this bad ass quitter, but it is obvious that you are the real deal. It gets better from where you are. Quitting isn't fun. Winning is. And every day that you quit you win. The quitting takes less effort, and the winning keeps getting better.
Nice picture from your fishing trip too!
-
KINGNOTHING:
Congrats PKY! You've been a stellar presence here and have a way with words to reach newbs and vets alike. You make this place better every day and you should be damn proud of that first lap. Keep it up!
WORKTOWIN:
I've never interacted with this bad ass quitter, but it is obvious that you are the real deal. It gets better from where you are. Quitting isn't fun. Winning is. And every day that you quit you win. The quitting takes less effort, and the winning keeps getting better.
Nice picture from your fishing trip too!
CHICKDIP:
Congrats on 1 year quit!
So glad your still here.
Many are fortunate your have you supporting them!
I know I am.
-
CHICKDIP:
Another day quit, another floor.
Congrats on 400 days quit P!
-
CHICKDIP:
Another day quit, another floor.
Congrats on 400 days quit P!
NOLAQ:
Nice job brother!
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
SIRDEREK:
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
SIRDEREK:
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
PHUCTUP:
Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.
There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:
https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test
Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!
If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.
You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
SIRDEREK:
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
PHUCTUP:
Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.
There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:
https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test
Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!
If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.
You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.
Phuct - thank you for taking the time and for such a thoughtful response. The outpouring of support from this community over the past 24 hours has been unbelievable.
I took the test you provided, as well as a few others. The results on all have come back as "At Risk" or "Marginal." I think that's about where I am. I have been headed down a dangerous path, but haven't yet stepped over the edge. I think the fact that I'm even at this point is concerning enough. Like I'm right now at the point with Alcohol that I was when I started dipping a lot. I can turn around now before it develops into a serious issue.
So my plan is to try the month of August without any alcohol and then take it from there. I've got a few family events where it could get awkward, but I'm going to explain my tee-totaling as a month long detox to assist in my weight loss. If it becomes more permanent, then I will have to have a deeper conversation with my family, but for now, this seems like the right approach.
This thing is ODAAT anyway, so I'm not really ready to think in terms of "forever." For the time being, I'm staying 100% sober and I'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
Thank you again for the support and I will be sure to update on my situation periodically.
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I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
SIRDEREK:
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
PHUCTUP:
Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.
There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:
https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test
Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!
If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.
You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.
Phuct - thank you for taking the time and for such a thoughtful response. The outpouring of support from this community over the past 24 hours has been unbelievable.
I took the test you provided, as well as a few others. The results on all have come back as "At Risk" or "Marginal." I think that's about where I am. I have been headed down a dangerous path, but haven't yet stepped over the edge. I think the fact that I'm even at this point is concerning enough. Like I'm right now at the point with Alcohol that I was when I started dipping a lot. I can turn around now before it develops into a serious issue.
So my plan is to try the month of August without any alcohol and then take it from there. I've got a few family events where it could get awkward, but I'm going to explain my tee-totaling as a month long detox to assist in my weight loss. If it becomes more permanent, then I will have to have a deeper conversation with my family, but for now, this seems like the right approach.
This thing is ODAAT anyway, so I'm not really ready to think in terms of "forever." For the time being, I'm staying 100% sober and I'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
Thank you again for the support and I will be sure to update on my situation periodically.
STEAKBOMB18:
As nicotine addicts, one of the many chains she wraps around us is the "self-medicating" chain. This is a tough chain to break free from. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - and many addicts self medicate with her. Over time, this becomes a state of the norm and without her our "anxiety" increases, and hence we again self-medicate. Now, I'm not jumping to any conclusions here, but it sounds like alcohol is serving as a substitute for nicotine. In essence, you're self medicating with it to cope with something. At the end of the day, it too is not a healthy behavior and the short of it is, you need to make sure a new chain doesn't wrap itself around you.
Lastly, you mentioned that coming back to the intro pages was a first step for you because it helped get you to where you are on the nicotine front. Well, maybe you should post up a Day 1 on this page: topic/1003099/3922/
Be strong brother.
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
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I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change.
FLLIPOUT:
Okay, okay, fine...but you still plan to kick Fish's butt to the curb in the weight loss competition, right? Don't let us down!
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
PHUCTUP:
We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
PHUCTUP:
We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!
WORKTOWIN:
Hey man It is now September and I thought Id check in.
Im in the booze biz in a big way. People getting drunk and falling down is what pays my electric bill. Im fortunate to be able to have a drink and stop. Many are not, and it sounds like you are one of them. Im glad you have recognized this and made adjustments. Out of control alcohol will destroy your life. That's right, a guy who pays his bills on booze is encouraging you to take part of his paycheck away. Ponder that for a minute.
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
PHUCTUP:
We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!
WORKTOWIN:
Hey man It is now September and I thought Id check in.
Im in the booze biz in a big way. People getting drunk and falling down is what pays my electric bill. Im fortunate to be able to have a drink and stop. Many are not, and it sounds like you are one of them. Im glad you have recognized this and made adjustments. Out of control alcohol will destroy your life. That's right, a guy who pays his bills on booze is encouraging you to take part of his paycheck away. Ponder that for a minute.
Thanks for checking in - I appreciate the thoughts. It's been a good month. I'm sitting here in a pair of pants that I couldn't fit into when I made that post, along with a clear head.
I've kept the booze under control. I haven't given it up entirely, but I went the month of August (and the beginning of September) without waking up with a hangover. I've been up front with the people close to me about what's going on and they are helping to keep me honest. I've also used the groups here as an invaluable resource.
The trick will be maintaining the momentum. While most of the time I have no problem drinking responsibly, I also recognize that it's in me to lose control and to give in to destructive tendencies. Just like with nicotine, it's just going to require the will to win every single day.
Again, thanks for checking in.
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FLLIPOUT:
500!!!
Congrats on your half dangle, pky!!!
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FLLIPOUT:
500!!!
Congrats on your half dangle, pky!!!
CHICKDIP:
Congrats pky on that half dangle!
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500 Days. I don't have time for a huge update, but I'm pretty proud of this milestone.
I want to speak to the folks who cruise these Intros and think about quitting. Freedom is achievable and it is worth it. Quitting seems like this big, scary thing, something that you can't succeed at because you're somehow different or your circumstances make it tougher for you. You aren't. Every single one of us thought we couldn't do it at some point. I had basically accepted that dipping would just be the thing that kills me someday - everyone has to die from something right?
From my view on the fifth floor, I can see that all that addict bullshit we tell ourselves is one big lie. Freedom is achievable and it is worth it. Whatever "It" is for you, I can tell you that being a person who doesn't dip anymore is totally, unequivocally worth every minute of It. It's worth the fog, the craves, the lost sleep, the gained weight, the aches, the pains and the "loss." It's worth it because I can enjoy my life not being anchored to some plastic can of carcinogens. It's worth it because I don't always have to keep tabs on the cans hidden around the house. It's worth it because my brain no longer needs some extra substance to enjoy the things I should be able to enjoy on my own. My mood is no longer controlled by my access to a chemical. My health and integrity is no longer the price I have to pay to feel "normal." It's worth it.
It's also achievable. 500 days is stupid to a using addict. There's no frame of reference for what that is. It might as well be 50 years. I'm quit as fuck, but I'm also still very aware that the only reason I made it 500 days is because I actively quit on every single one of them. I know that if I want to be quit for 501 days, I need to stay actively quit. At this point it requires less vigilance and less work, but it still requires vigilance and work. Making that promise every day and keeping it. That keeps me quit today and it will keep me quit tomorrow. There's nothing special about me. I did it because I dug into the system here and made it work for me. The only difference between me and the people who come here and fail is that I picked up and used the tools available here and they chose not to. It's a simple choice. Get with the program and Quit, or don't get with the program and good luck on your own.
Thank you to all of the folks who have been a supportive force. There's always a focus on the negativity that can happen here, but the fact is, 99% of the interactions I've had here have been positive or at least constructive. This is a community of hard ass, quit as fuck, SOBs - that will drop everything to pick you up. If you put in, you will get back tenfold. Thank you all for helping to take me this far. Keep on quitting, stay focused and move forward.
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JEFFW:
congrats on 500 days
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Hitting the 6th floor today. 600 days seemed impossibly large when I Quit, but here it is. The only way to do it is one day at a time, every damn day. Since finding KTC I haven't missed a single day of Roll. I think I haven't posted later than 10am more than once. It's not because I have no life and nothing else pulling on my time, it's because I value my Quit and I value the process here. This system has 100% worked for me and I will continue to work it.
There are times when posting Roll can be inconvenient and I just don't feel like it. I have thoughts of "Ugh, do I really need to keep doing this?" I have many days that start around 4am and it would be really easy to put Roll off till the afternoon, or to even miss altogether. But I don't do that. I set my alarm 15 minutes earlier and make sure my ass is firmly on the line for the next 24 hours. I'm not special, anyone can do that. Just make it a priority.
Quitting is no longer that hard. I can't remember the last time I had a real nicotine crave. I can be around tobacco users without any serious temptation. I can handle stress, anger, fun, boredom, pooping and all the other emotions that I used to associate with Dip, without any desire to go buy a can. In fact, the hardest part of the Quit now, seems to be remembering just how God-awful desperate and miserable I was during the early days. KTC keeps me honest to that fact. If I didn't have that daily accountability, it would be just too damn easy to romanticize the "old days."
I have not been super active with new Quitters in the past few months. Things are going good in life and I've been stretched pretty thin time wise. It's also difficult to maintain the emotional rawness of new Quit. I would like to start giving back again, but will have to be fairly selective in how I spend my time.
The message that I'd like to pass along to new or aspiring Quitters is that you will reach a new normal. Make your promise, keep it, do it again tomorrow. Follow that process enough times and you can have a new life, a life wherein some plastic can doesn't influence every decision you make.
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CHICKDIP:
Congrats on 700 pky!!!
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CHICKDIP:
Congrats on 700 pky!!!
FLLIPOUT:
Congrats on a other great milestone. And thanks for all you do here at KTC and especially for what you still do for the Dumpster Fire. Best Conductor evahhh!
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Two years ago I made the decision to quit nicotine for good. This site and the people who post here have made those two years a reality. I can't imagine what my life would look like if I hadn't quit when I did.
Freedom is attainable, it is worth it. It's hard, but it gets easier. If you’re reading this now and aren't sure if this site is for you or if you have what it takes, it is and you do. Post your Day One and get to work.
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Two years ago I made the decision to quit nicotine for good. This site and the people who post here have made those two years a reality. I can't imagine what my life would look like if I hadn't quit when I did.
Freedom is attainable, it is worth it. It's hard, but it gets easier. If you’re reading this now and aren't sure if this site is for you or if you have what it takes, it is and you do. Post your Day One and get to work.
PAB1964:
Attaboy PKY! Congratulations on the 2 laps!
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SAMRS:
Congratulations on two years, sir. Thank you for your example and your support!
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WOW. So I just moved my entire Intro over from the old site and it was a pretty overwhelming experience. Skimming 2.5 years of Quit will really make one think about the journey. I am sorry that the formatting will look funky, especially with the replies from other people. It looks like I'm just having some kind of crazy conversation with myself.
At any rate, I wanted to move this because a big part of my quit journey played out on these pages. There were a lot of successes and high points and certainly some low ones as well. Where I am today (day 879) my quit is on autopilot. I don't struggle with nicotine cravings, dip dreams or really anything. There's a real temptation to go ahead and say "I'm cured" and move on. I mean, the site format has changed, most of the tremendous history and culture of KTC is washed away and I really don't feel like I have as much to offer anymore.
HOWEVER, what I have learned on this site is that there is no "I'm cured." Too many people have used too many insignificant, petty reasons to leave this site and have had to come back as a failure. There's a quote that I love "I don't think I'd cave if I wasn't on Roll, but I know that I won't cave if I am." Roll is my daily reminder that I need to stay vigilant and keep up the effort. It doesn't take a lot of effort to stay quit at this point, but there is always that knowledge of what our kind of addiction can do to a person. One slip could literally mean my life. It's simply not worth the risk.
I spent a lot of time in this Intro trying to create posts that others will find useful. This has been an invaluable tool for me and I hope that there are others that have found my contributions helpful in their own journey. I don't feel like I have as much to contribute at the new stage that I'm at with this quit, because I'm so far removed from the day to day struggle. At any rate, I hope that by moving this over to the new site, some other new quitter will find some value in my old words and maybe see a ray of hope that we're really not bullshitting when the vets say "this will get better."
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pea,
Thank you for taking the time to move your intro thread over. I am new to KTC and have been helped greatly in my quit by reading through your story. I hope to see you nine floors above me for many, many years on this journey.
Michael
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The decision was whether to turn the key, or put the truck in gear. Turning the key meant that power to the engine would cease and the truck would shut down. Putting the truck in gear meant that it would leave the driveway, carry me to the gas station and put an end to anther miserable five day stretch of “trying to quit.”
There are a few key decision points that will largely determine the trajectory of one’s life. Everything that happens after, is fundamentally tied to that decision. May 6, 2016 was one of those points for me. In what was a break from a long established pattern of failure, I chose to turn the key.
With that decision to turn the key, came the acceptance that I was not strong enough to do this on my own. I won that battle, but there was no way I would be able to win every single one of the other battles that I knew would be coming. Somewhere in my brain was the knowledge that Kill The Can existed. I had found it years before, during some half-baked attempt to get my dipping under control. Of course, at the time, I knew that support groups were for weak losers and internet forums were for identity thieves.
Well on May 6, 2016, I was a weak loser, and figured anyone who wanted my identity could sure as hell have it. I created a KTC profile and posted an intro.
I’m not articulate enough to properly relate what happened over the following days and weeks. I was greeted with an entire world of support, advice, commiseration, distraction, and the tools for success. The KTC system fit my personality to a tee and I dove into the culture head first. Make your promise, keep your word – if you do that, you can’t possibly fail. I started forming friendships and digging myself into a hole that made caving so intolerable, the idea of it made me physically sick. Quitting was never easy, but by using the tools I found on this site, caving became so much harder.
I was fortunate that I was in a Quit Group that had some great personalities and some guys that would become true leaders at KTC and genuine friends. Although we went through the drama and pain that affects every group, and we certainly had our share of disappointment, our core group is still posting every damn day. We found a way to make quitting fun and to create an environment of respect, support and accountability. I’m grateful to everyone in August 2016 for making that a reality and proud of the meager role that I played in that success.
I’m also proud that I was able to give back to this site as both a HOF Conductor and a Moderator. I don’t think I’ve ever had as much fun writing as I did Conducting the October ’16 Dumpster Fire. That role solidified my quit during one of the most raw and difficult phases and gave me the chance to develop a friendship with FishFlorida, who I’ve met in person on several occasions and consider a genuine real life friend.
As a Moderator, my goal was to bring calm and reason to some very tense situations. I wanted to guide people to the path of success, while also steadfastly protecting the foundational values of the KTC system. I chose to take on several of the “hard cases” that inevitably arise from time to time. I spent many hours engaging with folks who, for whatever reason, could not get out of their own way and ultimately made choices that resulted with them losing access to this lifesaving resource. While I feel like I was able to make many positive contributions as a Mod, I took several of those losses personally. When the time came, I never disagreed with the decision to Ban, but I did feel like I shouldered some of failure for not being able to reach them. These disappointments, along with the general pace of my involvement at KTC and expansion of real life commitments, contributed to my needing to take a step back at the site.
Fortunately, there is no shortage of people who are willing to sacrifice their time and effort to maintain the lifesaving tools found at KTC. The Admins, Mods, Vets and everyday quitters who throw themselves out there with a well-timed text, or a drop everything phone call, or the harsh truth, just when it’s needed – the people that you quit with and fight with every damn day, are the lifeblood of this site. I can sit comfortably from the porch, knowing that this place remains in great hands.
Quitting is no longer hard. I can’t tell you the last time I legitimately struggled with my resolve to stay quit. I still occasionally get the passing crave, but it presents as more a fleeting memory and it’s quickly brushed aside. I’ve said this many times to new quitters, but it bears repeating: It does get easier. It is worth it. You can achieve it. I’m not special, I just used the tools around me to succeed.
On May 6, 2016, I turned the key. The engine shut off, I opened the door and went back inside. I didn’t go to the gas station and I didn’t fall back into that miserable pattern of failure. In the time since I made that decision, I married the most beautiful woman in the world, started my own business, bought a house, became a certified Firefighter & EMT and hopefully have in some small way, contributed to the success of a few of your quits.
Of course, it hasn’t all been sunshine and blowjobs. I’ve struggled with other things, like using food and alcohol as a crutch or allowing stress to seep into my personal life. Like everyone, I’ve had fights with my family, worried about finances and suffered disappointment. As a firefighter, I’ve confronted pain and death and loss. But even with the setbacks, I honestly don’t believe I would have been able to accomplish what I have, if I hadn’t turned that key.
In 1,000 days, I have not once missed roll. In fact, I think I can count on three fingers the times I hadn’t posted by 10am. It really isn’t that hard. I guarantee that it’s not because I have no life and nothing else to do. It’s because I value this freedom and I respect the system and the people that gave me the tools to achieve it. Roll is as much a part of my day as is brushing my teeth. It’s not a burden and it’s not a hassle. Trust me when I say that posting Day 1,000 is a damn honor. That number reflects every single battle that I had to win, every single time I might have thrown in the towel and let my addiction win.
In 1,000 days there have been too many to thank for me to begin to list them here. But I want to highlight my brothers of the August ’16 Traumatizers. We’ve celebrated milestones, fought, lost, celebrated marriages and births, comforted through pain, held each other accountable and picked each other up when we were down. Ultimately, we’ve stayed together and I couldn’t ask for a better set of anonymous internet creeps to fight this fight with. You are all my brothers.
The Admin/Mod team works tirelessly to make this site function. When you’ve seen the sausage being made, you know it’s not always going to be pretty. We don’t always agree how to do it, but we do always agree that we want what’s best for the site. Thank you for the often thankless work that you do.
And to the Quitter. The guy just trying to get through the next 5 minutes. Thank you for the strength you bring to this fight. You’re in the trenches and you’re winning. At some point, you will need to pick up the torch and light the way for the next generation of foggy SOBs, white-knuckling through that cold-turkey shit sandwich. We can get caught up in the interpersonal drama here sometimes, but at the end of the day we’re all fighting the same fight.
So that’s my speech. It’s long winded, but that’s ok. I was able to write this speech because on May 6, 2016 I turned that key, entrusted my life to some weird internet forum and never looked back. If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with how to quit, or thinking about giving up, just know that success is achievable and that you will never regret the freedom it brings. Post your promise, keep your word. It’s that simple.
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Congratulations, Pea! It has been such a pleasure and privilege to have been able to get to know you here at KTC. You definitely have been an inspiration to me in my journey. Thank you for that. The Dumpster Fire was so very lucky to have scored such a great duo in you and Fish as our conductors. Hard to believe I can say this, but "good times."
FLLIP
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Congratulations, Pea! It has been such a pleasure and privilege to have been able to get to know you here at KTC. You definitely have been an inspiration to me in my journey. Thank you for that. The Dumpster Fire was so very lucky to have scored such a great duo in you and Fish as our conductors. Hard to believe I can say this, but "good times."
FLLIP
Thanks so much FLLIP! It's been great getting to know you and watching you keep that group of animals in line! You're right, in a very weird way, it has actually been fun.
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Greetings,
This is my first time posting to this board, although I became aware of the site several years ago, during a failed quit attempt. I'm 29 and started dipping about 11 years ago. I've been at 1-1.5 cans/ day for probably 5 years. Copenhagen Long Cut. Seeing that in black white honestly makes me sick.
I started during my freshman year in college. I was pledging a fraternity and pledges actually weren't allowed to dip/ smoke, although we had to carry it around at all times in case a brother wanted some. It started as a subtle way of rebelling against the rules. I continued because I liked it and because I thought it made me look cool/ tough/ whatever. It was an SEC school and half the guys I knew dipped. I'd quit when I graduated.
Well, I didn't quit when I graduated. I lived with a couple of friends from school and we all chewed. I liked to fish and hunt, and I certainly wasn't gonna quit during duck season. It was no big deal, we were 22, I'd quit when I hit 25.
Well, I didn't quit when I was 25. I had my own place and a good job, there was no harm in having a little relaxing vice after work (or hunting, or fishing, or driving, or mowing the lawn, or watching TV). I'd quit when I got engaged.
Well, I didn't quit when I got engaged. We moved in together and although she kinda knew that this was something I did when I was fishing/ hunting/ with my guy friends, she didn't really know how addicted I was (am).
I keep thinking that I'll quit when I get married, but looking at my track record, I know it's horseshit. I need to quit NOW, for me, for her and for the family I want to have. I've tried this half assed before, but I've never committed anything to paper and demanded accountability from myself.
My last dip was on Monday (May 2). I've felt nauseous, foggy, panicked, irritable and frankly weak. I got in my truck today and almost went to the shell station, but instead I got out and came to this site. I'm not quitting sometime in the future and I'm not doing it half assed this time. I quit on May 2 and that is it.
Thanks for the support - I know I'm going to need it.
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Greetings,
This is my first time posting to this board, although I became aware of the site several years ago, during a failed quit attempt. I'm 29 and started dipping about 11 years ago. I've been at 1-1.5 cans/ day for probably 5 years. Copenhagen Long Cut. Seeing that in black white honestly makes me sick.
I started during my freshman year in college. I was pledging a fraternity and pledges actually weren't allowed to dip/ smoke, although we had to carry it around at all times in case a brother wanted some. It started as a subtle way of rebelling against the rules. I continued because I liked it and because I thought it made me look cool/ tough/ whatever. It was an SEC school and half the guys I knew dipped. I'd quit when I graduated.
Well, I didn't quit when I graduated. I lived with a couple of friends from school and we all chewed. I liked to fish and hunt, and I certainly wasn't gonna quit during duck season. It was no big deal, we were 22, I'd quit when I hit 25.
Well, I didn't quit when I was 25. I had my own place and a good job, there was no harm in having a little relaxing vice after work (or hunting, or fishing, or driving, or mowing the lawn, or watching TV). I'd quit when I got engaged.
Well, I didn't quit when I got engaged. We moved in together and although she kinda knew that this was something I did when I was fishing/ hunting/ with my guy friends, she didn't really know how addicted I was (am).
I keep thinking that I'll quit when I get married, but looking at my track record, I know it's horseshit. I need to quit NOW, for me, for her and for the family I want to have. I've tried this half assed before, but I've never committed anything to paper and demanded accountability from myself.
My last dip was on Monday (May 2). I've felt nauseous, foggy, panicked, irritable and frankly weak. I got in my truck today and almost went to the shell station, but instead I got out and came to this site. I'm not quitting sometime in the future and I'm not doing it half assed this time. I quit on May 2 and that is it.
Thanks for the support - I know I'm going to need it.
PKy,
Congratulations on your decision and welcome.
Your quit group is August 2016 (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11604982/57/)
Post roll everyday, this is the backbone of the site.
Idaho Spuds
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Welcolme pky, and congrats on your decision to quit the poison. I recently decided to quit too, and I am in the August group as well. I have found that posting roll every damn day helps me stay accountable. Just reading what the vets have written and posting roll will help keep you on track. If you need some digits, just PM me. Embrace the suck - we're in it together.
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Thanks for the replies, guys.
Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"
Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.
I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.
Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
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Thanks for the replies, guys.
Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"
Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.
I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.
Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
I've done coffee chew. Didn't really do it for me. I bought a huge bag of sunflower seeds. Those at least keep me occupied and take my mind off things. Drink a shitload of water too.
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I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.
Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
I'll be playing in my regular poker game this weekend and I'm looking forward to facing it head on. There will be 8 guys there dipping, but I'm not too worried.
I use the fake. I feel it really helps me. At times when I would normally reach for the Cope, I am still reaching for something. I stopped dipping for 9 months a few years back and the fake got me through the first few months. After that I just quit buying it.
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Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.
I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.
I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
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Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.
I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.
I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
Congrats on the win man, you should feel awesome for handling your trigger so well, and it will continue to benefit you as that is one experience you can refer to next time you get in a stressful situation and say to yourself "I didn't need it then, I don't need it now."
How have the last few days been for you?
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Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.
I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.
I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
Congrats on the win man, you should feel awesome for handling your trigger so well, and it will continue to benefit you as that is one experience you can refer to next time you get in a stressful situation and say to yourself "I didn't need it then, I don't need it now."
How have the last few days been for you?
Thanks Med - it's been good the last few days, fog has definitely tapered off. Still have pretty strong craves, but it hasn't led to any close calls yet.
How about you? How was the road trip?
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Sounds about where I'm at. Driving is not fun, but if I keep myself busy on the phone or listening to news or something my mind doesn't have time to wander/start rationalizing buying a tin, etc. Man nic is insidious though, it seems like it's just hiding in the shadows waiting for me to forget about it for a little while, then it starts trying to steer me back towards it again (no pun intended).
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.
Keep up the logical thinking. There is absolutely NO reason to put a flavored plant in your lips. But your addicted self will come up with all kinds of reasons why that's not true. On a side note, it takes a while but if you do the things you love enough times without dip, you can reprogram your mind to not associate the activity with dip.
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Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.
We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.
I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.
Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.
Keep up the logical thinking. There is absolutely NO reason to put a flavored plant in your lips. But your addicted self will come up with all kinds of reasons why that's not true. On a side note, it takes a while but if you do the things you love enough times without dip, you can reprogram your mind to not associate the activity with dip.
No worries, you got this. You have planned. I am sure you planned escape routes (for when the conversation wont go the direction it needs to go). If you need it. Just remember. Between the 100s of thousands of people on here. You can certainly reach one of them. Good luck at the shoot!!!
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So we ended up not shooting - the weather wasn't great and both of my buddies got put on chore duties. However, the weekend went pretty smooth.
I found that the last few days, I've actually been able to get my mind off of tobacco for a few minutes. It's felt that since day 1, I've been thinking about it every waking minute. Not necessarily a crave, but a constant awareness that I was quitting and a feeling like something was missing.
This weekend, I was actually able to do stuff and completely forget about the dip and the quit and focus on what was going on. That's not to say I wasn't regularly reminded, but it was refreshing to find moments of freedom and I hope that becomes more common. I have to think that a lot of early caves come from the fact that the shit just won't leave you alone.
Now, I get that this feeling of freedom had its own potential pitfalls, in that it can lead to complacency or an attitude of "whatever, I've got control over this" so I'll have to be aware of that, but right now I'm just happy to be seeing some light ahead, even if it's just a speck at this point.
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So we ended up not shooting - the weather wasn't great and both of my buddies got put on chore duties. However, the weekend went pretty smooth.
I found that the last few days, I've actually been able to get my mind off of tobacco for a few minutes. It's felt that since day 1, I've been thinking about it every waking minute. Not necessarily a crave, but a constant awareness that I was quitting and a feeling like something was missing.
This weekend, I was actually able to do stuff and completely forget about the dip and the quit and focus on what was going on. That's not to say I wasn't regularly reminded, but it was refreshing to find moments of freedom and I hope that becomes more common. I have to think that a lot of early caves come from the fact that the shit just won't leave you alone.
Now, I get that this feeling of freedom had its own potential pitfalls, in that it can lead to complacency or an attitude of "whatever, I've got control over this" so I'll have to be aware of that, but right now I'm just happy to be seeing some light ahead, even if it's just a speck at this point.
Nice work this weekend. Keep making that promise and following through. Keep posting role, keep that shit out of your mouth and know that we will never have control over that shit but we can always control our decisions. Glad you are writing in your intro- keep it up. Quittin' with you today
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Some of my thoughts on how to beat a cave.
I think about it as "Defense in Depth." It's a principle where you build up layers of protection. Each layer on it's own won't protect against all threats from all angles, but taken together they wear down an attacker and provide a comprehensive defense. Think about a castle. Surrounding that castle are city walls, garrison troops, archers, sharpened pikes, a moat, skirmish lines, roadblocks, scouts, booby traps, burnt fields, poisoned wells, unfriendly peasants etc. All of those defenses slow and wear down an invading force. You need to build up Quit defenses in the same way.
Here is a not entirely comprehensive picture of my defensive structure:
- Physical Proximity: I don't have the shit in my house, in my truck or on my person. I'd have to drive to the store to purchase it, giving me time to come to my senses. It won't help if I'm with a dip buddy, or at the store for another reason, but 95% of the time there is a physical barrier to my addiction.
- My Health: I'm scared of what will happen to me if I start dipping again. I don't want my face to fall off.
- My Relationship: I promised my fiancee that I'm done with the shit for good. I'm absolutely quitting for myself, but at the same time I do value the trust in my relationship and I don't want to compromise that. I don't want to go into a marriage lying and hiding. I don't want to spend my honeymoon going through withdrawal.
- My Quit: I know I'm only a little over two weeks into this, but 18 days is the longest I've gone without dip since I started using over a decade ago. I'm proud of that and I don't want to throw it away. I want to know how it feels being quit at different milestones.
- Addiction Education: Since starting at KTC, I've tried to learn as much as I can about addiction. By nature, I'm a curious guy and it boggles my mind that in 11 years of abusing this drug it never occurred to me to google "nicotine addiction." Understanding the physiological reasons why "just one" almost always leads to a serious relapse and how withdrawals will affect me in different ways for a very long time has been very helpful in keeping me focused.
- "Surfing": This has become my favorite way to ride out a crave. By focusing on the physical symptoms and trying to describe them to myself, like to a third party, the crave becomes less abstract and therefore easy to handle. It works for me.
- Fake/ Distraction: Be it Smokey Mountain, seeds, gum or a cheeseburger, sometimes I just need to stuff something in my face that isn't dip. I can achieve a mild placebo effect, effectively tricking my brain into thinking that I'm feeding the addiction. Even though I'm not getting the nicotine, the physical act will provide some relief and by the time I'm through, the crave will have passed.
- Shame of Failure: All I have to do is not use tobacco, one day at a time. Billions of people won't use tobacco today and if I can't handle it and keep the commitment that I've made to myself, family, friends, KTC, then I really am a failure and a coward.
- Exercise/ Activity: Fresh air and exercise not only take time and distract the mind, but they actually release endorphines, making up for the artificial dopamine that the Nic provided.
- Freedom: Wasting my money, worrying about leaving a can/ spitter/ loose tobacco somewhere, the looks from strangers, brown marks on every piece of paper I touch, finding excuses to go off alone, essentially having a panic attack if I don't have access to my can. I'm free from all of that and I don't want to go back.
- KTC: KTC has been a great motivator. Posting, browsing and generally wasting time on this site has really provided me with different tools and motivation to stay quit.
- My Quit Group: I know that if I'm really struggling, I can reach out to the folks in my quit group and get some straight talk. On the flip side, if I were to cave, I'd either have to explain my failure and deal with getting ripped apart, or quietly slink away like a coward. Neither option is acceptable to me. Additionally, I'd have a lot of guilt knowing that my cave could contribute to someone else spiraling.
- Posting Roll: I gave my word this morning and that means something to me. I've yet to get to the point in my quit where the only thing holding me back has been my daily promise. However, I consider it my last line of defense. If Nic can get past EVERYTHING else, then it still has do deal with the fact that I made a promise and if I use, my word and my honor is a pile of shit. That's not the man I am - that's not acceptable to me.
Taken individually, no aspect of my defensive structure will stop nicotine every time, but together, this is a robust defense and we all have something similar. I think that why this site is so helpful. Without this site, I wouldn't have my Roll Post, Quit Group, Education or KTC defensive lines. Would I still have plenty of reasons to quit? Of course. Would that be enough to keep me off the shit? It hasn't been, in the past.
From what I've seen, there are two types of caves. Caves happen when people just say "fuck it" and don't go through the process of maintaining their defenses during a moment of particular weakness. Be it at the gas station, golf course or bar, there's a split second decision that brings the whole thing crumbling down. The other type of cave is when someone gets down and actively wants to engage in self destructive behavior. Both of these could be cut off if the "Defense in Depth" is maintained. Walls occasionally need to be repaired, swords sharpened and moats refilled. You have to do the same thing with your quit structure.
*I started this post yesterday and had it just about ready to submit when my computer restarted itself, erasing the whole damn thing. Since then, we've had a pretty lively conversation about caving in my August group, so I think this is even more applicable at this point in the quit - I hope this helps someone.*
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Very nice. Nice reflection and display of your commitment. Just one observation, and in my opinion, its the one thing that puts your quit over the top. Desire. Without it, your quit is destined for failure. You must want this above anything in life. The moment you lose desire, the wall of quit crumbles. There are certainly things that help keep that desire in check, many of them you have listed - accountability, friends, joy of freedom, fear of shame. These are all things that ultimately support your desire to be quit, but its that desire - for you and you alone - that is paramount for success.
You gotta want this more than anything. After my short 890 days, I continue to want this more than anything. For me. All that I have built my quit upon is precious to me and I am unwilling to relinquish it. That is my desire and you can bet the farm that I'll be here tomorrow at day 891.
keep it up brother!
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Some of my thoughts on how to beat a cave.
I think about it as "Defense in Depth." It's a principle where you build up layers of protection. Each layer on it's own won't protect against all threats from all angles, but taken together they wear down an attacker and provide a comprehensive defense. Think about a castle. Surrounding that castle are city walls, garrison troops, archers, sharpened pikes, a moat, skirmish lines, roadblocks, scouts, booby traps, burnt fields, poisoned wells, unfriendly peasants etc. All of those defenses slow and wear down an invading force. You need to build up Quit defenses in the same way.
Here is a not entirely comprehensive picture of my defensive structure:
- Physical Proximity: I don't have the shit in my house, in my truck or on my person. I'd have to drive to the store to purchase it, giving me time to come to my senses. It won't help if I'm with a dip buddy, or at the store for another reason, but 95% of the time there is a physical barrier to my addiction.
- My Health: I'm scared of what will happen to me if I start dipping again. I don't want my face to fall off.
- My Relationship: I promised my fiancee that I'm done with the shit for good. I'm absolutely quitting for myself, but at the same time I do value the trust in my relationship and I don't want to compromise that. I don't want to go into a marriage lying and hiding. I don't want to spend my honeymoon going through withdrawal.
- My Quit: I know I'm only a little over two weeks into this, but 18 days is the longest I've gone without dip since I started using over a decade ago. I'm proud of that and I don't want to throw it away. I want to know how it feels being quit at different milestones.
- Addiction Education: Since starting at KTC, I've tried to learn as much as I can about addiction. By nature, I'm a curious guy and it boggles my mind that in 11 years of abusing this drug it never occurred to me to google "nicotine addiction." Understanding the physiological reasons why "just one" almost always leads to a serious relapse and how withdrawals will affect me in different ways for a very long time has been very helpful in keeping me focused.
- "Surfing": This has become my favorite way to ride out a crave. By focusing on the physical symptoms and trying to describe them to myself, like to a third party, the crave becomes less abstract and therefore easy to handle. It works for me.
- Fake/ Distraction: Be it Smokey Mountain, seeds, gum or a cheeseburger, sometimes I just need to stuff something in my face that isn't dip. I can achieve a mild placebo effect, effectively tricking my brain into thinking that I'm feeding the addiction. Even though I'm not getting the nicotine, the physical act will provide some relief and by the time I'm through, the crave will have passed.
- Shame of Failure: All I have to do is not use tobacco, one day at a time. Billions of people won't use tobacco today and if I can't handle it and keep the commitment that I've made to myself, family, friends, KTC, then I really am a failure and a coward.
- Exercise/ Activity: Fresh air and exercise not only take time and distract the mind, but they actually release endorphines, making up for the artificial dopamine that the Nic provided.
- Freedom: Wasting my money, worrying about leaving a can/ spitter/ loose tobacco somewhere, the looks from strangers, brown marks on every piece of paper I touch, finding excuses to go off alone, essentially having a panic attack if I don't have access to my can. I'm free from all of that and I don't want to go back.
- KTC: KTC has been a great motivator. Posting, browsing and generally wasting time on this site has really provided me with different tools and motivation to stay quit.
- My Quit Group: I know that if I'm really struggling, I can reach out to the folks in my quit group and get some straight talk. On the flip side, if I were to cave, I'd either have to explain my failure and deal with getting ripped apart, or quietly slink away like a coward. Neither option is acceptable to me. Additionally, I'd have a lot of guilt knowing that my cave could contribute to someone else spiraling.
- Posting Roll: I gave my word this morning and that means something to me. I've yet to get to the point in my quit where the only thing holding me back has been my daily promise. However, I consider it my last line of defense. If Nic can get past EVERYTHING else, then it still has do deal with the fact that I made a promise and if I use, my word and my honor is a pile of shit. That's not the man I am - that's not acceptable to me.
Taken individually, no aspect of my defensive structure will stop nicotine every time, but together, this is a robust defense and we all have something similar. I think that why this site is so helpful. Without this site, I wouldn't have my Roll Post, Quit Group, Education or KTC defensive lines. Would I still have plenty of reasons to quit? Of course. Would that be enough to keep me off the shit? It hasn't been, in the past.
From what I've seen, there are two types of caves. Caves happen when people just say "fuck it" and don't go through the process of maintaining their defenses during a moment of particular weakness. Be it at the gas station, golf course or bar, there's a split second decision that brings the whole thing crumbling down. The other type of cave is when someone gets down and actively wants to engage in self destructive behavior. Both of these could be cut off if the "Defense in Depth" is maintained. Walls occasionally need to be repaired, swords sharpened and moats refilled. You have to do the same thing with your quit structure.
*I started this post yesterday and had it just about ready to submit when my computer restarted itself, erasing the whole damn thing. Since then, we've had a pretty lively conversation about caving in my August group, so I think this is even more applicable at this point in the quit - I hope this helps someone.*
Wow, well put! Your story is very inspiring! I'm a 9 day quit newbie and I appreciate the way you broke everything down. It's great to hear of other people going through the same struggle, but seeing their thought process as they do it. It's hard to believe that something I thought was so innocent at the time turned out to be so damn evil! Keep up the fight, brotha! Proud of you and thanks for sharing!! 'Cheers'
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Wanted to unload a few thoughts on here about why getting involved with this site is important to my quit.
In every group, there seems to be a few folks who pop in and out and don't really engage (Check out MedQuit's Intro post from this morning - Groups 2 and 4).
As I see it, every post that I make and PM that I send, builds up a layer of accountability. I know that if I cave, I will have to face my own words. With every post, I'm writing a check, and it's up to my ass to cash it. By posting often, holding others accountable and building relationships within my group, I'm essentially piling on to a shitstorm for myself, if I were to cave.
If I cave, you can go through every post I've ever written and throw it in my face - and you should! Additionally, there'd be no way to hide from it. I've given my number to quite a few people, so if I just close my computer and never return to this site, I will still have to face my own words through the people that I've let down.
If all I did was post roll a few times a week, never contribute to the conversation and never exchange digits, I'd be leaving a huge door open for failure. I'm serious about quitting. I want to do everything that I can to protect against going back. My daily promise is a part of that, the motivational posts are a part of that, but my engagement here is also a huge part of it. It would be much easier to walk away from this site if I hadn't connected with people and made some fairly bold statements about my quit.
So if you're a guy who just posts up, maybe reads a little bit and then takes off, why? If you really want to stay quit, why the hell aren't you doing everything in your power to achieve that? Why make a promise if you never try to connect with the people you make the promise to? Why are you making it easier for yourself to fall back into your addiction? Plant some roots here, dive in, build connections with people who will hold you accountable. Don't get defensive when you are called out for not abiding by the rules of this site; learn from it and get better.
If I cave, I expect people on this site to find this post and hurl it back into my face. That's why I'm writing it! I don't want to have to face this post after a cave. I don't want to have to experience being a failure to myself and a liar to you.
Have a great weekend - stay strong, stay focused, stay committed.
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I was thinking about my last post - about why being active on this site helps with my quit - and realized that it was an incomplete thought. I wrote about how actively engaging here will make caving harder, but I didn't talk about how it will make quitting easier. In reality, engaging with this community does both at the same time.
I find that the act of committing a belief to print, actually strengthens that belief. When I put a thought into writing, I'm forced to examine and hone that thought and then communicate it in a way that makes sense. The nature of typing forces me to spend more time with each thought than I would if I were speaking or thinking. Additionally, I have the opportunity to review, analyze and edit my thought before submitting it to the world - certainly not a luxury afforded by speech. In practice, this means that the form of communication that I use can actually influence the thought that I started with.
By writing about my desire to quit, my strategies, my struggles, etc., I'm actually making them deeper and more real for myself. A few posts ago, I wrote about my defenses. Now, those defenses would have been there whether they were written down or not, but through the act of writing them, I formed them into a stronger and more coherent defense system; they aren't just a vague feeling or idea, they are an articulated, coherent list that I can use to check against a craving situation.
If I wasn't writing these things down, they would just remain vague feelings an ideas. I don't think vague feelings are strong enough when I'm having an internal debate with my addict self. My addict self is a smart motherfucker. He can play on my feelings, as well as use false logic to get me hooked again. I need to hone my arguments before I have that debate with my addict self.
Additionally, my involvement here has helped me connect with other people going through the same thing. I have helped folks on this site work through a crave, and others have helped me through a triggering situation. I'm getting to know people and I care about their success; I also know that they care about mine. If I never interacted or contributed, I wouldn't really be a part of the community. No one would be invested in my success and I wouldn't be interested in anyone else's. This 'brotherhood' is an important part of the dynamic here. It is a fact of human nature that a person will be able to endure more hardship if that person is connected with others going through the same hardship. Struggling alone is a recipe for failure. Knowing that people are looking out for me makes this manageable in a way that it wouldn't be if I were just typing into a personal log.
So again, I'll ask the folks who just want to keep track of their days here without tapping in to the community, why? Why not commit thought to print and help yourself understand what you're going through? Why not join the group of people going through the same trials you are? Why continue to struggle alone, when there is a whole team of people ready to help?
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The last week has been extraordinarily exciting and stressful. I've gone through a gauntlet of triggering events and KTC has been there for me in every sense. I've had the chance to connect with my brothers in August, dump my brain into my intro, post my promise EDD and get some great motivation from all of the Titans of Quit on this site. KTC has pulled me through an experience that I never would have thought I'd get through without dip. I have 100% certainty that I would be chewing like a madman right now without this site.
As of yesterday afternoon, I am my own boss. I left my safe and comfortable corporate world and took on a challenge that I've been thinking about for the last several years. I'm now the owner and operator of a Fly Fishing retail store and Outfitter service. It's going to be a ton of work, less money and no guarantee of success, but I'll be my own boss in an industry that I've been obsessed with my entire life.
What this has meant for me recently is a TON of stress about whether this was the right thing for me and my family, stress about the deal potentially falling through, lots of time spent driving and fishing (tough life, I know, but both of these are major triggers for me), as well as days to myself.
This last week was a gauntlet because as the deal approached: I had a day fishing with the former owner and some clients, which entailed 6 hours ttl in the truck, all day fishing and a bunch of guys smoking cigars by the river. My fiancee was out of town from Thursday - Monday, leaving me plenty of time to get myself into trouble. I spent the weekend with my parents, but that was another 6 hours driving (and two days with parents can drive me crazy). Yesterday we closed the deal, a perfect excuse for a victory dip!
But I powered through, relied on the tools that I developed and leaned on the support system provided by this site. I'm proud to be quit with you all. This is my first day in my new business. One more day nicotine free!
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You're doing this the right way PKY. Your intro has some great nuggets that you will be able to come back to when you hit a bump in the road. It is obvious that you have bought into the system, and it is also obvious that you have already started to reap the benefits of doing so. The best part? It only gets better. Stay committed, stay connected and the euphoria you feel right now will be small potatoes compared to the next several months. Don't get me wrong, it'll go up and down, but the general trend is most certainly upward for you now.
Keep it up, you have a lot of people looking to you.
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The last week has been extraordinarily exciting and stressful. I've gone through a gauntlet of triggering events and KTC has been there for me in every sense. I've had the chance to connect with my brothers in August, dump my brain into my intro, post my promise EDD and get some great motivation from all of the Titans of Quit on this site. KTC has pulled me through an experience that I never would have thought I'd get through without dip. I have 100% certainty that I would be chewing like a madman right now without this site.
As of yesterday afternoon, I am my own boss. I left my safe and comfortable corporate world and took on a challenge that I've been thinking about for the last several years. I'm now the owner and operator of a Fly Fishing retail store and Outfitter service. It's going to be a ton of work, less money and no guarantee of success, but I'll be my own boss in an industry that I've been obsessed with my entire life.
What this has meant for me recently is a TON of stress about whether this was the right thing for me and my family, stress about the deal potentially falling through, lots of time spent driving and fishing (tough life, I know, but both of these are major triggers for me), as well as days to myself.
This last week was a gauntlet because as the deal approached: I had a day fishing with the former owner and some clients, which entailed 6 hours ttl in the truck, all day fishing and a bunch of guys smoking cigars by the river. My fiancee was out of town from Thursday - Monday, leaving me plenty of time to get myself into trouble. I spent the weekend with my parents, but that was another 6 hours driving (and two days with parents can drive me crazy). Yesterday we closed the deal, a perfect excuse for a victory dip!
But I powered through, relied on the tools that I developed and leaned on the support system provided by this site. I'm proud to be quit with you all. This is my first day in my new business. One more day nicotine free!
I'll tie a load of saltwater Gotcha's for Bahamian Bones for your store.
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I wrote a lot during my first days as well, it helped. Keep up the quit, and best wishes on your store!
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sounds like you are taking your life back in all sorts of ways. Congratulations dude.
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You're doing this the right way PKY. Your intro has some great nuggets that you will be able to come back to when you hit a bump in the road. It is obvious that you have bought into the system, and it is also obvious that you have already started to reap the benefits of doing so. The best part? It only gets better. Stay committed, stay connected and the euphoria you feel right now will be small potatoes compared to the next several months. Don't get me wrong, it'll go up and down, but the general trend is most certainly upward for you now.
Keep it up, you have a lot of people looking to you.
Thanks for the support guys!
Send me a note if you're ever in N. Carolina and want to do some 'rut' !
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I finally had the KTC conversation with my fiancee last night. It went alright. She was kind of shocked that this was something that was such a big deal for me. I'm a little conflicted about having the convo. On one hand, I am relieved that it's out and I don't feel like there's anything left that I'm hiding in my life. On the other hand, she didn't know how much of a struggle this was for me and I kind of liked that.
The reason that I hadn't told her before wasn't because I was embarrassed about needing help, or because I was worried that she wouldn't take it well. I didn't tell her because I felt like this was something that I had done to myself and beating it was something that I should be doing without putting it on her in any way. I still kind of feel like that would have been better in some ways.
I got tired of worrying about having to explain away texts, or why recently I've been checking my phone all the time. Overall it was a positive. I'm glad to have it all out there now. She was amazingly understanding after I explained everything. She's didn't grow up in an environment where it was at all common, so she has a hard time understanding the draw of the stuff, but she was happy that I am doing everything that I can to stay off of it.
No great lessons learned here, but it was an important event and I felt like chronicling it.
Quit on brothers
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Had my fist dip dream in quite a while last night.
It was honestly terrifying super clear. I took a dip almost without knowing it and then all of a sudden I was chain-dipping. Then I started texting all the guys in my group about caving. I can still remember right now the sense of shame and failure. It's crazy because I hadn't had a dip dream since very early in my quit and I usually don't have very vivid dreams to begin with.
The setting was my bachelor party, which will be coming up. I've circled this as an event that I need to have a plan for. I will I'll outline it more as it gets closer.
All the best to my fellow quitters! Start making a plan for the 4th of July weekend. Don't celebrate our independence by enslaving yourself again.
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Don't celebrate our independence by enslaving yourself again.
Awesome stuff pky. Keep it up brother, you are a fine quitter and it will only get better from here. The conversation with your fiance is exactly why we need this place. People that have never dealt with addiction can very rarely empathize with an addict. They just can't understand the physiological effects of why you can't just 'put it down.' At any rate, good on you for telling her. Someday she'll appreciate it when you aren't having your jaw sawed off to save your life because you never quit.
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing dipping are like peas carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing dipping are like peas carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
I've read on here where guys talk about dreading being around other people who dip. I'm lucky, none of my friends dip. I'll have to say, up to this point, seeing someone dip hasn't made me want to dip. It's only made my quit stronger.
I was in a guys house the other day and he had a big fat one in. Every time he got ready to say something to us, he'd open the bathroom door and spit into the toilet so he could talk. I thought, man, been there done that and I'm glad that's not me anymore.
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing dipping are like peas carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
To be on a boat all day and not chew isn't a win... It's the holy grail of quit!!! Awesome!!!
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Notched a pretty solid win this week and wanted to share.
With my new business, I sometimes have to make big sacrifices and take some just god-awful business trips. For instance, this week, I had to go up to the Blue Ridge Mountains in E. Tennessee and do a float trip for trout on the Watauga River with a partner outfitter - as I said, just miserable 'no' .
Anyway, the trip was great, had a really productive meeting and some decent fishing. The thing was, the guy that I was with chewed a whole can during the float - he had a spittoon in the boat. This was a really interesting experience for me. Rather than crave it, I just felt bad for the guy. He was one of those chain dippers who never really put a dip in or spit it out, just added some fresh every half hour or so. I'm only a little over two months from being right there with him, but it felt foreign to me. Doesn't he know how good it is to be quit? Why doesn't he just spit it and post roll?
The win wasn't fighting the craving and winning, it was being in that environment and not even wanting the shit. Although, I will admit that I went through one of those bad-ass, white-knuckle craves, that required a text to a quit brother during the drive up.
Anyway, I told him about how I had recently quit, but we didn't really get into it. I have to do business w/ the guy and didn't want to get on my soapbox about the evils of tobacco just yet. Although, I do hope the the brief conversation we had about it might plant a seed for a conversation down the road.
Fishing is what I love, but it's also deeply ingrained in me that fishing dipping are like peas carrots. It's encouraging to see that I'm starting to disassociate the two.
I've read on here where guys talk about dreading being around other people who dip. I'm lucky, none of my friends dip. I'll have to say, up to this point, seeing someone dip hasn't made me want to dip. It's only made my quit stronger.
I was in a guys house the other day and he had a big fat one in. Every time he got ready to say something to us, he'd open the bathroom door and spit into the toilet so he could talk. I thought, man, been there done that and I'm glad that's not me anymore.
That's exactly it! I'm glad it's not me anymore.
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That dissociation won't just be with fishing Pky. Soon you'll notice that you've dissociated your whole life from it. I was hanging out with some buddies a couple weekends ago and we were having a couple beers. Every chance they got they'd toss in a dip and start spitting. There was no pressure for me to join, but they definitely recognized that I was comfortable around them even though they were doing it and I'd quit.
The thought never came to my mind that I had to dip to enjoy that time with them or that I would take a dip so it would be comfortable for everybody there. I no longer associate dip with anything. The more actively you pursue QUIT and not merely not using, the easier and faster this process will go.
Good on you for keeping your promise and also for noticing the substantial changes that are already happening.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it! 'oh yeah'
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it! 'oh yeah'
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats! B)B
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it! 'oh yeah'
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats! B)B
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it! 'oh yeah'
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats! B)B
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
Simple pky, you've built a great brotherhood iin whichalot are depending on you just like you are them! Stay quit! Odaat! Worry about the bachelor party when iit gets here.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it! 'oh yeah'
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats! B)B
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
Simple pky, you've built a great brotherhood iin whichalot are depending on you just like you are them! Stay quit! Odaat! Worry about the bachelor party when iit gets here.
My August brother...
I'm not gonna sugar coat this...
You and I are almost to hof. If you cave, I swear to god on all things good that I will personally take a flame thrower to you and all the things you love.
Besides, that would mean you'd be in October group and we'd have to go there to get the broken Justin Beiber CDs and sauce. Not happening.
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My bachelor party is a week away. When I first joined this site, I honestly had every expectation that I would cave during my bachelor party. How could that not be excusable? It's the event that you're SUPPOSED to do the dumb, unhealthy shit that you don't get to do after you're married. The idea is that it gets that kind of behavior out of your system.
Well FUCK that, the shit is already out of my system and I mean to keep it that way. I'm starting this process now because I desperately want to do everything that I can to come out of this thing a GD champion.
I'm going to outline my plan and I appreciate any input on how to make it stronger.
1) Let KTC and my August brothers know about the event and ask for some texts to keep me honest throughout.
2) Inform the folks attending that I am quit and request that they not offer or allow me to have any tobacco.
3) WUPP regardless of hangover or other distractions.
4) Load up on Smokey Mountain. Give a can to everyone, with instructions to hand it to drunk-ass PKY, should he ask for a chaw.
5) Cunt punt the first one of my friends who actively tries to get me to chew - it will set an example to the rest.
I like your plan.
Remember one thing though, one is never an option no matter what! The old nic bitch is never an option, not even once. You know this so no sense in me preaching. Keep them numbers REAL close bud. Once you get to the point of out of control, the dirty old whore will stare you in the face and it is at this time you have to remember the old words, not even once! Just like meth, not even once!
I hope your party goes great as planned and early congrats on your soon to be nuptuals man!
Oh P.S. NEVER have a expectation for any event to make you cave. You expect NOT to cave is more like it! 'oh yeah'
Thanks DJ! Yep, I know now how crazy it was to think that I could excuse or plan a cave like that. That was a weak, addict thought that I am way the hell past now. Now I expect to kick this thing in the nuts and win.
No excuse, not even once! Been doing everything I can to live that.
Thanks for the congrats! B)B
You've been a bad ass so far, your going to have to take everything you've learned and be bad ass-ier. No one puts a dip in your lip but you. Expect yourself to quit, and the follow through. Also, if your looking for a couple of real hints, right before the bachelor party starts, post a second roll for the day. Get yourself n the proper mindset. Second, tell the guys at the party you've quit and it's important to you. Lastly, have fun. You can definitely do that without dip. Good luck and congratulations.
Simple pky, you've built a great brotherhood iin whichalot are depending on you just like you are them! Stay quit! Odaat! Worry about the bachelor party when iit gets here.
My August brother...
I'm not gonna sugar coat this...
You and I are almost to hof. If you cave, I swear to god on all things good that I will personally take a flame thrower to you and all the things you love.
Besides, that would mean you'd be in October group and we'd have to go there to get the broken Justin Beiber CDs and sauce. Not happening.
Congrats pky and I hi-lited one sentence from Dagranger's post because that really is the one and only thought you'll need to remember this weekend. That and you promise on roll. Keep it up brother, you're a damn good leader around these parts.
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Thanks for all the thoughts and support guys! I sent an email to the group yesterday and got mostly positive responses. Although, I do have a good idea about which one of my buddies is getting Punted first. 'nutkick'
I was thinking about it, and everyone who will be there is either a Nic user or a quitter - no civilians. So at least I'll have a few folks who know what the quit is all about.
King and Dagranger - you guys hit the nail on the head. Only I can put that garbage in my mouth.
Fish also hit the nail on the head when he said he'd torch me and everything I love with a flamethrower - all good points!
I've still got a week before the party, so I do need to focus on today (thanks Pab!).
Anyway, I'll update again as it gets closer - stay quit today all!
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I got a ton of texts and support this weekend, so first of all thanks for that! The party was great - BBQ, sporting clays, fishing, pontoon boat, cold beer and old friends. Dog (the one in my avatar) got to swim all day and the whole thing was completely drama free.
Guys were smoking and dipping, but mostly respectful of me not partaking. It was helpful to have my brother there, who is a year and a half quit. He actually was a lurker on KTC, but never got on a roll.
One buddy left a half full tin of Grizzly in my truck, and I happily threw that shit away when I found it.
To stay clean and still have a blast this weekend, I pulled out all the stops and used all of the tools at my disposal. I dug in deep here. I asked for accountability from people at this site, informed my friends ahead of time, posted my promise and made sure that I always had a can of the fake around as a last resort. To be clear, this is not me bragging about how good I think I am at quitting. This is me pointing out that the tools the method is here and at your disposal.
I see a lot of caves that come from drinking, peer pressure, triggers, etc. If you use the tools that are here and extremely accessible, you can come through any situation. I encourage those on the outskirts (lurkers, ghosters, guests who haven't signed up yet) to stop taking half measures and to dive in. If you really want to quit, then you should do everything that you can to get yourself entrenched in the accountability here.
I have no doubt that the utter shitstorm that I would have faced if I caved, played a part in my decision to remain clean. It's certainly far from the only reason, but if I had expected a gentle pat on the bum and an "it's ok tiger, you tried hard at least," I would have been much more likely to give in and let go.
But even worse than having to face the big ole KTC meanie patrol, would have been having to face the folks who I've genuinely developed relationships with, people who I asked for help and who gave it. No way in hell was I going to let them down. Even though October sure can be a hoot, I damn well plan to stick around with August. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who sent me a note or even a kind thought this weekend.
For a while, I had viewed this weekend as THE test for me. If I could get past it, I'd never have to worry about this thing again. Well now that it's over, I have to refocus. I know that this addiction is a day to day struggle and complacency is my biggest threat. I now know that I can get through a gauntlet of triggers when I have time to prepare, but what about when something unexpected or tragic inevitably comes up? Well, I can tell you right now that if my butt is on roll and I'm still on this board and I still care about this, my chances of getting through it clean are sky high.
The tools are here folks. Use them, add to them, keep them sharp and don't let them rust.
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I got a ton of texts and support this weekend, so first of all thanks for that! The party was great - BBQ, sporting clays, fishing, pontoon boat, cold beer and old friends. Dog (the one in my avatar) got to swim all day and the whole thing was completely drama free.
Guys were smoking and dipping, but mostly respectful of me not partaking. It was helpful to have my brother there, who is a year and a half quit. He actually was a lurker on KTC, but never got on a roll.
One buddy left a half full tin of Grizzly in my truck, and I happily threw that shit away when I found it.
To stay clean and still have a blast this weekend, I pulled out all the stops and used all of the tools at my disposal. I dug in deep here. I asked for accountability from people at this site, informed my friends ahead of time, posted my promise and made sure that I always had a can of the fake around as a last resort. To be clear, this is not me bragging about how good I think I am at quitting. This is me pointing out that the tools the method is here and at your disposal.
I see a lot of caves that come from drinking, peer pressure, triggers, etc. If you use the tools that are here and extremely accessible, you can come through any situation. I encourage those on the outskirts (lurkers, ghosters, guests who haven't signed up yet) to stop taking half measures and to dive in. If you really want to quit, then you should do everything that you can to get yourself entrenched in the accountability here.
I have no doubt that the utter shitstorm that I would have faced if I caved, played a part in my decision to remain clean. It's certainly far from the only reason, but if I had expected a gentle pat on the bum and an "it's ok tiger, you tried hard at least," I would have been much more likely to give in and let go.
But even worse than having to face the big ole KTC meanie patrol, would have been having to face the folks who I've genuinely developed relationships with, people who I asked for help and who gave it. No way in hell was I going to let them down. Even though October sure can be a hoot, I damn well plan to stick around with August. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who sent me a note or even a kind thought this weekend.
For a while, I had viewed this weekend as THE test for me. If I could get past it, I'd never have to worry about this thing again. Well now that it's over, I have to refocus. I know that this addiction is a day to day struggle and complacency is my biggest threat. I now know that I can get through a gauntlet of triggers when I have time to prepare, but what about when something unexpected or tragic inevitably comes up? Well, I can tell you right now that if my butt is on roll and I'm still on this board and I still care about this, my chances of getting through it clean are sky high.
The tools are here folks. Use them, add to them, keep them sharp and don't let them rust.
Congrats on the Victory PKY! This post is a great example to the rest of us on how to plan for success! I'm taking notes!
Proud to be quit with you today!
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Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days! 'band' 'wave' 'party2'
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Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days! 'band' 'wave' 'party2'
Congratulations! 'party2' 'chew2' 'booby' keep it up!
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Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days! 'band' 'wave' 'party2'
Congratulations! 'party2' 'chew2' 'booby' keep it up!
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
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Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days! 'band' 'wave' 'party2'
Congratulations! 'party2' 'chew2' 'booby' keep it up!
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
Congrats p k y on your 100 days!
Enjoy it and we'll see you tomorrow for some of the same!
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Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days! 'band' 'wave' 'party2'
Congratulations! 'party2' 'chew2' 'booby' keep it up!
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
Congrats p k y on your 100 days!
Enjoy it and we'll see you tomorrow for some of the same!
You're one solid badass quitter! Keep doing what you're doing! Paying it forward, giving advice support, that's the way it's supposed to be done! Damn proud of you and you should hold your head high and smile helluva an accomplishment for any addict. Quit on, it's what we do!
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Congrats on that first milestone pky! You've earned it and should be damn proud of how far you've come in the first 100 days! 'band' 'wave' 'party2'
Congratulations! 'party2' 'chew2' 'booby' keep it up!
Congrats on 100 days PKY. Your one BAQ!
Congrats p k y on your 100 days!
Enjoy it and we'll see you tomorrow for some of the same!
You're one solid badass quitter! Keep doing what you're doing! Paying it forward, giving advice support, that's the way it's supposed to be done! Damn proud of you and you should hold your head high and smile helluva an accomplishment for any addict. Quit on, it's what we do!
Absolutely frickin awesome
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Congrats!!!!! I enjoyed reading your HOF speech.
I'm proud to be in the August quit group with such a fine quitter.
CowMus
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Pky, I just now saw this page. You're a tremendous leader to myself and the rest of August. Keep slaying the nic bitch.
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Pky, I just now saw this page. You're a tremendous leader to myself and the rest of August. Keep slaying the nic bitch.
Every once in a while a great leader shows up at KTC. Someone who helps themself by throwing everything they've got into helping others. You are one of those guys.
Right after HOF is a challenging time. No big milestone to look forward to and usually some crazy in the individual groups. Don't change a thing - you are doing great, and there is an insane amount of upside ahead. You like where you are now? Just wait... One day at a time!
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Pky, I just now saw this page. You're a tremendous leader to myself and the rest of August. Keep slaying the nic bitch.
Every once in a while a great leader shows up at KTC. Someone who helps themself by throwing everything they've got into helping others. You are one of those guys.
Right after HOF is a challenging time. No big milestone to look forward to and usually some crazy in the individual groups. Don't change a thing - you are doing great, and there is an insane amount of upside ahead. You like where you are now? Just wait... One day at a time!
Thanks for the words guys. Before coming to KTC I was a hopeless failure at quitting. The more active I am in here the stronger I am out there. It is still one day at a time, sometimes still moment to moment.
Thanks for helping to keep me steady!
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Just posted this in one of the new groups. My perspective on the three questions. This is just my take, there are definitely other valid reasons and some valid objections. Take what you need and leave the rest.
There are a few practical reasons for the questions.
1) To get the caver thinking about what happened. The tools to stay quit are here at KTC and the point of this site is to help us get truly quit, not just stop for a while. Cavers need to face the reason for why they failed. Understanding that failure in depth and in detail will help them to build a plan for success going forward.
2) To help the caver build that plan. Answering those questions to the public forum allows others the chance to identify potential pitfalls and help cavers develop tools that will keep them quit for the long haul. Admittedly, the public forum leads to some tough language and name calling, but the end goal is to put that caver on the right path.
3) To rebuild trust. A caver joining a new group is asking a whole bunch of struggling strangers to support him/ her. If that caver can't come in willing to buy in to the system, show that he/ she is aware of why that failure happened and what he/ she is willing to do to change, then why should anyone in that new group go out of his/her way to help or care about that caver? Everyone is struggling mightily with his/her own quit and if a caver wants their support, he/ she needs to show that he/ she is worth it.
4) To penalize the cave. This can be uncomfortable, but this is a zero tolerance system. For most of us, any leniency or give in the system would lead to rationalizing a cave. This is foundational. There are many carrots here, but this is the stick. No one wants to be called names and for many, that example the threat of that shame will keep them clean. It's not necessarily about that one individual, but for those watching.
5) To help everyone to move forward. If weak-ass answers/ none at all, are just left sitting out there, then inevitably someone will call that person out after every post he/ she makes - there is a responsibility to hold people accountable. If someone wants the support that this site offers, he/ she has to abide by the established policies.
The rules here didn't come about by accident. They evolved over many years and are based in practical application. The fact is, we are addicts and addicts will take advantage of any weakness in the structure to justify caving. So allowing this to slide does a disservice to the caver, but also is foundationally detrimental to the system here.
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Just posted this in one of the new groups. My perspective on the three questions. This is just my take, there are definitely other valid reasons and some valid objections. Take what you need and leave the rest.
There are a few practical reasons for the questions.
1) To get the caver thinking about what happened. The tools to stay quit are here at KTC and the point of this site is to help us get truly quit, not just stop for a while. Cavers need to face the reason for why they failed. Understanding that failure in depth and in detail will help them to build a plan for success going forward.
2) To help the caver build that plan. Answering those questions to the public forum allows others the chance to identify potential pitfalls and help cavers develop tools that will keep them quit for the long haul. Admittedly, the public forum leads to some tough language and name calling, but the end goal is to put that caver on the right path.
3) To rebuild trust. A caver joining a new group is asking a whole bunch of struggling strangers to support him/ her. If that caver can't come in willing to buy in to the system, show that he/ she is aware of why that failure happened and what he/ she is willing to do to change, then why should anyone in that new group go out of his/her way to help or care about that caver? Everyone is struggling mightily with his/her own quit and if a caver wants their support, he/ she needs to show that he/ she is worth it.
4) To penalize the cave. This can be uncomfortable, but this is a zero tolerance system. For most of us, any leniency or give in the system would lead to rationalizing a cave. This is foundational. There are many carrots here, but this is the stick. No one wants to be called names and for many, that example the threat of that shame will keep them clean. It's not necessarily about that one individual, but for those watching.
5) To help everyone to move forward. If weak-ass answers/ none at all, are just left sitting out there, then inevitably someone will call that person out after every post he/ she makes - there is a responsibility to hold people accountable. If someone wants the support that this site offers, he/ she has to abide by the established policies.
The rules here didn't come about by accident. They evolved over many years and are based in practical application. The fact is, we are addicts and addicts will take advantage of any weakness in the structure to justify caving. So allowing this to slide does a disservice to the caver, but also is foundationally detrimental to the system here.
It continues to amaze me how many people put so much time in to help another person out in their quit. Love this site for that reason and thanks for your diligence.
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Big day today! The fiancée is turning into the wife.
I get to do this free from my addiction. It's still there but it no longer controls me. I won't be standing at the alter wondering if I'll get a free minute tonight to throw in a quick one. I won't sneak away at the reception because I'm having "stomach trouble." I won't stand outside smoking cigar after cigar because it's the only way to get my fix.
I owe that to all of you. KTC and your support has given me the tools to stay clean and free. I get to enter my marriage without lying and hiding a shameful destructive addiction that will eventually take away everything. I don't have to put my wife through the pain of losing me to a disease I created.
Thank you all. Thank you to my brothers in August. Thank you to the vets who reach out for support. Thank you to the folks I know and to the ones that I don't yet know. Thank you to the foggy-ass newbs for showing me everyday that I never want to start this struggle again. Thank you to the mods and admins who started this thing and keep the lights on. You made this possible for me and I can't thank you enough.
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Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
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Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
Awesome job, brother. Wish that I had had your determination when I was your age.... You rock!
-
Well Pea,
The train has almost come full circle. I don't think my brain can take anymore. I had a blast being the Oct Conductor with you and wouldn't have changed it for the world. I'm proud to say I'm quit with you and that you are one sick SOB, which, as you can tell, works out great with me. I'm typing this on your intro page and not a PM so everyone knows how much fun this actually was. The HOF added another 2 hours onto every day and it was well worth it. The October 2016 Cocktobers are a great group of sickos and BAQs.
Tight Lines
Oily Hair
Gin Clear Water
-FF
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
Awesome job, brother. Wish that I had had your determination when I was your age.... You rock!
Great job my friend! Keep it going!
Damn proud to be quit with you!
-
Feel a little guilty posting in my own intro when I'm behind several pages, but have another log post I want to get out there. This is coming at 1am because I got back from the honeymoon and my sleep schedule is completely effed.
I haven't been on much in the past two weeks, but I have been on roll every damn day, as soon as I woke up because that's just what I do. It's not a hassle, it's not a chore, it's a tool to help me stay quit and it's a measure of respect for those who have helped me thus far. Even if I could get by just fine without my name on roll for a day, it would be unfair to the people who care about me and will go out of their way to check in on me. As I get back into a normal life schedule, I'll be back to normal with KTC too.
My wedding had long been one of those "future quit dates." Just like college graduation, every birthday, the end of every duck season, every relocation, etc. Thankfully, I made the decision to quit before the wedding. I got to experience everything free from my addiction. I got to enjoy every moment and not worry about if I'd get a chance to sneak in a dip at some point. I got to enjoy the honeymoon without going through a foggy, miserable withdrawal.
I thank God that he put that decision to me before I would have planned it. Hypothetically, here's what it would have looked like if I had followed through on the wedding quit.
I would have had stained teeth in my wedding photos because I'd be chewing like a madman day of as a "last hurrah." I'd probably have been ok during the reception that night, but would be losing my mind seeing the guys smoking cigars at the after party. Severe withdrawal would set in right about the time we had to take the 12 hour flight to Hawaii. I would be a total ass to the wife and others around me.
On day 1 of the honeymoon, I'd be at day 3 of the quit. I'd probably still be holding up - I've gone this long before. I would be quitting for her and the wedding adrenaline would keep me from breaking down and buying a tin. Then I would realize that my amazing wife doesn't mind me sneaking away for an hour or two to go fishing. I wouldn't buy a can the first time she let me go - dagummit, I'm quitting for her! Maybe I wouldn't buy a can the second time either. But by day 3 of the honeymoon and day 6 of the "quit" I'd take off to go fishing for a few hours and buy a can. I'd stuff my face for three solid hours (even though I told her two) and I'd burn through that whole can. I'd then do that every single day, even though she can tell I'm abusing her generous fishing policy.
On the return flight, I'd be a complete asshole. Rather than let it slide, maybe I have words with that guy who I thought was rude to the flight attendant. Maybe I say something sarcastic to the wife and burn though all the romantic good-time feelings built up over the honeymoon and we return pissed off at each other. Regardless, all I can think about is buying that first can as soon as I get home. Oh but don't worry, I'd still be "trying to quit," this can is just for when I really need it. I mean, I'd have it totally under control, I just went like a week and only dipped a few times, so I can definitely quit this time.
Thankfully that reality didn't come to pass. I'm sure some of you might recognize that kind of pattern, I've done it dozens of times. Never again. I truly believe that God put that decision in front of me and then led me to this site. He won't do the work for me, but he did show me the way.
Congratulations man! youbshould feel really proud of this achievement. You are starting your new life with your wife without a big bag of guilt and regret on your back. Well done!
Awesome job, brother. Wish that I had had your determination when I was your age.... You rock!
Great job my friend! Keep it going!
Damn proud to be quit with you!
I ran out in Kauai one time. I drove to 7 gas stations frantically looking for kodiak. I finally paid $15 each for 3 cans of skoal. And I hid all of this nonsense from my wife.
You are a lot smarter than me, dude. Welcome back and congratulations!
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
2nd floor... most excellent!
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
2nd floor... most excellent!
Way to go, Pea! You are truly an inspiration!
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
2nd floor... most excellent!
Way to go, Pea! You are truly an inspiration!
Thanks for all the kind words folks! I owe an immeasurable debt to all of you and I promise to keep on fighting with you!
To anyone cruising these intros, thinking about quitting, believe me you can! All of these people, myself included, have been in your position. Terrified, anxious, skeptical. Trust me, with the support of people like ^^^ this and some personal fortitude, you can break free and live a whole new life.
-
Pky!
Congrats on your 200 days, cheers to 201 and beyond.
Congrats on 200 days of Quit Bro! You're a perfect example of how to Quit the KTC way. You're knee deep in accountability, here everyday bright and early supporting others as well. KTC just wouldn't be the same without you man! Proud to quit with you every day PKY!
Sorry I didn't catch this earlier. Pky, you a BAQ and have earned every inch you've gained in this process. Congrats on 200, I promise you it keeps getting even better.
2nd floor... most excellent!
Way to go, Pea! You are truly an inspiration!
Thanks for all the kind words folks! I owe an immeasurable debt to all of you and I promise to keep on fighting with you!
To anyone cruising these intros, thinking about quitting, believe me you can! All of these people, myself included, have been in your position. Terrified, anxious, skeptical. Trust me, with the support of people like ^^^ this and some personal fortitude, you can break free and live a whole new life.
Congratulations pky! You're the man!
-
This is a really great quit thread so I shall bump it. Well done! B)B
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
Congratulations sir!
300 feels good, but brighter days are ahead. Those 1% days get fewer, farther between, and the white knuckles start to tan. The need to post roll and it's place or importance... that my friend actually becomes more important. We failed ourselves individually for years, usually decades. Failing a team and the connections/friends on this site becomes a deeper motivator in time.
You are killing it. Well done!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
Congratulations sir!
300 feels good, but brighter days are ahead. Those 1% days get fewer, farther between, and the white knuckles start to tan. The need to post roll and it's place or importance... that my friend actually becomes more important. We failed ourselves individually for years, usually decades. Failing a team and the connections/friends on this site becomes a deeper motivator in time.
You are killing it. Well done!
Well said PKY! I'm right there with you. Congrats on the 3rd floor! Keep racking up those milestones!
-
It's been a little while since I've posted in the Intro, but Day 300 seems fitting for an update. I'm on my phone here, so this won't be as deep as I had intended, but bear with me.
300 days has really been a journey. It's been an absolutely life changing experience. Through the initial phase of brutal trench warfare, the excitement of reaching the HOF, the depressive doldrums of the mid 100s, the uncertainty / boredom of the 200s and now something of a false sense of completion.
I have experienced such different and distinct phases, but the one consistent measure that has kept me balanced is my commitment to be on roll first thing every damn day.
In my current phase, my quit has felt good, easy, secure. Nicotine is not on my mind. When I'm stressed, I have other ways to cope; when I'm bored, I don't reach for the can; when I'm having fun, I don't feel like things would be even better with a big ole chaw. Those statements are true 99% of the time.
... But that other 1%...
That other 1% of the time, I still get that white knuckle panic. A sharp, strong urge to throw it all away. A sad or overwhelmed feeling when I think about "never again." Or just a passing curiosity "what would a dip be like after all this time?" Maybe it's a sight or smell or memory that causes it. Not sure, but when it hits, it takes my brain someplace completely different.
That's why that daily promise and my connection with the community is still vitally important. It's not for the 99% of the time when I am going about my business like I was never an addict, it's that 1% when my vulnerable, addict brain starts to boil to the surface. The Nic Bitch is still there, still trying. She's looking for that combination of factors where stress, curiosity and opportunity all combine to create a situation where I'm open to using again.
That's why I take that opportunity off the table first thing, every damn day. It worked at day 6 and it works at day 300.
There's no doubt that I haven't been as active here in recent months. Frankly I can't keep up with the pace of the new groups and intros and groupme and all that goes with it. I've scaled back my involvement, but I still try to stay involved. This site has given me a new life and I will continue to give back as I can.
To those folks who are just starting their journey, or debating whether to try, THIS SYSTEM WORKS. There is no finish line exactly, you have to keep fighting, but there is freedom and there is light ahead.
Thanks to those who have supported me and quit beside me. Keep fighting and I will see you on roll tomorrow.
Congratulations on 300 my friend!
Well said! I think after a lot of days we all start looking around and thinking "why not?" every now and then. We only think that because we are addicts.
Congrats on 300 days! :)
Congratulations sir!
300 feels good, but brighter days are ahead. Those 1% days get fewer, farther between, and the white knuckles start to tan. The need to post roll and it's place or importance... that my friend actually becomes more important. We failed ourselves individually for years, usually decades. Failing a team and the connections/friends on this site becomes a deeper motivator in time.
You are killing it. Well done!
Well said PKY! I'm right there with you. Congrats on the 3rd floor! Keep racking up those milestones!
Congrats pea on 300!!
-
According to the bottom of the screen there are 99 guests viewing the Into page and it's not even 5am.
GO DUMP YOUR CAN IN THE TOILET.
COME UP WITH SOME DUMB SCREEN NAME.
SIGN UP FOR KTC.
POST YOUR OWN INTRO.
POST ROLL IN THE JULY QUIT GROUP.
FINALLY BE FREE.
-
According to the bottom of the screen there are 99 guests viewing the Into page and it's not even 5am.
GO DUMP YOUR CAN IN THE TOILET.
COME UP WITH SOME DUMB SCREEN NAME.
SIGN UP FOR KTC.
POST YOUR OWN INTRO.
POST ROLL IN THE JULY QUIT GROUP.
FINALLY BE FREE.
This is one BAQ talking. He (along with Nike) is right. Just do it. You can't comprehend right now how much better your life will be once you remove this ball and chain.
-
Congrats on one lap around the sun Ryan! You have been a rock solid quitter, and you just get it. Keep being a badass and a leader for others.
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Congrats on the year mark brother!!! Badassery right there!!!
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Congrats on the year mark brother!!! Badassery right there!!!
Congratulations on the trip around the sun! Damn proud to call you a friend and brother!
-
On May 2, 2016 I spit out my last dip. The action was entirely anti-climactic. A movement of my hand, a swish with some water and a spit into a bottle. I'd done the same maneuver thousands of times, over many years - more than a third of the years in my life.
At the time, I didn't really believe that this would truly be my last dip. It hadn't even been a particularly good one. Just a standard, mid-morning pinch. But it was the last left in the can, and I had told myself that I wouldn't be buying another. But again, I had been here many times before and didn't really believe it.
As per usual, I was able to go a few days, white-knuckling through the pain and tension. But on day 5 or so, I broke down. Got in my truck and turned the key. However, I did not take the truck out of park. I sat there for a few minutes on the verge of panic. This was it, this was the moment where I either stood my ground or remained a stinking addict for the rest of my life - a life destroyed by my own actions.
This time, I turned the key again, removed it from the ignition and went back inside. I had remembered finding KTC one time several years back, during some brief stoppage. At that time, I dismissed it out of hand and went on to repeated failure. This time however, I swallowed my pride and posted this intro.
The rest is already here. Go back a few pages and see how it's turned out. In the last year, I've gotten married, bought a business and bought a house. I've done it all dip free. There were certainly some extreme struggles, but nothing unique or special to me. Everyone here has gone through the same or worse.
I've been on roll before breakfast every single day since finding KTC. It's a part of my day. If I'm not on roll by 10am, I damn sure will be getting some texts. I welcome that, I need that.
I owe everything to my friends, brothers and sisters on this site. I would not have succeeded on my own. Thank you for making this possible. Thank you for fighting with me.
To anyone reading this from the other side, this can be your story too. Post your promise, keep it, dig in.
I will see you all on roll tomorrow.
-
Congrats PKY! You've been a stellar presence here and have a way with words to reach newbs and vets alike. You make this place better every day and you should be damn proud of that first lap. Keep it up!
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Congrats PKY! You've been a stellar presence here and have a way with words to reach newbs and vets alike. You make this place better every day and you should be damn proud of that first lap. Keep it up!
I've never interacted with this bad ass quitter, but it is obvious that you are the real deal. It gets better from where you are. Quitting isn't fun. Winning is. And every day that you quit you win. The quitting takes less effort, and the winning keeps getting better.
Nice picture from your fishing trip too!
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Congrats PKY! You've been a stellar presence here and have a way with words to reach newbs and vets alike. You make this place better every day and you should be damn proud of that first lap. Keep it up!
I've never interacted with this bad ass quitter, but it is obvious that you are the real deal. It gets better from where you are. Quitting isn't fun. Winning is. And every day that you quit you win. The quitting takes less effort, and the winning keeps getting better.
Nice picture from your fishing trip too!
Congrats on 1 year quit!
So glad your still here.
Many are fortunate your have you supporting them!
I know I am.
-
Another day quit, another floor.
Congrats on 400 days quit P!
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Another day quit, another floor.
Congrats on 400 days quit P!
Nice job brother!
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.
There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:
https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test (https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test)
Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!
If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.
You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.
-
I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.
There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:
https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test (https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test)
Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!
If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.
You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.
Phuct - thank you for taking the time and for such a thoughtful response. The outpouring of support from this community over the past 24 hours has been unbelievable.
I took the test you provided, as well as a few others. The results on all have come back as "At Risk" or "Marginal." I think that's about where I am. I have been headed down a dangerous path, but haven't yet stepped over the edge. I think the fact that I'm even at this point is concerning enough. Like I'm right now at the point with Alcohol that I was when I started dipping a lot. I can turn around now before it develops into a serious issue.
So my plan is to try the month of August without any alcohol and then take it from there. I've got a few family events where it could get awkward, but I'm going to explain my tee-totaling as a month long detox to assist in my weight loss. If it becomes more permanent, then I will have to have a deeper conversation with my family, but for now, this seems like the right approach.
This thing is ODAAT anyway, so I'm not really ready to think in terms of "forever." For the time being, I'm staying 100% sober and I'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
Thank you again for the support and I will be sure to update on my situation periodically.
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I need to start this post by saying that I have not ingested any nicotine product, nor do I plan to.
That being said, I still have some troubling addictive behaviors and yesterday I hit the proverbial rock bottom. I desperately need help and I'm not sure where else to turn.
When I quit dip, I took the tack of "whatever you do to keep nicotine out of your system is ok." That mentality worked for my tobacco quit, but the coping mechanisms that I used have since developed into what I believe is an equally harmful addiction.
Over the last year or so, I have put on an extremely unhealthy amount of weight. I have also been drinking alone and trying to hide it - not very well apparently. It's not every night, or even many nights, but I will go on these binges where I eat everything in sight and drink myself into a stupor.
This happened yesterday and it needs to be the last time. Yesterday was extremely difficult in terms of cravings. All day it felt like I needed a dip, needed something in my system. My brain was just chasing those endorphins and it wouldn't leave me alone. I fed that craving with junk food and snacks throughout the day, but wasn't satisfied. When I got off work, I started drinking. I had two beers and then it was game on. Started drinking liquor - making sure to only pour from the full bottles, so the wife wouldn't notice it missing.
Obviously I got caught. She knew as soon as she walked in the door that I was drunk. I tried to lie about it, but that only made it worse. This is maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last year that this exact scenario has played out. As I said, this isn't an every night thing, but it can't happen again. I have a great marriage to a woman that I don't remotely deserve and this addict behavior could destroy that.
What I think has happened is that I've transferred my addictive compulsions from nicotine to food and alcohol. I will eat healthy for 4-5 days and then get what feels like an uncontrollable urge to pig out. Same thing with alcohol. I will be fine with a few drinks on some occasions, but sometimes I'll start drinking and not stop until I can't stand.
My biggest concern is that I'm trying to hide it and I'm not being honest about it with my wife. Getting caught might be the catalyst, but I've leaned enough about addiction to know that I need to make a change for myself. I'm 30 and I'm in the worst shape of my life. We just bought a house and are talking about kids, but that's not something we can do until I get my behavior under control. I'm tired of being a fat fuck and an irresponsible drunk.
I'm putting this out there because this is what worked before. This community provided a framework for helping me quit nicotine. I'm reaching out because I know others have put themselves in a similar situation. I need healthy coping mechanisms and need to develop a concrete plan rather than "working on it." Right now I'm not exactly sure how to do that and I'm hoping others will help with that.
For starters, I'm going to post in the weight loss / compulsive eating group at KTC. I'm also going to post in Alcohol Slow Down and explore Alcohol quit. I don't know if that's the right answer, but it's something I need to consider. One thing I will not do is open the door to nicotine.
Thank you to this community for your continued support. If you can relate to my situation, any advice is appreciated. Please feel free to send me a PM or respond here.
Sent PM, but also wanted to add a little.
Remember how it felt when you first came here for getting nicotine out of your/our life. Before here, we always struggled to quit, and most of that we tried alone. We thought we had the strength to get it out of our life, but we learned how much 'easier' it can be when we are not alone but gain the support of others who are tackling the same demons.
Use that knowledge again. Well done by reaching out as you are not alone in this either.
With anything we encounter in life, it really is not how strong we are, but how smart we are. As we will learn :when we are being smart, the strength will build.
you did quit/control nicotine, you will quit/control alcohol. Just keep learning.
Pky, one of the first things that struck me in what you wrote was that you had transferred your addictive behaviors to new, equally addictive behaviors. I did that back and forth and simultaneously for the past ten years of my life. And now, 67 days into quitting both nicotine and alcohol, I still have no idea what is going to replace them. I'm okay with the +1's still adding up, but I still haven't found that "thing" that helps with the stress, depression, anxiety, bill-paying day, random Tuesday night, whatever, that we addicts think we need to survive. I still have no idea what it's going to be, and that's still scary to me. I may be wrong, but I hear you saying the same thing. No matter what we use to try to replace our addictive behaviors, it'll never be enough. That's terrifying to me.
There's only ONE person on Earth that can define the level or severity of alcohol use, and that's obviously you. There are a number of online questionnaires you can take that have some questions you wouldn't normally think about, and I found those both eye-opening and avoidable when I first knew I was an alcoholic 8-10 years ago. Here's one I found with a quick search:
https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the ... -self-test (https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test)
Some of the troubling things you mention are the fact that you're hiding it from your wife, you're drinking to stupor/blackout stage, you're drinking alone, you're drinking to avoid problems, etc. Those are signs I knowingly lived with for years. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew those were all signs, and yet I was too scared to face the truth and get help. You're asking for help!! Good for you!!!!
If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, go visit an AA meeting. Ask somebody you know who might be an alcoholic to go with you. Just listen to them, talk to them, open your mind to what they might say. It's terrifying to call myself an alcoholic, but I know by doing so, I took a step towards saving my life, the same as I did when I came back here and basically fell on my knees begging for help. I don't really mind the label anymore. It's kind of empowering to be honest.
You might not be an alcoholic. That's ONLY for you to decide. You might decide that this is all depression or anxiety based and you can still go on and be a normal social drinker. But don't be scared of the label if you decide to brand yourself. When I came here to KTC and walked in those rooms at AA, I was TOTALLY alone. Nobody was like me. I had nobody I would really consider a friend because I had pushed the all away. I'm gaining that here and at AA one day at a time, and one day that "thing" is going to click and I'm going to be content with my life without addiction.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, but you got this. Do the same thing you did here and just be honest with yourself. If you do that, you won't make a bad decision. I'm here anytime you might need to talk about it. I have a feeling all the guys over in the Alcohol Quit Group are, too.
Phuct - thank you for taking the time and for such a thoughtful response. The outpouring of support from this community over the past 24 hours has been unbelievable.
I took the test you provided, as well as a few others. The results on all have come back as "At Risk" or "Marginal." I think that's about where I am. I have been headed down a dangerous path, but haven't yet stepped over the edge. I think the fact that I'm even at this point is concerning enough. Like I'm right now at the point with Alcohol that I was when I started dipping a lot. I can turn around now before it develops into a serious issue.
So my plan is to try the month of August without any alcohol and then take it from there. I've got a few family events where it could get awkward, but I'm going to explain my tee-totaling as a month long detox to assist in my weight loss. If it becomes more permanent, then I will have to have a deeper conversation with my family, but for now, this seems like the right approach.
This thing is ODAAT anyway, so I'm not really ready to think in terms of "forever." For the time being, I'm staying 100% sober and I'll tackle tomorrow when it gets here.
Thank you again for the support and I will be sure to update on my situation periodically.
As nicotine addicts, one of the many chains she wraps around us is the "self-medicating" chain. This is a tough chain to break free from. Nicotine is an anxiolytic - and many addicts self medicate with her. Over time, this becomes a state of the norm and without her our "anxiety" increases, and hence we again self-medicate. Now, I'm not jumping to any conclusions here, but it sounds like alcohol is serving as a substitute for nicotine. In essence, you're self medicating with it to cope with something. At the end of the day, it too is not a healthy behavior and the short of it is, you need to make sure a new chain doesn't wrap itself around you.
Lastly, you mentioned that coming back to the intro pages was a first step for you because it helped get you to where you are on the nicotine front. Well, maybe you should post up a Day 1 on this page: topic/1003099/3922/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003099/3922/)
Be strong brother.
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
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I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change
Okay, okay, fine...but you still plan to kick Fish's butt to the curb in the weight loss competition, right? Don't let us down! 'Popcorn'
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!
Hey man It is now September and I thought Id check in.
Im in the booze biz in a big way. People getting drunk and falling down is what pays my electric bill. Im fortunate to be able to have a drink and stop. Many are not, and it sounds like you are one of them. Im glad you have recognized this and made adjustments. Out of control alcohol will destroy your life. That's right, a guy who pays his bills on booze is encouraging you to take part of his paycheck away. Ponder that for a minute.
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Feeling like an update is due, as my last post was a pretty dramatic one.
Since I made that last post, I really discovered the depth and breadth of the KTC support system. I was very shortly inundated with messages of support, advice and offers to work together to make improvements. It was a humbling experience and I am extremely grateful to all who reached out. I have made some new friends and am thankful for that.
Since that post, I have made some pretty significant changes and have been following through on most of what I set out as a plan of action. I have been tracking my calories religiously and it has definitely impacted the way that I eat. I make exercise an actual priority and am cutting out the excuses for missing days that always tripped me up in the past. I am not yet seeing drastic results on the scale, but I have lost some weight. I also look and feel quite a bit better. I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
My first plan was to go the full month of August without any alcohol. After some reflection and discussion, I concluded that tee-totaling was not necessary and would create an elephant in the room during some family/ social events. That being said, I have kept the social drinking to a very moderate minimum and have curbed the compulsive drinking that is my bigger concern. There have been no binges and no hiding.
I have been posting in several "Getting Your Act Together" forums and have found these quit helpful. I will continue to post in these groups as way to hold myself accountable and to track progress.
The one major thing I've recognized is that there isn't one quick fix that can accomplish all of my goals. I have approached this as creating a sustainable healthier lifestyle as opposed to a temporary extreme change. I still struggle with the urge for this destructive, compulsive behavior, but by addressing it, I'm able to move past and stay on plan.
So in summary, it's going well, but it's still going. The only way to make big life adjustments is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I'll have victories and setbacks, but I can see the changes and I feel really good about them. Thank you all for your interest and your support.
We're all rooting for you, dude. You definitely sound more upbeat than you did a few weeks ago. And you DEFINITELY sound like you have more discipline with food than I do. Quitting drinking and dipping has caused me to eat A LOT. I've gained about 10 pounds in 94 days. Might have to join that weight loss forum, too. Ugh. Good luck with all the positives!!
Hey man It is now September and I thought Id check in.
Im in the booze biz in a big way. People getting drunk and falling down is what pays my electric bill. Im fortunate to be able to have a drink and stop. Many are not, and it sounds like you are one of them. Im glad you have recognized this and made adjustments. Out of control alcohol will destroy your life. That's right, a guy who pays his bills on booze is encouraging you to take part of his paycheck away. Ponder that for a minute.
Thanks for checking in - I appreciate the thoughts. It's been a good month. I'm sitting here in a pair of pants that I couldn't fit into when I made that post, along with a clear head.
I've kept the booze under control. I haven't given it up entirely, but I went the month of August (and the beginning of September) without waking up with a hangover. I've been up front with the people close to me about what's going on and they are helping to keep me honest. I've also used the groups here as an invaluable resource.
The trick will be maintaining the momentum. While most of the time I have no problem drinking responsibly, I also recognize that it's in me to lose control and to give in to destructive tendencies. Just like with nicotine, it's just going to require the will to win every single day.
Again, thanks for checking in.
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500!!!
Congrats on your half dangle, pky!!!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
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500!!!
Congrats on your half dangle, pky!!!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
Congrats pky on that half dangle!
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500 Days. I don't have time for a huge update, but I'm pretty proud of this milestone.
I want to speak to the folks who cruise these Intros and think about quitting. Freedom is achievable and it is worth it. Quitting seems like this big, scary thing, something that you can't succeed at because you're somehow different or your circumstances make it tougher for you. You aren't. Every single one of us thought we couldn't do it at some point. I had basically accepted that dipping would just be the thing that kills me someday - everyone has to die from something right?
From my view on the fifth floor, I can see that all that addict bullshit we tell ourselves is one big lie. Freedom is achievable and it is worth it. Whatever "It" is for you, I can tell you that being a person who doesn't dip anymore is totally, unequivocally worth every minute of It. It's worth the fog, the craves, the lost sleep, the gained weight, the aches, the pains and the "loss." It's worth it because I can enjoy my life not being anchored to some plastic can of carcinogens. It's worth it because I don't always have to keep tabs on the cans hidden around the house. It's worth it because my brain no longer needs some extra substance to enjoy the things I should be able to enjoy on my own. My mood is no longer controlled by my access to a chemical. My health and integrity is no longer the price I have to pay to feel "normal." It's worth it.
It's also achievable. 500 days is stupid to a using addict. There's no frame of reference for what that is. It might as well be 50 years. I'm quit as fuck, but I'm also still very aware that the only reason I made it 500 days is because I actively quit on every single one of them. I know that if I want to be quit for 501 days, I need to stay actively quit. At this point it requires less vigilance and less work, but it still requires vigilance and work. Making that promise every day and keeping it. That keeps me quit today and it will keep me quit tomorrow. There's nothing special about me. I did it because I dug into the system here and made it work for me. The only difference between me and the people who come here and fail is that I picked up and used the tools available here and they chose not to. It's a simple choice. Get with the program and Quit, or don't get with the program and good luck on your own.
Thank you to all of the folks who have been a supportive force. There's always a focus on the negativity that can happen here, but the fact is, 99% of the interactions I've had here have been positive or at least constructive. This is a community of hard ass, quit as fuck, SOBs - that will drop everything to pick you up. If you put in, you will get back tenfold. Thank you all for helping to take me this far. Keep on quitting, stay focused and move forward.
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congrats on 500 days
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Hitting the 6th floor today. 600 days seemed impossibly large when I Quit, but here it is. The only way to do it is one day at a time, every damn day. Since finding KTC I haven't missed a single day of Roll. I think I haven't posted later than 10am more than once. It's not because I have no life and nothing else pulling on my time, it's because I value my Quit and I value the process here. This system has 100% worked for me and I will continue to work it.
There are times when posting Roll can be inconvenient and I just don't feel like it. I have thoughts of "Ugh, do I really need to keep doing this?" I have many days that start around 4am and it would be really easy to put Roll off till the afternoon, or to even miss altogether. But I don't do that. I set my alarm 15 minutes earlier and make sure my ass is firmly on the line for the next 24 hours. I'm not special, anyone can do that. Just make it a priority.
Quitting is no longer that hard. I can't remember the last time I had a real nicotine crave. I can be around tobacco users without any serious temptation. I can handle stress, anger, fun, boredom, pooping and all the other emotions that I used to associate with Dip, without any desire to go buy a can. In fact, the hardest part of the Quit now, seems to be remembering just how God-awful desperate and miserable I was during the early days. KTC keeps me honest to that fact. If I didn't have that daily accountability, it would be just too damn easy to romanticize the "old days."
I have not been super active with new Quitters in the past few months. Things are going good in life and I've been stretched pretty thin time wise. It's also difficult to maintain the emotional rawness of new Quit. I would like to start giving back again, but will have to be fairly selective in how I spend my time.
The message that I'd like to pass along to new or aspiring Quitters is that you will reach a new normal. Make your promise, keep it, do it again tomorrow. Follow that process enough times and you can have a new life, a life wherein some plastic can doesn't influence every decision you make.
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Congrats on 700 pky!!!
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Congrats on 700 pky!!!
'party2' 'worship'
Congrats on a other great milestone. And thanks for all you do here at KTC and especially for what you still do for the Dumpster Fire. Best Conductor evahhh!
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Two years ago I made the decision to quit nicotine for good. This site and the people who post here have made those two years a reality. I canÂ’t imagine what my life would look like if I hadnÂ’t quit when I did.
Freedom is attainable, it is worth it. ItÂ’s hard, but it gets easier. If youÂ’re reading this now and arenÂ’t sure if this site is for you or if you have what it takes, it is and you do. Post your Day One and get to work.
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Two years ago I made the decision to quit nicotine for good. This site and the people who post here have made those two years a reality. I canÂ’t imagine what my life would look like if I hadnÂ’t quit when I did.
Freedom is attainable, it is worth it. ItÂ’s hard, but it gets easier. If youÂ’re reading this now and arenÂ’t sure if this site is for you or if you have what it takes, it is and you do. Post your Day One and get to work.
Attaboy PKY! Congratulations on the 2 laps!
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Congratulations on two years, sir. Thank you for your example and your support!
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Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
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Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
-
Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
Congrats on them 5 years of quit badassery! Thanx for posting this, it all seems so familiar and similar to so many of our experiences. Its good to see it written down, and makes it all easier to contemplate. Thanx again!
-
Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
Congrats on them 5 years of quit badassery! Thanx for posting this, it all seems so familiar and similar to so many of our experiences. Its good to see it written down, and makes it all easier to contemplate. Thanx again!
Congratulations P!
5 years free is amazing.
A great accomplishment. And some wisdom in your words. 'lift' 'chew2'
-
Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
Congrats on them 5 years of quit badassery! Thanx for posting this, it all seems so familiar and similar to so many of our experiences. Its good to see it written down, and makes it all easier to contemplate. Thanx again!
Congratulations P!
5 years free is amazing.
A great accomplishment. And some wisdom in your words. 'lift' 'chew2'
What a great post! I love reading how your life is so exponentially better now... what a journey! ... and it all started with one great decision, it all started with the decision to take one step forward. Congratulations on that fifth lap, Conductor Pea, and THANK YOU for being such an important influence on my quit.
-
Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
Congrats on them 5 years of quit badassery! Thanx for posting this, it all seems so familiar and similar to so many of our experiences. Its good to see it written down, and makes it all easier to contemplate. Thanx again!
Congratulations P!
5 years free is amazing.
A great accomplishment. And some wisdom in your words. 'lift' 'chew2'
What a great post! I love reading how your life is so exponentially better now... what a journey! ... and it all started with one great decision, it all started with the decision to take one step forward. Congratulations on that fifth lap, Conductor Pea, and THANK YOU for being such an important influence on my quit.
Thank you sir as you are a vet that will inspire not only newbies but a 4th floor guy like me. I understand the burn out and feeling like walking away but this is my digital support group. This is where I have found answers to issues. This is where my family has grown to where I text across the country daily. This is where I found the guy that will send me text and say “was just thinking about you, how ya doing?” Thank you to all the vets and thank you to KTC. Without them we would have nothing and we would be in that same rut that I was in for 30 plus years. I can’t say it enough, THANK YOU!!!
-
Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
Congrats on them 5 years of quit badassery! Thanx for posting this, it all seems so familiar and similar to so many of our experiences. Its good to see it written down, and makes it all easier to contemplate. Thanx again!
Congratulations P!
5 years free is amazing.
A great accomplishment. And some wisdom in your words. 'lift' 'chew2'
What a great post! I love reading how your life is so exponentially better now... what a journey! ... and it all started with one great decision, it all started with the decision to take one step forward. Congratulations on that fifth lap, Conductor Pea, and THANK YOU for being such an important influence on my quit.
Thank you sir as you are a vet that will inspire not only newbies but a 4th floor guy like me. I understand the burn out and feeling like walking away but this is my digital support group. This is where I have found answers to issues. This is where my family has grown to where I text across the country daily. This is where I found the guy that will send me text and say “was just thinking about you, how ya doing?” Thank you to all the vets and thank you to KTC. Without them we would have nothing and we would be in that same rut that I was in for 30 plus years. I can’t say it enough, THANK YOU!!!
Proud as hell to be quit with you. 1813 days of quitting side by side.
-
Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
Nicely said and Congrats on 5 years!
Congrats on them 5 years of quit badassery! Thanx for posting this, it all seems so familiar and similar to so many of our experiences. Its good to see it written down, and makes it all easier to contemplate. Thanx again!
Congratulations P!
5 years free is amazing.
A great accomplishment. And some wisdom in your words. 'lift' 'chew2'
What a great post! I love reading how your life is so exponentially better now... what a journey! ... and it all started with one great decision, it all started with the decision to take one step forward. Congratulations on that fifth lap, Conductor Pea, and THANK YOU for being such an important influence on my quit.
Thank you sir as you are a vet that will inspire not only newbies but a 4th floor guy like me. I understand the burn out and feeling like walking away but this is my digital support group. This is where I have found answers to issues. This is where my family has grown to where I text across the country daily. This is where I found the guy that will send me text and say “was just thinking about you, how ya doing?” Thank you to all the vets and thank you to KTC. Without them we would have nothing and we would be in that same rut that I was in for 30 plus years. I can’t say it enough, THANK YOU!!!
Proud as hell to be quit with you. 1813 days of quitting side by side.
Awesome. Thank you and congrats on 5 years!